Paying for funeral mass

[Seeker1961]

Honestly after going through it I really can’t imagine a family feeling that they have a choice but to pay. We told the funeral director that we wanted to have a mass and he told us the price for the priest and the church. It was all very matter of fact.

 

[EasterJoy]

(Underline mine):

**Can. 1176 §1. **Deceased members of the Christian faithful must be given ecclesiastical funerals according to the norm of law.

**§2. **Ecclesiastical funerals, by which the Church seeks spiritual support for the deceased, honors their bodies, and at the same time brings the solace of hope to the living, must be celebrated according to the norm of the liturgical laws.

**§3. **The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.

**Can. 1183 §1. **When it concerns funerals, catechumens must be counted among the Christian faithful.

**§2. **The local ordinary can permit children whom the parents intended to baptize but who died before baptism to be given ecclesiastical funerals.

**§3. **In the prudent judgment of the local ordinary, ecclesiastical funerals can be granted to baptized persons who are enrolled in a non-Catholic Church or ecclesial community unless their intention is evidently to the contrary and provided that their own minister is not available.

 

[EasterJoy]

Honestly after going through it I really can’t imagine a family feeling that they have a choice but to pay. We told the funeral director that we wanted to have a mass and he told us the price for the priest and the church. It was all very matter of fact.

The funeral director doesn’t have to take poverty into account, and he may not be aware that the church does have to do so. There is also no exam that ensures that parish secretaries know this. The pastor ought to have been approached directly by the family, and if he did not take care of the matter, then the chancery office can be called.

That does not mean that a parish may not rightly charge a fee to those who have the means to pay it. It only means the fee may not be such that the sacraments and sacramentals are used as a means to enrich the parish, rather than contribute to its support in a way commensurate to the effort the parish is asked to provide when there is a funeral. The fee also may not be allowed to stand between the poor and their rights as members of the faithful.

It also doesn’t mean that the parish may not charge a substantial amount for reception areas and other things not directly related to the liturgical rights of the faithful. If a family wants to bring in a lot of flowers and someone has to be hired to vacuum up afterwards, then the parish can charge for that. If the family wants professional music to be provided by the parish, they may have to pay for those costs. Of course the funeral home may charge extra for transportation of the body to and from the church and the funeral home, and the parish cannot help that*. For the funeral itself, though, the fee is to be kept in bounds by the local bishops. (*But a funeral Mass without the body can be offered; that is, the priest can go to the funeral home for prayers over the body, and then offer a funeral Mass at the church without the body , in order to save the family the cost of transporting the body and casket back and forth to and from the church.)

It is worth investigating this matter with your local diocese. If there are communication issues with the local funeral directors concerning the nature of these fees and when they are not to be charged, you could be helping other families get the right information later on down the line, families that (like you) would otherwise not know to ask.

Certainly, though, it is worth it for a family to ask their own priest about these things, and not just take the funeral director’s word for it. The funeral director may not even be Catholic and even if Catholic may not understand the rules correctly.

 

[EasterJoy]

Honestly after going through it I really can’t imagine a family feeling that they have a choice but to pay. We told the funeral director that we wanted to have a mass and he told us the price for the priest and the church. It was all very matter of fact.

A funeral home near us with a reputation for prices reasonable within the industry charges $225 to transport the decedent to and from funeral sites within a 25 mile radius of the funeral home. That’s over and above the usual staff charge for a funeral. The parish may not see much of what the funeral home charges for a funeral at a parish church.

 

[papaececi]

Certainly, though, it is worth it for a family to ask their own priest about these things, and not just take the funeral director’s word for it. The funeral director may not even be Catholic and even if Catholic may not understand the rules correctly.

One could probably reduce the fee by asking for a said mass (i.e. no music).

 

[Seeker1961]

I found it hard to understand why the Church would ask for money when this is a morning Mass that they would be having anyway. The bereavement folks are going to be meeting with Mom and we’ll know more about what is actually involved, so maybe there are extras we’re not aware of at this point.

 

[maryjk]

Honestly after going through it I really can’t imagine a family feeling that they have a choice but to pay. We told the funeral director that we wanted to have a mass and he told us the price for the priest and the church. It was all very matter of fact.

You said this was 3rd hand.

It is very possible that the cost is for the funeral home and not for the church.

