Parents getting very agressive

[LSK]

I am probably asking a question that everyone else knows the answer to - why would they be so against you becoming a priest?

 

[rr1213]

I am probably asking a question that everyone else knows the answer to - why would they be so against you becoming a priest?

I have no idea what Caesar’s situation is, except as he has presented it in the OP. As a parent myself, though, I might suggest that one reason might be because of the desire for grandchildren.

 

[Caesar]

Thank you all for your advice and prayers.

I agree that the best thig to do right now would not be getting a girlfriend for the purposes of misleading my parents, and such a thing would probably lead to other complications and temptations.

I have of course considered the married life, but I really do not feel I am called to that purpose. My first thoughts for the priesthood came when I was about 10 years old when I was an altar server- when I was in the sacristy after serving my first Mass, Father called me over and showed me this beautiful gold chalice that he had recieved as an ordination gift from his family, and after that I really felt I belonged in the priesthood.

rr1213:

If you are in High School, as indicated by your profile, I’d say that it is a bit early to choose a celibate vocation such as the priesthood. Look into it and research it of course, but remain open to the possibility that you are called to marriage. You really won’t know that if you don’t give chaste dating a chance. If you are actually called to the priesthood, then go to seminary after college. My two cents for what they’re worth.

I have found that many vocations are found at a young age. It is no oddity that young Catholic boys (some much younger then I was when I first felt the call) have aspirations to the priesthood. Normally (unfortunately my mother just considered this to be a “stage” when I was younger so I didnt get the normal channels) a boy who has desires to be a priest becomes and altar server (if he isnt already) and then at the end of grade school he is taken to see the priest and actualy starts preparing in his high school classes and in spiritual direction and such for entrance to the seminary.

Some Dioceses and religious orders reccomend previous college education, a few actualy demand it, for entrance to the seminary. However, I have talked to a few priests and vocations directors who actualy warn against college or university (due to the average lifestyles which lead to temptations, and the academic leanings towards atheism and secularism- in other words, college can ruin otherwise sound vocations).

My spiritual director suggests that I do not date if I am seriously discerning a call to the priesthood.
Brenda V.:

Caesar,

If I am remember correctly you have only one year of high school left - as in at the end of this year you will be off to College or University? Is that right?

I also know that you are looking at one of the Traditional Orders (FSSP and I don’t remember the other one). Is there someone at one of these with whom you can chat with about what is going on at home? Or your local Priest for that matter? Can he help you?

Prayer is, at this point the only action I can think of for you to do right now, that and not “getting into it” with your parents.

Can you get a job so you can start saving money to live on your own once you are “of age”?

My prayers are with you and for your parents eyes to be open to what is best for you!

Brenda V.

I am currently in grade 12, but I am going back to High School for another semester next september (which is quite normal for graduating students here) to take some more courses.

I am also currently applying to the Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest, another traditionalist order, for entrance to preformation in september 2008 (they do not suggest I take prior college).

Right now I have a spiritual director who is an Opus Dei priest, and he is very orthodox and encouraging. I have talked to him about some of the issues with my family, but not this specific problem yet.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[Alison]

A spiritual director who’s an Opus Dei priest! I can so vouch for that. That’s so good. They are so prayerful and so sound in doctrine! Are you involved in the catechetical formation they offer at one of their centres? I got involved with them about a year ago and it’s been so fruitful to me.

-Alison

 

[havemercy]

Good advice has been given so far. To be diligent in prayer is of utmost importance.

I have contacts in Toronto if you feel that you need to leave home/“get out” for a certain amount of time. You’re always welcome to come stay here too.

Mary guide!

 

[Caesar]

I am probably asking a question that everyone else knows the answer to - why would they be so against you becoming a priest?

My mother is Catholic in name only, and disagrees with many Catholic doctrines. The last time she was in a Church was in 2003 for my confirmation. Also, I have a feeling that she rarely thinks for herself, since she tends to adopt whatever opinions and viewpoints her husband/boyfriend at the time holds.

My stepfather is anticlerical. He is Catholic is name as well, but he views the Church as corrupt and evil by nature (he has said more then once “the Church keeps you poor and stupid”). He doesnt like Catholic doctrine, and has very loose morals (ie. he flirts with other women all the time, even in front of me- the son of his current wife).

My two older sisters have joined the ultra-liberal protestant United Church of Canada, although they arent anymore active in that then they were in the Catholic Church.

I am ashamed of my family, I really am. And I’m sure they would be ashamed of me if I were to become a priest.

 

[Alison]

I am ashamed of my family, I really am. And I’m sure they would be ashamed of me if I were to become a priest.

Caesar, you are exactly where God wants you to be. Through this Cross, you will become holier and holier.

 

[TOP]

My mother is Catholic in name only, and disagrees with many Catholic doctrines. The last time she was in a Church was in 2003 for my confirmation. Also, I have a feeling that she rarely thinks for herself, since she tends to adopt whatever opinions and viewpoints her husband/boyfriend at the time holds.

