Overwhelmed

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D_Hall

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Alright this is a long story and I need peoples opinions and help…

Ever since I was about 12 or 13 I haven’t been living a very good life. I was replacing God with anything and everything from money to girls to material goods. Occasionally, throughout my life I would have “one night” desires to be a priest. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 with another small boy while I was attending my sisters graduation from FUS I was pretending to be a priest. I thought about how great it would be to be pope after seeing a movie on JP2. I wanted to be a priest one night after a youth 2000 retreat. Also one night after Obama was elected president. All of these were one day or one night thinkings. I’ve been asked only by priests that I am familiar with, (mainly when I was younger) if I thought about being a preist. about 2 or 3 times. All the other 18 years of my life I’ve wanted to be a dentist, get married, and raise a large family with little girls. =)

Then I went to a college visit to Ave Maria U. I met a girl,was attracted to her, just like i would chase after any other girl I thought was pretty. That night i started feeling terribly depressed, didn’t have any fun doing anything. I couldn’t get to sleep at all that night, and felt like I had to be a priest. I felt guilty and ashamed and a terribly aching in my heart.

For the next 9 days or so I was terribly depressed, and couldn’t think of anything else. I don’t want to be a priest. I know God only wants us to do what makes us happiest, but I don’t want to be happy as a priest. Because I do not want to be a priest I’ve been tempted so many times to ignore it and just go the complete opposite way, deny God exists and just live as I want.

I talked to two priests and my parents. Both priests gave me a different opinion and my parents don’t know. Recently I’ve also felt that the only way to be happy, is not only be a priest, but give everything away and live in a monastery or as a franciscan. Without any worldly possessions. I feel guilty and not happy with everything I have. I’ve started to despise everything in this world.

So many times I’ve cried over this, been angry, indiffferent. Mainly upset and angry.

I can’t picture this as anything other than a call from God, and the reason I am depressed is because I am fighting it. The only two times I felt semi-at peace was when I gave in and told myself that I would be a priest. But now I feel like its a doom. I know if its God’s will then I will be happier doing it, but I don’t see how. But on the other hand life any other way that a possesionless celibate priest seems empty, meaningless. I can picture myself doing other things but not me being happy or at peace doing other things. and when I picture myself as being a priest, I picture myself at peace, but not happy. well sometimes I think I would be happy. But I don’t know anymore.

I do not know anything anymore. I feel so stressed out and confused and not content.
I hope that God is calling me to be married, but its more of a vain hope. I can’t picture that, and don’t understand why I feel any of these other things if he did want me to be married.

This was extremely long and I could go on forever…I’ve already worn out my mom. lol. Not good though.

If anyone can give me any insight or advice or opinions it would be appreciated. I’m waiting to hear something I have not heard before so it will make things all clear…
 
I see that you are logged on. I hope you get this before you go to sleep.

Take a deep breath, relax. Now leave this worry with God for the next couple of nights. He’s up all night anyway, let Him worry about. Although He already has it figured out.

You seek the solidity of family life. You feel a call to serve. I once was in the same boat and guess where I am. Happily married, considering the Perm. Diaconate. Best of Both Worlds! Whoo-hoo!

You may find happiness in the priesthood or monastic life or marriage. Let go and you will find peace.

I’ll try and say a rosary tonight for you. But, I have a firm belief that God fixes everything on Fridays…The weekend at the latest. Just speaking from experience.👍

Keep us informed if you need more prayer.
Peace!
 
You should check out any Quo Vadis retreats that your diocese offers. Also, you may want to check out the Spiritual Exercises. The Jesuits have retreats for that, but I imagine other groups make use of them as well. These would assist with discernment.
 
D_Hall said:
Alright this is a long story and I need peoples opinions and help…

I do not know anything anymore. I feel so stressed out and confused and not content.
I hope that God is calling me to be married, but its more of a vain hope. I can’t picture that, and don’t understand why I feel any of these other things if he did want me to be married.
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You probably have heard all this before, but –

Try and find a spiritual director who can guide you through your fears.

