Parents role in a situation

[Welshrabbit]

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[LilyM]

VanitasVanitatum:

The parents have no obligation to provide access to such a location through support.

I never said anything about “obligation.” Perhaps the parents love their child and want to help them to enter a profession that would be fulfilling for them. I never thought of my parents having an “obligation” to help me get through college or go to the college of my choice. I just always knew that they loved me and would help me as much as they could to have a happy and fulfilling life. They always offered their help without me ever asking. And I was always greatful for their help and did the best that I could to pay as much of my expenses as I could when I was in school and to excel in my studies.

So do you mean to say that a parent who will not support a child to go through study which ultimately is unlikely to lead to a self-supporting future is NOT being loving? You are very much implying so.

By that logic it would seem that every adult has to indulge their child in whatever whim the child wants, be it ballet lessons, horseriding, art lessons or motor racing- if they are financially able. And not to do so is unloving.

The business of a parent- and probably the most loving thing they can do- is teach an adult.child self-suffixency and not self-indulgence.

 

[JimG]

The business of a parent- and probably the most loving thing they can do- is teach an adult.child self-suffixency and not self-indulgence.

Yes, this is most important for the child’s future.

 

[Thorolfr]

So do you mean to say that a parent who will not support a child to go through study which ultimately is unlikely to lead to a self-supporting future is NOT being loving? You are very much implying so.

By that logic it would seem that every adult has to indulge their child in whatever whim the child wants, be it ballet lessons, horseriding, art lessons or motor racing- if they are financially able. And not to do so is unloving.

The business of a parent- and probably the most loving thing they can do- is teach an adult.child self-suffixency and not self-indulgence.

If an adult child’s idea of a fulfilling career is to be an accountant or a doctor or a businessman, then hopefully their parents will encourage them in that and help them to become an accountant, etc. But if they want to be a professional ballet dancer or a professional concert clarinet player, or an archaeologist, or an historian, then they should encourage them in that profession as well. I personally know people who have become professional musicians, professional archaeologists, and professors of history and they are all self supporting. Personally, I would rather make $40,000 per year doing a job that I loved than make $100,000 per year doing a job that I hated or was indifferent about. In fact, it would literally be impossible for me to do a job that I didn’t love. Making a lot of money is not the most important thing in life.

And although self-sufficiency is a good thing, not everyone, for various reasons, can be totally self-sufficient. The notion that everyone can just lift themselves up by their own bootstraps if they try hard enough is a conservative myth. That doesn’t make those who can’t bad people.

Some people who come from a dysfunctional or disadvantaged background might not have what it takes to escape from their past and succeed in life. Or someone might have a disability and not even realize it. For example, it’s been estimated that only about 20 percent of adults with ADHD have been diagnosed and are being treated for this disorder. As a result, many of these people, because of executive function deficiencies in their brains, are struggling and often failing in their jobs and in life without realizing why everything is so difficult for them. Others are doing OK, but only because they’ve been relying (often without realizing it) on other people in their life to compensate for their weaknesses in managing their time or keeping themselves organized or in getting necessary household chores done. One ADHD expert has called these people “external executive funcioners,” and they might be the parents of the person with ADHD or their spouse or some other romantic partner or a roommate or secretary. Once those people aren’t around, the person with ADHD often flounders. Because of my ADHD, I’ve had to rely to some extent on other people for my entire life. As a young adult, I could’t have managed without significant help from my parents. Nor could I have worked and gone to college at the same time or maintained my own household.

 

[LilyM]

I’m not talking about people who are actually disabled or disadvantaged to the point where they are unable to work, or to work full-time, but those who can and choose not to.

If a child can and is likely to be able to make a self-sustaining profession out of their passions then great. As a 46 year old overweight and unfit woman, who has never in my life taken a ballet class, I would hope my parents would strongly DIScourage me if I decided tomorrow that I wanted to give up work and be a professional ballerina, because quite frankly such an idea is ludicrous and utterly self-indulgent.

There are very few interests which cannot be pursued on an amateur or volunteer basis while one is working. And a multitude of different types of work out there, so I’m not buying that most people cannot find something that is at least reasonably fulfilling and remunerative.

So anyone with sense would advise me to take ballet classes if I wanted - on my own time and dime - and continue my current paid work to support this as a hobby or interest. Best of both worlds. You are entitled to support in the necessities of life. Every job (even that of a professional ballerina) has a sizeable share of stress, tedium and unpleasantness. The answer is not to pursue the unicorn of a perfect job, but to learn, if need be, to find fulfilment outside of paid work.

