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chevalier
Guest
Even your nick says you prefer Clint Eastwood (and rightfully so)!Still, bleah.Brad Pitt looks like a weasel to me.
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JustinR
Guest
I donāt think I am the exception as far as men, I have seen very decent divorced men. When my son was 3 and his mother was long gone, I was taking care of grandfather for years til he died at home because as a RN I hate nursing homes, at the time I also did foster parenting for the state for 6 kids, newborn & 1 yo for 8 months, then a 1 & 4 yo, then a 2 & 3 yo brother/sister that I had for over a year, then I care for my grandmother with dementia til she was 89 yo. While I had 3 kids under 5 it was not easy to go looking for a single woman, maybe that is why we do not get noticed. I see other single guys who are decent too.
And I think there is a difference between looking for a baby machine and being open to life. Even with NFP there are unexpected blessings. Since as Catholics contraception is not an option, and if a couple is going to have marital relations, then even in their 40s they should be open to life. People can have a contraceptive mentality without actually using contraceptives. Being open to life is understanding that over 35 yo the fertility rate sharply drops so you can not count on a baby even if you want one. It is understanding that God is in control, and being happy without children or with them.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
I understand, Justin. I used NFP through my whole marriage.
But as the person who actually would have to carry a child, itās a little different. And Iām quite a bit beyond 35.
Iām just saying that for many women who were left raising kids and their kids are finally sufficiently old enough for them to feel comfortable dating again, the idea of going back to the diaper pail isnāt as wonderful sounding as for a guy who now after 30 years of living one way, decides he wants kids.
And believe me, from what you have written, you ARE rare!
You are the exception.
And maybe being so, you have friends similar to yourself and so you have a skewed perception of a lot of the divorced men out there.
Keep your good friends. I hope you find someone who appreciates your generous and caring nature. You deserve that.
But as the person who actually would have to carry a child, itās a little different. And Iām quite a bit beyond 35.
Iām just saying that for many women who were left raising kids and their kids are finally sufficiently old enough for them to feel comfortable dating again, the idea of going back to the diaper pail isnāt as wonderful sounding as for a guy who now after 30 years of living one way, decides he wants kids.
And believe me, from what you have written, you ARE rare!
You are the exception.And maybe being so, you have friends similar to yourself and so you have a skewed perception of a lot of the divorced men out there.
Keep your good friends. I hope you find someone who appreciates your generous and caring nature. You deserve that.
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Norseman82
Guest
Uh, being rejected and given the run-around by women who chose the wrong guy even though they should have known better?
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
thing about āshould have known betterā is that itās 20/20 hindsight.
And there are plenty of lovely women out there who are still single. Who have been single for the same amount of time. Did they ALL give you the runaround?
And there are plenty of lovely women out there who are still single. Who have been single for the same amount of time. Did they ALL give you the runaround?
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havana1
Guest
Amen, brother. I hear you. :tiphat:
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Maria65
Guest
So true.
Some of those āwrong guysā are very good liars and actors, good at deceiving innocent and trusting young women, who find out the truth too late.
I speak from personal experience.
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chevalier
Guest
Yeah, but thereās also the fact (or theory) that while men are bigger risk-takers physically (and I suppose economically too), women are bigger risk-takers in romantic relationships. Plus, I donāt know how specific this is to either sex, but some people stay through with abusers because of loyalty. This may be a form of Stockholm syndrome (victims identifying with their kidnappers). On the other hand, abusers generally have āspecialā personalities, which tends to include a degree of āmagnetic personalityā.So true.
Some of those āwrong guysā are very good liars and actors, good at deceiving innocent and trusting young women, who find out the truth too late.
I speak from personal experience.
Besides, sometimes abusers are troubled people who really try to be kind. When they succeed, theyāre the sweetest ever, nice and caring people. When they donāt, they give in to whateverās troubling them and then the disease takes over.
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Maria65
Guest
ā¦and your point isā¦?
