Honestly I am not following what you are saying. I love my parents but at the same time can’t stand to be around them at times. Dad has gone back no his word and can be very nosy about what goes on. My mother and myself have to go out of our way to not set dad off as he can have a very short temper. At the same time I feel I owe my parents my life and a huge debt. I have told my dad I would give up everything for him. To him I am the center of his entire universe. He places me before even my mom. They have been together almost 50 years.
I sometimes wish to be married but single life is rather nice too. Same with kids. I sometimes want some and other times enjoy having free time and money.
I have enough brothers that I cannot count them on one hand. I have brothers that lived with my parents into their 30s and brothers that essentially moved out as soon as finances allowed for it. You’re one of the ones who ought to move out. This is not good for you.
Move out as soon as you can find a suitable place to live. Just say, “Dad, I love you, and I know you love me, we’d lay down our lives for each other, but we do not love living under the same roof. It is wonderful that you’re helping me save money, but I’d rather economize on how much we drive each other nuts than economize on money.” (Your parents reply, then you say, “OK, then: I’d rather economize on how nuts I am going by living at home at the age of 34 than economize on money.”) Then find yourself a place of your own to live. If you have to, get a roommate. Make it a point to visit your parents often, but have your own place, even if it is a little nothing of a place.
If you marry a woman your own age, you window for having children is fast approaching the day it will close. I do not just mean in terms of fertility. I mean that you have to still have the energy and the time to parent. The next decade will fly by faster than you think. You need to get a place of your own in order to decide if living alone is what you want when you no longer have your parents to care for.
There are reasons to live alone besides wanting to marry and have children, however. You may want to live alone just so you can conduct your career and your social life without the supervision of your parents. You may want to be the one who makes your “house rules.” I think this unquestionably describes you. This describes the vast majority of typical 25 year olds, let alone the vast majority of 34 year olds. Again: Some like living with their parents at that age, but most of us want more autonomy than we could possibly have if we lived with our parents or even with our siblings. (Did anyone tell you that the TV show “Dallas” was a total lie? It was. No one that rich lives in the same house with their parents. No wonder that family was so dysfunctional.)
As for finding a woman, if you are living at home with your parents at age 34, you are
drastically narrowing the field of women who would even consider marrying you. Many (perhaps most) will conclude that you are not likely enough to separate from your parents to the degree necessary to have a separate life with her that they don’t control in some way. A woman might love your parents very much and yet still not want to be married to them, if you get my drift.
My mother and myself have to go out of our way to not set dad off as he can have a very short temper… I have told my dad I would give up everything for him. To him I am the center of his entire universe. He places me before even my mom.
You are adopted, and an only child. Your situation isn’t far from typical–you only have to read the extensive world library of “Jewish mother” jokes to realize that–but it really isn’t healthy, either.
The wonders of Jewish mothers (and lots of other parents who will remain nameless)
• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
“If you two are going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!”
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL
“If you don’t behave, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
• My mother taught me LOGIC
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
• My mother taught me IRONY
“Keep crying and I’ll
give you something to cry about.”
• My mother taught me about OSMOSIS
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM
“Will you
look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
• My mother taught me about WEATHER
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times - Don’t Exaggerate!!!”
• My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
• My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION
“Stop acting like your father!”
• My mother taught me about ENVY
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
• My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
• My mother taught me ESP
“Put your sweater on - don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”
• My mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t talk back to me!”
• My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
• My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
• My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
• My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
