Overcoming "young and dumb"

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Poglife2171

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I am a 24 year old guy, I am one month away from marriage, I am building my own house and I work in a small manufacturing shop. Over the past year I have made some great steps in my life, return, confirmation, engagement and great success at my job.

On the other hand I’ve made some really serious mistakes and I am still trying to grow from them. However this year my boss has seemed to really start talking to me more like a young idiot than ever before. This had started early in the year, and progressed after I confronted him about me catching him having and affair with a co-worker. While he remarked and has maintained that he respects me for the way I tactfully rebuked him, it seems like his attitude towards me during the work day is more and more harsh than before.

I understand stress and I am trying to give him as much grace as possible during these times and I am also being extremely hard on myself to correct my discrepancies. I am unsure whether to continue in my path of endurance or whether another action is merited.

I hope someone found the question in all this and could help a “young and dumb” kid understand what I should do to grow in faith and wisdom
 
Poglife2171 said:
However this year my boss has seemed to really start talking to me more like a young idiot than ever before. This had started early in the year, and progressed after I confronted him about me catching him having and affair with a co-worker.
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First of all, what did you expect? I don’t think it was any of your business to confront him. Of course he is going to treat you differently. What were you thinking?

You might want to start looking for a new job before he fires you.

Or, you may want to ask to meet with him and apologize for sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong.
 
Irishmom2 said:
First of all, what did you expect? I don’t think it was any of your business to confront him. Of course he is going to treat you differently. What were you thinking?
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I concur on this.
Irishmom2 said:
You might want to start looking for a new job before he fires you.
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Yep, might not be a bad idea.
Irishmom2 said:
Or, you may want to ask to meet with him and apologize for sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong.
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Probably not a bad idea.

In this day and age, it is better to leave well enough alone.
 
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Your boss is embarrassed about being caught and is taking it out on you. Your “young and dumb” past is basically irrelevant to the situation at hand.

The best solution might be to look for work at another company. If you want to stay, but are willing and able to leave, you could confront him, professionally, about specific behaviors that interfere with your work. If finding a new job is impossible, since you will have a new family soon to provide for, keep your head down and stay out of his way.
 
That depends on how he “confronted” his boss.
Fraternal correction is a work of mercy and a duty for any good disciple of Christ.
I think you need to reevaluate your response.
 
petinley said:
Fraternal correction is a work of mercy and a duty for any good disciple of Christ.
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You don’t correct the Boss if you value your job.
A good paying job that allows you to build your own house vs the unemployment line.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
 
petinley said:
That depends on how he “confronted” his boss.
Fraternal correction is a work of mercy and a duty for any good disciple of Christ.
I think you need to reevaluate your response.
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No. It’s not my place to “correct” my boss concerning his/her personal life. Period.
 
Yes, workplace and business ethics is one thing, although even here one needs to be careful and diplomatic if one values one’s job. But the personal morality of one’s employer is quite another thing, and this, I think, should be kept off limits.
 
That depends on what kind of relationship one has with their boss and how it’s presented. Like poglife said his boss complimented him on his tact.
 
And like I said, fraternal correction is a duty for a disciple of Christ.
 
petinley said:
That depends on what kind of relationship one has with their boss and how it’s presented. Like poglife said his boss complimented him on his tact.
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That is not all he said.
Poglife2171 said:
While he remarked and has maintained that he respects me for the way I tactfully rebuked him, it seems like his attitude towards me during the work day is more and more harsh than before.
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I can speculate that the boss felt obligated to say what he said but probably did not believe what he said. The increasing harshness appears to be evidence of this.
petinley said:
And like I said, fraternal correction is a duty for a disciple of Christ.
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Within one’s fraternity. One should never assume they have a fraternity with the Boss. I made that mistake a few times during my lifetime. It never pans out well.
 
When he walked outside that day I pulled him aside and said “I saw that in there, you’re better than that and you know it. I would like you to stop but its none of my buisness if you don’t, but I don’t want to see that again. I will keep this between us.” No shouting or condescending remarks, but I expressed that it was wrong and that I know he is better than that.
 
petinley said:
And like I said, fraternal correction is a duty for a disciple of Christ.
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Not in circumstances where it is inappropriate. And this is one. I’ve worked in HR for decades; this could get someone in serious trouble.
 
He is actually one of the best friends and mentors that I have ever had. He is one of the guides I have had returning to the church. And if we are called to love our neighbor we should rebuke one another out of care for their souls. For it is written He who brings back another from his wondering will cover a mulitude of sins
 
Poglife2171 said:
He is actually one of the best friends and mentors that I have ever had. He is one of the guides I have had returning to the church. And if we are called to love our neighbor we should rebuke one another out of care for their souls. For it is written He who brings back another from his wondering will cover a mulitude of sins
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And therein is the rub. You caught him being a hypocrite to his Christianity. Bosses don’t take that very well. You are young. Learn to keep your work life and christian life separate. If your boss is married, he now feels you are a silent future threat to his marriage and eventually to his business if he is the owner.
 
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mojoalthor said:
Bosses don’t take that very well.
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Good bosses do. I have nine people under me, and I’m happy to hear constructive criticism from all of them.

Admonishing sinners is a work of mercy, and it sounds like OP did it tactfully. He’s a braver man than I.
 
Poglife2171 said:
He is actually one of the best friends and mentors that I have ever had. He is one of the guides I have had returning to the church.
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This is what the problem is. You see him as your friend and mentor but actually, you need to see him as your boss, with whom you have a professional relationship. It’s very difficult to have a successful working relationship with someone when you blur the lines between personal and professional. When you see your boss at work, that’s first and foremost who he is to you - your boss. And when you are both at work, you need to have that professional relationship and not entangle it with your personal feelings/beliefs.
mojoalthor said:
And therein is the rub. You caught him being a hypocrite
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This. He probably liked it a lot when he was mentoring you. Now you’ve turned the tables and he doesn’t like it at all.
 
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