Overcoming Sexual Sin for my Vocation

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AHumbleSinner

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Dear anyone who has experienced this or anyone who just might have some helpful advice:

I am in my young twenties and have been discerning a vocation for about the past three or four years. I am confident that I am called to religious life, and I will seek acceptances when God reveals to me the order.

However, there is one major problem. For about the past three years I have also off and on struggled with sexual sin. It is even more terrible than what you might be thinking because I never committed a sin with someone in person, only online or with myself (with my thoughts and my body). I have overcome the sin with others over the Internet by simply never allowing myself near those types of site (no matter how lonely or bored I am), but just when I think I’ve totally overcome masturbating (in my mind and with my body), it seems like an impure thought plagues me constantly throughout the day and then at night I can’t go to sleep because of it, and I finally give in. I can go really long periods of time without this happening, but just last night I fell again. I’m not sure what else to do to never let this happen again. I pray so hard to Jesus and Mary, I keep my mind as pure as I can by not listening to suggestive music, movies, television, etc. (which means I don’t really watch or listen to anything non-Christian), I try to keep myself busy, frequent the sacraments, and everything else I can think of, and yet I still haven’t been able to overcome this.

Can anyone please, please help me.

Physically my body is a virgin, but I can’t imagine giving myself to God with so many scarlet letters stamped all over me!

Please, please, please, can someone help me overcome these infrequent but terrible temptations.

Thank you.

— Trying to imitate Mary…
 
Do you work with a regular Confessor or Spiritual Director? If not, you should think about starting.

Are you convinced that it’s possible for you to resist temptation? This is important. You won’t succeed until you believe that you will.

You will want to examine yourself closely. Do you give in because the sexual temptation is so strong? Or are there other reasons? There could be stress, fear, or even a reluctance somewhere inside you to give it up. This could be especially true since you are discerning and perhaps thinking about the fact that if you give it up you will never experience any kind of sex again. You may want to work through these questions with a SD if you feel they are relevant.

Get a computer blocker and block any problem sites. Definitely erase any bookmarks you have to these kinds of sites. Keep religious icons near your computer and near your bed.

You seem to do pretty well in avoiding temptation, but it sounds as if you have trouble when you are faced with strong temptation. What do you do when you are thinking about giving in? You should try to immediately change the situation. If you’re in bed, at least sit up and maybe even get up and walk into another room. Make the Sign of the Cross and pray to Mary. Think about Christ’s Passion. Picture it in your mind. It’s much harder to offend the Lord when you are thinking about everything He gave for us. Can you start praying a rosary in bed and maybe pray yourself to sleep?

Would something simple work, such as keeping your door open when you go to bed?

Those are all the ideas I have for now! Keep praying, and don’t give up!
 
Do you have a problem with temperance generally? In other words are you indulging yourself in anything nonsexual that could be ruining your discipline and interior life’s ability to react against temptation?

Are you a slave to some sort of other stimulation or passion rather than a spiritually balanced and self controlled person – the latter is what you must aim for.

I urge that you strongly try to train yourself to not desire impurity, i.e., that your reaction to both it directly and whatever attracts you to it incidently or in the occasion of the sin, become disgust. That is outright and direct disgust rather than delight. This is the reason anger and disgust was given to us, to repel interior sin. Do whatever mental tricks you need to acquire this innate disgust, so that even if caught sleeping, your -automatic- reaction would be against the impurity, rather than your first reaction being delight and then your next a will against it – you need to convert your initial reaction.

Disgust when presented with the subject and forgetfulness of the subject and the lack of use of the visual imagination should be combined. As time passes impure images will be forgotten if they are repelled and not allowed to make an impression again by being dwelt upon.

Repel all that is part of the passion that accompanies the temptation.

Another reason people become habitually vulnerable is that they are too much affected by external stimuli generally, that is – too much TV, media, etc. they live too passive a life and are used to letting whatever is before them control and determine their emotional life rather than their active deeds.

An emotional life that is a slave to exterior circumstance will always be under the control of the devils.

You also require merit, and recourse to Our Lady. You need to do spiritually good acts to build up the merit necessary to help gain you even more graces generally and specifically towards overcoming this.

And while you seem to have assured that you avoid the occasion – remember to truly know what those occasions are and avoid them, that is, go to an extreme that the world would not approve of because it is the world. Turn -off- images on your internet browser, and only turn them on for -sure- safe sites.

