Over-parenting phenomenon

  • Thread starter Thread starter puzzleannie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

puzzleannie

Guest
go to msnbc today, Dec. 7, and look at the article on over-parenting. note that the researchers deduce the root of the problem is parents having fewer children. with only one or two children, they become much more precious and special, and the parent’s identity becomes tied up with the child’s academic and sports achievement, and the consumerist culture. www.msnbc.msn.com
 
I found that to be a very interesting article. I object to the line that says if you have only one or two children they become more precious than if you had 4-5. That’s just bull **** indicative of our society. The number of children doens’t make the others less precious. I guess we have one or two good ones and the others are just spares we keep around in case something bad happens?:whacky:

I did think the line about getting all A’s points to an insight into our society. Any rational person would admit that not everyone is good at everything, but we as a society push for superior performance in all areas. So if the child gets less than an A, why does that mean there is somehting wrong? That degenrates quickly into “all kids must get the same grades”, or even worse, “validation” rather than results. Thus the cup stacking begins…
 
40.png
puzzleannie:
go to msnbc today, Dec. 7, and look at the article on over-parenting. note that the researchers deduce the root of the problem is parents having fewer children. with only one or two children, they become much more precious and special, and the parent’s identity becomes tied up with the child’s academic and sports achievement, and the consumerist culture. www.msnbc.msn.com
Click to expand...
That’s why I have 5 kids. 1. I am contributing to the population of the country. 2. I don’t want any one of them to become a spoiled brat.
 
40.png
TAS2000:
I found that to be a very interesting article. I object to the line that says if you have only one or two children they become more precious than if you had 4-5. That’s just bull **** indicative of our society. The number of children doens’t make the others less precious. I guess we have one or two good ones and the others are just spares we keep around in case something bad happens?
Click to expand...
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a parent at my son’s school. She was talking about how badly her husband was “neglected” (I used quotes only because she didn’t detail the extent of the neglect, which is subjective, anyways) because his mom had way too many kids (somewhere around, but less than, 10), so they didn’t pay enough attention to him. She stated dogmatically that families this large (don’t know how many was large to her) are always wrong, because some kids always get neglected. Oh, and by the way, she’s Catholic, too.
 
I think it also depends on the parents. Some parents don’t know how to be a successful parent, so they try to gauge it on externals: “my child has this many A’s, this many extracurricular lessons, this many Gap Kids sweaters, this many super-expensive ‘educational’ toys”.

I’m an only child (not by my parents’ choice, maybe that’s why they didn’t spoil me), and while my parents expected me to do as well as I could in school, it was no big deal if my grades weren’t perfect, as long as I was working for them and not just being lazy. I had a dance lesson weekly, but then so did a number of girls that I knew who were from big Catholic families. Mom and Dad wanted nice things for me, but we didn’t have a lot of money, and what we did have went into paying for our two-bedroom house, or for tuition at our parish school.

Mom was a little over-protective (always worried that a sore throat would turn into strep throat, or a cough would be pneumonia), but as they tried for so long to have me and were never able to have another, I can’t really blame her. Even so, I still swung from the monkey bars, played in the dirt, got in scuffles with bullies, etc.
They’ve been pushy in the right ways- making sure I went to college, although it was my choice of where to go and what to study. They were always supportive of me, yet encouraged me to solve problems myself. If I had a problem with a professor or a roommate, they would talk with me and help me figure out what to do, but actually doing it was up to me.

Maybe the problem isn’t so much parents with one or two children, but parents who were only children or one of two themselves. Even 40 years ago, wasn’t the “ideal” nuclear family seen as Mom, Dad, Johnny and Susie? My parents were both from 7-kid families and I think that had a profound effect on how they raised me.
 
I am an only child, and I wasn’t really spoiled that badly, but I know of families with 5 kids that are all spoiled brats. It isn’t always how many you have but how you raise them. Although my mom is the oldest of 6 and my Grandma was sick a lot of the time so in some ways my mom treated me almost as another sibling she was taking care of.

Kat
 
40.png
djrakowski:
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a parent at my son’s school. She was talking about how badly her husband was “neglected” (I used quotes only because she didn’t detail the extent of the neglect, which is subjective, anyways) because his mom had way too many kids (somewhere around, but less than, 10), so they didn’t pay enough attention to him. She stated dogmatically that families this large (don’t know how many was large to her) are always wrong, because some kids always get neglected. Oh, and by the way, she’s Catholic, too.
Click to expand...
I see where you are coming from, but maybe you should try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s basing her opinion on her husband’s experience which may in fact be true. He probably grew up in a generation where if the child’s physical needs were met like food, shelter, and clothing then the child was taken care of. Fortunately, we know better now. Also, maybe both the parents worked and did not have time to give attention to their children. It’s just hard to tell. Maybe you can give her examples why big families are beneficial, perhaps she’d change her mind.
 
40.png
TAS2000:
I object to the line that says if you have only one or two children they become more precious than if you had 4-5. That’s just bull **** indicative of our society. The number of children doens’t make the others less precious.
Click to expand...
But some parents of fewer, do seem to praise every dumb thing their kids do, whether it’s really special or not. Not that i’m biased against smaller families or saying only they do it. It’s a big problem w/schools & my own BIL does this too & he has 6 children. They came to visit me & it was so exhausting…constantly, “Look at me! Praise me! Look I closed the toilet lid…Aunt Jennifer I turned off the light, Aunt Jennifer I picked up the kitty, look I’m petting her…”
 
With my first, she was the center of attention. Now with my second, they not only share my husband’s and my own attention, but they GIVE each other attention.