Accept that whatever future awaits you, it probably won’t come to fruition for several years yet.

Remember that God wants you to be happy, not miserable.

And be aware that discernment is difficult, but is worth the effort.

Finding the life that God wants for us is vitally important, after all. But it may take time for things to become clear. Don’t pre-judge the results of your search.

You’re in my prayers.
 
Do you pray?

Trying to discern for the priesthood without pursuing the life of perfection, in my opinion, in nearly impossible.

Let’s get this straight to start with. Every Catholic, regardless of vocation to the religious life or not, has a vocation to holiness. This is the universal call to holiness.

You can be certain that God is calling you to complete holiness, that is, sainthood.

The clarity regarding your vocation to the priesthood, I think, will only be found if you rightly pursue your vocation to holiness. Now, pursing your vocation to holiness might make it clear to you that you aren’t called to the priesthood, but then again it might. Just be open to it.

Start by committing yourself to the life of holiness, and if don’t don’t already, start spending time in meditative prayer every day. If you don’t do any, do 15 minutes a day. If you do 15 minutes a day, do 30 minutes now. Etc. And start rooting out sin in your life. Priest or not, you need to be holy. Prayer, as unlikely as it seems, will give you the strength to change and will indeed transform you. Sin has no place in any Christian’s life. Get rid of mortal sin. Even get rid of venial sin too.

In fact, only by pursuing the life of perfection (eliminating even venial sin) will it start to be easier to live a life free of mortal sin.

I tell you that from experience. I too dithered between belief and unbelief in my early teen years and throughout early and mid-high school. I didn’t want to commit myself to living a Christian life-- and guess what, playing the Christian minimalism game wasn’t a path to life. If your goal is to straddle the line between what will get you by and mortal sin, then I assure you that you will continue to fall.

But if you strive for the heights of holiness then you will, over a period of time, find it not only easier to stay out of mortal sin, but you will find joy and peace in the Christian life. I know it sounds crazy-- but it is true. I’m only a 21 year old guy. If you want to talk to me, send me a private message and we can discuss things.

If you pursue the life of holiness you may find that what you fear the most now, is really what you love the most. Trust God. Trust that He only wants what will make you most truly happy. Every religious I know tells me the same thing, that God has fulfilled them and made them very happy. If God wants you as a priest, then you can be very happy doing so. But you’ll only be a good judge of that if you are holy… so get holy… now!

God bless,
Rob
 
RobNY said:
Do you pray?

Trying to discern for the priesthood without pursuing the life of perfection, in my opinion, in nearly impossible.

Let’s get this straight to start with. Every Catholic, regardless of vocation to the religious life or not, has a vocation to holiness. This is the universal call to holiness.

You can be certain that God is calling you to complete holiness, that is, sainthood.

The clarity regarding your vocation to the priesthood, I think, will only be found if you rightly pursue your vocation to holiness. Now, pursing your vocation to holiness might make it clear to you that you aren’t called to the priesthood, but then again it might. Just be open to it.

Start by committing yourself to the life of holiness, and if don’t don’t already, start spending time in meditative prayer every day. If you don’t do any, do 15 minutes a day. If you do 15 minutes a day, do 30 minutes now. Etc. And start rooting out sin in your life. Priest or not, you need to be holy. Prayer, as unlikely as it seems, will give you the strength to change and will indeed transform you. Sin has no place in any Christian’s life. Get rid of mortal sin. Even get rid of venial sin too.

In fact, only by pursuing the life of perfection (eliminating even venial sin) will it start to be easier to live a life free of mortal sin.

I tell you that from experience. I too dithered between belief and unbelief in my early teen years and throughout early and mid-high school. I didn’t want to commit myself to living a Christian life-- and guess what, playing the Christian minimalism game wasn’t a path to life. If your goal is to straddle the line between what will get you by and mortal sin, then I assure you that you will continue to fall.

