Parents: are toys, Cheerios, and juice boxes really necessary for the kids during Mass?

[GodsGadfly]

“My plan, by the way, is to sit next to some sweet old lady, who finds babies just charming and say ‘Oh look, she likes you! I think she wants you to hold her!’ and throw one of them at her.
That should work, right?”
Always works for me
I mentioned in another thread how we lived for several months in the town where I grew up.
The deacon’s wife came up to me one time early on and said, “The ladies and I were talking about how amazing it is you bring all your kids to daily Mass with you. It’s so great seeing young families come to Mass, and we’d be glad to help you with the kids.”
My eldest daughter would often sit with the deacon’s wife or her godfather at daily Mass. Then, if neither of them was around, she just started picking someone she thought looked nice.

This one lady started showing an interest in helping with the kids, which made me nervous, but my friends new her and explained that she was one of the teachers at the school. Allie started siting with her at daily Mass, and she’d lean down and explain things to her.

 

[Joan_M]

“My plan, by the way, is to sit next to some sweet old lady, who finds babies just charming and say ‘Oh look, she likes you! I think she wants you to hold her!’ and throw one of them at her.
That should work, right?”

Not with this old lady!

Children will do whatever they think they can get away with. Too many parents simply have no notion how to discipline children. I’ve also seen parents simply ignore their children from the moment they enter the pew to when they leave, allowing their children to behave in any manner whatever without correcting them.

Yes, of course, children take time to learn how to keep quiet in church, but - you, the parent, are supposed to be in charge. If you do not exercise your parental rights you are never going to have well behaved children.

I have absolutely no problem with parents who are seen to correct their children and, when necessary, take them outside for a while or scold them, or, even, give them a slap. It’s what I would do, and what I did when I had small children. It just amazes me that some parents seem to think that children must be allowed to be disruptive and no one should mind.

 

[Rickwood]

That stuff doesn’t belong at Mass.

I see a number of 2 and 3 year olds at my Eastern parish act like little ladies and gentleman. It’s not uncommon for 3-4 year olds to walk-up for communion by themselves. They know how to present themselves and what to say.

The absolute worst-behaved kids around here (and it’s not unique to this locality) are those that come from Mexican heritage households. It is very common in that culture to treat babies and little kids like little princes and princesses. Absolutely anything goes and it can get very bad during Mass. I have seen kids running up and down the aisles during Mass or walking on the pews, all to the delight of their parents.

 

[Newbie2]

All 4 of my children NEVER had a single cheerio, toy, stuffed animal or bottle at Mass. WE did allow religious picture books on the Mass. We NEVER EVER had a single problem with any of our children at Mass. WHY?

1. We sat in the VERY FRONT ROW (they seemed realize somthing was going on “up there”)
2. My children ate big hearty breakfasts Prior to Mass (until they became communicants)
3. All of my children started attending Mass within the first week of their lives
4. WE attend Mass more than on just Sundays

I have Never been inside the cry room and the youngest is now 4 and he is starting to pay attention to the liturgy now.

I will refrain from commenting on what I think of the wisdom (or lack therof) in Kielbasi’s post.

That’s part of the key…distraction from boredom.

I think you already did.

 

[Jennifer_J]

I had to register so I could jump in here. As a parent of a 4 yr old a 2 yr old and a newborn who attends mass by herself I struggle through every mass to keep my family quiet and attentive. My kids are very good but coloring books and quiet toys do help.The idea that this bothers people, infuriates me. I know a lot of young families that dont attend mass because it is so hard. Your judgements are hurtful.

Believe me, I understand the challenge of keeping children quiet at Mass. The trouble with bringing such items is not only is it distracting to you (within the pew–I know I was always worried if they would spill, drop food, color on the pew, bang their toys, etc- and was distracted from Mass by the things that were supposed to help) but it is distracting to OTHER children sitting near you. More than once I’ve had to explain to one of my children, that WE don’t allow food/drinks/toys/whatever at Mass, even if someone else has it. That’s frustrating. For our family, it’s best to leave these things at home and offer a “reward” for after Church, if they are behaved. I’m not judging you nor is anyone else. I’m saying that it’s perfectly possible–all things being equal–to get children through a Mass without food and toys. If you do feel the need, please be aware of the impact of these items on those around you.