I don’t understand how a parent can say a child is neglected but have no problem placing a child in daycare with a 6 to 1 ratio of child to provider.
 
interesting article. I am the oldest of 2 children and I don’t think we were overparented, with the exception of my mother’s focus on our grades. If I got a grade that wasn’t up to her standards I would get yelled at, which was just awful for me. As a result I would break down in tears in the middle of class when a test or paper was handed back with a substandard grade, because I was so afraid of what would happen later that afternoon at home.

I observed much worse over-parenting in other families in our neighborhood. One thing I noticed in these families was that the parents, especially the mothers, seemed to have very little sense of identity outside of their children. It’s like they ceased to be anyone else but a mother once the first child was born. So of course they put all their being into parenting, because that’s all they saw themselves as anymore. I hate to think of what effects this had on their marriages! Some hobbies, some outside interests, maybe a part-time job would have done a load of good for these women and their kids, who were often spoiled rotten because they knew they were the center of the universe for their parents.
 
Minerva, same here, youngest of 2. Sorry to say, my parents were pretty much uninvolved in my life.
Also, to say it’s “horrible” to parent a child is plain stupid. Lately, in society parent’s don’t realize that children come first. Why do you think there are children shooting children at school?
Did the Klebolds over parent their child? One of the Columbine shooter’s. I doubt it. I would rather be too involved than UNinvolved.
 
I’m 2 of 3 kids…I’m not spoiled…I have to work for most of what I get…like when I got my ice skates in Nov…that’s most of my Christmas presents this year…I have to buy what I want except for Christmas and Birthday, or if it’s clothes…
 
40.png
Lilyofthevalley:
Minerva, same here, youngest of 2. Sorry to say, my parents were pretty much uninvolved in my life.
Also, to say it’s “horrible” to parent a child is plain stupid. Lately, in society parent’s don’t realize that children come first. Why do you think there are children shooting children at school?
Did the Klebolds over parent their child? One of the Columbine shooter’s. I doubt it. I would rather be too involved than UNinvolved.
Click to expand...
Now I understand where you were coming from on the other thread about “Kids before marriage”. I agree too many people dump their kids in daycare and leave them to themselves by the middleschool years (if not sooner) to seek their personal fulfillment and then blame everyone but them selves when their kid acts out or gets in to trouble.

The birthcontrol mentality has changed society’s attitude toward children in general. They are to planned, they should not interfere with personal satisfaction, with material wealth,ect. and they are disposable (thru abortion) if unwanted. Columbine is a the aftermath of this mentality. Children have been bullied brutally for generations, so why now? Kids have learned if a human being is depriving you of your happiness, getting in your way, you have every right to get rid of.

All that being said there has to be a balance. Children that are over parented have problems of their own. Thay can have an exaggerated view of them selves in the general scheme of life and/or they can have a difficult time being self sufficient independant adults if mommy and daddy have done everything for them.

Lily I’m sorry you had a tough time as a kid, I have baggage from my childhood too. Just don’t let that push too far in the other direction. You can be a loving involved parent and still make your marriage a top priority. It doesn’t have to be either/or. God Bless!
 

I don’t think it was birth control with my parents as much as they had drinking problems. My dad went to work always, but they had their problems, so from 7th grade on I was on my own.
They would have “spurts” of involvement but with alchohol you know it goes.​

All that being said there has to be a balance. Children that are over parented have problems of their own. Thay can have an exaggerated view of them selves in the general scheme of life and/or they can have a difficult time being self sufficient independant adults if mommy and daddy have done everything for them.​

I agree with that. I knew children when I was a kid who did not know how to cook or wash clothes.
For some reason right now, my son has a low self esteem. 😦
 
40.png
Scott_Lafrance:
That’s why I have 5 kids. 1. I am contributing to the population of the country. 2. I don’t want any one of them to become a spoiled brat.
Click to expand...
 
Amen, I have five,too. It is wonderful in teaching “outdated” concepts like sharing,learning how to get along with other people, and realization that the world doesn’t revolve around me.God Bless:clapping:
 
This is so true, Lisa. Isn’t it sad that these concepts are considered outdated. Their are so important to our society. Another concept that I found important to teach was how to handle feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. I’ve actually heard parents encourage these feelings in their children.
40.png
Lisa4Catholics:
Amen, I have five,too. It is wonderful in teaching “outdated” concepts like sharing,learning how to get along with other people, and realization that the world doesn’t revolve around me.God Bless:clapping:
Click to expand...
 
Amen, I have five,too. It is wonderful in teaching “outdated” concepts like sharing,learning how to get along with other people, and realization that the world doesn’t revolve around me.God Bless
-=================================
I hate to inform you, but those concepts can be taught in families which have less than 3 children.
 
monica fan:
This is so true, Lisa. Isn’t it sad that these concepts are considered outdated. Their are so important to our society. Another concept that I found important to teach was how to handle feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. I’ve actually heard parents encourage these feelings in their children.
Click to expand...
You are right on with the competitiveness. It seems to be one extreme or the other right now. We either have parents beating each other up in the stands or schools who refuse to proclaim a winner so that there won’t be a “loser”. How is it that growing up I managed to not become an ax murderer with low self esteem all the while I was given the grade I deserved and was the “loser” in MANY sports games?? Kids need to learn how to deal with disappointment and loss. Now we have people shooting band members because they can’t handle that the band broke up!
F.S. Casey
 
40.png
Lilyofthevalley:
Amen, I have five,too. It is wonderful in teaching “outdated” concepts like sharing,learning how to get along with other people, and realization that the world doesn’t revolve around me.God Bless
-=================================
I hate to inform you, but those concepts can be taught in families which have less than 3 children.
Click to expand...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top