With my mother’s funeral, there was no additional cost from the funeral home for transportation to the church. Mom was cremated, and the funeral director is a friend. With Dad, we had to pay for transporting the body to the church and then to the cemetery. Friend or not, they had to use a hearse.

 

[EasterJoy]

I found it hard to understand why the Church would ask for money when this is a morning Mass that they would be having anyway. The bereavement folks are going to be meeting with Mom and we’ll know more about what is actually involved, so maybe there are extras we’re not aware of at this point.

That is a good idea. It is actually odd to me that the parish has funerals in lieu of a usual daily Mass. I have never heard of that, even for funerals with a dozen or so mourners. Perhaps their priest shortage is that severe.

If you cannot manage the incidental costs of a funeral Mass with the body present at that parish, you may be able to find a retired priest who will say a private funeral Mass for you at a chapel somewhere. It depends on many circumstances, but it is worth looking into.

 

[Seeker1961]

You said this was 3rd hand.

It is very possible that the cost is for the funeral home and not for the church.

With my mother’s funeral, there was no additional cost from the funeral home for transportation to the church. Mom was cremated, and the funeral director is a friend. With Dad, we had to pay for transporting the body to the church and then to the cemetery. Friend or not, they had to use a hearse.

No,this is not third hand-this is about my father who died on Monday. Dad chose cremation as well.

The funeral home is not going to be involved-the price is “$100 for the Priest and $150 for the church”. That was the exact quote from the director when we told him we wanted to have a funeral mass.

This is in a retirement community where upwards of 150 to 200 people will be at a Daily Mass

 

[SwizzleStick]

That is a good idea. It is actually odd to me that the parish has funerals in lieu of a usual daily Mass. I have never heard of that, even for funerals with a dozen or so mourners. Perhaps their priest shortage is that severe.

If you cannot manage the incidental costs of a funeral Mass with the body present at that parish, you may be able to find a retired priest who will say a private funeral Mass for you at a chapel somewhere. It depends on many circumstances, but it is worth looking into.

We have an almost daily weekday 6:15 a.m. Mass (sometimes it is just a Communion service rather than Mass) and a daily weekday and Saturday 8:00 a.m. Mass. Funeral Masses are always scheduled at 10:00 a.m.

 

[SwizzleStick]

You said this was 3rd hand. …

No, that was the OP, mizznicole, who said that what she heard about a relative’s funeral was third-hand. Seeker1961 is relaying his own experience regarding his father’s funeral.

 

[TrueLight]

Not necessarily. In my experiences growing up as a Protestant, no money whatsoever would be paid by the family to the parish-not to the pastor, to the musicians, not to anyone. I’m not saying that this is always the case, but the congregations I grew up in would have considered the idea of a family having to pay for the use of the church for a funeral to be offensive.

I agree. But the church I grew up in had about 350 members, the Pastor had a full time job outside of the church and the Sunday school teachers and musicians worked for free. There were no fees for funerals or weddings.

In fact, when my brother died, the youth group told our family to not even worry about the reception after the funeral. They took care of everything. We came back to the church after the funeral and there was a potluck reception.

Now when I started attending a megachurch, things were different.

 

[TrueLight]

No,this is not third hand-this is about my father who died on Monday. Dad chose cremation as well.

Condolences. I will keep your father, you and your family in prayer.

 

[Seeker1961]

We have an almost daily weekday 6:15 a.m. Mass (sometimes it is just a Communion service rather than Mass) and a daily weekday and Saturday 8:00 a.m. Mass. Funeral Masses are always scheduled at 10:00 a.m.

The mass at the church is at 8:30- kinda early but not crazy early. Most of the folks are retired so they aren’t trying to get people off to work or school.

I’m fine with what I have, since Mom was resistant at first to do anything. Oddly enough though it was “cost” that she was using to veto the Mass. Luckily the total price for everything still came in under one of the insurance policies and she’ll still get $ back.

That’s really why it bothers me. I was lucky, what happens to the poor soul whose family decides that extra $250 just “isn’t worth it”

 

[EasterJoy]

Most parishes have a stipend that is paid for any special Masses - funerals, weddings, etc. It generally covers the expenses of opening and running the church (heat, ac, lights, candles, etc.), paying the organists, etc. In my personal experience, it was one of the line items at the funeral home and the funeral director took care of the money exhange.

