Pastor and DRE refusing FHC to homeschooled child

[EasterJoy]

In my past experience as a DRE, sacramental prep was a separate program – whether you had a child in the parish school, the parish religious ed program or were homeschooling – that child was to be enrolled in the parish’s sacramental prep program. This was the way the pastor had elected to fulfill his responsibility to ensure children were prepared to receive the sacraments.

I guess I’m not understanding the OP’s concern – is the pastor or DRE denying the sacrament? That would indeed be problematic. There should be a time for the child to receive Communion and he should be seated in the front pew, prayed for at Mass, etc.

However, if they are just saying that a certain date is when the class of children who have been preparing are receiving together, that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m not sure why you’d want to exclude your child from the class but expect to include them in the ceremony?

It is the duty of the pastor to decide which avenues he will accept in order to ensure that members of his parish are properly disposed to receive the sacraments. The bishop can give him room to require certain formative experiences for those with any capacity to go through them–that is according to Hoyle.

What is not OK is to make distinctions between those whom the pastor has deemed to be properly disposed to receive the sacraments. That is why a child who was prepared by an appropriate avenue different from his or her peers ought to be treated just the same as those prepared by some other avenue that is more typical.

If the rule is that only children who went through some particular program can receive on the same day, while other children who are equally well-disposed at the same time are excluded, you are making distinctions with no basis. You are protecting a “program” at the expense of recognizing the unity of all the parishioners and the equal sufficiency and dignity of all the ways that the bishop and pastor have deemed are proper preparation for the sacrament.

More to the point; the day is going to come when you are going to hurt a child’s feelings for no reason whatsoever. Why defend that?

When I was in grade school, we used to have catechism classes during school hours, as was allowed by the Supreme Court, in a room in the building that was reserved for use by the parish. When we had parties, however, our instructors saw to it that the parents of all the children not in the class were asked if their child might like to be invited, too, and our non-Catholic classmates were always allowed to join us. When you’re having a group celebration, you ought to look for reasons to include, not reasons to exclude. On the day we had parties, there weren’t Catholics and Protestants. We all had cake together, and that was a good thing.

 

[EasterJoy]

At our parish, all the children in the parish receive together (due to size spread out over three weekends, but First Communicants are not separated by parish school or CCD or homeschool. Every year a few parents (typically from the parish school) complain that their kids have to have their First Communion with kids not from their class, but our pastor (rightly, I think) notes that regardless of method of preparation, all the children are parishioners together, and this is a parish celebration.

I agree with your pastor.

I had one pastor who even joked that he had a “5:30 parish, an 8:30 parish, and a 10:30 parish.” He tried very hard to make certain that the parish did not even favor one Mass time as the one that got all the important Masses, the most solemn liturgical treatment, or anything like that.

 

[Eponine1]

I agree with your pastor.

I had one pastor who even joked that he had a “5:30 parish, an 8:30 parish, and a 10:30 parish.” He tried very hard to make certain that the parish did not even favor one Mass time as the one that got all the important Masses, the most solemn liturgical treatment, or anything like that.

Interestingly, we changed from having one Mass on a Saturday morning for First Holy Communion to having the First Communicants receive instead at whatever Mass they typically attend, 5pm Vigil, Sunday 8:30 or 11am.

 

[EasterJoy]

Interestingly, we changed from having one Mass on a Saturday morning for First Holy Communion to having the First Communicants receive instead at whatever Mass they typically attend, 5pm Vigil, Sunday 8:30 or 11am.

Our parish has first communicants at all three Masses, but lets the families choose which time suits them best as much as possible. If your relatives have a long drive to get to your parish church, for instance, it can be a hardship for them to get to an early Mass.

 

[pianistclare]

At our parish, all the children in the parish receive together (due to size spread out over three weekends, but First Communicants are not separated by parish school or CCD or homeschool. Every year a few parents (typically from the parish school) complain that their kids have to have their First Communion with kids not from their class, but our pastor (rightly, I think) notes that regardless of method of preparation, all the children are parishioners together, and this is a parish celebration.

Same here. Last year one of the Catholic School parents said loudly “Are our kids receiving with THOSE OTHERS?” in front of “those others”.
They also wanted to pay Father “extra” for a Private First Communion for just the Catholic school kids. Father told them he didn’t “charge” for Sacraments; he would just be happy to see those people at Mass each Sunday, and then asked the woman who she was and if she was a parishioner. To this day, We’ve never seen her at Mass. They were registered., but they’ve never come to anything but that one First Communion Mass.

 

[pianistclare]

Thanks. I am unfamiliar with such classes being separated from other religious instruction (Dinosaur that I am). That was the whole point of my question.

tee

:curtsey:

We miss you in the other thread, LOL

 

[jmjZelie]

Same here. Last year one of the Catholic School parents said loudly “Are our kids receiving with THOSE OTHERS?” in front of “those others”.
They also wanted to pay Father “extra” for a Private First Communion for just the Catholic school kids. Father told them he didn’t “charge” for Sacraments; he would just be happy to see those people at Mass each Sunday, and then asked the woman who she was and if she was a parishioner. To this day, We’ve never seen her at Mass. They were registered., but they’ve never come to anything but that one First Communion Mass.