One cannot simply have nothing to replace the stimulation you once had by impurity, you need to replace it with spiritually good activity that will reorient you towards habitual happiness in the good. Your will gradually interiorly become the way you should be by doing good and this being your consolation.

Do not neglect spiritual reading and the lives of the saints. Do not neglect the sacramentals, the sacraments, the three Aves, and the rosary. Pray and try to keep yourself in a state of constant motivation and reflection on the love of God and His service.

If you have a vocation you should try beginning living it in this world, as if you were out of it already by reducing your belongings and changing your deeds, your way of living to one that would be similar to the one in the vocation. 🙂
 
AHumbleSinner said:
Dear anyone who has experienced this or anyone who just might have some helpful advice:

I am in my young twenties and have been discerning a vocation for about the past three or four years. I am confident that I am called to religious life, and I will seek acceptances when God reveals to me the order.

However, there is one major problem. For about the past three years I have also off and on struggled with sexual sin. It is even more terrible than what you might be thinking because I never committed a sin with someone in person, only online or with myself (with my thoughts and my body). I have overcome the sin with others over the Internet by simply never allowing myself near those types of site (no matter how lonely or bored I am), but just when I think I’ve totally overcome masturbating (in my mind and with my body), it seems like an impure thought plagues me constantly throughout the day and then at night I can’t go to sleep because of it, and I finally give in. I can go really long periods of time without this happening, but just last night I fell again. I’m not sure what else to do to never let this happen again. I pray so hard to Jesus and Mary, I keep my mind as pure as I can by not listening to suggestive music, movies, television, etc. (which means I don’t really watch or listen to anything non-Christian), I try to keep myself busy, frequent the sacraments, and everything else I can think of, and yet I still haven’t been able to overcome this.

Can anyone please, please help me.

Physically my body is a virgin, but I can’t imagine giving myself to God with so many scarlet letters stamped all over me!

Please, please, please, can someone help me overcome these infrequent but terrible temptations.

Thank you.

— Trying to imitate Mary…
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It is good to hear that you are discerning a vocation and that you seek purity in your life. There are some things you should realize as you draw closer to making your decision about your vocation. The first thing to realize is that the temptation to sin will never leave you, even the temptation to masturbate, which is a sin we often associate with younger people. Still, just as the temptation to sin may be great, the grace of God, which is able to help you overcome that temptation, is also great. Do not think temptation will leave you because you enter into religious life. It won’t.
Another thing to realize is that God often calls us through our weaknesses, and perhaps even because of our weaknesses. Peter was no “fisher of men” before he met Christ and even denied knowing him. Paul persecuted Christians and may have even been present at the martyrdom of Stephen. No one ever became a saint because they felt they were holy and did not need God’s help. They became saints because they were clearly aware of their weaknesses and knew that it was only by God’s constant grace that they were able to make it through the day. In other words, don’t let your desire for purity be a stumbling block in answering the question of your vocation honestly. This could simply be an excuse to say no to God’s invitation.
The third thing to realize is that you are taking positive steps to overcome your difficult sin and this is not easy. Don’t wallow in your imperfection and sin, but rejoice in the times you have taken hold of God’s grace and allowed it to work positively in your life. Seek the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Communion frequently and allow them to give you strength. Offer the suffering of your flesh and the nagging sexual desires you experience up for others so it becomes a positive way of overcoming sin and transforms your experience from pain into sacrifice. Pray always. My prayers are with you as well.
 
AHumbleSinner said:
Dear anyone who has experienced this or anyone who just might have some helpful advice:

I am in my young twenties and have been discerning a vocation for about the past three or four years. I am confident that I am called to religious life, and I will seek acceptances when God reveals to me the order.

However, there is one major problem. For about the past three years I have also off and on struggled with sexual sin. It is even more terrible than what you might be thinking because I never committed a sin with someone in person, only online or with myself (with my thoughts and my body). I have overcome the sin with others over the Internet by simply never allowing myself near those types of site (no matter how lonely or bored I am), but just when I think I’ve totally overcome masturbating (in my mind and with my body), it seems like an impure thought plagues me constantly throughout the day and then at night I can’t go to sleep because of it, and I finally give in. I can go really long periods of time without this happening, but just last night I fell again. I’m not sure what else to do to never let this happen again. I pray so hard to Jesus and Mary, I keep my mind as pure as I can by not listening to suggestive music, movies, television, etc. (which means I don’t really watch or listen to anything non-Christian), I try to keep myself busy, frequent the sacraments, and everything else I can think of, and yet I still haven’t been able to overcome this.

