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Xantippe
Guest
She’ll probably be seeing the doctor real soon, so that should go on the list of questions.
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Della
Guest
Not trying to argue but merely throw up a bit of caution. It’s never wise to use a product for unintended uses unless it’s been shown to be safe, especially with regards to health issues. Since doctors don’t recommend these oils for vaginal use, it’s best to avoid them unless one’s doctor okays it–that’s all I wish to say. :tiphat:
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pensmama87
Guest
Some doctors do, and I gave a specific example of a medical professional doing so.
But I need to step away from the thread because this feels personal to me even if it’s not intended to be so. I am not reckless, incautious, or dirty (the ant comment, which I know wasn’t you.) I would never offer advice if I thought it was possibly dangerous. I hope the OP overcomes this issue and has a long and healthy marriage.
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Della
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Goodness, reckless, incautious, dirty? I’m sure no one thinks that.Some doctors do, and I gave a specific example of a medical professional doing so.
But I need to step away from the thread because this feels personal to me even if it’s not intended to be so. I am not reckless, incautious, or dirty (the ant comment, which I know wasn’t you.) I would never offer advice if I thought it was possibly dangerous. I hope the OP overcomes this issue and has a long and healthy marriage.
Some sources say it’s fine and others not. So, what’s a person to think? One’s doctor is always best for answering such questions, IMHO. I have read that olive oil doesn’t dissolve like coconut oil and can build up at the back of the vagina, so probably not the best choice. As long as one follows one’s doctor’s advice, and if he says CO is okay, then that’s fine, I say.
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Convert_in_99
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This is something that warrants a trip to an OB/GYN. Simply saying a lubricant or extra foreplay is needed could be very harmful. It’s not uncommon for women to have actual medical issues that cause extreme pain during, or sometimes even prohibit, sex. It can be very dangerous to keep trying when it’s causing extreme pain. I know from experience. Get a checkup and if there are problems, most can be treated with time and patience. If everything checks out okay physically, you could ask him/her which lubricants they recommend for your body type.
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AClaire11
Guest
Some issues that can cause pain during intercourse are vaginismus, vulvodynia, and endometriosis. Make sure to see a doctor (and get a second opinion if their suggestions don’t help!) if the pain persists.
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Allegra
Guest
I hardly called you dirty. My sister got a container of coconut oil because someone told her it would remove cradle cap. She ended up with a changing table full of ants. She isn’t dirty. Ants aren’t attracted to dirt. They’re attracted to food.Some doctors do, and I gave a specific example of a medical professional doing so.
But I need to step away from the thread because this feels personal to me even if it’s not intended to be so. I am not reckless, incautious, or dirty (the ant comment, which I know wasn’t you.) I would never offer advice if I thought it was possibly dangerous. I hope the OP overcomes this issue and has a long and healthy marriage.
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SilverShadow22
Guest
Coconut oil is magnificent for your skin, in general, period. And it’s slippery. And I’ve used it plenty before, down there, simply for comfort. That would be my first choice over some kind of chemical from who knows where getting straight into the inside of my body. I’ve also used jojoba oil for ‘personal’ comfort. Since it’s the closest oil to sebum, it’s probably even better. I know it soaks in like nobody’s business and doesn’t leave much of a residue.
I sympathize with the OP, add my encouragement to everyone else’s, and repeat, if you’re really trying to do it right, stopping for any legitimate reason incurs no sin.
I’m still a little touched at how upset she described him getting.
I’m not sure how much pain to expect the very first time, and I’m just hoping I can take it all as it comes. I’m fairly certain I’ll be ok, but I may be in a similar position myself in a year or two…
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heidi_storage
Guest
Don’t be scared; take it easy (it is really okay not to consummate on the first night, so do whatever makes you feel most comfortable); talk to your spouse about what’s making you feel good and what isn’t; and talk to your doctor before the wedding.I’m still a little touched at how upset she described him getting.
I’m fairly certain I’ll be ok, but I may be in a similar position myself in a year or two…
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BlueEyedLady
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For what it’s worth, I thought coconut oil as lube was a universally known thing.Some doctors do, and I gave a specific example of a medical professional doing so.
But I need to step away from the thread because this feels personal to me even if it’s not intended to be so. I am not reckless, incautious, or dirty (the ant comment, which I know wasn’t you.) I would never offer advice if I thought it was possibly dangerous. I hope the OP overcomes this issue and has a long and healthy marriage.
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Convert_in_99
Guest
Yes! This! Can’t stress seeing a doctor enough. Please see a doctor, a Gynecologist. Don’t be shy, they’ve heard it all and then some.
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Convert_in_99
Guest
No, a priest wouldn’t be helpful in this situation. You need a doctor. Now if you and your husband started having arguments over this or whathaveyou, then see a priest for that.
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Della
Guest
She had a theological concern which she expressed in her OP. A doctor certainly couldn’t help her with that, unless he also happens to be a canon lawyer.
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Eliza10
Guest
I really think that having been married such an extremely SHORT time, and presumably having been long chaste before this effort, the recommendations to see a doctor and to “lube” are *extremely premature, *particularly if there is any chance she has ANY anxiety about not being able to “perform” well and fast enough - which is suggested by her concerns within a week of her wedding.