In most cases, the parish would work out a reduced fee or a payment plan for a family that couldn’t afford the stipend but if the deceased or the family were not really practicing Catholics in the parish, that conversation would be trickier. I know our pastor is very sensitive about using parish resources at the request of people who have not been part of parish life up til then.

Are you sure the priest would consider the conversation trickier? I’m sure many pastors are sensitive about resources like the parish hall or non-essentials like that, but when it comes to the care of souls, most I know are very much intent that money not be an object. They have a great solicitude for those who add losing a loved one to their bad financial circumstances, and they tend to be particular that the parish pay attention not to neglect the demands of hospitality.

OTOH, most of the priests of our diocese were formed at the Benedictine seminary:

*Let all guests who arrive be received like Christ,
for He is going to say,
“I came as a guest, and you received Me” (Matt. 25:35).

In the reception of the poor and of pilgrims
the greatest care and solicitude should be shown,
because it is especially in them that Christ is received;
for as far as the rich are concerned,
the very fear which they inspire
wins respect for them. *

The Rule of St. Benedict

 

[SwizzleStick]

The mass at the church is at 8:30- kinda early but not crazy early. Most of the folks are retired so they aren’t trying to get people off to work or school.

I’m fine with what I have, since Mom was resistant at first to do anything. Oddly enough though it was “cost” that she was using to veto the Mass. Luckily the total price for everything still came in under one of the insurance policies and she’ll still get $ back.

That’s really why it bothers me. I was lucky, what happens to the poor soul whose family decides that extra $250 just “isn’t worth it”

I know that your Mom wasn’t planning to have a funeral Mass for your Dad at first, so I am glad the cost did not make her change her mind.

I would think that if cost is prohibitive for a family, a reduced fee could be suggested. I don’t really know, but I can’t imagine that a funeral Mass would be refused due to inability to pay in my parish.

 

[Corki]

Are you sure the priest would consider the conversation trickier? I’m sure many pastors are sensitive about resources like the parish hall or non-essentials like that, but when it comes to the care of souls, most I know are very much intent that money not be an object. They have a great solicitude for those who add losing a loved one to their bad financial circumstances, and they tend to be particular that the parish pay attention not to neglect the demands of hospitality.

By “trickier,” I simply meant that there wouldn’t be the existing raport or familiarity that would exist if the family was practicing Catholics and members of the parish. For example, our pastor has a really good handle on which families might have financial challenges and would be able to intervene in any discussion of stipends.

 

[Corki]

Not necessarily. In my experiences growing up as a Protestant, no money whatsoever would be paid by the family to the parish-not to the pastor, to the musicians, not to anyone. I’m not saying that this is always the case, but the congregations I grew up in would have considered the idea of a family having to pay for the use of the church for a funeral to be offensive.

However, in Protestant churches, in my experience, it is not very common for a family who has no relationship with the church to request a funeral service for a family member who was also not a member of the church. Those families typically have their services at funeral homes.

 

[EasterJoy]

By “trickier,” I simply meant that there wouldn’t be the existing raport or familiarity that would exist if the family was practicing Catholics and members of the parish. For example, our pastor has a really good handle on which families might have financial challenges and would be able to intervene in any discussion of stipends.

For any family, whether he thinks he knows their means or not, he could simply say:
“Let me start by commenting on whatever certain amount the funeral home may have quoted you for the church. Since I can’t tell what resources any particular family has, let me assure you that families who cannot afford the customary offering the parish asks for or even that I would typically receive can still have a funeral Mass like anyone else. The offering is made by those who have the means. Even if a family can’t afford transport of the body to the church, we can still have a funeral Mass without the body. If you are afraid that something can’t be done because of money or anything else, talk to me first.”

Next subject.

 

[Corki]

For any family, whether he thinks he knows their means or not, he could simply say:
“Let me start by commenting on whatever certain amount the funeral home may have quoted you for the church. …”

But you are jumping to a hypothetical meeting with the pastor. In many cases, the initial discussion about stipends and Masses is done at the funeral home. The priest isn’t even likely to know that the person died until he is contacted by the funeral home director. With a parishioner, it is likely that the pastor would have known the person was dying, maybe even been the one to give last rites. In these cases, the family probably calls the parish before they call the funeral home. I know we did, when my father died.

In the OP’s example, we don’t know if the family ever had a discussion with the priest in person, only that when informed of the stipend, they decided to have the service at the funeral home instead.