C
ColNY
Guest
Problem:
New parish priest, only there a few months. Making some long needed changes: good. Making too many changes, too fast, and reasons given for changes uncharitable ( e,g, no more school Mass, kids don’t read slow enough, need to improve): bad If there was a Dale Carnegie course for priests–we’d take up a collection. It gets worse:
Part 1: Parishioner hears second hand about priest advising of change that possibly impacts something this parishioner has been solely responsible for. Parish staff member confirms that may be true. Parishioner / parish staff conversation continues, parishioner learns of more changes this priest plans to implement and reasons for–some insult hard work of parishioners. Parishioner reacts with tears. Staff member says priest is coming in, asks parishioner if wants to talk to him. Parishioner now sobbing says “no, not right now, at this point, I’m ready to leave the parish and go somewhere else.” During that exchange, unbeknownst to parishioner, staff member has handed phone to priest who did not immediately identify himself as the parishioner was venting to a staff member who just early, had been venting herself about the frustrations these changes without direction are causing her.
Now the priest berates parishioner for being upset, making “threats” to leave (no threats, just questioning if this parish was still right and tried to explain that), and then launches into something that, in his mind, the parishioner didn’t follow through on in an unrelated matter, which wasn’t a lack of follow-through so much as miscommunication. Anyway–it all detracts from the issue, in which the pastor continues about it being HIS parish, parishioner can have (name removed by moderator)ut, but past work not guaranteed, etc… …keeps hitting on other issue, not listening to parishioner, etc. . Priest says that if people want to leave, not to let the door hit them on the way out. Directed it at parishioner on phone. Parishioner eventually decided that pastor was not listening, just being defensive, so politely says thank you for your time, and waits for priest to hang up.
At this point, parishioner isn’t just thinking about leaving, even though this has been her parish for 40 years and her immediate and extended family are extremely active/involved parishioners, including at the school. Parishioner is now questioning her own faith. Parishioner’s parents and husband are advising her to give it a few days/weeks until she can think past the conversation.
Part 2: Parishioner’s parents go to Novena that evening. Call parishioner to advise that priest is very angry at her, and that priest advised them that parishioner caused staff member to resign by screaming at staff member which caused her horrible distress. Parishioner is stunned. First parishioner wasn’t screaming at anyone–she admits she reacted poorly to some news conveyed by staff member and was sobbing when the priest took over the phone, but until that point, the conversation was a mutual vent between staff and parishioner about the lack of clarity in communication to those who are directly impacted before announcements are made. And certainly NOTHING in the conversation was directed at the staff member in a personal way. Parishioner insists that can’t be true, parents keep insisting that is what the priest said, therefore, it must be TRUTH. An hour long heated argument between adult child and parents ensues.
Parishioner meanwhile emails staff member to a) apologize if anything was taken incorrectly and if staff member was offended and b) ask if it’s true that she caused her to resign. Staff member immediately responded that not only was she not offended by the parishioner AT ALL, her resignation was a direct result of a better job offer for which she had been interviewing for over a week. She was very clear that parishioners name did NOT come up. Parishioner forwards email to parents who are now at a loss for why the priest would say such a thing if it wasn’t true—there had to be some truth, etc. Other than one close confidante
, and those involved, she does not discuss it with anyone, although the thought of calling the diocese in the morning to report this incident is tempting.
Next morning, parishioner gets an email from staff member who confronted priest to ask if he said what he did (he admitted so) and if he knew it wasn’t true (he said he knew that too). Staff member asks “why would you say something like that when it wasn’t true?” to which there was no explanation, just a simple “I will take responsibilty for what I said.” Doesn’t say what that responsibilty will be—certainly no attempt to apologize to parishioner or her family.
Parishioner is now praying for pastoral guidance because at this point, she can’t believe someone who is supposed to be a steward of the parish would first be so callous and then do something so unexplainably deliberate and calculated and UNTRUE. She’s willing to “not let the door hit her”. Meanwhile, the staff member advised pastoral associate from the parish–who had been out that morning, what happened and she (a sister) called the parishioner to first, apologize on behalf of the parish for what happened, and second, to help parishioner realize that this is her parish and her value to it, etc. . The problem now–the parishioner and her family, while staying at the parish, are very much guarded. How can they take the Body of Christ from someone who lied and that they can no longer trust. Forget confession–gotta find another priest–no way can this parishioner share her sins with priest. They are all active in ministries there–how can they continue?
Besides prayer—which this parishioner is turning to just to find peace in her heart and the ability to forgive what she feels was behavior for which there is NO explanation other than spite, any other thoughts?