 

[IsaiahSpirit]

You can express your opinions like hair follicles all you want.
I was speaking of the super natural Virtue of Charity in Assertive Compassion.
That is all, I don’t have time for endless debates. Paul the Apostle warned of this type of thing.
I don’t live in the parents house. If the daughter is respectful there, Prudence is the better part of valor. It shows Patience and Bishop Fulton J. Sheen Teaching for that matter. And he is much more qualified than me.
So in Christ’s Mutual Understanding Peace, be Blessed with The Joy of The Lord Jesus.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Or one could do a history at a local, affordable school. Study hard, get excellent grades, work while in school and save $$ and get scholarships to their “dream school”, do post grad work in “Egyptology”. There is always a low cost way to get an education.

 

[IsaiahSpirit]

How one handles the Way, Truth, and Life in JESUS WHO IS THE SAME,
of falling short in a chastity rule withing the home, and how to assert that
GODLY rule in Assertive Compassionate Charity.
I don’t live there. You don’t live there. So, absolutes are The Lord God’s Venue,
not mine nor yours.
So, if it were me, I would use the Lens of JESUS BELOVED REDEEMER,
by The Divine Revelation Taught with Patience as Bishop Fulton J. Sheen taught.
Intolerance toward false principles, but Holy Spirit Loving Patience to help one another in living virtuously & repentance.
It’s not a matter of condoning, enabling, nor facilitating the maybe future son-in-law, nor daughter’s non chastity, the Biblical clear house rule is well known. It is how to help with Godly Compassion and Assertiveness to understand the ideal of Virginity is a gift of God, never to be presumed upon nor despaired.
Coming down hard, if she is respectful in the home, only exasperate the situation.
Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, and asking, seeking, and knocking for them to have Godly, personal Pastoral care knows better than you or I.
Amen.
JESUS PEACE THAT SURPASSES ALL mere human understanding be with you.
Word of advice, be careful of telling people what they are saying, and pastoral absolutes. It doesn’t come across as knowledgeable at all.

 

[Minks]

Thorolfr:

Egyptology, for example, or archeology.

Egyptology? I’m not sure that is the major to choose when money is anything like an issue.

@petra
LOL!!! 20 hearts of likes!
:heart:There are scads of grads with unemployable degrees working in fast food restaurants, gas stations and Wally World-type stores. The woman who sits in the office to accept storage unit payments has a Masters in archeology. She never wanted to leave her hometown, yet university officials guided her into an advanced degree in archeology?? Astounding!

 

[PetraG]

@petra
LOL!!! 20 hearts of likes!
:heart:There are scads of grads with unemployable degrees working in fast food restaurants, gas stations and Wally World-type stores. The woman who sits in the office to accept storage unit payments has a Masters in archeology. She never wanted to leave her hometown, yet university officials guided her into an advanced degree in archeology?? Astounding!

This is a bit off-thread, an answer to what kind of major might require living in an expensive place. The OP never said that her friend was studying an arcane subject.

In defense of the point that living somewhere expensive might be required, it is true that employability and educational opportunity can be greatly changed by the prestige and funding of the graduate program that accepts you. Having said that, I know a lot of graduate students who went without sex during graduate school. They were too busy to find relationships and not the kind to engage in one-night stands. It happens. It is endured. It can be done.

 

[Thorolfr]

PetraG:

Thorolfr:

Egyptology, for example, or archeology.

Egyptology? I’m not sure that is the major to choose when money is anything like an issue.

@petra
LOL!!! 20 hearts of likes!
:heart:There are scads of grads with unemployable degrees working in fast food restaurants, gas stations and Wally World-type stores. The woman who sits in the office to accept storage unit payments has a Masters in archeology. She never wanted to leave her hometown, yet university officials guided her into an advanced degree in archeology?? Astounding!

I wouldn’t describe a masters in archaeology as an “advanced degree in archaeology”. It only takes two years to get a masters degree and wouldn’t be very useful. An advanced degree would be a PhD which would take about 7 years of graduate study and I know people who got a PhD in archaeology and are now professors in various universities.

 

[PetraG]

I wouldn’t describe a masters in archaeology as an “advanced degree in archaeology”. It only takes two years to get a masters degree and wouldn’t be very useful. An advanced degree would be a PhD which would take about 7 years of graduate study and I know people who got a PhD in archaeology and are now professors in various universities.

Yes, and getting one of those jobs does hinge to a great degree on where you get your PhD and who your academic mentors are. This is true. Having said that, I would stick by the position that the student with plans does need to expect to accomodate their plans to the principles of the people the student has decided to call upon for support. If you’re going to live in somebody’s house, you should expect that their way of life ought to be something you show very deep respect for. I’m not saying there is no room to even ask for accomodations or that parents are morally bound to refuse to have someone in the house who doesn’t live that way. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying that if this is important to the parents, that is their right. They aren’t abusing their adult child by expecting to have a certain rule of life in their own home, even if that rule extends to behaviors that take place off of the property.