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chevalier
Guest
ā¦Obviously, that there is more to it than just bad guys being good liars.ā¦and your point isā¦?
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Angels_Unaware
Guest
Thank you to all of those who have posted their experiences with AMS. I will never recommend that site to a single person again. It sounds as if the mixture of men who are sincerely seeking a life partner in a spirit of sacrificial love versus those who have some very flesh-based motivation for seekin a partner is no better than the mixture on Match.com. It sounds like the only difference for some men is that on Match they are looking for sexual partners with no commitment, while on AMS, middle-aged men who have already sown their wild oats are looking for a 25-year old virgin to bear children and keep house for them. 
I guess I wonāt be making any assumptions about where the best place to find a mate is any more. Especially since Iāve seen good marriages come out of Match.com at work.
I guess I wonāt be making any assumptions about where the best place to find a mate is any more. Especially since Iāve seen good marriages come out of Match.com at work.
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Nec5
Guest
Time and male friends can always see through these snakes. If you spend enough time with someone before getting married, his/her ugly side will show itself. Even the greatest deceiver canāt maintain the facade for 2 years of close discussion and shared experiences.So true.
Some of those āwrong guysā are very good liars and actors, good at deceiving innocent and trusting young women, who find out the truth too late.
I speak from personal experience.
Another useful tactic is to spend time with the guy and your brother/father or a trustworthy male friend. As a guy, I can read other men in about 15 minutes. Women often have trouble seeing the real person in front of them; a reliable male friend wonāt pull any punches and will tell you to get of Dodge in a heartbeat.
The bad news here is that todayās cultural norms mean that youāll be getting out of Dodge daily.
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whatevergirl
Guest
*bolded for emphasis, done by me.Thank you to all of those who have posted their experiences with AMS. I will never recommend that site to a single person again. It sounds as if the mixture of men who are sincerely seeking a life partner in a spirit of sacrificial love versus those who have some very flesh-based motivation for seekin a partner is no better than the mixture on Match.com. It sounds like the only difference for some men is that on Match they are looking for sexual partners with no commitment, while on AMS, middle-aged men who have already sown their wild oats are looking for a 25-year old virgin to bear children and keep house for them.
I guess I wonāt be making any assumptions about where the best place to find a mate is any more. Especially since Iāve seen good marriages come out of Match.com at work.
I have absolutely nothing to add to this thread (right now) but I just wanted to say Angels that you crack me upā¦I donāt think you mean to be funny (sometimes) but, your wit and posts make me laugh out loud.
Just had to say thatā¦I think you are funny! Okay, everyone can carry on again now.
*
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
I wouldnāt say every man. Just as in all things, buyer beware. Some use that forum to find āniceā girls/women.
Iāve seen the whole thing done on Christian websites too. Matter of fact, my xh advertises on those, seeking good young Christian women whom he promises to value for their innocence. Yeah, Iāve seen it.
That scares me to think if he is advertising on those sites, who are the other men REALLY!
Iāve seen the whole thing done on Christian websites too. Matter of fact, my xh advertises on those, seeking good young Christian women whom he promises to value for their innocence. Yeah, Iāve seen it.
That scares me to think if he is advertising on those sites, who are the other men REALLY!
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chevalier
Guest
Sorry to hear about your experiences, Angels. I havenāt decided to try on match.com yet and I donāt really feel like paying for a dating site at the moment, so AMS. What Iāve been able to notice, however, is that most of the time, if you go a bit deeper into a profile, you do find a deal-breaker. In my case, itās a mix of āproblems with themā and āproblems with compatibilityāā¦ being an odball myself doesnāt make things easier in terms of compatibility anyway.
