Perplexed by conversation with Co-worker. Opinions?

[MarieVeronica]

I’m an employee of a public school cafeteria. As such, we get all holidays and the entire summer off. I’ve been at this particular school for 6 months now, and I like it there. The faculty and the students are wonderful! We get some great perks and benefits. I love the hours. And I love all the time off, that we get. I’m happy there and I’m reliable. I show up for work every day. I’m a team player… and I enjoy what I’m doing.

But this afternoon… while setting up, to serve lunch to our students… I had a strange, baffling conversation with a co-worker (which SHE initiated). And I’m curious to know how other people would have reacted to such a conversation. I’m concerned how to react… from a spiritual standpoint, too.

I will call myself “Marie” and I will call the co-worker “Susie”. This is the conversation, verbatim:

Susie: “So Marie, are you planning on working here next year?” (meaning, after summer break).

Marie: “Of course!” (said with a smile, but a bit perplexed).

Susie: “Why?”

Marie: “WHY?!" (surprised, but still a trace of a smile) "Well, because I need to work.”

Susie: “Well, you can get ANOTHER job!”

Marie: (smile now fades… totally perplexed, baffled and feeling a bit rejected) “Another job? Why would I do that? I like it here.”

Susie: “I just meant that this isn’t the ONLY place a person can work”.

Ok… so, by this time… the students are starting to come in for lunch and the conversation abruptly ends. For 2 hours, I work along side this co-worker, shaken to the core. Because I don’t understand HOW her line of questioning originated… or WHY?

Was I being bullied? Or just too overly sensitive? And how do I proceed, in dealing with this co-worker from here on out? Does it sound like she has a problem with me? Should I simply forget about it… and act as though nothing has happened? I should add… that this particular co-worker hasn’t been too friendly, previously. But I’ve done everything I can to take it in stride… and (prior to this) never felt that there was any problem between us. I regularly call her by name. I greet her in the morning, say goodnight as I’m leaving… and smile at her frequently. And in addition, this past Christmas… I made presents for everyone… including Susie. So this really came out of LEFT FIELD and left me shaken. Your opinions and/or clarity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

 

[mommy_k]

You didn’t say you liked it to her-so she thinks it’s just a paycheck for you. Maybe if u said you liked it–her answer would not have been the same…(or she still may have said “why”).

Or-

Maybe she has a friend or someone she knows looking for a job and is putting feelers out.

 

[MarieVeronica]

You didn’t say you liked it to her-so she thinks it’s just a paycheck for you. Maybe if u said you liked it–her answer would not have been the same…(or she still may have said “why”).

Or-

Maybe she has a friend or someone she knows looking for a job and is putting feelers out.

No, actually… I’ve said how much I like the school many times. The entire staff eats lunch together and it’s a well known fact, that I’m happy there.

What startled me… was this sudden question, on her part. And then… the rather negative follow up (“This isn’t the only place you can work”). It seemed rather hostile…

Just for the record, if I had a friend looking for a job… I would never dream of asking my co-workers about THEIR intent to stay, or leave (“putting feelers out” on THEIR jobs). Instead… I would advise the job seeking friend to contact Human Resources and go from there. Putting “feelers” out on someone elses job is not an acceptable thing to do. I’d hate to think she was doing that.

 

[MarieVeronica]

No, actually… I’ve said how much I like the school many times. The entire staff eats lunch together and it’s a well known fact, that I’m happy there.

What startled me… was this sudden question, on her part. And then… the rather negative follow up (“This isn’t the only place you can work”). It seemed rather hostile…

Just for the record, if I had a friend looking for a job… I would never dream of asking my co-workers about THEIR intent to stay, or leave (“putting feelers out” on THEIR jobs). Instead… I would advise the job seeking friend to contact Human Resources and go from there.

 

[mommy_k]

No, actually… I’ve said how much I like the school many times. The entire staff eats lunch together and it’s a well known fact, that I’m happy there.

What startled me… was this sudden question, on her part. And then… the rather negative follow up (“This isn’t the only place you can work”). It seemed rather hostile…

Just for the record, if I had a friend looking for a job… I would never dream of asking my co-workers about THEIR intent to stay, or leave (“putting feelers out” on THEIR jobs). Instead… I would advise the job seeking friend to contact Human Resources and go from there.

Yes…but people are different…

she sounds either socially inept or hostile. so I would proceed to confirm which it is.

I personally would ask her the same question, ie- if she plans to come back…of course in a nice friendly way. Then her reaction would give me the answer.

I would in no way let her steal my joy whatever her response is. But then I would know

 

[EasterJoy]

I would guess she was hoping a friend of hers could have your job; that is, unless she covets your particular position herself. A third possibility is that someone noted that you like your job, she thought it wasn’t possible that someone as capable as you would like it, and they are right and she is wrong. Whatever her thing is, though, it has nothing to do with you. Charitably, it is possible that she thinks highly of you and believes you ought to aspire to “more.”

If she’s not your boss, I wouldn’t think a thing of that conversation. She’s not in a position to “shake” you at all. It was a weird line of questioning. If she is your boss, then ask her nicely but point-blank what she was getting at.

 

[MarieVeronica]

I would guess she was hoping a friend of hers could have your job; that is, unless she covets your particular position herself. A third possibility is that someone noted that you like your job, she thought it wasn’t possible that someone as capable as you would like it, and they are right and she is wrong. Whatever her thing is, though, it has nothing to do with you. Charitably, it is possible that she thinks highly of you and believes you ought to aspire to “more.”

