Parish concerns

[embwt]

I need some advice on what to do in my current situation - parish-wise. My wife and I belong to a parish that is far from a faithful parish. We started going there 10 years ago because it was the closest Catholic parish to our home. Several times, I suggested we try another parish, but my wife would not go. I had to make a decision . . . go to a more faithful parish by myself while my wife slept in and didn’t go to Mass, or go to the less faithful parish with my wife. I chose to attend the less faithful parish with my wife.

I have struggled at this parish the entire time. Now that we have two children, I am really starting to question what effect this parish is having on them. Can I bring them up in the faith if the parish is not that faithful? Is there something I can do? Any suggestions you all have? Can I suggest that we remain at our parish but visit other parishes around our area say once a month or every other month? My wife may or may not got for that. She does not want to switch parishes, but she might be open to some sort of regular “visiting.” Any thoughts?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**Why doesn’t your wife want to switch parishes? Is she Catholic? If you go to another parish she’ll just not go? How old are your kids?

Suggestions? Figure out why your wife isn’t open to finding a more faithful parish:shrug:**

 

[tee]

What did your parish do that’s not faithful?

If it’s not practicing catholic teachings, then you should first talk to your parish priest. If your parish priest is willing to reform, then good, otherwise you should bring this up to the diocese level and talk to your bishop/archbishop. That way, not only your helping you, you’re helping the parish and many other children.

 

[embwt]

**Why doesn’t your wife want to switch parishes? **

She likes the less than faithful one.

**Is she Catholic? **

Yes, but as I came back to the faith more fully over the past several years, and really understood the faith, my wife is wondering if maybe she’s not Catholic.

**If you go to another parish she’ll just not go? **

Correct.

How old are your kids?

5 and 6.

Suggestions? Figure out why your wife isn’t open to finding a more faithful parish:shrug:

I’ve been working on trying to figure this one out for a while. I’ve been praying for her a lot. In the meantime, I’m still in a quandry.

 

[embwt]

What did your parish do that’s not faithful?

If it’s not practicing catholic teachings, then you should first talk to your parish priest. If your parish priest is willing to reform, then good, otherwise you should bring this up to the diocese level and talk to your bishop/archbishop. That way, not only your helping you, you’re helping the parish and many other children.

After 10 years, I could write a thesis. I talked to the parish priest over a year ago and got nowhere.

That way, not only your helping you, you’re helping the parish and many other children.

Funny, this is how I rationalize staying . . . if all the faithful left, there’d be nobody there to support the bishop if he did anything.

At this point, I’m just wondering about the best way to bring faithful catholicism to my family when my wife won’t leave the current parish.

 

[kage_ar]

Teach your children at home, with your lives, with your words, with your deeds. You will have far more impact anything else.

The dad is the spiritual head, and that is showing now in studies that show us that children follow the faith practice of their father.

If the entire Parish is disrespectful during Mass, you can still teach your children to be respectful.

Win your wife over, bit by bit, through your example of faithful love.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**Definitely a quandry… I can see merit to staying as well as searching out another, more faithful parish.

But as to what is best for your little ones… in light of all of the studies that show that the faith (or lack of) from the father a huge part of what shapes a child’s spiritual growth, I say find yourself a parish where you feel spiritually fed and can be comfortable that your children are getting the best you can offer them. Go without your wife if she won’t budge.

Maybe, over time, when she sees that this is actually important to you and that you are going to keep taking the children whether she goes or not, she might come around (along with all of those prayers you say for her).

Maybe try find something that will interest her close to the new parish that you could all do as a family after Mass if she chooses to come along (lunch, shopping, museum…whatever would be fun for your whole family).

I really hope that helps you in some small way. I will say a prayer for the spiritual unity and growth of your family. Continue to be strong… do what you think is best for your children. Ask your wife to help you.**

 

[embwt]

Teach your children at home, with your lives, with your words, with your deeds. You will have far more impact anything else.

The dad is the spiritual head, and that is showing now in studies that show us that children follow the faith practice of their father.

If the entire Parish is disrespectful during Mass, you can still teach your children to be respectful.

Win your wife over, bit by bit, through your example of faithful love.

Thank you!!! That is the route I have taken and I just want to be sure that I’m not just wishful thinking. Thanks for your encouragement.

 

[embwt]

**Definitely a quandry… I can see merit to staying as well as searching out another, more faithful parish.

But as to what is best for your little ones… in light of all of the studies that show that the faith (or lack of) from the father a huge part of what shapes a child’s spiritual growth, I say find yourself a parish where you feel spiritually fed and can be comfortable that your children are getting the best you can offer them. Go without your wife if she won’t budge.

Maybe, over time, when she sees that this is actually important to you and that you are going to keep taking the children whether she goes or not, she might come around (along with all of those prayers you say for her).

