I’m really not sure how or where to begin with this. I am a married lady, a recent covert to the church. I have two daughters, 19 & 16. I have been a SAHMW&M for most of our 20 years of marriage.
Without going into a long story, my husband makes good money, but now that the children are older, he thinks I should work and contribute to the household monetarily. I am a HS graduate with no prospect of really making near the money he does. I clean the house, cook, mow the lawn, take care of the pets, etc. I get no help from any of the rest of the family. I’ve tried working full-time before, and the household goes to pot when I do because I get no help.
I’m really not sure why I’m posting all this as there are SO MANY other serious needs and prayer requests out there. I guess I just need some prayer for guidance and how to handle the curve balls life throws at me.
Thanks for reading.
Do this in a spirit of educating your husband on what it is that you do for the family. Don’t do it with a spirit of anger or bitterness or spite (BTDT!)
List every single job that you do for everyone in the family. Down to the last detail. I have handled every aspect of running the home including car care, child care, housework, house remodeling, house upkeep, sometimes lawn care (we pay right now to have the lawn mowed), doctor visits, dentist visits, etc. It’s going to be a very long list. Of course it was longer when your girls were younger - they are hopefully at least doing a few things for themselves now!
The main 3 things I do are shopping for food, planning a menu and cooking supper every night except Friday (hubby and I go out together). Just those 3 things take up a good amount of time, and someone has to do them, usually that falls to the woman, not always, but frequently. So if the wife is working, when does the shopping get done? Does your husband enjoy home-cooked meals? Does he like the budgeting you can do when you have time to plan a menu and shop for that menu? Figure out what you would have to pay someone to accomplish all the things you do. Who will take the cars in for oil changes, state inspections, tire rotations, body work if there’s a crash? What if one of the kids gets sick at school? (I know, in high school, it’s rare, but it still happens.) Who plans for holiday celebrations, sends cards out, buys Christmas gifts? Take notes during one of your average days so you remember everything! And try to find out what it would cost to have to out-source those jobs.
Also, if he makes enough money for the household to have any luxuries such as travel, remind him that in a few short years, it will be just you and him again when your girls are both in college. If you start a job, you will be tied down to that job and not necessarily free to travel with him. I have never been able to go with my husband on business trips, but now that our youngest will be starting college in the fall, I reminded him that we would be much less tied down than we have in 21 years, unless I took a paying job somewhere. Now, granted, I am 55 years old and do not relish the idea of starting a career at this point in my life. You could be a lot younger and still have many years to go until you are ready for a break. If that is the case, then by all means, start looking for a part time job. But every hour away from the house means some chore that you will not be able to do for your family, so delegate that to your husband. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT work yourself into the ground doing all of your previous home management jobs AND also doing paid work outside the home.
I will pray for you.
His mother worked after his parents divorced so he thinks it is fine for mothers to work outside the home.