Can anyone please, please help me.

Physically my body is a virgin, but I can’t imagine giving myself to God with so many scarlet letters stamped all over me!

Please, please, please, can someone help me overcome these infrequent but terrible temptations.

Thank you.

— Trying to imitate Mary…
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God Bless you and may the Lord always keep you!

I know that this temptation is a horrible one, and more so when you know that it’s offending our Lord and keeping you from a more closer relationship with Him.

When you start to feel that your having these temptations, whether in body or thought, or when you feel that you are going to give in to look at bad material, start to pray to Our lord and our Mother Mary.

Let Our Lord know that you are determined not to offend Him anymore and how much you don’t want to give in to these temptations. Ask Our Lady to intercede for you, that she may ask Jesus to grant you the grace to not have temptations against the flesh. I know this grace can be granted, and how much I hope all those who have sexual temptations can be granted this grace!

When I would start to have these temptations against my mind and/or body I would pray, pray, pray. I no longer have these temptations.

I know the Lord’s love and mercy in endless, and the graces and blessings that overflow from His most Sacred Heart that burns with so much love for souls, will never cease to flow into our hearts. He desires so much to fill our hearts with His graces.

Surely all that Our Lady asks from the Lord will be granted to Her, He will not say no to Her. He loves Her more than we will ever know. I know also that She loves us as Her own children and loves to carry Jesus into our hearts. He will not say no to someone who desires so much not to offend Him, and to not give into these temptations. I know he loves you more than you will ever know. His love and mercy knows no limits.

May Our Lord keep you close to Him always, and bring you closer. May He show you His will, and lead you always down the path of Eternal Life.

May Our Mother Mary keep you always in the Arms and Heart of Jesus, and may She help you to always keep Jesus in your heart.

God bless you!
 
pray. a crucifix or the miraculous medal helps. when you have the temptations, try to look and hold on to your crucifix or medal.
 
I find it rather public of you to disclose this over the internet like you have. This is scandalous to everyone who reads it. Please keep this to yourself, your Confessor, and to God. You can find better help in private. Please private message a moderator or one of your friends on this forum instead of leaving a public posting of this scandalous matter. You are giving yourself the “scarlet letter” by posting this thread. Please treat yourself better and set a better example by using discretion. Thank you.
 
Daniel_Boucher said:
I find it rather public of you to disclose this over the internet like you have. This is scandalous to everyone who reads it. Please keep this to yourself, your Confessor, and to God. You can find better help in private. Please private message a moderator or one of your friends on this forum instead of leaving a public posting of this scandalous matter. You are giving yourself the “scarlet letter” by posting this thread. Please treat yourself better and set a better example by using discretion. Thank you.
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Good grief…you didn’t have to read this thread after you saw the title.

To the OP: I don’t want you to use this as an excuse by any means BUT you’re in your twenties…your hormones are raging…it will get better. Keep fighting.
 
Look, I was scandalized by my parish youth minister when I was a teenager when he told us of his sexual problems even though he was telling us because he wanted to stop them. Out of concern for the children and youths (and even adults) who are reading, please do not post these scandalous threads.
 
Daniel_Boucher said:
Look, I was scandalized by my parish youth minister when I was a teenager when he told us of his sexual problems even though he was telling us because he wanted to stop them. Out of concern for the children and youths (and even adults) who are reading, please do not post these scandalous threads.
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In my opinion, it would be better for us to support our brother in need rather than dismiss him. I do not find his post scandalous, not at all.

I would advise him to see his spiritual director for proper guidance. I guess he is still young so habits are not that difficult to break. Lastly, I would advise him to practice temperance… in eating, in watching television, etc.

Our Lord knows what is in your heart, young man. Seek Him and He will help you.

God bless you,

albertziggy:rolleyes:
 
You are being attacked from every angle. This will not stop either. You are a threat to everything worldly. You are young and vibrant, and discerning a vocation!

