Parents giving younger sister access to pornography

[Kater_09]

Yes, I’m quite sure a bunch of people gathered together to call it pornography. I don’t doubt it one bit. I’ve read all three of them, and I don’t consider them all that bad. Read what you want to read, and I’ll continue to read what I want to read. But keep telling your parents and your sister what to read, and they’ll start ignoring you or do the opposite. And I’m sure your sister read it by now, otherwise she wouldn’t own a copy of it. And trust me, she will go on with her life. You’ll dwell on it a lot longer than she will.

Rence, I don’t know that anyone gathered to discuss it, but many across Catholic Answers forums agree that 50 Shades of Grey is bad for the soul, in so many ways. You must realize you are in the minority in considering it acceptable. Yes, you are welcome to read what you like, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are here to help one another to Heaven and a “live and let live” mentality does not accomplish that objective.

If my sister has read it by now, I pray she has not been tempted to masturbation or otherwise. I think it’s a grave disrespect to the many I’ve seen on these forums who are seriously struggling with addictions to sexual sin. Every addiction starts somewhere, and dabbling in sexually explicit literature is a perfect way for the devil to get involved.

 

[beehumble]

On a side note, I read all three and they’re not that bad.

Why? Practicing Catholics are to avoid near occasions of sin. Theologians are in agreement, there is no doubt that in general the same obligation which binds us to refrain from sin requires us to shun its occasion. Qui tenetur ad finem, tenetur ad media (he who is bound to reach a certain end is bound to employ the means to attain it). In other words, he or she who is bound to reach Heaven, is also bound to employ the means to attain it.

Choosing to pick up and read titillating material is failing in one’s duty to avoid the near occasion of sin. While misery may love company, your failure in this regard disqualifies you from giving advice to others on this, especially since your ‘advice’ to others that they should follow you in your failure (“they’re not that bad”) is unchristian. This is even more so considering it involves an adolescent child.

As for the OP, Jesus said He came to divide, including family members. You are right to correct your parents in this regard, who are failing in their parental duty towards their 15 year old daughter. You have spoken up in defense of your sister’s spiritual life, so you have done what needed to be done. All you can do now is pray. You might want to have a priest talk to them. But if they are not participating Catholics (Mass, parish membership, etc.), then talk to them some more and if they shun you so be it.

God bless you.

 

[beehumble]

It NEVER works, and it is not your place to reprimand your parents for allowing their teen to read a book you don’t care for.

Actually, according to sacred Scripture, it is exactly her place, especially since she is a family member, and an adult. Our first obligation is to God our Father, not our biological mother and father, who in this case are wrong and could be endangering the 15 year old’s soul, as well as their own.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.” (Matt 18:15-17)

"Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come! (Matt 18: 6-7)

God bless you.

 

[PatriceA]

Yes, I’m quite sure a bunch of people gathered together to call it pornography. I don’t doubt it one bit. I’ve read all three of them, and I don’t consider them all that bad. Read what you want to read, and I’ll continue to read what I want to read. But keep telling your parents and your sister what to read, and they’ll start ignoring you or do the opposite. And I’m sure your sister read it by now, otherwise she wouldn’t own a copy of it. And trust me, she will go on with her life. You’ll dwell on it a lot longer than she will.

Include me in the “bunch of people”. Its porn. Many, many people try to spin it otherwise.

Still the OP needs to step aside now and let the subject matter go with her family. It wouldn’t matter what the subject matter, its not the place of an older sibling to tell her parents how they can make better parenting decisions for younger siblings. All that can be done now is to pray and to continue to witness the Catholic faith by living out the teachings of the Church on a daily basis.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

It NEVER works, and it is not your place to reprimand your parents for allowing their teen to read a book you don’t care for.

Another thing to consider is the damage this will cause to her relationship with her sister. I have a brother who is significantly older than me and we are still trying to navigate an adult relationship because of all the times he tried to step in and parent me when I was a kid and teenager.

 

[JackieMom]

Another thing to consider is the damage this will cause to her relationship with her sister. I have a brother who is significantly older than me and we are still trying to navigate an adult relationship because of all the times he tried to step in and parent me when I was a kid and teenager.

Yep. Every time I tried to “school” my parents about my loser little brother, they dug in their heels even more. They became more resolute in supporting his poor choices when confronted by their sanctimonious older child about their errors.

