Overnight w/ bf and family

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Csakimavan said:
It sounds “strange” to go and buy a pair of shoes without trying them up first. Especially if you are “stuck” with them for life.
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That kind of thinking has been around forever.
It is beyond selfish to have sex with your girlfriend and know she is taking on the risk of pregnancy without a commitment from you. She risks her health, her school, her job, her income, and the abortion industry is ready to help her with her unplanned pregnancy. On the tax payers dime. If you claim to love someone, never risk putting them through that. You don’t have to be religious to want that for yourself in a relationship or for your daughter.
 
While I disagree with your views, I gave you a like because you’re right…you should indeed be welcome to express your views here, and by doing so, perhaps understand the Catholic view better as well.
 
I’m a registered nurse and have savings for my future. The reason why I still live with my parents is the culture and I also pay 1/2 of the bills. So I think following “house rules” shouldn’t apply to me. I’ll respect them by informing where I’m going and who I’m with.
 
Speaking as a member of one of those lakeside towns where people have cabins, please, stay home until we get the all clear.
 
OP, different cultures have different expectations, as well as different families within those cultures. However, you will be a guest of your boyfriend’s parents, as it is their place and they will be on the premises. Explain to your parents that they have invited you and that you and your boyfriend will not be spending nights in the same room.

I do not think that would be scandal, nor providing an occasion of sin, nor would my family, back in the 40s and 50s, but some Protestant groups would have thought so, and, possibly, even some older generations of Catholics.

It would be providing yourselves with an occasion of sin, however, and scandal, if you go camping by yourselves. Let your parents get to know your near-fiance. You two try to spend a lot of time with them. Invite them to go with you for ice cream, to see the city skyline at night, play board games, sing karaoke in the living room, or everybody pick walnuts or pecans out of the shells and make fudge. Give your father and this man a chance to talk without other family present, or maybe go shoot pool or darts together.

Just give the three of them opportunity to learn to genuinely like and trust each other. Laying a healthy foundation for the relationship between your parents and fiance now is very important for a healthy in-law and grandparent relationship as the years pass.

Best wishes! Let us know how it goes! 😀
 
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A Registered Nurse…great career! You are paying 1/2% for your stay there…it is their home and their rules. Wondering how to explain to your parents about you wanting to spend the night at the cabin with your boyfriend and his parents seems immature because of your age. Please respect their wishes and do the right thing!
Your parents love you and are taking care of you…how wonderful! Also, your boyfriend…if he cares for you…will understand.
 
Can I ask which culture we’re speaking of?

Edit: Why do they need to know where you’re going?

I’d just be like…"hey, taking off for the weekend. "
 
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Csakimavan said:
Not if its is consensual. Or if the method of sex precludes pregnancy.
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Or, the guy could say, ‘I really like you a lot and care for you, so let’s say right up front we don’t put ourselves in that position where it’s hard to stop’. Certainly a lot of women show up for an abortion saying ‘it was never my intention to get pregnant’. It’s smart to learn from others’ situation and not go there. We sure need more men in this culture to show women what love looks like, because there’s no regrets when we are chaste. It’s also easier to evaluate the person, if they are right for them, when hormones aren’t making an attachment to the wrong person.
 
I think it’s rude for you to say that’s immaturity. If you haven’t been raised by super-conservative (“controlling”?) parents, you don’t know what it’s like. She’s probably had to rely on their financial support while in school with very little autonomy.

On another note, OP, do your parents and his parents know each other?
 
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No. Completely different worlds.
Of course we’re going to let both our families meet at some point before marriage.
 
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libbeylu said:
You are paying 1/2% for your stay there…
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Half the bills does not equate to 1/2%. Its 50%.
And her parents really have no right to expect her to refrain from something that is neither sinful, scandalous, nor poor judgment.
 
Csakimavan
The Catholic view of sex is that it should occur only in marriage. But even then, the marriage has to be open to life, (one man and one woman open to having a family), as in not using artificial contraception. Even other types of sexual activities conclude with the one that is open to life.

In order to respect what marriage is, there has to be openness to life as well as unity. In this case, the couple is not unified yet, since they aren’t married. Perhaps two days before the wedding a couple can call off a wedding.

Your way of thinking diminishes the value of sexual activity. An act of love takes into consideration your partner’s best-case scenario and aims to achieve it. Putting a woman at risk of pregnancy, abandonment, sti’s, and even unnecessary emotional stress, not to mention placing her in a state of mortal sin, is not in her best interests.

Is that what you would do?

You are entitled to an opinion, but what stops you from making it an informed opinion? Why not study the church’s teachings?
 
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Excuse me…My parents were extremely strict, and thank God they were! I am a better person because of it…they Loved and Cared for me! It is not rude…There will be many, many nights to ponder…but having an education, a career, and the guidance of wonderful parents is more important than wondering if you should go against your values and spend the night at the cabin, regardless if his parents are there…apparently you have some “doubt” as to what to do…if in doubt, don’t do it!
 
Excuse me…1/2% is 50%…same thing! Her parents have “every” right to guide her!
 
libbeylu said:
Excuse me…1/2% is 50%…same thing! Her parents have “every” right to guide her!
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1/2% is not the same as 50%. This is simply mathematically untrue.

Also, while her parents are free to offer an opinion, she is completely free to ignore it without committing any sin. She is an adult who is contributing substantially to the household-not a dependent.

The behavior she is contemplating is not sinful, scandalous, nor even poor judgment.
 
Same thing…

She is an “adult” living with her parents in THEIR home of which she has NOT contributed…
Well, maybe this could be the first attempt to “SIN”…
Being a woman, I can understand that she has “doubt” as to what to do and are requesting our views on this situation…No, I would not suggest that she go spend the night! She has not mentioned “engagement”…is she “engaged”? She did mentioned “a commitment” but not “engagement”. There is a difference…one is verbal and the other is actual…a ring!
 
She asked if this would constitute the sin of scandal. The answer is no.

I’m not sure why you are imputing an attempt to sin to her —she’s given absolutely no indication that is the case.
 
It seemed to me that she is asking for our opinion on the matter, and how should she tell her parents…that is my interpretation…

Now, why would a 27 year old woman, living with her conservative parents, having a good career, in a commited relationship be asking for our advice? Cause she’s in doubt and needs justification on how to converse with her parents about spending the night in a cabin with her boyfriend and his parents…(this is getting too complicated…) No, she should NOT because it is NOT important at this time…a commitment does not equate an engagement…
 
libbeylu said:
Now, why would a 27 year old woman, living with her conservative parents, having a good career, in a commited relationship be asking for our advice?
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Why does anyone ask advice? I’m a lot older than 27, and I still seek advice.
 
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