Weddings are stressful, and so can a honeymoon be, with the travel after all the excitement, and add then add to that the idea that you are supposed to feel a certain way and your body is supposed to respond in this new way* immediately* and then the concern to that she hasn’t done/can’t do the right thing and that her poor performance has stressed her new husband, when she instead wants to please him - all these things can produce tension, and things tighten up when you are tense, and one needs to be relaxed and happy for things to go in the normal way. I have even had trouble in the past with menstruation paraphernalia when I was tense. So unless the OP feels she is completely relaxed and unworried already, she should give it some time. Like two or three months, not weeks, before she runs to the doctor. A trip to the gynecologist for most of us is not a walk in the park. That should be only when one has given the normal way an effort and still feels things aren’t normal. Meanwhile intercourse of course should not be forced when its painful, because that only produces more tension all around. Just spend time being together in a relaxed way, getting to know each other physically. Relax, and pray that God show you the way, then *let it go *and *trust Him *to make it happen, or tell you if there is cause for real concern.
And I do not like the lube idea - its too soon for a healthy young girl. God created us with our own lube, and for the vast vast majority of women in a relaxed and happy state with her husband that she loves and trust, this works perfectly fine. So give it time for the natural way to kick in, the way God designed it. No products. This is best. Why start out with a habit of using unnatural means when its far more likely that your body is in perfect working order? Goodness, its only been a week!
Weddings are stressful, and so can a honeymoon be, with the travel after all the excitement, and add then add to that the idea that you are supposed to feel a certain way and your body is supposed to respond in this new way* immediately* and then the concern to that she hasn’t done/can’t do the right thing and that her poor performance has stressed her new husband, when she instead wants to please him - all these things can produce tension, and things tighten up when you are tense, and one needs to be relaxed and happy for things to go in the normal way. I have even had trouble in the past with menstruation paraphernalia when I was tense. So unless the OP feels she is completely relaxed and unworried already, she should give it some time. Like two or three months, not weeks, before she runs to the doctor. A trip to the gynecologist for most of us is not a walk in the park. That should be only when one has given the normal way an effort and still feels things aren’t normal. Meanwhile intercourse of course should not be forced when its painful, because that only produces more tension all around. Just spend time being together in a relaxed way, getting to know each other physically. Relax, and pray that God show you the way, then *let it go *and *trust Him *to make it happen, or tell you if there is cause for real concern.
And I do not like the lube idea - its too soon for a healthy young girl. God created us with our own lube, and for the vast vast majority of women in a relaxed and happy state with her husband that she loves and trust, this works perfectly fine. So give it time for the natural way to kick in, the way God designed it. No products. This is best. Why start out with a habit of using unnatural means when its far more likely that your body is in perfect working order? Goodness, its only been a week!
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LethalMouse
Guest
On the assumption he is a virgin as well, I think you just have to figure it all out…
I have even heard of two experienced people thinking the other was a bumbling idiot until they mastered their personal chemistry.
And even if not fully bumbling… there is usually much to learn.
I have even heard of two experienced people thinking the other was a bumbling idiot until they mastered their personal chemistry.
And even if not fully bumbling… there is usually much to learn.
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misspriss
Guest
Actually lots of healthy young women do not produce enough lubrication, or too much. It’s a hormone thing and hormones fluctuate. Women also produce significantly less lubrication during their infertile times of the month. There is nothing wrong or dangerous about using lube. It is no more awkward than a walk down the isle in the store where they keep the pregnancy tests.
For me, if I am not “lubricated” enough, it causes anxiety, and me to tense up, even though things are going fine and I’m a healthy young woman. Reading this, a young woman who is in their infertile time of the month and assume that there is something wrong with them, that their body is not “healthy and young” because there is friction.
The OP is stressed, this will make natural lubrication less abundant. Forcing oneself to go through without any extra lubrication can cause friction, pain, and even little tears and bleeding, which will just cause more stress.
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heidi_storage
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God created some of us with a lot less lube than others, Eliza. You’re talking about “unnatural means” like the OP was planning to shoot heroin, or something! There is nothing wrong with using lube, and I’m aware of no church teaching prohibiting it. There is also nothing wrong with seeing a doctor BEFORE you’ve gone through months of pain and anxiety. Look, for all I know the OP’s already worked this whole thing out, but the suggestions that she might want to use lube or see a doctor are very sensible and in no way inhibit the coming together of husband and wife. The whole point is to make this unification the easiest, pleasantest experience possible.
Also, please don’t shame people who aren’t “healthy,” particularly since reproductive health issues may not be immediately apparent. The OP may indeed be perfectly healthy, and very likely is, but she should never be shamed out of seeing a doctor to determine if there is a problem!
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Eliza10
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I am shaming the unhealthy? Please, stop with the assumptions and accusations. It would be improper to turn the OP’s post into an argument between posters, and* I want nothing to do with that. *Let us strictly stick to the OP’s topic.
Its really okay if opinions differ.
Please be charitable.
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Eliza10
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Annie, I just want to clarify just in case there is any question (there shouldn’t be) that I am not saying not to see your doctor. I am just saying there is no need to rush to that, or rush to any assumption that you have a malady - which IMO that could be counterproductive (if its a tension/stress problem at all).
You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
You are beautifully and wonderfully made!
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Eliza10
Guest
My thoughts exactly! Yes, this is true!
The other option, which I am advocating instead, in case its not clear, is to help her tensions subside rather than go ahead and try when total readiness is not evident. One way is to give it time by not putting a time limit on it, and meanwhile enjoy each others company and get to know each other physically, so that she can naturally be ready. I think the whole act will be much nicer for them both if they are both “ready”. Its like LethelMouse said above, #36: it takes *time *sometimes to get to know each other.
Everyone is different. For some this is instantaneous, and more power to them. For others, its a slower walk to paradise…
(And Annie’s “glass of wine” idea is not a bad one! )
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