Outrageous "parish wedding fee"

[YADA]

Why not pay it and then take it out of your contributions to the parish until you get your money back if you think this is improper?

Parish support is exactly the issue. If we, as Catholics, took our support for the parish seriously, our priest would not ask for money, our parishes would be strong and flourishing. Every catholic child would be able to attend catholic schools [with no tuition]. RE catechists would not have to charge for religious workbooks and use of parish facilities would be available to parishioners without exttra charges.

In fact, most parishes average less than $10 per week per family, which equates to $520 per year. That $1350 fee represents the collections of 2.5 families…

Those same parishioners might spend $7 per week per family member to go to the theater for a movie [and we have not even began buying sodas & pop corn]. How about $2.60 for the Latte at Starbucks several times each week or the $4.79 Whopper Meal, or the $2.99 Video rental. Cable TV at the most basic level is about $12/month or $3 per week…

We have the OP side of this story, but not the parish…and the OP is certainly biased and more than willing to malign others with no factual information or evidence…

 

[Ray_Scheel]

We have the OP side of this story, but not the parish…and the OP is certainly biased and more than willing to malign others with no factual information or evidence…

Aside from what the OP was told the fee was and supposedly covered by the parish staff, combined with what the OP has already detailed about the contributions of his fiancee to her home parish as well as what separate fees have already been addressed, and what other posters have shared as the customary fees for facilities across the nation, including some much nicer than the location in question, what other sources of factual information are required to make a judgment here?

 

[YADA]

I am not sure the OP clearly has addressed the fees…was the pre cana arranged through this parish…the priest, the sacristan, the music [schola] and altar servers are all from outsidde the parish…

Is this fee just for the ceremony or is the reception going to be held there as well?

When my daughter was married we paid a $100 cleaning fee to the parish, we paid the parish $150 for the organist [she is paid staff but weddings are overtime and with the practice and the rehersal - this fee covers the cost of salary, soc. security, workers compensation etc…] The cantors are volunteers but as this is outside of the regular parish services it is customary to pay them $100.

Our parish does not use stipends and we were ling time parishioners. We also chose to have the service during Easter Season and accepted whatever flowers and "environment’ was in place…we took nothing away, added nothing in and therefore no time was taken to get the church ready for the evening mass that followed.

The OP has not [as evidenced by his posts] clearly outlined what he has paid the parish as opposed to those resources he sought outside…

As an example: my daughter and her then fiancee had to pay for the marriage preparation and pre-cana through our parish and attend the marriage preparation session with ou deacon. Because she also was having an outside priest come to the parish for the wedding, they met with him [our parish had been his previous assignment and he is a good friend of ours]. It meant they had to do additional preparation.

And I know weddings…My daughters cost me around $2000 totall…the two most expensive pieces were the mariage preparation [Pre-Cana, Encounter weekened, NFP] and the reception hall. We fed 150 at her reception, and I [with th assitance of friends] was the caterer - my husband [with a friend] tended the bar…I think I was too busy to be an evil mother in law…a guest stated that my daughter had received a comparable wedding to hers for about $18,000 less…they even had a live band…no DJ

 

[CatholicNerd]

We have the OP side of this story, but not the parish…and the OP is certainly biased and more than willing to malign others with no factual information or evidence…

I am astonished by the… visceral reactions that this thread has attracted. I’m not trying to malign anyone. Some priests are better trained than others. It’s just kinda how it is.

 

[rpp]

This is not the case here. We didn’t pick this church because it’s pretty or near the reception site–we chose it because it’s our parish. We have already paid or will soon pay (and willingly) the priest’s stipend, the musicians’ fees, and the fee for marriage prep. No one has to open the church for us–this church is left unlocked all day. No one will be cleaning up because we are required to arrange for this ourselves. We are paying a separate fee for the church hall for the reception. We are paying about $2000 for services associated with the parish on top of this strange $1350 fee. “Having the church to ourselves” is hardly a concern, as there are only ten weddings scheduled for the parish for the entire year. This fee is only for going into the church building and having a wedding coordinator show us where everything is.

As we’ve covered in previous posts, this nebulous $1350 fee does not cover things like marriage prep, pre-cana, the consultation with the priest, etc. We’ve already paid for that We, our sacristan, and our priest are intimately familiar with the Roman Missal, its instructions, and pious liturgical tradition.

Seems to me the OP did pretty much, albeit later in the thread, outline the fees they are paying. The $1350 fee seems to go right into the pocket of the “wedding Planner”. Who, it seems, is earning her money by showing them where the bathrooms are.