I got a whiff of that sort of attitude in the one year we used a parish school. I don’t miss that at all.

As for “those other” kids, well, for the most part it has been my pleasure to work with such children at our new parish this year in FHC prep. This parish has no school at all, but has 3400 families/households in it, so ALL of the kids: public school, homeschool, and private schooled (some families use a nearby parish for schooling) all get lumped together. it is delightfully…universal.

 

[pianistclare]

I got a whiff of that sort of attitude in the one year we used a parish school. I don’t miss that at all.

As for “those other” kids, well, for the most part it has been my pleasure to work with such children at our new parish this year in FHC prep. This parish has no school at all, but has 3400 families/households in it, so ALL of the kids: public school, homeschool, and private schooled (some families use a nearby parish for schooling) all get lumped together. it is delightfully…universal.

yup. The children are delightful, and a great blessing to the catechists.
I would encourage anyone who cares for the next generation of Catholics, to volunteer in their Parish Religious Ed program.

 

[anon67074017]

Why should she favor anyone?

The Church should probably maintain a neutral stance towards public school students and homeschooled students.

 

[pianistclare]

The Church should probably maintain a neutral stance towards public school students and homeschooled students.

the Church does.
But many people favor soccer, lacrosse, and competitive cheering over Sunday school. THAT is the big problem. My colleague at a neighboring parish had a parent say that since Confirmation class conflicted with competitive cheering, they were going to leave the parish since it didn’t “meet their needs” as a family.
What?
So much for parish family.

 

[Allegra]

The Church should probably maintain a neutral stance towards public school students and homeschooled students.

What do you mean?

 

[anon67074017]

What do you mean?

They are favoring public school students in the situation described in the OP. They should treat public school students and homeschooled students equally.

 

[Brendan]

Oddly enough, they did “authorize” him to attend both the First Reconciliation

That statement is unusual and somewhat problematic.

Unlike Holy Communion, where there are certain instructional obligations that have to be met, there is no Canonical principle by which a Baptized, Catholic child that has attained the age of Reason cannot go to Confession whenever it is offered.

Such a person, indeed, ANY Baptized Catholic, needs no permission from anyone, nor the priest refuse to hear the Confession, simply on the grounds that the did not attend some sort of ‘class’

 

[EasterJoy]

the Church does.
But many people favor soccer, lacrosse, and competitive cheering over Sunday school. THAT is the big problem. My colleague at a neighboring parish had a parent say that since Confirmation class conflicted with competitive cheering, they were going to leave the parish since it didn’t “meet their needs” as a family.
What?
So much for parish family.

Don’t tell me that if a parish had offered only a single Mass at 9 am on Sundays there would not be Catholics living within its boundaries who would not choose to meet their Sunday obligation at a nearby parish at 5:30 pm on Saturday or at 8:30 am or 10:30 am on Sundays, and that they wouldn’t describe that parish as a “better fit.”

Does that mean that Catholics who don’t meet their Sunday obligation at the same Mass time every week have their priorities messed up? So why would it be a sign of messed-up priorities to go to a parish that offers religious education or sacramental preparation at a time that fits their schedule? Attending Mass on the Lord’s Day is in canon law, but there is no single day of the week that is set aside as the best for religious education.

Let me ask you this: What if the choice were between public school sports, which compete on weekdays, and CYO sports, which compete on weekends? I ask because I have been dumbfounded at how often CYO sports are more in conflict with attending Mass on Sunday morning than the supposedly “secular” Little League programs.

Having said all that, the OP’s family is one who had their child prepared for the sacraments in-parish and according an avenue deemed appropriate by their pastor. It is a bait-and-switch to tell the parents after the fact that their child will be barred from making his or her First Holy Communion at the same Masses as the other children. What pretext is there for excluding them?

 

[pianistclare]

Don’t tell me that if a parish had offered only a single Mass at 9 am on Sundays there would not be Catholics living within its boundaries who would not choose to meet their Sunday obligation at a nearby parish at 5:30 pm on Saturday or at 8:30 am or 10:30 am on Sundays, and that they wouldn’t describe that parish as a “better fit.”
**
What are you talking about?
I’m talking about people who only come for Sacraments and NEVER attend a Mass here or elsewhere. You sure misread ALOT into my post. **

Does that mean that Catholics who don’t meet their Sunday obligation at the same Mass time every week have their priorities messed up? So why would it be a sign of messed-up priorities to go to a parish that offers religious education or sacramental preparation at a time that fits their schedule? Attending Mass on the Lord’s Day is in canon law, but there is no single day of the week that is set aside as the best for religious education.
**Again, what in the world are you responding to? Nothing I said warrants this response. **

Let me ask you this: What if the choice were between public school sports, which compete on weekdays, and CYO sports, which compete on weekends? I ask because I have been dumbfounded at how often CYO sports are more in conflict with attending Mass on Sunday morning than the supposedly “secular” Little League programs.
**There are NO CYO sports here, of you mean Catholic Youth. None. **
Having said all that, the OP’s family is one who had their child prepared for the sacraments in-parish and according an avenue deemed appropriate by their pastor. It is a bait-and-switch to tell the parents after the fact that their child will be barred from making his or her First Holy Communion at the same Masses as the other children. What pretext is there for excluding them?