But if you strive for the heights of holiness then you will, over a period of time, find it not only easier to stay out of mortal sin, but you will find joy and peace in the Christian life. I know it sounds crazy-- but it is true. I’m only a 21 year old guy. If you want to talk to me, send me a private message and we can discuss things.

If you pursue the life of holiness you may find that what you fear the most now, is really what you love the most. Trust God. Trust that He only wants what will make you most truly happy. Every religious I know tells me the same thing, that God has fulfilled them and made them very happy. If God wants you as a priest, then you can be very happy doing so. But you’ll only be a good judge of that if you are holy… so get holy… now!

God bless,
Rob
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D Hall,
Rob has posted so very well I have little to add except to reinforce a few things:
[First we shall be praying for you for sure]

Second God wants you to be at peace… live a live of Catholic Holiness… then see where your life seems to be heading. I am not sure your exact age but would guess you perhaps are in your mid to late 20s?

I would encourage you to get involved in your parish in some way. Perhaps talk to your vocations director for you diocese. They can put you in touch with someone who might help you to find your vocation in life. Don’t worry I am told that they tell young people quite often that they are called to marriage as opposed to the religious life]

What I am trying to say is don’t stress… get your spiritual house in order, (Maybe it already is?) Just know God wants you to be happy and to use your talents to further his kingdom. He may be calling you to marriage as a devout Catholic or he may be calling you to the Priesthood or to be a Deacon or to be Brother. Explore and see and good luck.
Blessings of Peace and All Good!*
 
Hey all, thanks for all the advice, prayers, and support.

I actually just turned 18, been raised and homeschooled in a large family by my parents or are quite devout. I’m on my way to study at Ave Maria University in the fall.

As far as the praying goes, I’ve been able to avoid mortal sin (for the most part) and now I have a desire to go to confession when I do fall. That is a big difference in my mind. Before I never even had a desire to go to confession, and only went every now and then.

I have been trying to pray a rosary every day, and I make constant little prayers all day for strength, clarity, and guidance. Its still hard for me to be sorry for some of my venial sins, even though I know that they too are wrong.

I feel more at peace with the vocation part of my life right now, knowing that if God indeed wants me to be a priest, I will at some point truly want to do it as well. At this point, the only desire I have to do it is if it is to obey God’s will. I would rather be married, but its hard for me to look for girls without lusting for them! I need help with that.

Also I believe that I have some degree of scrupulosity, also identified by some people close to me. I don’t know if that has anything to do with all of this, but I am also trying to overcome that.

once again thanks for all your prayers, and when I go down to Ave Maria I intend to find myself a spiritual director and submit myself to him. Thank you all!
 
D_Hall said:
Hey all, thanks for all the advice, prayers, and support.

I actually just turned 18, been raised and homeschooled in a large family by my parents or are quite devout. I’m on my way to study at Ave Maria University in the fall.

As far as the praying goes, I’ve been able to avoid mortal sin (for the most part) and now I have a desire to go to confession when I do fall. That is a big difference in my mind. Before I never even had a desire to go to confession, and only went every now and then.

I have been trying to pray a rosary every day, and I make constant little prayers all day for strength, clarity, and guidance. Its still hard for me to be sorry for some of my venial sins, even though I know that they too are wrong.

I feel more at peace with the vocation part of my life right now, knowing that if God indeed wants me to be a priest, I will at some point truly want to do it as well. At this point, the only desire I have to do it is if it is to obey God’s will. I would rather be married, but its hard for me to look for girls without lusting for them! I need help with that.

Also I believe that I have some degree of scrupulosity, also identified by some people close to me. I don’t know if that has anything to do with all of this, but I am also trying to overcome that.

once again thanks for all your prayers, and when I go down to Ave Maria I intend to find myself a spiritual director and submit myself to him. Thank you all!
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*Wonderful! The University ought to have a campus ministry section. There will be lots of programs and lots of events for you to get involved in should you choose to. Just being around other catholic young men might help. There should be a chaplain who might help you to find retreats and other things to get involved with.