 

[Rickwood]

That’s part of the key…distraction from boredom.

I think you already did.

I took my very young (Protestant) nephew to Mass once. We sat in the first row. He watched the activities of the Mass with such intensity that it clearly unnerved the celebrant – and this is in a large church.

 

[leonie]

I wouldn’t mind others’ quiet toys except they distract my preschooler who is difficult enough to manage.

I dislike seeing food in church. One day, my dh sat in the second row and observed the mother in front of him feed her child a whole breakfast, including a “go-gurt” (yogurt in a plastic tube).

Out of desperation a few weeks ago, I let my preschooler take a plastic, stretchy frog. Did you know that a 3 year old can launch a plastic frog the entire length of a pew?

never again.

 

[rotlex]

If a child can’t make it through an hour without playing or eating, he shouldn’t be brought to mass and should stay home.

Only after a child reaches school age do they incur any obligation to attend, and at that time they will have learned how to behave in group settings.

Or, perhaps the Church should provide activities for those “under age” to do during the mass. I few parishes I have seen, not necessarily Catholic, have a sort of a “during mass time learning area” for children that seems like a very good idea to me. Usually contained in an adjucant school etc.

To me, that just makes a lot of sense, and I wish it were more the norm.

 

[Carjack1]

That stuff doesn’t belong at Mass.

I see a number of 2 and 3 year olds at my Eastern parish act like little ladies and gentleman. It’s not uncommon for 3-4 year olds to walk-up for communion by themselves. They know how to present themselves and what to say.

The absolute worst-behaved kids around here (and it’s not unique to this locality) are those that come from Mexican heritage households. It is very common in that culture to treat babies and little kids like little princes and princesses. Absolutely anything goes and it can get very bad during Mass. I have seen kids running up and down the aisles during Mass or walking on the pews, all to the delight of their parents.

I am sorry that you feel this way. Let me assure you that discipling the children during Mass is a very serious responsibility to us (Hispanics). I am sure they nor I appreciate this stereotyping and generalization. It is racist and uncharitable!!! . That being said I think that a quiet book ( i have seen my friend’s one year old daughter look at a book and sit there quietly) is acceptable enough

 

[SeekerJen]

That stuff doesn’t belong at Mass.

I see a number of 2 and 3 year olds at my Eastern parish act like little ladies and gentleman. It’s not uncommon for 3-4 year olds to walk-up for communion by themselves. They know how to present themselves and what to say.

The absolute worst-behaved kids around here (and it’s not unique to this locality) are those that come from Mexican heritage households. It is very common in that culture to treat babies and little kids like little princes and princesses. Absolutely anything goes and it can get very bad during Mass. I have seen kids running up and down the aisles during Mass or walking on the pews, all to the delight of their parents.

As a Mexican-American, I am very offended at your racially offensive stereotyping. Care to make any other bigoted statements?

 

[lizaanne]

The absolute worst-behaved kids around here (and it’s not unique to this locality) are those that come from Mexican heritage households. It is very common in that culture to treat babies and little kids like little princes and princesses. Absolutely anything goes and it can get very bad during Mass. I have seen kids running up and down the aisles during Mass or walking on the pews, all to the delight of their parents.

WOW!!! I’m not even Mexican and I’m offended by this!!! What the heck were you thinking (obviously NOT thinking is more like it) when you posted this!!!

Dang - even if you were thinking it, have enough common sense and decency to not type it!!! Sheesh!!!

~Liza

 

[Newbie2]

That stuff doesn’t belong at Mass.

The absolute worst-behaved kids around here (and it’s not unique to this locality) are those that come from Mexican heritage households.
.

Yeah, you know them mexicans.

 

[Rickwood]

As a Mexican-American, I am very offended at your racially offensive stereotyping. Care to make any other bigoted statements?

As a Mexican-American myself I am offended at your comments.

There is absolutely no question that it’s very common in Mexican households (and possibly others) to treat small children like like little princes and princesses. Kids are given great latitude to do as they please – it’s not something I made up, it’s part of the fabric of the culture.

And it’s not necessarily bad either. Until it comes to acting poorly in public.

