People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

[Young_Thinker]

The difficulty arises because “common decency” is no longer common, more’s the pity.

ICXC NIKA.

Indeed.

 

[tjm190]

In a way, it is subjective, but one has to look at the larger picture. For one thing, Western society a century ago would have been horrified by such behavior. Mrs. Post certainly would have found concubinage to be vulgar. Frankly, people have lost good taste. Also, certain behaviors, like cohabitation, can clearly lead to sin. It is never a wise idea to encourage yourself or other people sin. That is why they are called compromising situations.

just about anything can lead to sin- that’s why we need to use our own best judgement to determine what we can and can not handle.

 

[Young_Thinker]

just about anything can lead to sin- that’s why we need to use our own best judgement to determine what we can and can not handle.

There are some that are worse than other ones and, I would say, uncalled for(i.e. does a man have to have a female roommate?) .

 

[zz912]

Seems there are posters who are becoming very lawyerly to find the the razor-thin edge up to the line of sinning so they can ride that rail and justify their behaviors and personal disagreements with the Church. (Reminds me of mylef when I was younger) Some re-reading of Scripture would be beneficial. You are called to a life of holiness, not to a life of “what can I get away with?” We are to be good examples and let our behavior be a good example to others. A Christian does not ask what they can get away with or how close they can get to sin without falling, a Christian strives and looks for the actions which are holy.

 

[tjm190]

There are some that are worse than other ones and, I would say, uncalled for(i.e. does a man have to have a female roommate?) .

If a man enjoys the company of that female, if they are willing and able to share overhead costs, if they believe they are compatible living partners, and if both believe they can maintain their sense of morality in that situation, then why shouldn’t they?

 

[tjm190]

Seems there are posters who are becoming very lawyerly to find the the razor-thin edge up to the line of sinning so they can ride that rail and justify their behaviors and personal disagreements with the Church. (Reminds me of mylef when I was younger) Some re-reading of Scripture would be beneficial. You are called to a life of holiness, not to a life of “what can I get away with?” We are to be good examples and let our behavior be a good example to others. A Christian does not ask what they can get away with or how close they can get to sin without falling, a Christian strives and looks for the actions which are holy.

Ahem? Who says rooming with someone of the opposite sex is unholy?

 

[Elizabeth502]

It’s reasonable to assume that two people who are living together and attracted to one another are heaving sex? Says who? If two people who are sexually attracted to one another are in the same room alone for more than 10 minutes, can I assume they’re having sex?

You asked a question. You received a respectful, thoughtful answer from me. Then you turn my words into some kind of a word game and distort my meaning. I never said that it was “reasonable to assume to that two people who are living together and attracted to one another are having sex.” I said that it creates a public perception, which in the Church’s eyes, additionally causes scandal to the faithful. I also said that it puts the relationship itself into jeopardy because it creates an unnecessary tension to have a prolonged arrangement like that (not a night, not a week, not “10 minutes.”)

Why is it your job to go around and tell people you aren’t sinning? Does a couple with no children have to wear a sign proclaiming that they aren’t using contraception?

No one made any such exaggerated and immature statement.

And if the couple thinks they can handle it, that is their call.

I never said it wasn’t. But there are 3 issues: technicalities (legalisms), wisdom, and scandal.

Some people actually enjoy each other’s company (gasp!)

If you want a respectful, adult debate, it’s helpful if you don’t engage in unnecessary hyperbole and immature comments. No one said anything about not enjoying each other’s company.

 

[zz912]

Ahem? Who says rooming with someone of the opposite sex is unholy?

Thank you for a perfect example of the lawyerly behavior I described. First, let’s dispense with your strawman argument. We are discussing those who live together before marriage. So it is NOT a roommate relationship, but a couple living together outside of marriage, which is a sin.

But as to your question about those of the opposite sex rooming together, it is possible for a small % of situations to possibly be completely platonic and only roommates with no sexual attraction. But should it be done and HOPE they can remain chaste? Nope. You are to throw off your old ways and lead a life of purity. Of course you will fail to be perfect, but you are to try. That means you don’t willingly walk into temptation again and again, we are all weak and need to keep ourselves away from temptation.

 

[Young_Thinker]

If a man enjoys the company of that female, if they are willing and able to share overhead costs, if they believe they are compatible living partners, and if both believe they can maintain their sense of morality in that situation, then why shouldn’t they?

I appreciate your response, but it is still not a good idea.

 

[tjm190]

You asked a question. You received a respectful, thoughtful answer from me. Then you turn my words into some kind of a word game and distort my meaning. I never said that it was “reasonable to assume to that two people who are living together and attracted to one another are having sex.” I said that it creates a public perception, which in the Church’s eyes, additionally causes scandal to the faithful. I also said that it puts the relationship itself into jeopardy because it creates an unnecessary tension to have a prolonged arrangement like that (not a night, not a week, not “10 minutes.”)

Again though- the public may well believe that two male roommates are engaging in homosexual activities. I believe your response to that was something to the tune of ‘that is an unreasonable assumption’- which begs the question, what makes the assumption that two roommates are engaged in heterosexual sex reasonable?
And the couple would have to decide for themselves whether or not tension would be created.

No one made any such exaggerated and immature statement.

But you would admit that people might assume the couple is using contraception, and if the couple are know to be hard core catholics, that could cause scandal.

I never said it wasn’t. But there are 3 issues: technicalities (legalisms), wisdom, and scandal.

I claim scandal is not an issue you should worry about. I believe the sin of scandal applies to people like Nancy Pelosi, who actively spout things like that the Church teaching on abortion is ‘flexible.’ Not so much when you do something that leads people to assume you are sinning.

If you want a respectful, adult debate, it’s helpful if you don’t engage in unnecessary hyperbole and immature comments. No one said anything about not enjoying each other’s company.

I was saying that enjoying one another’s company, in addition to being willing and able to share overhead costs, could lead people to room together, regardless of whether not they are of the same gender.

 

[tjm190]

Thank you for a perfect example of the lawyerly behavior I described.

Challenging you conclusions? Ya, people tend to do that.

First, let’s dispense with your strawman argument. We are discussing those who live together before marriage. So it is NOT a roommate relationship,

“A roommate is a person who shares a living facility, called as a sharehome, such as an apartment or dormitory. Synonyms include sharemate,suitemate, housemate, or flatmate” Seems to fit the definition.

but a couple living together outside of marriage, which is a sin.

Oh is it? How so?

But as to your question about those of the opposite sex rooming together, it is possible for a small % of situations to possibly be completely platonic and only roommates with no sexual attraction. But should it be done and HOPE they can remain chaste? Nope. You are to throw off your old ways and lead a life of purity. Of course you will fail to be perfect, but you are to try. That means you don’t willingly walk into temptation again and again, we are all weak and need to keep ourselves away from temptation.

You can be tempted by billboards, television Ads, and people on the street. You need to determine what you can and cannot handle. If you can handle a same sex roommate, even one you intend to marry, that is your call, and you can live with the consequences.

And I ask again, how is having an opposite sex roommate necessarily impure?

 

[motoranders]

Where does it say in the Bible that living together is wrong?

How about Genesis 20:14 (Douay-Rheims Bible)…Thou shalt not commit adultery. The fact of the matter is that most people who live together before they get married are committing fornication which is a mortal sin agains the 6th commandment. And even if a couple living together before getting married are living as brother and sister (i.e. not sleeping together and sleeping in separate rooms) it still is a cause of scandal. It’s sending a message to others that they are living together in sin and that it is acceptable behavior. Ever heard the phrase actions speak louder than words?