Overnight w/ bf and family

  • Thread starter Thread starter mandy1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

mandy1

Guest
Hello. I’m 27, got a stable job, still lives w/ parents. I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and taking things more seriously. One thing we really love to do together is to go out fishing at the lake. We’ve been talking about staying overnight at his parents’ cabin to do some fishing. We’ll be in separate rooms and his parents and siblings will also be in the cabin. We believe that that won’t be a near occasion of sin but would this be considered as sin of scandal?
My parents are super conservative and knowing them, they would probably accuse me of making excuses to “spend the night” with my bf and think we would be a bad influence to others. My bf and I are committed to saving ourselves for marriage.
Is spending the night with my bf with his family around okay? And how should I explain to my parents?
 
Last edited:
As marriage prep is 6 months to a year, depending on the diocese, and the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic, I doubt that’s an immediate option no matter what their intentions are.

To the OP… I have to wonder where you are in the world that a group of people getting together to go on a trip is still advisable?
 
We’d like to spend as much time together first to see if I could handle a different lifestyle like that. I think it’s just fair before getting married.
 
I know that. Sorry we plan on doing this after this whole pandemic thing is over of course. We’re just planning 🙂
 
Last edited:
No it is not a scandal or a sin in any way. Go ahead and enjoy!
 
It could be a cultural thing, in some cultures it is typical for adults to live with their parents until they get married.
 
Exactly! It’s a cultural thing. Also, I could definitely save up that way before getting married
 
We all have to be patient atm. Patience and planning. It takes quite a few months to plan a wedding. No time like the present to start.

To the op, you really wont know about handling a married lifestyle until you are married. As Catholics we cannot do practice runs.
From your other thread, you are Fillipino, he is Canadian? You and your family will be used to very different cultural norms. That makes it hard for parents operating in new and very foreign cultures. Have your respective families met?
 
Last edited:
Of course is okay have a time with you bf and his family is okay. Just tell your parents to trust more you and that you belive in marriage sacredness, of course, respect your parents authority for not injure the forth commadament.
 
That’s what dating/courting is for. Maybe counter to your intuition, but couples who cohabitate before marriage have an exponentially higher divorce rate.

One secular explanation for this I have heard is that when people cohabitate, they are not yet totally committed. They have the possibility of an “out” still in the back (or even front) of their heads. When they finally get married, they have a big party, yet literally nothing else changes from their previously less committed lifestyle, especially if they have also been sexually active. As a result, their psychological state of being less-than-totally committed often doesn’t change either, even if subconsciously.

On the other hand, for those who do not cohabitate or have sex before marriage, the significant change in their lives together after the wedding helps to psychologically cement the importance of the new commitment.

It’s sad when I’ve asked newlyweds I know who cohabitated how married life is treating them and they say it is the same or they feel the same as before. For many these days literally nothing changes in the lives of the couple after the big party. That’s a shame. Your life should be different and better after getting married, not the same as it was before.
 
Last edited:
Is it possible for you to bring another couple or person on this fishing trip with you?
 
mandy1 said:
We believe that that won’t be a near occasion of sin but would this be considered as sin of scandal?
Click to expand...
Mandy, you are 27 years old. Reason this out. Scandal is doing something immoral that leads others to think it’s OK.

There is NOTHING immoral about staying overnight in a family cabin for a fishing trip.
mandy1 said:
My parents are super conservative and knowing them, they would probably accuse me of making excuses to “spend the night” with my bf and think we would be a bad influence to others.
Click to expand...
And you are 27 years old and going to have to learn how to ignore nonsense coming from your parents, sooner rather than later would be preferred.
mandy1 said:
And how should I explain to my parents?
Click to expand...
You are 27. You don’t owe them an explanation. Not even because you live with them. You are an adult, you owe them respect— not obedience and not explanations.
 
Csakimavan said:
40.png
Genesis315:
On the other hand, for those who do not cohabitate or have sex before marriage, the significant change in their lives together after the wedding helps to psychologically cement the importance of the new commitment.
Click to expand...
That is one explanation. A much more plausible one is that they refrain from sex due to their religious upbringing, and they are “commanded” to make the best of the situation, even when it simply does not work out.
Genesis315 said:
Maybe counter to your intuition, but couples who cohabitate before marriage have an exponentially higher divorce rate.
Click to expand...
And why is that a problem? Maybe it takes several attempts to find the best partner.
Genesis315 said:
For many these days literally nothing changes in the lives of the couple after the big party. That’s a shame. Your life should be different and better after getting married, not the same as it was before.
Click to expand...
If and when you find the best partner, why should your life change? The paper should not make any difference.

Love, respect, caring does not come from between your legs. No one should expect to pick up a new violin and be an expert to play on it. Practice makes perfect in every aspect of life. But, as I said, each 'is own. Do what is best for you.
Click to expand...
As you well know, this is the Moral Theology Forum on a Catholic site, Catholic Answers. Your suggestions are the antithesis of Catholic teaching and against forum rules.
 
mandy1 said:
Hello. I’m 27, got a stable job, still lives w/ parents. I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and taking things more seriously. One thing we really love to do together is to go out fishing at the lake. We’ve been talking about staying overnight at his parents’ cabin to do some fishing. We’ll be in separate rooms and his parents and siblings will also be in the cabin. We believe that that won’t be a near occasion of sin but would this be considered as sin of scandal?
Click to expand...
If the parents are around the two of you all the time, and if you are in separate rooms, then I see no near occasion of sin here. How is this any different from a family going on vacation at a hotel and taking along a guest who stays in a non-connecting separate room?
 
Last edited:
No matter how politely you express your statements, you suggest courses of action that would place the OP in sin. That IS against forum rules.
 
Last edited:
Thanks everyone for the replies.
I’m more convinced now that this is not a sin as long as we always have his family around. It’s just very important for both of us to find out if I could handle his lifestyle which realistically would be both our lifestyle when we’re married. I’d say this is a practice run without sinning. More than that, it’s a positive one compared to how I’ve been living with my family.
The worst thing my parents could do is kick me out of the house which I’m ready for anyway.
I love my parents very much but I have to move forward for myself.
 
Last edited:
The problem is not the OP staying with BF and family, which I think is acceptable.
The problem is her parents and their irrational attitude, and controlling ways.
I was raised by a mom like this - - I can recognize it.
The OP has to either risk a huge family fight over this, or walk on eggshells to keep the peace. She has to decide if this fishing trip is worth it. It might or might not be.
 
Last edited:
You are…27 and have a stable job…and live with your parents…
a “stable” job…is this job a career?
being “27”…do you have a college education? If not, are you making plans to acquire a degree?
“living” with your parents that are super conservative…hopefully you “respect” your parents and abide by their rules in “their” house.
I would hope you focus on other important circumstances in your life than spending the night in a cabin with your boyfriend and his parents. Being 27 is nearing 30…please seek the many opportunities out there waiting for you. Have you ever lived outside your parents home? Please don’t let your emotions get the best of you…You are important and should take care of yourself and your future.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top