What is happening here is your weaknesses are being used against you. He sees them because with every time you give in they weaken your “hope”. It’s not that you fall to your temptation it’s your loss of “hope” when you do. He’s also playing your pride. The pride that you can overcome these. He knows you can’t, you don’t. Until you realize this he has won. Drop this immediately into the Lord’s lap, if you will. This battle is not yours, it is the Lord’s.

Here are three little words, Jesus help me. These will help only if you continue to pray them. Not once or twice, hundreds of times. Prayers do not have to be long or eloquent, but simple and humble. Don’t give up, we need You.
Daniel_Boucher said:
I find it rather public of you to disclose this over the internet like you have. This is scandalous to everyone who reads it. Please keep this to yourself, your Confessor, and to God. You can find better help in private. Please private message a moderator or one of your friends on this forum instead of leaving a public posting of this scandalous matter. You are giving yourself the “scarlet letter” by posting this thread. Please treat yourself better and set a better example by using discretion. Thank you.
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I have often wondered about these posts on this site. It is one reason I have not been active. As soon as someone posts something such as this, there are numerous more jumping on saying it’s OK, because they do it as well. It’s not the mentioning of a weakness in a particular area, but the blatant descriptions. Sins belong where they come from… the darkness. You are not to make your sins known. There is a reason for this.
 
J.M.+J.T.

Dear friend,
Let me first say how much I admire your courage in asking for help in this matter. It takes a lot to disclose something so personal that you struggle with.
Sexual sin, both in mind and body, is difficult to overcome, but it can be done. Have faith in a God who loves you and keep going to Confession. God knows your weaknesses and is merciful. He wants you to overcome this sin even more than you want to overcome it yourself. His mercy is without limits. So much so that He doesn’t want you to remain in this state and *He *wants to change your heart! Isn’t that wonderful? All we have to do is let Him in.

Overcoming sin like this doesn’t happen overnight, especially if it has developed into a habit. Be patient with yourself as you keep getting up each time you fall and learn new methods to overcome sin and avoid the occasion of sin. You have a desire for holiness, that’s a great start. It is Jesus in the Confessional who waits for you, and He wants to help you so much on this journey toward holiness and purity of mind, heart, and body.

Mary is a wonderful example of purity and holiness for you to follow, as your post already notes. Pray to her. She will intercede for you to have a pure heart before God and one that may ultimately be specifically united to her Son, Jesus, in religious life.
Refuse to be discouraged. Keep getting up each time you fall and going to Confession. With time, you will overcome this. Don’t lose hope! Have faith and trust that there is a way out, even if this sin has become an addiction. Be patient with yourself, but also be willing to get yourself into gear and do whatever it takes to avoid and refuse temptation. The devil is constantly trying to lead us away from Christ, and he preys on our weaknesses. For many, this weakness is in sexual temptation.
Especially for those called to priesthood and religious life, the devil will do anything to keep them away from their vocations.

Our temptations toward impure thoughts or impure actions will not leave us in religious life. It will help that we are guided with a more regimented schedule and have less time for “idle minds”, but the temptations will be there. Keep strong and learn ways to control this temptation now and these little methods will help you later. Whenever I am tempted to impurity, I try to say a quick prayer or look at a crucifix. Sometimes I even try to remember something silly, like what I have to do for homework or the last three meals I ate. By the time you think of these things, chances are the temptation will have passed. It doesn’t take long for it to go away, usually. Many people struggle with what you struggle with. Many of the saints, previous to their conversions, struggled with sexual temptation and overcame it with God’s grace and help. You are not alone! Just remember where they ended up getting with God’s grace and realize that you are given grace too. Jesus wants us to achieve holiness as they did too! 🙂

I am praying for you!! Please pray for me too, I am entering religious life this fall, and I need prayers for perseverance! Thank you!

God bless you!

In Christ, through Mary,
Elizabeth
:nun1:
 
HumbleSinner,
It may help you to know that you are not alone in this battle. Many of us, who are trying to be holy, have struggled with the temptations that you have. You can’t do it alone. I learned this the hard way. I realized, the only way I am going to get help is to rely on Jesus and Mary and ask for the intercession of the saints.

It took a lot of courage to post what you did. Especially on a public forum where posts are scrutinized and mistaken as something else. God bless you for continuing the fight, even though it is difficult.

May I give you some pointers? I have found that various distractions can help when you are trying to avoid temptations.