So play the bigotry card all you like, as a Mexican-American I know what I’m talking about on this matter.

 

[Rickwood]

WOW!!! I’m not even Mexican and I’m offended by this!!! What the heck were you thinking (obviously NOT thinking is more like it) when you posted this!!!

Dang - even if you were thinking it, have enough common sense and decency to not type it!!! Sheesh!!!

~Liza

I’m not interested in your PC bigotry…

My intent was to show at least one reason why kids act differently at Mass, namely different cultures.

 

[redrosetea]

[Edited]

When I was at mass today the priest did tell parents, if the babies need soothing to please take them to the atrium , which had speakers for them to listen to the mass…He also pointed out where the restrooms were located, and asked people to make sure their cell phones were turned off

 

[Lepanto]

My mom used to say that the only thing worse than a crying child in church is no crying children in church. We’ve been blessed to attend a parish that is, overall, very kid friendly. We do our best to teach them proper church ettiquette…something they’re not likely to learn by staying at home.

Whenever I encounter someone who seems to dislike kids in church I always remember that Jesus Himself had a particular love for the little ones…with or without their Cheerios.

Please keep in mind that this is not a matter of whether one likes kids or not (I think most people here do). I also don’t think that it’s a matter of babies crying – that’s simply what babies do.

Back in “the day,” not only did parents forgo the toys, Cheerios, etc., but far fewer churches had cry rooms. I’d also argue that kids were in general better behaved and better catechised – at least in part because their parents stressed to their children the need to pay attention to what’s happening in the sanctuary.

The issue is larger than all this, though. It’s more about exhibiting reverence at Mass and instilling said reverence in the children.

Every time I go to an Extraordinary Form Mass, the typical family size that I see is 7 or 8 children, and those kids are better behaved than me! What is it about a Mass in Latin, with huge sections prayed alone by the priest in silence, that keeps the kids glued to the sanctuary??

 

[Pax2u]

It’s only an hour, or an hour and fifteen minutes. I think most children don’t really need to bring toys, food and beverages to Mass. They need to learn from an early age what it’s all about.

In my opinion, just a bottle for babies…that’s it. Once they are toddlers, they can bring a child’s picture book/Mass book. This will make it special for them–they use the special book at Mass, because it IS special.

(My husband used to hold our grandson’s on his lap when they were toddlers and before Mass would show them the picture on the cover of the Missalette…usually a reproduction of some beautiful religious painting…and whisper some things about the picture to them. Or he’d whisper something about the statues, tabernacle, etc. Once Mass began, they were busy looking at the action and surroundings, and were very well-behaved).

 

[Pax2u]

Things have certainly changed since Dad applied the Vulcan knee squeeze to the one of us who was fidgeting too much for his taste.

Phemie, your post cracked me up. It our family it was Mom, not Dad, and it was The Knee Thump, instead of the Vulcan knee squeeze…but they sound eerily similar! And it always meant “knock it off…right now!” And we did!!

 

[lizaanne]

I’m not interested in your PC bigotry…

My intent was to show at least one reason why kids act differently at Mass, namely different cultures.

Welcome to CA, New Member. I see you feel perfectly comfortable coming here and calling folks names when you know nothing about them.

You need to learn some tact. You could have said the same thing with less attacking verbiage, and I don’t care if you ARE Mexican.

There is a difference between PC and just everyday common courtesy.

~Liza

 

[Rickwood]

Welcome to CA, New Member. I see you feel perfectly comfortable coming here and calling folks names when you know nothing about them.

You need to learn some tact. You could have said the same thing with less attacking verbiage, and I don’t care if you ARE Mexican.

There is a difference between PC and just everyday common courtesy.

~Liza

I don’t subscribe to politically-correct bigotry…

If it were true that the children of many families from the Ukraine or Switzerland were traditionally treated like little princes and princesses with great latitude (and I am NOT suggesting they are – this is merely a hypothetical) which often resulted in unruly behavior and I used that as an example, I seriously doubt anyone would have been offended – as long as it was true.

But because I used my own heritage as an example – Mexican-American I am treated to cries of offense. How utterly disgusting!

It’s IS common in Mexican households to give small children great latitude. This can result in bad behavior at Mass – behavior that is incomprehensible to other cultures.