Overcoming envy

[DeniseNY]

I’m not sure envy is exactly the right word, but it’s the only word I can think of to describe how I’m feeling.

I belong to a Facebook prayer group that is dedicated to people with Melanoma and their families. They were incredibly supportive of me when my mother was diagnosed, an when she died in August 2012. I still belong to the group because I want to keep up with what’s going on with the other members and their loved ones, and to join in prayer with them for those who are battling this horrendous disease.

The problem is that when I see people post that someone is NED (no evidence of disease), I am happy for them and I know that it’s a blessing from God. But ther is a part of me that feels jealous because my mother died. I know I shouldn’t question God’s Will. I may not always understand His plan, but I have to trust in it. But the feelings of jealousy are really bothering me.

Does this sound like a somewhat normal reaction?

 

[Oneofthewomen]

In a word, YES, it is very normal.

Grief is a process, and these feelings are part of the process.

Maybe you should look for a prayer/support group that is more centered on those who are experiencing loss. I am not sayng give up the prayer group you are in, but maybe find another one, where you can go and talk with people who are experiencing the same things as you.

Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up over these feelings, and don’t let anyone tell you to “just get over it”.

Someday, you will reach the final stage, which is acceptance, and then things like this will not bother you. Right now, the wound is still fresh, and sometimes it will be re-opened. It’s all part of the healing process.

Peace & prayers to you, and a big old :hug1:

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

I can’t say that I understand as I’ve never gone through what you’ve had to endure. I might suggest that what you are calling envy isn’t envy. You’ve hinted as much.

I can only guess that what you might be experiencing is that sense that is best described by the word, betrayal. It is one of the heaviest words around and in this case it points to God. Might be time to have a chat with a priest.

My prayers are with you and your mother. Peace, g.

 

[maryjk]

In a word, YES, it is very normal.

Grief is a process, and these feelings are part of the process.

I agree.

OP, give yourself a chance. It has only been a year.

I still have feelings like this and it has been two years.

You don’t get over the death of your mother, overnight.

 

[po18guy]

Docility to the Holy Spirit is a sure cure for all forms of jealousy and egoism. He is the Consoler and source of all good gifts, including humility. Simply offering the prayer to the Holy Spirit is a very good start. The prayer to the Holy Spirit is the one prayer that never fails. He comes to your assistance when appealed to, but only by invitation. As well, humility is the foundation of all prayer, and is indeed necessary for prayer to be effective. True humility is the “poverty of spirit” that our Lord spoke of in the beatitudes.

On a deeper level, you could ask to be prayed over in a baptism in the Holy Spirit*. A few years back, I dropped all pretense of worthiness and submitted to the Holy Spirit at the hands of a charismatic Priest. What happened after is impossible to describe, but my faith life absolutely rocketed ahead.

• Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa is the preacher to the Papal household since Blessed John Paul II, so he is an absolutely trustworthy source.

 

[Starrsmother]

It’s never easy to be the odd man out–which in a way is what you are in this group. I think you have a gift there if you think about it. You can offer advice, commiseration, prayers–from your side of the valley–as someone who isn’t dealing with surviving but rather has lost the fight. Having said that, you really should consider joining an additional support group of people like yourself who are survivors of the death of a loved one. And I agree, you are grieving–don’t be too hard on yourself. Now if you still feel this way in 5 years, then I think you may need to seek some help–but not if the loss is within the last year or so.