People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

[FanofB16]

Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?

 

[Young_Thinker]

Yes, it is a serious sin, not to mention that it is “tacky.” Concubinage is a dire problem in our society. However, your friends are finally doing the right thing by marrying. Some people never do that much. The priest certainly is not doing anything that is wrong.

 

[GEddie]

Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?

“Living together” is not ok before marriage.

However, like any other sin, it can be repented, and the people involved can go on to marriage in the Catholic Church.

(N.B. I am not a priest, nor do I play one on television; but I did go to Catholic High School)

ICXC NIKA.

 

[tjm190]

I’ve lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I’ve lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I’ve lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn’t I live with a female roommate?

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren’t supposed to have sex with is not.

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

Where does it say in the Bible that living together is wrong?

 

[WatchingMedia]

Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?

Any sexual activity outside of marriage (defined between one man and one woman) is a sin.
If the Priest knows they are living together, he has an obligation to tell them this.
If you are aware of a scandal, tell your Priest.
Can they go to Confession, and be forgiven of their sins - Yes, if they are truly sorry, and there is a firm purpose of amendment to commit these sins no more. Until that time, they may not receive Holy Communion.

 

[tjm190]

Any sexual activity outside of marriage (defined between one man and one woman) is a sin.
If the Priest knows they are living together, he has an obligation to tell them this.
If you are aware of a scandal, tell your Priest.
Can they go to Confession, and be forgiven of their sins - Yes, if they are truly sorry, and there is a firm purpose of amendment to commit these sins no more. Until that time, they may not receive Holy Communion.

Maybe I’m behind the times, but I didn’t know paying rent together or having the same address was a form of sexual activity.

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

Maybe I’m behind the times, but I didn’t know paying rent together or having the same address was a form of sexual activity.

I guess that makes both of us.

 

[GEddie]

I’ve lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I’ve lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I’ve lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn’t I live with a female roommate?

Because that would place both persons in a “near occasion of sin ,” which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren’t supposed to have sex with is not.

Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery “in your heart.”

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

Because that would place both persons in a “near occasion of sin ,” which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.

What if you were on holiday and were staying at a friend’s place, and you were sexually attracted to them? Should you leave because you might be falling into sin?

Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery “in your heart.”
ICXC NIKA.

What if the couple didn’t have sexual activity? I used to literally sleep with a girl that I once dated for a bit, and to be honest I never fantasized about her or had any kind of sexual activity with her, I just cuddled up with her. She broke up with me, lol.

You are attempting to conclude it’s a sin by assuming many things, living with someone who you are sexually attracted to is not a sin by itself then?

 

[tjm190]

Because that would place both persons in a “near occasion of sin ,” which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.

A near occasion of sin is a situation in which people almost always fall (as opposed to the remote occasion of sin)- and who says that people lack the self control not to sleep together? That seems like a determination that the couple has to make.

Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery “in your heart.”

ICXC NIKA.

So lust is a sin. That’s something the couple has to figure out.

 

[GEddie]

What if you were on holiday and were staying at a friend’s place, and you were sexually attracted to them? Should you leave because you might be falling into sin?

You should, if by staying there the temptation might be too much for the 2 of you.

What might be ok in a temporary travel situation would not be in an open-ended arrangement.

We ask GOD “Lead us not into temptation.” At the very least, it doth behooveth us then to not go looking for it either?

What if the couple didn’t have sexual activity? I used to literally sleep with a girl that I once dated for a bit, and to be honest I never fantasized about her or had any kind of sexual activity with her, I just cuddled up with her. She broke up with me, lol.

That you were able to avoid sin in this sitaution does not make it ok for everybody.

You are attempting to conclude it’s a sin by assuming many things, living with someone who you are sexually attracted to is not a sin by itself then?

It would be a sin in the “near occasion” matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

You should, if by staying there the temptation might be too much for the 2 of you.

What might be ok in a temporary travel situation would not be in an open-ended arrangement.

This is problematic, the point I’m trying to illustrate is how this is becoming more of some kind pseudo-spiritual issue and not remotely based on any kind of condemnation by Christ.

We ask GOD “Lead us not into temptation.” At the very least, it doth behooveth us then to not go looking for it either?

The old temptation card, yes, we ask God not to lead us into temptation. So we might as well not have internet in our homes either then. Go to an internet cafe and do all your work there, it might cost a bit more, but remember, salvation has no price on it - a large amount of ridiculous analogous scenarios could be constructed to parallel your argument.

That you were able to avoid sin in this sitaution does not make it ok for everybody.

On whose grounds?

It would be a sin in the “near occasion” matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.

Public scandal, me? I’m not quite sure what you’re referring to here, so I’ll ask for some clarification on that. Watching T.V could also be a sin of the near occassion matter, going to the beach too, perhaps we should avoid that too? What of the gym? That could definitely be a problem, especially if you’re gay.

What if you’re one of those weird people that have fetishes for cars? Dear Lord, don’t go out into the open just incase you see a car and get turned on, the saga continues…

 

[tjm190]

It would be a sin in the “near occasion” matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.

It’s only a near occasion of sin if you can show that couples almost always fall- aka, the vast majority of otherwise religious couples who shack up before marriage end up having sex. Good luck!

And what if people know about my faith and assume I have an improper relationship with my roommate or my dog?

I mean, let’s just say my roommate and I become huge fans of musicals and decide that European male handbags are just so totally practical that we absolutely HAD to get them- people may well assume engage in homosexual activity.

 

[Young_Thinker]

I’ve lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I’ve lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I’ve lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn’t I live with a female roommate?

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren’t supposed to have sex with is not.

But erotic activity is usually assumed to take place in such a situation.

 

[tjm190]

But erotic activity is usually assumed to take place in such a situation.

So we are to abandon our Christian sense of charity on the matter? Are we to let modern society dictate what we believe? I can think of a few people I know who were roommates in college that just about everyone thought were gay- does that mean they were causing scandal?

 

[Young_Thinker]

So we are to abandon our Christian sense of charity on the matter? Are we to let modern society dictate what we believe? I can think of a few people I know who were roommates in college that just about everyone thought were gay- does that mean they were causing scandal?

Our society seems to be obsessed with homophilia. However, I do think that it is very indecent to share a room with one of the opposite gender or for a man to share a [non-boarding] house with any lady who is not his close relative.

 

[Ponyguy]

Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?

The Church condemns premarital cohabitation.

There is certainly the appearance and the assumption of the couple “sharing sex” if the conspicuously cohabitate. Whether they actually are copulating is usually something not publicly broadcast, unless a pregnancy ensues and becomes obvious.

Consequently, there is the very real probability of a scandal if the priest knowingly marries a couple who are cohabiting previous to marriage.

If those cohabitants are actually living celibate lives, they have an enormous amount of will power… (or maybe a better term would be “won’t power”).

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

Our society seems to be obsessed with homophilia. However, I do think that it is very indecent to have share a room with one of the opposite gender.

As much as you like to do a lot of pondering Young Thinker, I think several of us require some proper reasoning behind this, and not just someone’s opinion based on assumptions of sorts.

 

[FanofB16]

I heard before of one Priest who told people living together prior to marriage to live apart for six months before the marriage.

ie. the Priest recognised that it was a scandal for two Catholics to be living togther before marraige and their moving into different residences would acknowledge that before family and friends.

Almost all of my friends live together before marriage