Best of Luck and keep praying!*
 
I hope this doesn’t freak you out but I am very sensitive to the spiritual world, and when I was reading your post I could tell that you are in the middle of a spiritual battle. The Lord lets battles happen to make us stronger. The important thing to remember is that God will always triumph no matter what! One of my friends is also going through a really hard time and I was asking God for a scripture and He gave me Isiah 43. I think it will really help you to look that up and don’t just read it but pray it. Always remember the cross, that was the biggest spiritual battle ever and it sure looked like Satan was going to win. Look what happened though!

I will keep you in my prayers.

JMJ+
~Betsy

<3 Totus tuus Maria!
 
just so you know God doesnt care about a whiny *** ***** like yourself.
Get the **** over youself
 
D_Hall said:
…I’ve started to despise everything in this world…
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This is not a good sign. Neither married men nor priests despise this world.

I will echo the call that you should seek a spiritual adviser. Many married men, myself included, went through a phase where we wondered if we were supposed to be priests. Do not ignore that desire to have a family. That is a calling as well. You have a long road ahead of you in terms of work, and you have years before your bishop will even accept your application. God will show you the way. If your meant to have a family, he will send you the perfect woman before you commit to the seminary. If your meant to be a priest, He’ll find a way to cancel your engagement.

Pray, and be patient.
 
Hey everybody, just thought I’d give an update and rant a little more.

Right now, as I have been ever since this started, I still don’t feel at peace with anything I do. I’m not having a real good time with anything I do and everything I do or see I judge and condemn it for not being perfect. That goes for movies/TV, other people, different vocations and career paths, anything and everything. I see the bad in everything and its hard for me to see the good.

As far as my vocation goes, right now it feels like I don’t even want either…weird feeling. Like, I would still love to share the marital-sexual union with someone, but I feel like I don’t really want to be married? I don’t know what I want anymore, its all so confusing. But I don’t neccessarily want to become a religious/priest. I feel guilty anytime I feel like I want the marriage vocation, mainly because religious life/celibacy is the higher calling, and I feel like I am betraying God for not desiring what is better. And part of the reason why I don’t have a good time anymore is because there is always this nagging guilt since I am not dedicating my entire life to God. I still want to live in this world and pleasure myself with comforts and good earthly things. But I feel as if I really loved God, that I would give everything up for him and spend my whole life in prayer and give up marriage and all that.

I sometimes think to myself that I sound more and more like the pharisee’s in the Bible. So proud since they thought they were so holy and righteous.

I’ve still been trying to say a rosary a day, and i make little prayers all the time. The morning offering as well. I like doing that because then its like I’m making my whole day a prayer and a offering, even if I still do the things I want and love. But even being 3-4 months since this happend and almost constant prayer and thinking since then, I still feel no better and have no clarity on the issue.

Keep me in your prayers!

Remember oh most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known, that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought thy intersession, was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, oh Virgin of virgins our Mother, to thee to we come, before thee we kneel, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in thy clemency, hear and answer them. Amen.
 
D_Hall said:
Hey everybody, just thought I’d give an update and rant a little more.

Right now, as I have been ever since this started, I still don’t feel at peace with anything I do. I’m not having a real good time with anything I do and everything I do or see I judge and condemn it for not being perfect. That goes for movies/TV, other people, different vocations and career paths, anything and everything. I see the bad in everything and its hard for me to see the good.