Maybe try find something that will interest her close to the new parish that you could all do as a family after Mass if she chooses to come along (lunch, shopping, museum…whatever would be fun for your whole family).

I really hope that helps you in some small way. I will say a prayer for the spiritual unity and growth of your family. Continue to be strong… do what you think is best for your children. Ask your wife to help you.**

Thank you! Right now, I am getting spiritually fed through various faithful events around at other parishes, adoration at other parishes, etc. Yes, your words do help. It does help to hear that the father plays a huge part in the spritual growth of children. I have heard that, too. I just want to be sure that by my being spritualy fed on my own at other parishes outside of Mass (confession, adoration, etc.), I’m not depriving my children because they’re not getting those things (though they’re too young for confession).

Thank you for your prayers. All of the great people on CAF have been a huge source of strength for me!

 

[buffalo]

Look at your PM.

 

[tee]

So have you talked to your bishop?

In any case, I think you should at least go to other faithful parish every now and then to keep your fire burning and remember to bring your kids with you.

This is one of the cross you have to bear, offer it up to the Lord and He’ll find a way for you.

 

[embwt]

So have you talked to your bishop?

In any case, I think you should at least go to other faithful parish every now and then to keep your fire burning and remember to bring your kids with you.

This is one of the cross you have to bear, offer it up to the Lord and He’ll find a way for you.

I mentioned it to the bishop. He is definitely aware and I think trying to make changes.

Thanks for your encouragement on going to other faithful parishes every now and then. I am going to try to go somewhere new every other month or so. Perhaps I can convince my wife to go with us if it’s every other month and not a switching of parishes.

Yes, this has been a cross to bear. But I know God only gives us what we can handle and that it is for my own betterment. I will offer it up.

 

[dkoinzan]

My kids love the lives of the Saints. We sometimes visit different parishes because of the name. My son was born on the feast day of St. Winceslaus so we found one locally and went there. It was like a field trip. We all like old churches and enjoy trying to figure out the stories behind the windows and other features in the churches. Maybe you could be a little sneaky and make it about education and not spirituality. Your wife may be thinking she isn’t all that Catholic just because she goes to a poorly faithful parish. When a parish is so watered down, there really isn’t any point in being Catholic. It looks like all the other churches. We left a Catholic Parish because it was not in line with the faith. When children are young they pick up things without knowing it, later is when you will pay if they don’t see the true faith. Since switching, my children have become better little Catholics. They are seeing the reverence and respect of the faith that was absent in the other parish. Pray, Pray, Pray for your wife. My husband isn’t even Baptized and through constant pray, fasting and sacrificing, he comes to church with us weekly. He practices NFP and allows me to homeschool our children. I don’t work on him to become Catholic, my children naturally do that. They get so excited about their faith that they want to share it with him. When one of my daughters was three years old, she taught her father how to genuflect and say a short prayer before the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The neat part is that she was praying for him and in the end got him to pray for himself. She has went on to teach him the Prayer to St. Michael, The Hail Mary, and many more. He now knows the parts of the Mass and helps her to follow in the books, she just turned six and doesn’t read very well. Get your children fired up about their faith and they will bring your wife home.

 

[embwt]

My kids love the lives of the Saints. We sometimes visit different parishes because of the name. My son was born on the feast day of St. Winceslaus so we found one locally and went there. It was like a field trip. We all like old churches and enjoy trying to figure out the stories behind the windows and other features in the churches. Maybe you could be a little sneaky and make it about education and not spirituality. Your wife may be thinking she isn’t all that Catholic just because she goes to a poorly faithful parish. When a parish is so watered down, there really isn’t any point in being Catholic. It looks like all the other churches. We left a Catholic Parish because it was not in line with the faith. When children are young they pick up things without knowing it, later is when you will pay if they don’t see the true faith. Since switching, my children have become better little Catholics. They are seeing the reverence and respect of the faith that was absent in the other parish. Pray, Pray, Pray for your wife. My husband isn’t even Baptized and through constant pray, fasting and sacrificing, he comes to church with us weekly. He practices NFP and allows me to homeschool our children. I don’t work on him to become Catholic, my children naturally do that. They get so excited about their faith that they want to share it with him. When one of my daughters was three years old, she taught her father how to genuflect and say a short prayer before the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary. The neat part is that she was praying for him and in the end got him to pray for himself. She has went on to teach him the Prayer to St. Michael, The Hail Mary, and many more. He now knows the parts of the Mass and helps her to follow in the books, she just turned six and doesn’t read very well. Get your children fired up about their faith and they will bring your wife home.

Thank you!!! Excellent ideas! I will try visiting the other parishes on feast days, etc. What a great idea! I will also incorporate prayers like the Prayer to St Michael and others with my children. I have not done as good a job at that as I should. Thank you for the thoughtful post!