Parents: are toys, Cheerios, and juice boxes really necessary for the kids during Mass?

[Lepanto]

Parents: are toys, Cheerios, and juice boxes really necessary for the kids during the 60 minutes of a Mass?

When I was growing up, it was unheard of to bring such things to Mass, and I recall that children, in the main, were much better behaved.

Fire away.

 

[kristie_m]

Parents: are toys, Cheerios, and juice boxes really necessary for the kids during the 60 minutes of a Mass?

When I was growing up, it was unheard of to bring such things to Mass, and I recall that children, in the main, were much better behaved.

Fire away.

I’ll not make any judgements here, so long as the parents clean up after their kids. All kids are different, and some do better if they have a snack or story to occupy them during Mass. I have to applaud parents who bring their kids–especially when they are in that toddler/preschool stage. It’s tough, if not impossible, to get kids that young to sit still and quietly for a few minutes, much less an hour or more at church.

However, it has been my own experience (having been a parent who allowed snacks during Mass for my very young children) that we actually did better without them. It took a couple of weeks of reminding the kids that there would be no snacks before they stopped whining for them. It seemed like bringing the snacks seemed to cause more problems than solve them. Not so much with the mess, but the noise…they were forever fighting over the cheerios bags and whose sippy cup was whose.

BTW–it wasn’t until reading on these forums that I realized that this was an irritation for so many other people. That’s when we opted to wean them from it.

 

[Kielbasi]

If a child can’t make it through an hour without playing or eating, he shouldn’t be brought to mass and should stay home.

Only after a child reaches school age do they incur any obligation to attend, and at that time they will have learned how to behave in group settings.

 

[ibkc]

However, it has been my own experience (having been a parent who allowed snacks during Mass for my very young children) that we actually did better without them. It took a couple of weeks of reminding the kids that there would be no snacks before they stopped whining for them. It seemed like bringing the snacks seemed to cause more problems than solve them.

This was our experience, as well. The very first time we took our toddler to mass, we brought a bag of snacks and some cars for him to play with. Big mistake. Ever since when we’ve taken him, we bring a preschooler missal and that is it. We point out to him what’s going on, try to encourage him to participate as he can, and that’s it. If he needs to be taken out, one of us takes him out. It’s worked a lot better for us and I think that as he gets older, he won’t be associating mass with playtime, alleviating problems further down the line.

 

[kristie_m]

If a child can’t make it through an hour without playing or eating, he shouldn’t be brought to mass and should stay home.

Only after a child reaches school age do they incur any obligation to attend, and at that time they will have learned how to behave in group settings.

I find this a little disturbing, though not an uncommon sentiment. It makes me sad, though, because if my family were to do that, we’d have not gone to Mass together once in the last five years. I am a firm believer in going to church as a family. If my children are having a particularly bad morning, then we opt to have one of us stay at home with them. But for the most part, we go together…even if that means one of us has to leave early with an unruly preschooler.

My mom used to say that the only thing worse than a crying child in church is no crying children in church. We’ve been blessed to attend a parish that is, overall, very kid friendly. We do our best to teach them proper church ettiquette…something they’re not likely to learn by staying at home.

Whenever I encounter someone who seems to dislike kids in church I always remember that Jesus Himself had a particular love for the little ones…with or without their Cheerios.

 

[redrosetea]

I don’t begrudge tots a bit of comfort, an hr is a long time for a little one

We have a young mother that comes with 2 tots and sort of over does it. She practically brings a hamper…but you know what??? at least she is bringing her kiddies to mass…

 

[kaygee]

Whenever I encounter someone who seems to dislike kids in church I always remember that Jesus Himself had a particular love for the little ones…with or without their Cheerios.

Those who dislike having kids in church could perhaps offer up their discomfort with the little ones for the conversion of those who opt for artificial birth control, abortion, or those who cooperate in or provide artificial birth control and/or abortion.
:twocents:

In our parish, the children age 0-18 OUTNUMBER the adults, and we adults are grateful to have them: ALL of them! BTW teenagers make for great toddler contol!

 

[THurifer2]

All 4 of my children NEVER had a single cheerio, toy, stuffed animal or bottle at Mass. WE did allow religious picture books on the Mass. We NEVER EVER had a single problem with any of our children at Mass. WHY?