As far as my vocation goes, right now it feels like I don’t even want either…weird feeling. Like, I would still love to share the marital-sexual union with someone, but I feel like I don’t really want to be married? I don’t know what I want anymore, its all so confusing. But I don’t neccessarily want to become a religious/priest. I feel guilty anytime I feel like I want the marriage vocation, mainly because religious life/celibacy is the higher calling, and I feel like I am betraying God for not desiring what is better. And part of the reason why I don’t have a good time anymore is because there is always this nagging guilt since I am not dedicating my entire life to God. I still want to live in this world and pleasure myself with comforts and good earthly things. But I feel as if I really loved God, that I would give everything up for him and spend my whole life in prayer and give up marriage and all that.

I sometimes think to myself that I sound more and more like the pharisee’s in the Bible. So proud since they thought they were so holy and righteous.

I’ve still been trying to say a rosary a day, and i make little prayers all the time. The morning offering as well. I like doing that because then its like I’m making my whole day a prayer and a offering, even if I still do the things I want and love. But even being 3-4 months since this happend and almost constant prayer and thinking since then, I still feel no better and have no clarity on the issue.

Keep me in your prayers!

Remember oh most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known, that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought thy intersession, was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, we fly unto thee, oh Virgin of virgins our Mother, to thee to we come, before thee we kneel, sinful and sorrowful. Oh Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in thy clemency, hear and answer them. Amen.
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Hi D_hall.

I’m quite a bit older than you, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I’m pretty sure God has called me to be a Sister (really, really clear signs when I prayed about it), yet I ran from it for years. I had wanted to be a mother more than anything. Slowly, I began to have desires for religious life, but I didn’t really want to, and lost my desire for marriage and motherhood, but didn’t really want to. My heart grew very hardened.

I recently decided to go ahead and join an order since I couldn’t sustain running from God’s will anymore. I had a sense of relief that I wasn’t fighting it anymore, but all I’m left with at this point is a deep sorrow and a bit of bitterness. I feel this is spiritual warfare over having made the decision. If God hadn’t been so clear with me, I would’ve hightailed away from the religious vocation by now. I feel it is a purification since I’m very prone to live out of emotions and this has forced me to rise above them and depend on faith.

The time between feeling called and actually jumping off the cliff toward religious vocation (doesn’t hurt to try, right?) is no man’s land to me. You feel lonely, out of place, like the only person in the world struggling this, and you have yet to make a commitment to anything. I’m hating life right now, but I’m trying to stay close to God through daily Mass and adoration. I’ll pray for you if you pray for me 🙂

My prayer has been for God to crucify any desires that are not of Him. Maybe you could try that.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
 
Tezza said:
Hi D_hall.

I’m quite a bit older than you, but I know exactly what you are talking about. I’m pretty sure God has called me to be a Sister (really, really clear signs when I prayed about it), yet I ran from it for years. I had wanted to be a mother more than anything. Slowly, I began to have desires for religious life, but I didn’t really want to, and lost my desire for marriage and motherhood, but didn’t really want to. My heart grew very hardened.

I recently decided to go ahead and join an order since I couldn’t sustain running from God’s will anymore. I had a sense of relief that I wasn’t fighting it anymore, but all I’m left with at this point is a deep sorrow and a bit of bitterness. I feel this is spiritual warfare over having made the decision. If God hadn’t been so clear with me, I would’ve hightailed away from the religious vocation by now. I feel it is a purification since I’m very prone to live out of emotions and this has forced me to rise above them and depend on faith.

The time between feeling called and actually jumping off the cliff toward religious vocation (doesn’t hurt to try, right?) is no man’s land to me. You feel lonely, out of place, like the only person in the world struggling this, and you have yet to make a commitment to anything. I’m hating life right now, but I’m trying to stay close to God through daily Mass and adoration. I’ll pray for you if you pray for me 🙂

My prayer has been for God to crucify any desires that are not of Him. Maybe you could try that.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
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Teri,