As for what some others have said, I find the OPs described the whole situation in a very honest and charitable way. There have been a couple of people on this thread who have made some nasty comments directed at the CatholicNerd, but none from Catholic Nerd him(her?)

I think Asking what they the couple is getting in return for this very steep fee is an entirely reasonable question. To suggest otherwise, as some have done here, smacks of something other than charity.

 

[YADA]

As I noted in my earlier posts [and based upon my personal experience] the fee seems high…that said, this fee is mandatory so seemingly others have paid it…While the OP may be ‘liturgically pure and knowledgable’ others may not be, which maybe why they require this of all couples?

Guess we don’t know and the OP does not seem to want to apporach the parish priest. I do notice a "tone’ of superiority about the orthodoxy of this parish in particular and the diocese in general…extolling the virtues of their old parish vs anything they can find…as I said…why get married there? why not marry in the parish where everything is legit and all be happy?

Personnally, I think if parishioners gave according to the gifts they receive from Christ and from their hearts, no fees would ever need to be charged!..I think this is a parish support issue…while this fee seems outragious perhaps that has been the last of a long list of options to raise the funds to cover the needs of the parish…we don’t know and the OP has not asked his priest…

Instead he has come onto this forum and basically said this parish does not have the ability to properly and reverently clean the vessels [his personal sacristan needs to be brought in to perform that task]

Our sacristan is a tireless laborer for that little chapel. Never have I seen liturgical vessels gleam week after week like that. His altar linens are always crisp and treated as holy things. He’s also a fabulous MC, who has served Mass for His Grace at the Cathedral. And he and father are the best of friends, so there’s not any kind of tension or clash in vision. If father wants smells and bells, he gets them.

or this:

Our servers are familiar with the duties of altar servers as outlined by current liturgical law, and are familiar with the trappings of the old ritual that were not abrogated. We need competent torch-bearers, and since we have to import them, import them we shall.

Saint Paul referred to marriage as a “Great Sacrament” and a figure of “Christ and the Church.” We want our Mass to reflect that, by celebrating as solemn a liturgy as we are permitted by liturgical law. To be frank, you don’t get that in XXX. Not according to the Ordinary form, anyway, and that’s what we want.

While it sounds so wonderful, this is a put down, slam against and slander of the one against whom this is cast…

I have no dog in the fight…being from Oregon ] I hear the superiority in the words, they mey not be intentional

You see I see them saying that this is their parish, in which they desire to receive the sacrament of marriage but…it is lax liturgically, priest plays with the rubrics, the sacristan is inferior and they do not even have competent torch bearers…in fact everything in the diocese is problematic…so they bring in from their parish [whoops, I mean old parish, but they are still attached see post above so perhaps it still is their parish]

So why get married there?

 

[rpp]

Yada, you quoted some compliments. These people love their parish. CatholicNerd identified some things he really appreciated about his parish and you twist it into a slam on all other parishes in the Archdiocese? That is going way to far.

Maybe they want to get married in their church because it is their church.

It seems to me as your are trying to read his heart and come to a conclusion about it.

Using your logic, any compliment is an automatic insult to those not complimented. That is most uncharitable.

 

[YADA]

But the compliment is not for the parish where they wish to be married it is for the Spokan parish…that is where the sacristan and torch bearer are coming from. That is the parish that is familiar with the liturgy as outlined and approved today…they want that for their wedding which they can’t get in their new location [unless they bring in the priest, the sacristan, torch bearers etc]

this is the OP’s own words

We want our Mass to reflect that, by celebrating as solemn a liturgy as we are permitted by liturgical law. To be frank, you don’t get that in XXX. Not according to the Ordinary form, anyway, and that’s what we want.

That is a pretty blanket ‘put down’ …I’ve never been to mass in there so I don’t know if this is true [but I highly doubt it]

 

[rpp]

Oh, I missed that. Thank you.

I also have not attended a Mass there. However, ?I know several people from that diocese and they all say that they are convinced that they can meet their Sunday obligation in most churches there. That is too bad.

 

[iamrefreshed]

I think they were listing the “wedding coordinator” to make it seem like you’re getting more for your money. I doubt this really is for the wedding coordinator services hardly at all.

As the other threads have said, compare this to all your expenses…I mean, what really matters here? its somewhat of a justice issue…my pastor told me I should charge more for music services at weddings…so that it is valued more. When you compare the expense to so many other things…isn’t having a wedding in a church WORTH it?