1. We sat in the VERY FRONT ROW (they seemed realize somthing was going on “up there”)
2. My children ate big hearty breakfasts Prior to Mass (until they became communicants)
3. All of my children started attending Mass within the first week of their lives
4. WE attend Mass more than on just Sundays

I have Never been inside the cry room and the youngest is now 4 and he is starting to pay attention to the liturgy now.

I will refrain from commenting on what I think of the wisdom (or lack therof) in Kielbasi’s post.

 

[THurifer2]

If a child can’t make it through an hour without playing or eating, he shouldn’t be brought to mass and should stay home.

Only after a child reaches school age do they incur any obligation to attend, and at that time they will have learned how to behave in group settings.

If a parishoner cant make it through an hour without being disturbed by a child, he shouldn’t be attending Mass and should stay home.

Only after this said individual has overcome their dislike for children and learned how to feel comfortable in group settings.

Sorry I couldn’t resist

 

[buffalo]

No! They are capable of learning self control.

 

[Jennifer_J]

My answer is generally NO, those items are not needed for Mass. I know that there are some children, though, who can only make it through Mass w/out screaming with a cheerio or soft toy.

I’ll admit that when we had our first, and were relatively new Catholics, that we brought the sippy and the cheerios/goldfish (and toys and crayons and, well you know ). As we grew in faith and in numbers , the above mentioned things went away because they became a HUGE distraction for everyone. So, in my experience, a toddler/child without special issues can make it through Mass without food and drink–and should.

 

[Phemie]

I took my kids to Mass from the time they were born. I don’t recall ever taking snacks or drinks, the babes were always nursed just before leaving the house. The two oldest would sit quietly anywhere as long as they had their fingers in their mouths and their blankets so blankets always went everywhere with us. The youngest wasn’t as quiet but his blanket still made for a quieter time so his came too. I recall books on prayers went with us when they could handle books by themselves.

We generally sat up front. I remember being home and going to Mass with my Dad & DD who was about 2. I walked to the second pew with her in tow and Dad following. As I slipped into the pew Dad was heard to whisper “Are you sure you don’t want to go sit on the altar while you’re at it??” “She needs to see what’s going on, feel free to go back 7 or 8 pews if you want.” A wry smile and he sat down with us.

I’ve been known to print requests in the bulletin asking parents to refrain from bringing hard toys to Mass since kids usually use them as hammers rather than for that for which they are designed.

My biggest pet peeve are the parents who bring juice boxes and sippy cups and then have to make 2 or 3 trips to the toilet with each kid. We had a family of four in my former parish and they sat in the front seat and made the trip out at least 8 times per Mass.

Things have certainly changed since Dad applied the Vulcan knee squeeze to the one of us who was fidgeting too much for his taste. We learned early on to stay quiet at Mass. That said, we weren’t taken to Mass until we were about 4. My first memory of Church was Good Friday and the priest prostrating himself. I asked my aunt what he was looking for. Then I wanted to know what he had in the “mug”. I was quickly set straight.

 

[SarahR]

I bring a little baggie of Cheerios for my 10-month old. He’s very loud and wiggly and these help at least for a while. As long as they are all picked up after Mass, I don’t see what the problem is.

The older kids (6, 4, 2) look around at the statues and stained glass windows, occasionally bring a rosary or kids book about the Mass.

I try to prepare them ahead of time, and do bribe with a small treat after Mass for anyone who is well-behaved.

 

[kristie_m]

We tried the sit up front thing. The week we did it was the week my 3 year old managed to actually STOP THE HOMILY with her antics. I left the church very embarrassed, but our priest was most gracious with me and told me regardless of how they might behave from time to time, my kids and I were always welcome at church.

 

[mfinnegan]

I had to register so I could jump in here. As a parent of a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and a newborn who attends mass by herself I struggle through every mass to keep my family quiet and attentive. My kids are very good but coloring books and quiet toys do help.The idea that this bothers people, infuriates me. I know a lot of young families that dont attend mass because it is so hard. Your judgements are hurtful.

 

[ibkc]

I had to register so I could jump in here. As a parent of a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and a newborn who attends mass by herself I struggle through every mass to keep my family quiet and attentive. My kids are very good but coloring books and quiet toys do help.The idea that this bothers people, infuriates me. I know a lot of young families that dont attend mass because it is so hard. Your judgements are hurtful.

The key here is “quiet toys”. I don’t think you need to think you are being criticized here.