**I don’t know. Why don’t you ask their pastor? I have no idea. I can only state what my Archdiocese requires, which I have. **

 

[Irishmom2]

Don’t tell me that if a parish had offered only a single Mass at 9 am on Sundays there would not be Catholics living within its boundaries who would not choose to meet their Sunday obligation at a nearby parish at 5:30 pm on Saturday or at 8:30 am or 10:30 am on Sundays, and that they wouldn’t describe that parish as a “better fit.”

Does that mean that Catholics who don’t meet their Sunday obligation at the same Mass time every week have their priorities messed up? So why would it be a sign of messed-up priorities to go to a parish that offers religious education or sacramental preparation at a time that fits their schedule? Attending Mass on the Lord’s Day is in canon law, but there is no single day of the week that is set aside as the best for religious education.

Let me ask you this: What if the choice were between public school sports, which compete on weekdays, and CYO sports, which compete on weekends? I ask because I have been dumbfounded at how often CYO sports are more in conflict with attending Mass on Sunday morning than the supposedly “secular” Little League programs.

Having said all that, the OP’s family is one who had their child prepared for the sacraments in-parish and according an avenue deemed appropriate by their pastor. It is a bait-and-switch to tell the parents after the fact that their child will be barred from making his or her First Holy Communion at the same Masses as the other children. What pretext is there for excluding them?

I don’t know if you realize how angry you sound towards pianistclare, nor do I understand why.

 

[Allegra]

They are favoring public school students in the situation described in the OP. They should treat public school students and homeschooled students equally.

Okay. I agree with that. Your previous post made me think you were advocating for parishes to favor only Catholic school students.

 

[mommy_k]

Same here. Last year one of the Catholic School parents said loudly “Are our kids receiving with THOSE OTHERS?” in front of “those others”.
They also wanted to pay Father “extra” for a Private First Communion for just the Catholic school kids. Father told them he didn’t “charge” for Sacraments; he would just be happy to see those people at Mass each Sunday, and then asked the woman who she was and if she was a parishioner. To this day, We’ve never seen her at Mass. They were registered., but they’ve never come to anything but that one First Communion Mass.

As a Catholic school parent-I have to comment.. I think itks horrible what they did-but it is not limited to Catholic school families.

Sadly there are families that are nuts on all sides of this.

 

[UbiCaritas]

the Church does.
But many people favor soccer, lacrosse, and competitive cheering over Sunday school. THAT is the big problem. My colleague at a neighboring parish had a parent say that since Confirmation class conflicted with competitive cheering, they were going to leave the parish since it didn’t “meet their needs” as a family.
What?
So much for parish family.

Well, sometimes it’s not just sports and the like; it’s family time, too.

We have a long ways to go before we need worry about this, but at our church, as with many, sacramental prep is separate from regular faith formation classes. FF classes are offered Sunday morning and various weekday evenings, and you register for whichever day fits your schedule best. Fair enough; it’s a huge parish, so they can offer lots of different times, and we really appreciate that!

What we don’t appreciate is that the year that a child makes his or her First Communion, the child and a parent are required to attend an additional sacramental prep session for a year prior. This session is held only on Sunday evenings. This effectively means that Sunday family dinner is impossible for almost a year (FF runs September-May) if you have a kid preparing for First Communion, and means that it’s one more evening that the family doesn’t get to spend together. If you have several small kids, it’s generally dad who attends with the first communicant, and you can bet that it leaves mom feeling pretty resentful that not only are her Sunday dinner plans wrecked, but she has yet another evening during the week when she’s kid-wrangling solo leading up to bedtime.

We love our parish in general; it’s very warm and family-friendly, and the priests and nearly all the staff are wonderful. That setup gives me pause, however, and it’s something we’ll have to take into consideration in a few years when DD’s preparing for her First Communion. We’re planning on homeschooling, but would like her to be a part of the FF classes at the parish for all sorts of reasons. Cancelling Sunday family dinner for a year, though, is a pretty stiff price to pay.

 

[tee_eff_em]

Same here. Last year one of the Catholic School parents said loudly “Are our kids receiving with THOSE OTHERS?” in front of “those others”.
They also wanted to pay Father “extra” for a Private First Communion for just the Catholic school kids. Father told them he didn’t “charge” for Sacraments; he would just be happy to see those people at Mass each Sunday,

and then asked the woman who she was and if she was a parishioner. To this day, We've never seen her at Mass.

They were registered., but they’ve never come to anything but that one First Communion Mass.

Sad to say, this is the least surprising thing I have read on this thread. :ehh:

tee