New parish priest, only there a few months. Making some long needed changes: good. Making too many changes, too fast, and reasons given for changes uncharitable ( e,g, no more school Mass, kids don’t read slow enough, need to improve): bad If there was a Dale Carnegie course for priests–we’d take up a collection. It gets worse:
Part 1: Parishioner hears second hand about priest advising of change that possibly impacts something this parishioner has been solely responsible for. Parish staff member confirms that may be true. Parishioner / parish staff conversation continues, parishioner learns of more changes this priest plans to implement and reasons for–some insult hard work of parishioners. Parishioner reacts with tears. Staff member says priest is coming in, asks parishioner if wants to talk to him. Parishioner now sobbing says “no, not right now, at this point, I’m ready to leave the parish and go somewhere else.” During that exchange, unbeknownst to parishioner, staff member has handed phone to priest who did not immediately identify himself as the parishioner was venting to a staff member who just early, had been venting herself about the frustrations these changes without direction are causing her.
Now the priest berates parishioner for being upset, making “threats” to leave (no threats, just questioning if this parish was still right and tried to explain that), and then launches into something that, in his mind, the parishioner didn’t follow through on in an unrelated matter, which wasn’t a lack of follow-through so much as miscommunication. Anyway–it all detracts from the issue, in which the pastor continues about it being HIS parish, parishioner can have (name removed by moderator)ut, but past work not guaranteed, etc… …keeps hitting on other issue, not listening to parishioner, etc. . Priest says that if people want to leave, not to let the door hit them on the way out. Directed it at parishioner on phone. Parishioner eventually decided that pastor was not listening, just being defensive, so politely says thank you for your time, and waits for priest to hang up.
At this point, parishioner isn’t just thinking about leaving, even though this has been her parish for 40 years and her immediate and extended family are extremely active/involved parishioners, including at the school. Parishioner is now questioning her own faith. Parishioner’s parents and husband are advising her to give it a few days/weeks until she can think past the conversation.
Part 2: Parishioner’s parents go to Novena that evening. Call parishioner to advise that priest is very angry at her, and that priest advised them that parishioner caused staff member to resign by screaming at staff member which caused her horrible distress. Parishioner is stunned. First parishioner wasn’t screaming at anyone–she admits she reacted poorly to some news conveyed by staff member and was sobbing when the priest took over the phone, but until that point, the conversation was a mutual vent between staff and parishioner about the lack of clarity in communication to those who are directly impacted before announcements are made. And certainly NOTHING in the conversation was directed at the staff member in a personal way. Parishioner insists that can’t be true, parents keep insisting that is what the priest said, therefore, it must be TRUTH. An hour long heated argument between adult child and parents ensues.
Parishioner meanwhile emails staff member to a) apologize if anything was taken incorrectly and if staff member was offended and b) ask if it’s true that she caused her to resign. Staff member immediately responded that not only was she not offended by the parishioner AT ALL, her resignation was a direct result of a better job offer for which she had been interviewing for over a week. She was very clear that parishioners name did NOT come up. Parishioner forwards email to parents who are now at a loss for why the priest would say such a thing if it wasn’t true—there had to be some truth, etc. Other than one close confidante
, and those involved, she does not discuss it with anyone, although the thought of calling the diocese in the morning to report this incident is tempting.Next morning, parishioner gets an email from staff member who confronted priest to ask if he said what he did (he admitted so) and if he knew it wasn’t true (he said he knew that too). Staff member asks “why would you say something like that when it wasn’t true?” to which there was no explanation, just a simple “I will take responsibilty for what I said.” Doesn’t say what that responsibilty will be—certainly no attempt to apologize to parishioner or her family.
Parishioner is now praying for pastoral guidance because at this point, she can’t believe someone who is supposed to be a steward of the parish would first be so callous and then do something so unexplainably deliberate and calculated and UNTRUE. She’s willing to “not let the door hit her”. Meanwhile, the staff member advised pastoral associate from the parish–who had been out that morning, what happened and she (a sister) called the parishioner to first, apologize on behalf of the parish for what happened, and second, to help parishioner realize that this is her parish and her value to it, etc. . The problem now–the parishioner and her family, while staying at the parish, are very much guarded. How can they take the Body of Christ from someone who lied and that they can no longer trust. Forget confession–gotta find another priest–no way can this parishioner share her sins with priest. They are all active in ministries there–how can they continue?
Besides prayer—which this parishioner is turning to just to find peace in her heart and the ability to forgive what she feels was behavior for which there is NO explanation other than spite, any other thoughts?
), reading too fast, not making eye contact, etc. Well, asking for improvement is one thing. BUT, the message it gave the kids is that if they’re not “perfect” they don’t belong in the church. Now he’s backpeddling and saying that he wants time to prepare a Mass more geared toward children. . ya, OK. . that’s GREAT, but did you have to tear them down first?? She even posted something on Facebook on a friend’s page, when the friend was talking about God making things better, that it’s difficult when those who are supposed to help you get closer make you feel further away. And a teacher from the school LIKED her response—says a lot.