Overbearing mother in law and grandmother in law

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Xantippe said:
“Husband has an early morning, MIL!”

“Husband has been so tired lately, MIL!”

“Husband has such a tough week at work and he needs his rest!”

Choose one.

Do you have ideas as to what you’ll do with MIL during the school day? 1-2 weeks is a long time to entertain a MIL if you’re a SAHM, your husband’s at work and your kids are in school. Does she have some sort of ties to the area–friends, medical appointments, etc?

Definitely have a plan for activities.
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No ties to the area. To be perfectly honest and please do not judge or hold this against me, I want to be away from the house as much as possible while she is here. I am planning my days so that I am not present. I know this is bad :(. I feel completely lost.
 
Xantippe said:
Right. I think anybody who stays longer than a weekend should expect to have some jobs–and a lot of people expect it.

Part of the planning process should probably include thinking about possible tasks that she would enjoy/be good at. For instance, if you had a family birthday party then, she could have a big role and like it.
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It will be hard to include her in my daily routine because I am used to doing what I do everyday. It will be my youngest son’s birthday in October. I may ask her for her (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
No ties to the area. To be perfectly honest and please do not judge or hold this against me, I want to be away from the house as much as possible while she is here. I am planning my days so that I am not present. I know this is bad :(. I feel completely lost.
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That’s fine. Just follow all the advice you’ve been given for when you’re there. It’s better to spend one good hour with MIL than three bad ones.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
It will be hard to include her in my daily routine because I am used to doing what I do everyday. It will be my youngest son’s birthday in October. I may ask her for her (name removed by moderator)ut.
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That’s a good idea–and use some of her ideas.

People LOVE being asked for advice. (I mean, just look at CAF.)
 
ymartinez1015 said:
It will be hard to include her in my daily routine because I am used to doing what I do everyday. It will be my youngest son’s birthday in October. I may ask her for her (name removed by moderator)ut.
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Good idea. But with all due respect, I think you are being too inflexible. You may not like her, but you both love her son. Surely you can disrupt your routine for two weeks.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
Oh wow. My mother in law and grandmother in law call my husband Johnny. His name is John. When she calls me or talks to me, I simply listen to what she has to say. My husband is amazing to be honest with you and he does have my back however you did bring up good points to address my husband. I think ever since my husband and I have been married, they are jealous. My husband tells me, my mom and granny love you and are happy for us. They adore you. I find that hard to believe. I believe there is a lot of jealousy and the need to control.
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I think that by what you are telling here that you may have a situation where you can give a little with your MIL.

First I am glad to here that your MIL calls and talks to you. I have been married for 30 years and could count on one hand how many times my MIL has called our home. When she got our office number where my husband always answers the phone, she began to call there.
Oh yes, it’s me she doesn’t want to talk to. Now I ask my husband to call her from our home(he isn’t good about calling people) to check on her and I call infrequently but things haven’t changed much and I’ve come to accept it.

I am glad that you feel supported by your husband. This is very important. This gives you what you need so that to be charitable to MIL without feeling that you marriage is being threatened or that your household decisions now include your MIL.
 
Would you be willing to provide examples of things she does that irritate you?
 
DarkLight said:
Would you be willing to provide examples of things she does that irritate you?
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She babies my husband a lot, my mother in law and his granny. She always tells me he can do no wrong in their eyes. Which, I do have to say, I have the best husband ever. She is overbearing. She always makes comments like “Are you still in love?” She will say “My Johnny never went to bed early, this is unsual” “he has never done this, that.” His life completely changed when we got married. She is jealous and mad because he is completely devoted and committed to my children and I.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
She babies my husband a lot, my mother in law and his granny. She always tells me he can do no wrong in their eyes. Which, I do have to say, I have the best husband ever. She is overbearing. She always makes comments like “Are you still in love?” She will say “My Johnny never went to bed early, this is unsual” “he has never done this, that.” His life completely changed when we got married. She is jealous and mad because he is completely devoted and committed to my children and I.
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I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I recommend you try not to think of her coming until closer to the time. It’s only March, and working yourself up about it now will do you no favours. Definitely plan for things to do outside the house that you can talk to her about when you’re in the house. Try and plan as many family activities as you can.

Have you spoken to your husband about how her comments make you feel? Is he around when she says those things, or is he out of earshot? I suggest that he respond to her comments instead of you to shut her down in that area.

Lou
 
Lou2U said:
I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I recommend you try not to think of her coming until closer to the time. It’s only March, and working yourself up about it now will do you no favours. Definitely plan for things to do outside the house that you can talk to her about when you’re in the house. Try and plan as many family activities as you can.

Have you spoken to your husband about how her comments make you feel? Is he around when she says those things, or is he out of earshot? I suggest that he respond to her comments instead of you to shut her down in that area.

Lou
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I have not talked to my husband about this yet. I was actually planning on talking to him about this around September.
 
Lou2U said:
I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I recommend you try not to think of her coming until closer to the time. It’s only March, and working yourself up about it now will do you no favours. Definitely plan for things to do outside the house that you can talk to her about when you’re in the house. Try and plan as many family activities as you can.

Have you spoken to your husband about how her comments make you feel? Is he around when she says those things, or is he out of earshot? I suggest that he respond to her comments instead of you to shut her down in that area.

Lou
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I did ask him last night if he would back me up and have my back when it comes to his mom and granny, he said yes.
 
A week+? book her a stay at the nicest near-by hotel her money can afford
 
ymartinez1015 said:
I have not talked to my husband about this yet. I was actually planning on talking to him about this around September.
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In that case, I suggest you wait until around September to get worried about the visit 😉 nothing good will come from it now, it’ll only set you on edge and keep you there until she leaves.
ymartinez1015 said:
I did ask him last night if he would back me up and have my back when it comes to his mom and granny, he said yes.
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That’s good! Don’t feel like it has to be you shutting them down all the time. If he says he’s happy with the way things are, she’ll have less ammunition to try and use against you.

Lou
 
Lou2U said:
In that case, I suggest you wait until around September to get worried about the visit 😉 nothing good will come from it now, it’ll only set you on edge and keep you there until dhe leaves.

That’s good! Don’t feel like it has to be you shutting them down all the time. If he says he’s happy with the way things are, she’ll have less ammunition to try and use against you.

Lou
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Thank you!
 
ymartinez1015 said:
She will say “My Johnny never went to bed early, this is unsual” “he has never done this, that.” .
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Just tell her that it takes lots of time and practice making those wonderful grandbabies. That should put end to that that topic 🙂
 
barhoram said:
Just tell her that it takes lots of time and practice making those wonderful grandbabies. That should put end to that that topic 🙂
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That is hilarious! My husband and are trying to conceive our fourth LOL.
 
Oh my word…I called my mother in law to speak to my grandmother in law in regards to a question my grandmother in law had. My mother in law answered the phone, and for some reason my nerves began to shamble. I was hoping to keep the conversation brief however she decided to carry on and told me how her son made the best choice ever to marry me, how she knew in her gut I was the right one for him and she is very happy he has me as his wife. My response was, as long as you feel it in your gut, heart and soul and you are genuine about your feelings, we are good to go. Then she proceeded to tell me she loves me and passed the phone to my grandmother in law.
 
Friday March 4. today’s reading…
Gospel of Mark 12:28-34
 
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