N
nr1985
Guest
Hi All;
I would value some (name removed by moderator)ut on this situation. My question is whether my choice of position could be called moral and Christian.
My wife and I have had very little ‘emotional’ support from my parents and brother. My younger brother receives/received a lot of attention prior to and during our wedding to the point that I felt like an outsider at my own wedding. I’m being blunt but there is little point mincing words- he is lazy, work shy and intellectually unambitious. He ‘fiegns faith’ in public but I know from discreetly observing him on FB that his private social life is far from the squeeky clean impression he gives. My parents are not practicing, although do believe. My decision to enter the faith was my own, in early teenage years.
We are always undermined; whenever we share some news, etc, we are interrupted by parents who change the subject to my brother- or he does this himself. Yet, both are critical of his behavior in life? My mother especially.
My mother was diagnosed with mental health issues 6 years ago and hospitalized, initially for a 3-4 week period. She was then in-and-out of hospital.
It seems the whole process began due to ill-placed medication for an unrelated condition. She was super-sensitive and it caused mental health problems, which probably did stem from some depression around the menopause and the death of a family member.
Since then she has come-off all medication. However my parents relationship has been terrible. They have been leaving separately within the house, and my father and brother moved out a couple of weeks ago after tensions have been very high. They both speak to me separately and I hear a different story from both sides. I try to stay neutral. My father thinks she is mentally ill, and uses the ‘I am going to put you back in hospital’ card in arguments- while telling me he doesn’t want her there, but thinks it’s for the best. My mother, in contrast, while stressed and irritable, does not seem ill to speak to. It seems that their marriage is suffering, and she has been unhappy for many years with her lot in life.
Due to the hostile environment I have not seen my mother since last Aug. I chose not to visit at Christmas since the environment in the house was so difficult, and that they could not even be in the same room together. Also it would be another Christmas ‘all about them’ in only the second year of our marriage. The final straw was when my father told me she had gone to court to take out an action to have them both thrown out of the house, as she stated they were abusive.
I am trying not to get emotionally involved with them. Our marriage has been getting stronger since we both came into full communion with the church and we are both practicing. We live a long drive from my family, so there is no immediate pressure to visit.
Generally, I live each day without this occupying my mind. I think my wife thinks I would think about it more- as she is clsoe to her family- but honestly, I don’t.
However I am getting drawn in as my father has, quite casually (as I think he gets the impression “I’ll just understand”) announced that my mother has filed for divorce and she has accepted.
She didn’t tell me this, and I kind of forced this out of her. I tried to talk her out of it…to a point…but then stepped back and realized I didn’t want to be involved.
I see her as quite selfish. My father is a generous, kind person, but can be too laid back during times when he should step up. He is far to accomodating of my brother, and sides for him when he feels my mother is being mean. He has described her to her face as a ‘bad mother’ because of this. Also in court, he stated that I didn’t want to speak to my mother and therefore brought me into this process despite my stating I was neutral. I merely said I didn’t call her as it ended up being an hour of her berating my father, and getting wound-up and stressed.
Now my father wants me to see his current home, almost proudly- he seems to like being on his own (well, with my brother) without the responsibility. This seems, sadly, to sum up a marriage where I think he hasn’t had to do much. He has taken care of her financially, and works very, very hard. But I think he thinks it stops there.
Her protestations are that he has not been a ‘friend’ to her when she needed him these last few years. She sees it as his fault she ended up in hospital- and she cites this experience as being truly awful. She feels emotionally abused and unappreciated and especially angry that my father dismisses their arguments as attributed to her being mentally ill. They have had to call the police numerous times- athough I don’t think there has been any real violence.
I would value some (name removed by moderator)ut on this situation. My question is whether my choice of position could be called moral and Christian.
My wife and I have had very little ‘emotional’ support from my parents and brother. My younger brother receives/received a lot of attention prior to and during our wedding to the point that I felt like an outsider at my own wedding. I’m being blunt but there is little point mincing words- he is lazy, work shy and intellectually unambitious. He ‘fiegns faith’ in public but I know from discreetly observing him on FB that his private social life is far from the squeeky clean impression he gives. My parents are not practicing, although do believe. My decision to enter the faith was my own, in early teenage years.
We are always undermined; whenever we share some news, etc, we are interrupted by parents who change the subject to my brother- or he does this himself. Yet, both are critical of his behavior in life? My mother especially.
My mother was diagnosed with mental health issues 6 years ago and hospitalized, initially for a 3-4 week period. She was then in-and-out of hospital.
It seems the whole process began due to ill-placed medication for an unrelated condition. She was super-sensitive and it caused mental health problems, which probably did stem from some depression around the menopause and the death of a family member.
Since then she has come-off all medication. However my parents relationship has been terrible. They have been leaving separately within the house, and my father and brother moved out a couple of weeks ago after tensions have been very high. They both speak to me separately and I hear a different story from both sides. I try to stay neutral. My father thinks she is mentally ill, and uses the ‘I am going to put you back in hospital’ card in arguments- while telling me he doesn’t want her there, but thinks it’s for the best. My mother, in contrast, while stressed and irritable, does not seem ill to speak to. It seems that their marriage is suffering, and she has been unhappy for many years with her lot in life.
Due to the hostile environment I have not seen my mother since last Aug. I chose not to visit at Christmas since the environment in the house was so difficult, and that they could not even be in the same room together. Also it would be another Christmas ‘all about them’ in only the second year of our marriage. The final straw was when my father told me she had gone to court to take out an action to have them both thrown out of the house, as she stated they were abusive.
I am trying not to get emotionally involved with them. Our marriage has been getting stronger since we both came into full communion with the church and we are both practicing. We live a long drive from my family, so there is no immediate pressure to visit.
Generally, I live each day without this occupying my mind. I think my wife thinks I would think about it more- as she is clsoe to her family- but honestly, I don’t.
However I am getting drawn in as my father has, quite casually (as I think he gets the impression “I’ll just understand”) announced that my mother has filed for divorce and she has accepted.
She didn’t tell me this, and I kind of forced this out of her. I tried to talk her out of it…to a point…but then stepped back and realized I didn’t want to be involved.
I see her as quite selfish. My father is a generous, kind person, but can be too laid back during times when he should step up. He is far to accomodating of my brother, and sides for him when he feels my mother is being mean. He has described her to her face as a ‘bad mother’ because of this. Also in court, he stated that I didn’t want to speak to my mother and therefore brought me into this process despite my stating I was neutral. I merely said I didn’t call her as it ended up being an hour of her berating my father, and getting wound-up and stressed.
Now my father wants me to see his current home, almost proudly- he seems to like being on his own (well, with my brother) without the responsibility. This seems, sadly, to sum up a marriage where I think he hasn’t had to do much. He has taken care of her financially, and works very, very hard. But I think he thinks it stops there.
Her protestations are that he has not been a ‘friend’ to her when she needed him these last few years. She sees it as his fault she ended up in hospital- and she cites this experience as being truly awful. She feels emotionally abused and unappreciated and especially angry that my father dismisses their arguments as attributed to her being mentally ill. They have had to call the police numerous times- athough I don’t think there has been any real violence.