From what I’ve heard from several priests and several good holy people that I trust, if you have a deep sorrow about your decision it probably isn’t the right one. I honestly don’t know what God’s calling is for me because I’ve felt that there have been a couple different signs for both, but my priest doesn’t think that I have a vocation. Right now I’m at the point where I’ve already come so far, that I have to figure it out for myself, even though most people I talk to think its fairly clear. I just need to know for sure. From what I feel right now it seems like my struggle, (and possibly what I can tell about yours) is that God is testing us like he tested Abraham. When I typed that last message, even though it was only a couple days ago, I was particularly depressed. I truly do believe that I want to be married. Its just hard to know really what I want since I have no idea what it would really be like for either. But I was feeling much better yesterday and today, and I’m not going to lie, I dropped right back into depressed feelings after reading your message. I don’t think God allow feelings of depression when we are thinking of our true vocation (even if we don’t know it yet). I also keep hearing from people, and keep telling myself, that even if I prayed and did good good works all the time because I thought it would make me holier, if my heart wasn’t in it, I would actually become holier doing things that I could put my heart into. Do you know what I mean?

Please do pray for me, God knows that I need them. I will also pray my rosary tonight for you. =)
 
D_Hall said:
Teri,

From what I’ve heard from several priests and several good holy people that I trust, if you have a deep sorrow about your decision it probably isn’t the right one. I honestly don’t know what God’s calling is for me because I’ve felt that there have been a couple different signs for both, but my priest doesn’t think that I have a vocation. Right now I’m at the point where I’ve already come so far, that I have to figure it out for myself, even though most people I talk to think its fairly clear. I just need to know for sure. From what I feel right now it seems like my struggle, (and possibly what I can tell about yours) is that God is testing us like he tested Abraham. When I typed that last message, even though it was only a couple days ago, I was particularly depressed. I truly do believe that I want to be married. Its just hard to know really what I want since I have no idea what it would really be like for either. But I was feeling much better yesterday and today, and I’m not going to lie, I dropped right back into depressed feelings after reading your message. I don’t think God allow feelings of depression when we are thinking of our true vocation (even if we don’t know it yet). I also keep hearing from people, and keep telling myself, that even if I prayed and did good good works all the time because I thought it would make me holier, if my heart wasn’t in it, I would actually become holier doing things that I could put my heart into. Do you know what I mean?

Please do pray for me, God knows that I need them. I will also pray my rosary tonight for you. =)
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Thank you for the prayers!

Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you depressed 😦 My journey is unique to me. I believe the sorrow I feel is over several things going on in my life, plus the knowledge of saying no to some things when you say yes to others and the grief that entails.

Yes it is possible it is like Abraham, but I currently am not excited about marriage as you seem to be so if God was saying this was all a test of faith, then he’d have to flip this switch back on for the vocation of marriage. As I mentioned earlier, God sent several clear signs when I honestly asked if that was his will for my life. That’s why I am not relying on the sorrow to be my answer.

I will be praying for you!!

Peace in Christ,
Teri
 
*Just a note here for the many who have posted on this thread who are in variouls stages of discernment either to marriage, the priesthood, as a brother. or religous.

Do talk to your priests. One of the first things most relgious or priests will tell you is that God wants you to be happy in your vocations whatever it maybe.

In other words if you are called to religious life be the best religious you can be and be joyful.

If you are called to marriage?? Be the best loving spouse you can be.

Do not choose one over the other “because you feel a sense of guilt” if you don’t.
Choose the vocation because you truly feel God has called you to.

If you are a disgruntled married person or religious or priest you will end up wishing you hadn’t chosen that state. What I am trying to say is don’t rush, talk to your priest or spiritual adviser.

My point being (sorry to be long winded here). they can help you discern… but be joyful in your choice…

Blessings to all…*.
 