My stepfather is anticlerical. He is Catholic is name as well, but he views the Church as corrupt and evil by nature (he has said more then once “the Church keeps you poor and stupid”). He doesnt like Catholic doctrine, and has very loose morals (ie. he flirts with other women all the time, even in front of me- the son of his current wife).

My two older sisters have joined the ultra-liberal protestant United Church of Canada, although they arent anymore active in that then they were in the Catholic Church.

I am ashamed of my family, I really am. And I’m sure they would be ashamed of me if I were to become a priest.

Never be ashamed of your family. They are blood. When push comes to shove , you would be there for them and them for you. Keep on trying to educate them and pray for them as well. Tim

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I am ashamed of my family, I really am. And I’m sure they would be ashamed of me if I were to become a priest.

I understand that you would be saddened that your family does not understand how beautiful the Catholic Church is! I feel the same way about my own family, and I wish I could share my love of the Church with them. But I would urge you not to be ashamed of your family. Thank God that you have received a great gift of appreciating the beauty of the Church and His beauty as well! And pray in hope that your family will one day have that gift as well.

 

[o_o_82]

I don’t want to promote any particular priest – but I am mentioning this only because this is relevant.

Father Mitch Pacwa, SJ – who is popularly featured on EWTN – had his father desperately oppose him joining the priesthood. On the day he got ordained, his father disinherited him. Anyway, when his father was about to pass away he heard his own father’s confession.

I tried searching for his story in Google but I could not get it. Hope someone has a link to it.
O.O.

 

[Writer]

My parents are really trying to push me towards getting a girlfriend and they are getting rather agressive about it. But there is a problem with me- I dont want a girlfriend because I want to be a priest.

My mother is somewhat aware that I am discerning a call to the priesthood- she knows I am very serious in my faith, that I read religious books and go on Catholic websites all the time. She knows I have been recieving information from various religious orders (vocation information packages), but she doesnt go to Mass and is only Catholic in name. My stepfather does not know this (and I am sure even if she knew she would never tell him), and he is quite anti-Catholic. He has a very assertive approach to relationships, like to tell stories of his past sexual encounters to everyone, and often encourages me to be promiscuous.

Anyway, this evening they got really aggressive in pushing me to get a girlfriend. We live in an aprtment building and as I was coming down the elevator with my stepfather we ran into a neighbor, who happens to be a fairly attractive university student. She was bringing a new television up the elevator and we both offered to help, but my stepfather said he was busy so I carried the tv up myself, asked her if she needed anymore help, she said no, I went home. Both of my parents were there completely confused that I was back so soon. My stepfather started making some vulgar jokes and giving me “advice”, urging me to go back with fake excuses. When I declined my mother started making fun of me and asking if I was gay or a-sexual, and then jokingly telling my stepfather that I must be socialy imcompatible with people. Then she started laughing and said “wait I know- he wants to be a priest! Isnt that right?”, but all that I did was deny this (and now I feel like St. Peter denying Christ). This continued for a while, they were both getting increasingly agressive, until they gave up and went out.

Now I dont know what to do. I have considered getting a girlfriend just for the sake of keeping them off my back about it, but I could never find anyone who would understand my problem. But I dont want them thinking that I’m gay or something like that, but I cant tell them that I want to be a priest because that would make everything worse (considering that my stepfather considered all priests to be child molesters and is constantly slamming the Church).

Does anyone have any advice?

Don’t get a girlfriend to please your parents. Your situation sounds very difficult and troubling. You may need to leave home sooner than expected, if the environment doesn’t improve. I will pray for you. I know from experience that having a family member not appreciate or understand one’s spirtual side can be a lonely journey at times. You may wish to speak also to your priest for guidance.

 

[Della]

My stepfather started making some vulgar jokes and giving me “advice”, urging me to go back with fake excuses. When I declined my mother started making fun of me and asking if I was gay or a-sexual, and then jokingly telling my stepfather that I must be socialy imcompatible with people. Then she started laughing and said “wait I know- he wants to be a priest! Isnt that right?”, but all that I did was deny this (and now I feel like St. Peter denying Christ). This continued for a while, they were both getting increasingly agressive, until they gave up and went out.

This incident was outright mental and emotional abuse by your parents. They put you in a position no loving parent would ever consider. As soon as you are old enough move out and make your own life. You don’t have to answer to either of them for the decisions you make regarding a vocation. By their behavior they have given up any rights to tell you what to do when they have made such a mess of their own lives. Pray for them, and forgive them for they know not what they do.

 

[DailyBread]

I say stick with your spiritual director’s advice in these matters. It is Christ who is talking to you through this channel the most. We will continue to support and encourage you. Your determination is a blessing for us and we thank you for your generousity in this discernment and trying to live faithfully to your call where ever that might lead you.

 

[Norseman82]

.
My stepfather

Where is your real father in all of this? Is he still alive? If so, is he more supportive? Maybe you can live with him?

I’m kind of in Della’s camp here. Your parents are out of line, especially your mother. If it were me, I would give her a dirty look that communicates “Thanks a lot for letting me down when I needed your backup”. But I’m not familiar with your situation to know well enough what would be effective or do more harm than good.