 

[Miraluna]

Mfinnegan, I am with you! It really is nobody business except God’s. Of course, we need to be respectful and mindful of others: not have noisy, messy, or distracting things. My two-year- old enters Church ahead of us. He chooses the pew we sit at, towards the front and near the choir. He genuflects and makes the Sign of the Cross before entering the pew. And he participates in much of the Mass (pretending to read along, kneeling, giving peace, and etc.) But there are moments in between that he reverts to being a two-year-old, and in order for us to be able to stay and listen (instead of going to the cry room) a coloring book and a dry snack do wonders. I think the children are the most important people in Mass. Lest we forget Jesus tells us that “…whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.” (Matthew 18-5) And He does not stop there “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18-6). Does a little one believe, yes? Our two-year-old knows he is going to see Jesus. And he often tells us about the owies (hurts) on Jesus and shows us how he is on the cross. Would he know this from the crying room or home? No. And I think if we were to ask Jesus should the little ones be here – He would say yes and he would put them on his lap, juice box and stuffed toy and all. So as long as the parents are doing this with good intention…working to teach their child about God and weaning them and helping them mature and adhere to good Mass comportment, then I do not see what the problem is. And I feel very sad for those that feel inconvenienced by the presence of children in Mass. The children are there are learning how to be more faithful, respectful, reverent, and devoted with every Mass they attend. With our two-year-old, I think we are just a few months away from weaning him from these things and certainly by the time he is three, he will be able to be attentive and just have his Kid’s Magnificat (that is how it worked for big brother).

 

[GodsGadfly]

Normally, kids at Mass is an issue where I’m very “liberal” (at leaset from an American perspective): I’m of the “kids should be sitting around the altar” persuasion.

My experience (and my memory of my own childhood) is that kids are bad at Mass because they can’t see what’s going on.

Also, they distract each other.

We now let our six-year-old sit by herself, but within our view, because she doesn’t like her younger siblings distracting her.

I believe that parents should bring their kids to mass as much as possible so they learn to be comfortable at Mass.

Whatever criticisms I’ve gotten over the years, people come upt o me all the time and complement my children, and i know it’s because we’ve always followed this policy.

That said (and that wasn’t really the point of the original post):
I do not like it when parents bring snacks or toys. Nursing a baby is one thing. Bringing a bottle for an older baby or one-year-old is fine. Maybe even some books.
Sometimes, we’ll let our smaller kids take one doll or stuffed animal each.

But when parents come into Mass with bags of goodies and camp out in the cryroom, they destroy the efforts of everyone else. All the other kids want to have a snack, too, and play, and then they’re not learning to love the Mass or pay attention. ANd there’s the whole disjoint of “so and so’s mom brings toys” and that mom looking at you like you’re a bad parent for not bringing toys or food, and fights, etc.

Children should be at Mass. And if they cry or make a little noise, so what–Jesus commanded it.

Bringing that other stuff in to appease them teaches the wrong lesson and disrupts the ability of other parents to teach their kids that Mass is something special.

On a side note, a good way to get your kids comfortable with Mass is to make daily Mass on EWTN a family habit.

 

[SenorSalsa]

As a kid, I was able to bring a book with me, if it was Catholic-related.

Never food or drink, or toys.

I would allow food before drink, because, at worst, crumbs can be vacuumed up, liquid isn’t so easy

My opinion is while I would pefer neither, i would rather see a kid flipping through a book than crawling up and down the pew waving at the people behind them

 

[rwillenborg]

I had to register so I could jump in here. As a parent of a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and a newborn who attends mass by herself I struggle through every mass to keep my family quiet and attentive. My kids are very good but coloring books and quiet toys do help.The idea that this bothers people, infuriates me. I know a lot of young families that dont attend mass because it is so hard. Your judgements are hurtful.

I read through threads like this and it makes me think that I shouldn’t even GO to Mass with my babies.
Tomorrow is Assumption.
I will be going to 9 am Mass. My husband will be at work.
This will be the FIRST TIME I am taking my twin 9 month-olds to Church alone. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve done it before, and had to leave early. That was when they were very little. I swore I would NEVER do that again. I’m hoping things will be better this time.
Honestly, I prayed about it tonight, I prayed to God that he would send me something so that I could stay in Church for the duration of Mass.
My plan, by the way, is to sit next to some sweet old lady, who finds babies just charming and say ‘Oh look, she likes you! I think she wants you to hold her!’ and throw one of them at her.
That should work, right?