Hey D,

Great to hear from you! What an excellent situation to be in. Let us all rejoice that after years of indifference you now want to do God’s will, take advantage of the power of the sacraments, and receive spiritual direction. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s usually because we’re trying to do too many things at once. Perhaps, the best thing you could do right now, is focus by LISTENing TO GOD’S WORD (as suggested by RobNY!!). A simple method I use sometimes, I call the 5 P’s
  1. Place: find a nice quiet place
  2. Posture: get yourself in a comfortable position so you’re not squirming. One way is feet on the floor, hands on your lap, back straight against the back of the chair/pew, breathe normally
  3. Picture the scene: enter into a scene from the Gospel, perhaps as one of the characters who interacts with Jesus: What would you see? hear? feel? experience?
  4. Pose 3-H questions: Head: What is God teaching me here? Heart: How does that make me feel? Hands: What could I do to live this out?
  5. **Propose 1 concrete resolution **from the list of possibilities that you came up with on the “hands” question to live out that day
God’s word and virtue come first in the spiritual life. As you begin to grow and become purified, you will not only hear better what else God wants for your life, you’ll also sing for joy in whatever that may be!
 
Teri, let me try to explain what I meant a little better. I can picture myself married and having kids. Thats not that hard. And in fact thats the state of life that I’m most attracted to ( I believe so at least) even though I feel like I could never be as holy doing that (Which could very possibly be a wrong way of thinking). What I can’t picture myself doing at all, is being in love. It seems like such an abstract thing that seems like it will never happen. I don’t know what to expect, how to go about trying to find someone, and what it would feel like. So in essence, I can’t picture what being in love is like, therefore I feel like being married could never happen and that I wouldn’t really know what it would be like. I sometimes ask myself, why do I say I want something when I don’t even know what it is? Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? It’s confusing… Oh well I just got to leave it up to God and he will direct me in one way or another, or show me what he wants.

Thanks all of you once again!
 
I have found in life…

sometimes the thing I’m afraid of is peace in disguise.

sometimes what I think will make me happy… makes me miserable

that God knows me better than I could ever know myself.

sometimes I just have to jump and trust that God will catch me and push me in the right direction.

that I need to let go and stop trying to steer because I don’t know the destination.

that God always, and I mean ALWAYS has me in the palm of His hand. Trust Him!

it is okay to make mistakes. It is better to try something than to sit on the fence about it.

Hope this helps!
 
D_Hall said:
Teri, let me try to explain what I meant a little better. I can picture myself married and having kids. Thats not that hard. And in fact thats the state of life that I’m most attracted to ( I believe so at least) even though I feel like I could never be as holy doing that (Which could very possibly be a wrong way of thinking). What I can’t picture myself doing at all, is being in love. It seems like such an abstract thing that seems like it will never happen. I don’t know what to expect, how to go about trying to find someone, and what it would feel like. So in essence, I can’t picture what being in love is like, therefore I feel like being married could never happen and that I wouldn’t really know what it would be like. I sometimes ask myself, why do I say I want something when I don’t even know what it is? Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? It’s confusing… Oh well I just got to leave it up to God and he will direct me in one way or another, or show me what he wants.

Thanks all of you once again!
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Hello again!

Indeed, God will direct you. Yes, I understand what you’re saying. Maybe how we should look at it is that vocation is beyond the feeling of being in love (you’ll know it when it comes–trust me on that one) or any feelings for that matter. It is fulfilling the dream of living out God’s perfect design for us. I’ve talked to men and women religious who were “in love”, some even engaged to be married, yet it was as if their hearts longed for more and the earthly relationship just wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what they were designed for. I’ve also talked with married couples who, once they found one another, felt closer to God together than they did when they were single.

As for a holier vocation…I know many priests and sisters who would tell you how blessed they feel not to be called to marriage, i.e. it is the more difficult vocation. If you can live out marriage as it is intended by God, trust me that you will be holy–patient, forgiving, sacrificing–just like Jesus 🙂

You won’t have all the answers today, so why try to force anything right now? Maybe you could just work on strenthening your relationship with Christ. It will be the foundation for any vocation. Just ask God to help you be the best Christian you can be. The rest will fall into place.

I will continue to pray for you. Keep me posted! I’m planning a visit to a community in a few weeks. Please pray that I am open to his grace.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
 
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