The wedding coordinator at our parish is really a huge help. Here’s a list, (but not comprehensive) of what they do:

THey unlock, they take care of air conditioning/.lights, moving kneelers, helping set up, make sure all the wedding party is in place (huge huge huge task) , they are “eyes” to keep things valid (some wedding parties have problems with alcohol, or they dont’ know how to respect the building, or the liturgical ceremony…“spit out the gum before going down the aisle please”), take care of photographers and florists (make sure photographers don’t take too long before or after, nor are intrusive to the ceremony), sometimes run rehearsals, run to the store for thread, diapers, pins, etc, and deal with bridezillas (which is worthy way more than a $1000 believe me)

When you add up everything …utilities, clean up (yes, there is more clean up even after you clean up)-janitorial services, wear and tear, and the fact that people do church shop, I say its not as bad of a number as it seems.

Now, it should not be prohibitive. you should be able to have a marriage rite during a daily mass at no cost.

So what should a “wedding coordinator” expect for his/her 4-5 hour worth of wages? $100,150,200/per hour?

I’d love that job and wage!

Bridezillas…puleeeze!!!

Wake up and see what the rest of us earn!

 

[iamrefreshed]

My fiancée and I will be married this November at a modest (number-wise and aesthetically speaking) parish . We’re importing our priest, sacristan/MC, and have already secured the parish Schola Cantorum and organist.

When speaking to the parish’s wedding coordinator last night, my fiancée was informed that the “fee for getting married at St. _” will be $1,350. The services that the fee will supposedly procure for us include: The Wedding Coordinator (apparently a mandatory charge) and the use of the building. There are NO other services included in this, even altar servers must be hired at an additional cost. We have been informed that our wedding date is “penciled in,” but that in order to be “inked in” we must fork over “a portion of the fee.”

Is it licit for the parish to require a bride and groom to use the services of a “wedding coordinator?” This is, as far as I see it, a charge for availing ourselves of a sacrament according to the normative form intended by the Catholic Church (that is, to get married within a church building). Do either codes of canon law or any other documents bearing similar weight address this issue? Thank you!

My parish charged $125…even with a “bridezilla”!

I’m sorry your “volunteer” parish staff want to rake you over the coals!

 

[agapewolf]

So what should a “wedding coordinator” expect for his/her 4-5 hour worth of wages? $100,150,200/per hour?

I’d love that job and wage!

Bridezillas…puleeeze!!!

Wake up and see what the rest of us earn!

Apparently you are not familiar with the prep time. That was just the day of… some parishes even have a full time wedding coordinator (they have to do the collecting of sacramental records and things too…no one has even considered this part).

It’s the same for a musician. I am paid a flat fee of 150 for the wedding but thats not just to show up and play the wedding. that includes, booking musicians, compiling the music for their programs, meeting with them ,including when they want to change things, and remember, my years and years of practice to become accomplished. It isn’t just paying for the hour.

If you read the REST Of the post, I was saying that it seems the wedding coord was listed to make the itemized list seem longer. Not that that is right, but people were disregarding the wedding corrdinators job so haphazardly I had to stand up for them. I didn’t even list half of the things they do in a church.

The OP shouldn’t be so offended that the church requires they have one…because it is necessary to most weddings, and just because they are “practicing” catholics and involved doesn’t make them immune to following policies the church puts in place to protect itself.

 

[rwoehmke]

Let’s see. Wedding planner gets $1350 per wedding. Ten weddings per year that comes to $13,500. How does she manage to survive on that? Maybe she has a real job the rest of the week. Then $1350 is nice change.

My wife and I married in 1961 at Holy Redeemer Parish in Detroit. Beautiful church, Redemptorist priests, absolutely the longest center aisle I have seen outside of Rome. The priest gave back the modest stipend we offered him. No other charges except a bit for the servers.

My wife borrowed her wedding dress. I rented a tux for $25 bucks. The limo was her Mother’s '58 Ford. Reception was in my wife’s family home. We, her family and I, prepared all the food. Cake and flowers were purchased. I assume the cake was a deal as it came from the bakery in her neighborhood where she worked all through College. We had close to 200 people present, two kegs of beer and some soda pop. Total cost was about $600. Must have been a good wedding. We are still together and old friends still talk about how they enjoyed the wedding. We were blest.

Now I feel so sad for folks who get married. They either wait and save or take on a load of debt if Mom and Pop don’t pay. We got our six through Catholic Universities and I told them that for their weddings they were on their own. All but the oldest had the full show and I have no idea what it cost them. The oldest son had his wedding in an extremely small parish in Northern Minnesota and the reception on her Father and Mother’s farm. Polish home cookin naturally.