If she’s not your boss, I wouldn’t think a thing of that conversation. She’s not in a position to “shake” you at all. It was a weird line of questioning. If she is your boss, then ask her nicely but point-blank what she was getting at.

No, she’s not my boss. She is a co-worker. And our positions are nearly identical. We’re both kitchen staff. Thank you both for your opinions. At least you confirmed what I was feeling… that it was an odd line of questioning. I have no idea what could have motivated her to question me as she did.

But, I guess my best course of action, is to simply ignore it and move on. I will also pray for her.

Thanks to you both, again. God bless.

 

[joeybaggz]

Was I being bullied? Or just too overly sensitive? And how do I proceed, in dealing with this co-worker from here on out? Does it sound like she has a problem with me? Should I simply forget about it… and act as though nothing has happened? I should add… that this particular co-worker hasn’t been too friendly, previously. But I’ve done everything I can to take it in stride… and (prior to this) never felt that there was any problem between us. I regularly call her by name. I greet her in the morning, say goodnight as I’m leaving… and smile at her frequently. And in addition, this past Christmas… I made presents for everyone… including Susie. So this really came out of LEFT FIELD and left me shaken. Your opinions and/or clarity would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

One one hand it sounds like someone is projecting their dissatisfaction on you. Or, it is her nature to be pessimistic? If she isn’t your boss, don’t worry. Only other question is this, is the staff unionized. If it is and you are not, you might want to look into that. In any case, stay pleasant, but watch your back. Like the saying goes, “keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.”

Shalom

 

[petra22]

I was thinking she got wind of some cuts in staff that are coming… have to let you know before April or such… was she last in? perhaps she will be first to go…?

Strange, yes!

 

[pianistclare]

She’s bullying you and completely out of line.

 

[Catholic1954]

I was thinking she got wind of some cuts in staff that are coming… have to let you know before April or such… was she last in? perhaps she will be first to go…?

Strange, yes!

I was thinking this also. Maybe, in her own weird way, she was trying to warn you that your position may not be there next term.

 

[Bonnie]

But, I guess my best course of action, is to simply ignore it and move on. I will also pray for her.

I agree, ignoring odd comments is a good idea.

But - if she should bring it up again, just put on a puzzled look (which shouldn’t be hard - you are puzzled!) & tell her you don’t understand. A few “I don’t understand” comments & she’ll probably leave you alone.

 

[dnu]

Perhaps she thinks the job is kind of dead end and is perplexed why one would work there during a period of time they could be somewhere else (i.e. summer)? In college I used to have similar conversations with fellow students when our summer breaks were coming up. They were single and childless and werent going to be caught dead working their summer at the restaurant we were at and would be dumbstruck that I wanted to stay. “Why in the **** are you staying here? Theres other places to work” was a common question asked of me. Nearly identical to your situation.

 

[Crusaderbear]

Probably trying to justify her own dissatisfaction…just ignore it.

 

[LiamQ]

Susie: “I just meant that this isn’t the ONLY place a person can work”.

Liam: “Right, well, don’t tell anyone, but my witness protection program just INSISTED on working here. They say Gianni the Rock broke out, and my old job was just TOO obvious a place to hunt me down. What are you driving at, Susie?”

 

[pianistclare]

Susie: “I just meant that this isn’t the ONLY place a person can work”.

Liam: “Right, well, don’t tell anyone, but my witness protection program just INSISTED on working here. They say Gianni the Rock broke out, and my old job was just TOO obvious a place to hunt me down. What are you driving at, Susie?”

Right.
Seriously though. I’d ask my boss if he’s thinking of letting me go. Say I “heard” from a co-worker that you didn’t need me. That wills top it in its’ tracks.

 

[MarkInOregon]

She’s bullying you and completely out of line.

Can I ask how this is bullying? Whats the definition of bullying these days? I feeling a little out of touch. It’s an odd question, but bullying? This person doesn’t appear to be in a position of superior strength or influence who is using it to intimidate or force her to do what she wants–she’s just a co-worker with no apparent power. I’m confused.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

 

[Anglewannabe]

I would act like it never happened. I have seen a lot of manipulative people in the workforce and I think it is best to pray for them and try your best not to fall for their game.

 

[pianistclare]

Can I ask how this is bullying? Whats the definition of bullying these days? I feeling a little out of touch. It’s an odd question, but bullying? This person doesn’t appear to be in a position of superior strength or influence who is using it to intimidate or force her to do what she wants–she’s just a co-worker with no apparent power. I’m confused.

The peace of Christ,
Mark

it’s bullying to make her feel like

1. she’s on the way out
2. she OUGHT to be on the way out.

Bullying has with it the intention to cause discomfort and anxiety.
Clearly the OP is anxious about this, and hurt, frankly.

 

[nodito]

So I obviously didn’t hear tone or anything, but this doesn’t strike me as anything malevolent or manipulative. I’d start a conversation like that with a co-worker if I was unhappy with my current job and thinking about leaving. Maybe expecting the conversation to go something like this:

Susie: So Marie, are you going to come back next year?

Marie: Yes, I think so. How about you?

Susie: I’m not so sure. I’m not crazy about the administration. And I heard the school district in Bopperville is paying more.

Marie: Oh yeah, so-and-so is driving me crazy too.

Susie: I know! Right?

At least, that’s my take. Maybe she just wants to commiserate. Or she’s looking for reasons to stay. Either way, it’s probably more about her than you. Why not try asking her what her plans are next year, see where it goes.

Marie: So Susie, I was thinking about your question yesterday. Are you happy here? Are you planning on coming back next year?