Liberanos, itās not just the sites. People on websites donāt come there out of a vacuum. Thereās possibly a bigger ratio of crooks and possibly the anonymity factor has a role, as in opportunity makes a thief, but itās the same people who live, work, go to school, go to the shop, the library, roam the park etc. etc. somewhere. Possibly, theyāre even actually easier to identify on the Internet than in real life. You have a block message, you donāt get your data sequentially, the person isnāt right there to explain away your doubts the moment they appear; you can analyse the style of his writingā¦ there are some clues that make some things easier than in real life - in turn, we all know in real life we can interpret body language and hear the voice instead of just the verbal content and word choice. Heh, itās probably not all that different in the end anyway.
Liberanos, itās not just the sites. People on websites donāt come there out of a vacuum. Thereās possibly a bigger ratio of crooks and possibly the anonymity factor has a role, as in opportunity makes a thief, but itās the same people who live, work, go to school, go to the shop, the library, roam the park etc. etc. somewhere. Possibly, theyāre even actually easier to identify on the Internet than in real life. You have a block message, you donāt get your data sequentially, the person isnāt right there to explain away your doubts the moment they appear; you can analyse the style of his writingā¦ there are some clues that make some things easier than in real life - in turn, we all know in real life we can interpret body language and hear the voice instead of just the verbal content and word choice. Heh, itās probably not all that different in the end anyway.
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Angels_Unaware
Guest
Well, making you laugh is certainly better than making you want to throw tomatoes or cry,*bolded for emphasis, done by me.
I have absolutely nothing to add to this thread (right now) but I just wanted to say Angels that you crack me upā¦I donāt think you mean to be funny (sometimes) but, your wit and posts make me laugh out loud.
Okay, everyone can carry on again now.
Oh, Iām not on there!
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CountrySinger
Guest
I have an older brother who is fiercely protective, and he does a good job scaring the creeps away. I remember my first date in high school, my brother met him at the door holding a shotgun. I was so embarassed.Time and male friends can always see through these snakes. If you spend enough time with someone before getting married, his/her ugly side will show itself. Even the greatest deceiver canāt maintain the facade for 2 years of close discussion and shared experiences.
Another useful tactic is to spend time with the guy and your brother/father or a trustworthy male friend. As a guy, I can read other men in about 15 minutes. Women often have trouble seeing the real person in front of them; a reliable male friend wonāt pull any punches and will tell you to get of Dodge in a heartbeat.
The bad news here is that todayās cultural norms mean that youāll be getting out of Dodge daily.
The guy didnāt try anything though.My brother has VERY high standards. He thinks Iām a princess snort, and he wonāt rest till I meet a prince. I have to tell him that I will have to settle sometime.
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whatevergirl
Guest
Ok, letās go over this ONE MORE TIMEā¦you will NOT settle.I have an older brother who is fiercely protective, and he does a good job scaring the creeps away. I remember my first date in high school, my brother met him at the door holding a shotgun. I was so embarassed.
My brother has VERY high standards. He thinks Iām a princess snort, and he wonāt rest till I meet a prince. I have to tell him that I will have to settle sometime.
Your brother should do the picking for you, itās great that he looks out for you.
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CountrySinger
Guest
My brotherās standards are this: rich, attractive, smart, likes Star Wars (he loves Star Wars), treats sister tright, has season tickets to a sports team, college educated, steady job, dresses well, is Catholic, and is straight.Ok, letās go over this ONE MORE TIMEā¦you will NOT settle.
Like that guy exists. If I try to find a guy who fits all the criteria, no one would meet it. 
I have one guy who meets the criteria, except for the last one. So we are very close friends.
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whatevergirl
Guest
You donāt have to find a rich manā¦I mean, dependable and financially stable IS important, but the man does not have to be rich. But, that man (financially stable and the rest) existsā¦donāt lower your gaze, and you might see him.My brotherās standards are this: rich, attractive, smart, likes Star Wars (he loves Star Wars), treats sister tright, has season tickets to a sports team, college educated, steady job, dresses well, is Catholic, and is straight.
I have one guy who meets the criteria, except for the last one. So we are very close friends.
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