I think Hall Rentals and catering at the time of our wedding in Detroit ran about $3,500 depending on menu.

 

[dixieagle]

I am astonished by the… visceral reactions that this thread has attracted. I’m not trying to malign anyone. Some priests are better trained than others. It’s just kinda how it is.

I have been astonished, as well. It is a common practice for wedding couples to ask a priest with whom they have a special relationship to preside, whether he happens to be their parish priest or not. I think you have remained calm in response to some pretty strong, and unwarranted, condemnations.

 

[Ray_Scheel]

Guess we don’t know and the OP does not seem to want to apporach the parish priest.

In the very first post he asked for specific official resources dealing with this issue. In his fourth post there is a clear indication that he has already approached the pastor and thus the need for something concrete to take back that the fee was nuts. Aside from your apparent issue with the bride and groom asking trust worthy friends to assist at the nuptial mass in various roles rather than hiring locals for those tasks (which in my experience seems to be what most people do anyway) what is your actual purpose here in relation to the OP’s question as to whether such a fee is officially justifiable just for the use of the sanctuary and an unnecessary wedding coordinator?

 

[Marian_Carroll]

Friends: A review of Banned Topics #19 may be in order

Identifying individual parishes, clergy, or hierarchs as “unfaithful to the Magisterium”, guilty of “liturgical abuse”, or otherwise engaged in unacceptable or unpopular practices, based on personal “knowledge” or opinion

Further, when desiring to post a general grievance or complaint-- in your charity would posters be so kind as to cease identifying or pointing fingers at a specific parish/pastor/diocese…
It is sufficient to list your complaint, your experience and your general unhappiness without having to identify specific individuals/locations.

If the reason for posting is to discuss a situation, please limit yourself to that content.

As always your assistance and cooperation are appreciated.

 

[mouda772]

hi,i started to read but there is way to much so im going to throw this at you-find the Bishop and ask about these rates and if he can waver them down to an acceptable amount.because its a sacrament they must give it to you if you ask,as long as you fit in to all the conditions.the bishop or a monseniour would be the best way because the priest must obey orders,as must the parish.have you tried moving up the hierachy?presumably even an archdeacon can call the shots because they are incharge of the churches,which is what you are paying for?

 

[zorro18]

My advice is to have your wedding in Singapore where you do not have to pay any fees to the parish for weddings and at the same time spend yr honeymoon here.

Just joking…Congratulations!!!

 

[yinekka]

If it were me I would have the parish write out exactly what I would be receiving for the very large amount of money and then I would send a copy of the quote to the bishop and ask his opinion of the matter.

 

[Sarabande]

Hi CatholicNerd! Firstly, congratulations on your upcoming marriage!!! God bless!

I didn’t read through everything, so if I’m repeating something already stated, my apologies in advance.

My husband and I will be married four years this Thursday at our Cathedral Basilica. We are also musicians there, so the pastor waived the $800 fee to use the Cathedral to be married in. The organist and the choir we sang in also gave the music to us as a wedding gift. This is a very large archdiocese in a metropolitan area. The fee did not cover the musicians, priest, pre-cana, etc. What it did cover was the electricity, air-conditioning, the sacristans and clean up. To air-condition and light the place costs almost the entire fee. The fee was actually about the same amount as it cost to get married at my childhood parish which is a wealthier parish than the Cathedral. So perhaps the fee quoted to you also includes the electric and cooling/heating?

Also, I see that you are a musician. Do you and your fiancee sing there in the schola? If so, perhaps you can see if the fee could be waived or at least deducted?

I understand you feeling like you don’t want to have to pay for a wedding coordinator at the church, but more churches are starting to have one, especially ones that do have a lot of weddings because it can involve a lot of hours of work. Although 10 weddings a year don’t seem to warrant the need of a wedding coordinator. Now, if they were having 50 or more a year or even 25 a year, that would be a different story. But who am I to judge? There must have been a reason to have one, since the church wouldn’t be making any money from it, if the fee totally goes towards the coordinator.

I know our organist/music director at the Cathedral would love to have a wedding coordinator there to help him out. We do about 85-100 weddings a year there and it can become overwhelming. Most brides and grooms have never been married before and many naturally feel overwhelmed with the planning, so they pass the stress onto the organist, who will get tons of calls every day to deal with the brides. That isn’t an over-exaggeration. If there was a wedding coordinator to field the calls, all he’d have to worry about is the music and the liturgy rather than all the other things that he shouldn’t be worried about.

Anyway, I wish you the best and hope that you will find a good outcome to this.