–Look at a crucifix or say a rosary whenever you feel as though you could fall.
–Keep Holy Water in your house and bless yourself before you go on the internet. It may even help to ask God to help you guard your eyes before going on the computer.
–Only look at the internet in a public place such as your living room or a common room where family members spend plenty of time. Even a public library would be useful. Limiting what you look at can help a lot!
–Get involved in volunteer work or do crafts like needlepoint, knitting, building a birdhouse, etc. and immerse yourself in work and prayer when the temptation arrives.
–Sign yourself up for an online sexual addiction website forum. Saint Mike’s forum is a really good support forum:

saint-mike.org/csgsar/default.asp

–Sign up for an internet filter like Covenant Eyes, and ask someone you know to create the password, or type one in that you won’t remember (it helps):

covenanteyes.com/

–Go to Confession often, and daily Mass if you can do it. Partaking of the Sacraments which God has given us is very beneficial (only take the Eucharist, though, if you have been to Confession). 🙂

I hope these pointers help. I know how big of a struggle this is, but you must not let satan trick you in to thinking you will never recover. He loves to trick us and lie to us. Don’t let him get the best of you. Give your struggles up to God who loves you and wants nothing but the best for you! I’ll be praying for you. God bless you!

United, forever in Christ,
Caroline
 
Daniel_Boucher said:
Look, I was scandalized by my parish youth minister when I was a teenager when he told us of his sexual problems even though he was telling us because he wanted to stop them. Out of concern for the children and youths (and even adults) who are reading, please do not post these scandalous threads.
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i find nothing horrible hear,mr daniel. This man needs healing and understanding. and are there kids surfing here in CAF?Even if there is, there will be learning that sexual sins do exist. I admire the one who started this thread. He had he courage because he wanted to be healed. Nothing is scandalous here.
 
Hmm, I approve of people coming for help, but I wish people would use euphemisms such as ‘impure acts by myself’ or ‘impure acts with another person’ or similar, which are generally understood but also nicer on the ears.
 
Shin said:
Hmm, I approve of people coming for help, but I wish people would use euphemisms such as ‘impure acts by myself’ or ‘impure acts with another person’ or similar, which are generally understood but also nicer on the ears.
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A rose by any other name…

Using euphemisms can be similar to lying if you think about it…calling one thing by another. We’re adults here, at least most of us. What if someone comes here to read posts to get an idea of where to go for help (spiritual director, etc) and is just learning about how sinful some of these acts are? I frequently read posts that very closely mirror the temptations and thoughts I have. These posts give me courage to know that there are others going through this too, and that they have successfully overcome these sins, or are much closer than they were.

God Bless!
 
rowermath said:
A rose by any other name…

Using euphemisms can be similar to lying if you think about it…calling one thing by another. We’re adults here, at least most of us. What if someone comes here to read posts to get an idea of where to go for help (spiritual director, etc) and is just learning about how sinful some of these acts are? I frequently read posts that very closely mirror the temptations and thoughts I have. These posts give me courage to know that there are others going through this too, and that they have successfully overcome these sins, or are much closer than they were.

God Bless!
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I agree. I agree. I can say nothing more.
 
Yes, sins are of the darkness, but they must be brought to the light so that they may become light and be forgiven (and healed from as someone mentioned). We should not openly discuss these matters (any person’s sin) because when we do it is scandalous. Sexual behavior is one of the most intimate things about one’s person. To make it public in any fashion is vulgar (even if it is licit behavior) and exploitative. I’m telling you all this for your own good. Keep it private.
 
God bless you, AHumbleSinner, we are all sinners. Temptation is something we all face. You need to speak with a Catholic counselor or your priest. Don’t give up, Jesus loves you, don’t lose faith in His power. Read the Bible everyday and please talk with someone who can help you.
 
Daniel_Boucher said:
Look, I was scandalized by my parish youth minister when I was a teenager when he told us of his sexual problems even though he was telling us because he wanted to stop them. Out of concern for the children and youths (and even adults) who are reading, please do not post these scandalous threads.
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Totally different…someone in the position of a parish youth minister should not be discussing his own sexual problems with the teenagers in his group.

The OP was very tactful and I think sincere. Perhaps you are dwelling to much on what the sin is rather where others are simply giving him some advice and words of encouragement to continue the struggle.
 
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