Even though I was totally right.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Rence, I don’t know that anyone gathered to discuss it, but many across Catholic Answers forums agree that 50 Shades of Grey is bad for the soul, in so many ways. You must realize you are in the minority in considering it acceptable. Yes, you are welcome to read what you like, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are here to help one another to Heaven and a “live and let live” mentality does not accomplish that objective.

If my sister has read it by now, I pray she has not been tempted to masturbation or otherwise. I think it’s a grave disrespect to the many I’ve seen on these forums who are seriously struggling with addictions to sexual sin. Every addiction starts somewhere, and dabbling in sexually explicit literature is a perfect way for the devil to get involved.

You did the right thing. It’s a shame your parents can’t accept righteous warning about your sister’s upbringing. The least they could do is consider what you have told them. You are acting as a sister, not a parent, IMO.

I got started in porn by reading my father’s Playboy magazines, which I found when making his bed one day. Obviously the photos didn’t do anything for me, but the stories sure did. There was no one there to tell me not to do it…I wish there had been.

 

[PatriceA]

Another thing to consider is the damage this will cause to her relationship with her sister. I have a brother who is significantly older than me and we are still trying to navigate an adult relationship because of all the times he tried to step in and parent me when I was a kid and teenager.

I hear ya! I too have a strained relationship with an older sibling for the exact same reason.

 

[utunumsint]

You are right to be angry and indignant.

But please understand that if this is the extent of the filth your parents have themselves and your sister has access to, then count your blessings and pray for her. Hopefully she will not spiral into more negative literature and pornography. I was exposed to much, much, more damaging stuff when I was only ten years of age. I remember begging my parents to remove the filth from our house at 15, and later when I was an adult, I did confront them on this issue. To this day, I believe they still think I am over reacting or in the wrong. Does that mean, I did not have the duty to confront them? Absolutely not! If ever child did as you have done, this world would be a much better place.

My parent’s generation lost control of all decency and modesty starting in the sixties during the sexual revolution. They truly believed that they were liberating themselves from outdated morality. I believe they were innocent on a certain level. I also think your parents sincerely think that they are not doing wrong. There is moral fog over our western society when it comes to these things. It is very hard for truth to come out here.

I believe a much better way of helping your sister is to make it clear where you stand (you have done this) and live a life as joy filled and happy as you can. Pray. Get involved in church groups, and young adult groups. Introduce good young moral men and women into your sister’s company. Even invite her to come out with you on events. You may be one of the few people who can give her that kind of exposure if it does not come from your parents. If she can click with such social groups, then the truth becomes much more easy to discern.

You should also do the same for your parents. Convince them through your example of a joy filled life.

God bless,
Ut

 

[Demetra2]

Rence, I don’t know that anyone gathered to discuss it, but many across Catholic Answers forums agree that 50 Shades of Grey is bad for the soul, in so many ways. You must realize you are in the minority in considering it acceptable. Yes, you are welcome to read what you like, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are here to help one another to Heaven and a “live and let live” mentality does not accomplish that objective.

If my sister has read it by now, I pray she has not been tempted to masturbation or otherwise. I think it’s a grave disrespect to the many I’ve seen on these forums who are seriously struggling with addictions to sexual sin. Every addiction starts somewhere, and dabbling in sexually explicit literature is a perfect way for the devil to get involved.

I applaud you for caring about your sister both morally and spiritually. You are showing love and concern for her by pointing out the serious moral issues of polluting your mind with that 50 Shades garbage. It is good advice to drop the issue now out of respect to your parents. You have made your point and they are probably embarrassed by their own lack of concern and their own bad judgement. But now they will have to cling to it to save face. As a family member you had every right to discuss this with them and they had every right to tell you to bug off (however misguided). In the meantime you can do an end run around your parents by cultivating a close relationship with your sister and to model good behaviour. You will be planting seeds. Pray for them daily!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

The more you bug them about it, the more your sister and parents will resist you.

On a side note, I read all three and they’re not that bad. In fact, the writing improved in the second and third ones. She’ll read it, and like everything else, will go on with her life. I promise, reading these books will not ruin her life or make her jump into a bondage type relationship. If these books “lead her to sin”, then almost anything will.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that “They’re not that bad”. (although I do not agree with you, that’s another discussion)

You are an adult. The sister in question is 15.