Do you work out with weights at all or do any sports? This has multiple benefits:

1. Makes yourself physically stronger, which may come in handy if you have to defend yourself against your stepfather some day. In fact, I would suggest taking up boxing, because the day may come when your stepfather makes one anti-clerical remark too many and you can just flat-out tell him “Well, you know what? I happen to be thinking about becoming one of those priests, and if you have a problem with that, let’s put the gloves on and we can discuss it at the gym”. And for anyone who has a problem with this advice, I just want to note that in the Archdiocese of Chicago, high school seminarians used to be required to learn how to wrestle so that they would learn how to assert themselves (do a search on “How wrestling went away from Quigley”).
2. Gives you a place to spend time away from home.
3. Increases self-confidence.

 

[baltobetsy]

Caesar, you need to take full advantage of your spiritual director. The next time you see him, fill him in on all the stuff he doesn’t know about you yet. He can be of great help to you when you are completely honest and transparent with him, but not if you are not fully known.

Betsy

 

[LSK]

My mother is Catholic in name only, and disagrees with many Catholic doctrines. The last time she was in a Church was in 2003 for my confirmation. Also, I have a feeling that she rarely thinks for herself, since she tends to adopt whatever opinions and viewpoints her husband/boyfriend at the time holds.

My stepfather is anticlerical. He is Catholic is name as well, but he views the Church as corrupt and evil by nature (he has said more then once “the Church keeps you poor and stupid”). He doesnt like Catholic doctrine, and has very loose morals (ie. he flirts with other women all the time, even in front of me- the son of his current wife).

My two older sisters have joined the ultra-liberal protestant United Church of Canada, although they arent anymore active in that then they were in the Catholic Church.

I am ashamed of my family, I really am. And I’m sure they would be ashamed of me if I were to become a priest.

I see.

Honey, I understand…try really hard not to be ashamed of your family. They are lost and hurt and angry. You are their light…stay strong and just love them…I don’t know if I shared this with you or not but my father lived a very immoral life…10 days before he died he received the Sacrament of Reconcilliation and the Eucharist for the first time in 40 years…he didn’t know he was going to die…he reconcilled with the Church (he said) because he had seen what coming ‘home to Rome’ had done for me…so hang in there…

 

[Island_Oak]

My parents are really trying to push me towards getting a girlfriend and they are getting rather agressive about it. But there is a problem with me- I dont want a girlfriend because I want to be a priest…

I haven’t read through all the posts and don’t know how old you are. I would offer two pieces of advice: use humor, not defensiveness with your parents and make sure you do have social interaction with both males and females your own age to make sure you are fully and properly discerning your call to the priesthood. Best wishes in your search.

 

[darthsmozers]

Now I dont know what to do. I have considered getting a girlfriend just for the sake of keeping them off my back about it, but I could never find anyone who would understand my problem. But I dont want them thinking that I’m gay or something like that, but I cant tell them that I want to be a priest because that would make everything worse (considering that my stepfather considered all priests to be child molesters and is constantly slamming the Church).

Does anyone have any advice?

As I am sure you know, women are meant to be cherished, and held up as God’s tender creation. Each girl is equally beautiful in God’s eyes. Stick with your beliefs that finding a girlfriend solely for the sake of pleasing your parents is a bad idea. Not only would it complicate your discernment, but it would basically make the girl a disguise for you, which would be unfair to both of you.

Temptations come in many forms, as do the crosses we all must bear. I pray that your mom and her husband would cease provoking you if you refrain from having a girlfriend. But, in the event that they may not, the comments and teasing may very well be your cross to bear. I believe that with a spiritual director offering advice and keeping the Lord on your side, such crosses can be carried. After all, God does not ask more of us than we can honestly handle. Pray for your parents, be strong, and have faith, and He will help you through these trials.

You are in my prayers. May God bless you.

 

[chevalier]

Priests are sort of meant to be teased (in the right context), alas. Similarly are any Catholic men sticking to the rules even in a Catholic country. It may be a part of the job. I’m not a priest-to-be, so it’s different for me, but I no longer feel bad from being teased or berated or whatever about being the guy who doesn’t sleep with girls. I feel different, I feel I’m on the right path, I think it’s worth it, it’s surely a happy occurence if it can serve to erase certain mistakes I’ve made. Maybe you need more distance from such remarks? Let’s say you wouldn’t really care for opinions of people who insist on correcting your correct grammar, preaching to you about some theology they don’t understand, talking authoritatively about a field they have no expertise in. Similarly, opinions harmful to Catholics in regard of Chastity (since my finger slipped on the shift, I’m leaving the capital letter here) are ill-founded. They ought not to be given too much credit.

 

[LilyM]

If I might make another suggestion, Caesar - read up about, and pray for guidance to, those of the Saints whose families opposed their religious vocations. Sts Francis, Clare and Agnes of Assisi come to mind immediately, same with St Catherine of Siena.