Secular psychologists have said that these books are absolutely not good for young girls because of the relationship dynamic between Christian and Anna. His actions are those of a stalking psychopath.

I don’t think 15 year olds should see most rated R films unless with a parent. 15 year old girls should not be reading “housewife porn”

Mom’s giving housewife porn to daughters? Very disturbing to me.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Yes, I’m quite sure a bunch of people gathered together to call it pornography. I don’t doubt it one bit. I’ve read all three of them, and I don’t consider them all that bad. Read what you want to read, and I’ll continue to read what I want to read. But keep telling your parents and your sister what to read, and they’ll start ignoring you or do the opposite. And I’m sure your sister read it by now, otherwise she wouldn’t own a copy of it. And trust me, she will go on with her life. You’ll dwell on it a lot longer than she will.

I guess that’s why most reviews I’ve seen for it refer to it as “Mommy porn” and “housewife porn”

 

[Et_Cetera]

If she wanted to read the book, she could get a copy without your parents permission. She can get porn online. It’s not like she can only get adult material if your parents allow it. You’re not her parent. Don’t act like you know better because you’ll only strain family relationships. It’s not proper reading material, but you can’t shield people from the world.

 

[Debora123]

Yeah, stay out of it.

It’s your parent’s call and you’ve already given your thoughts. Any further talk of it would be disrespectful.

 

[Debora123]

Pray for their conversion, and ask Mother Mary to teach them the importance of purity.

The author actually developed 50 Shades of Grey from an erotic Twilight fanfiction series. Twilight itself is a dreadful book series, but I have to give it props for the general lack of mature scenes. 50 Shades of Grey is like Twilight 2.0. It *really *is porn for girls.

Lol Twilight is not erotic at all.

Poorly written? Yes.

 

[Rence]

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that “They’re not that bad”. (although I do not agree with you, that’s another discussion)

You are an adult. The sister in question is 15.

The sister in question has her own parents.

Secular psychologists have said that these books are absolutely not good for young girls because of the relationship dynamic between Christian and Anna. His actions are those of a stalking psychopath.

That’s just plain false. Anna actually drove the dynamics of that entire relationship, but that’s for another discussion

 

[jilly4ski]

You did the right thing. You told both her and your parents that it is porn (which it is), so that is planted in her head, as she matures and gets older she may come to see it for what it is, and your words will come back to her. Pray that she doesn’t get too deep in the sin before that. My sister started bringing home romance novels from the library. So I started reading them (I must have been 14,15) and our parents never monitored what we read. It didn’t take me long to realize that they were trash and porn, thus wrong and against chastity. It was easy to avoid that section of the library. It might still happen, she is young yet. Pray! Pray especially for your mother and grandmother, for being older will be more engrained in their sin and less likely to change.

In the meantime, give your sister books on chastity (which are age appropriate). She will have a confirmation coming up, a perfect time for religious gifts.

 

[april32010]

you must have done the right thing .everyone one in opposition is either an atheist or a Catholic that defies most Church teaching on sexuality

 

[Kelfa28]

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that “They’re not that bad”. (although I do not agree with you, that’s another discussion)

You are an adult. The sister in question is 15.

Secular psychologists have said that these books are absolutely not good for young girls because of the relationship dynamic between Christian and Anna. His actions are those of a stalking psychopath.

I don’t think 15 year olds should see most rated R films unless with a parent. 15 year old girls should not be reading “housewife porn”

Mom’s giving housewife porn to daughters? Very disturbing to me.

I wouldn’t even argue the dynamics of the relationship in this book as being positive or negative.
That could easily be argued away in any book club.

What gets me is the blatantly graphic nature of the excepts. I’ve read a few excepts here and there just to see what was in the book.



A 15 year old is reading this? Seriously? She isn’t an adult. The writing is seriously graphic and in detail about the acts involved.
It’s disgusting.
That’s the beginning and the end of it for me.
This book could be the same quality as Shakespeare for all I care…but these excerpts speak for themselves.
No way would I allow a 15 year old girl to read this.

 

[severus68]

Thanks for your reply but to be clear, I’m not a faithful Catholic now because of the way my parents raised me. Simply because I may be “alright” now does not mean what they are doing is OK.

Yes but the fact is that even faithful Catholic parents do not always produce children who all remain faithful Catholics.