Persecution for not attending adultrous union

[Gabriella_San_S]

Two years ago, my Catholic older sister married a divorced Catholic in an Anglican church because they thumbed their noses at the Church teaching on annulments. I was certain that my attendance at the ceremony would be a sin for me, so I did not attend. However, all of my Catholic siblings(who are gravely uncatechised) felt that it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do.
My older sister hasn’t spoken with me ever since. She still goes to Catholic Mass and receives Communion.
She has called me a hypocrite. Should I continue to seek reconciliation with her? I do pray for her and the family, but they all think I’m self-righteous. Was this the Catholic response?

 

[Padilla7921]

Two years ago, my Catholic older sister married a divorced Catholic in an Anglican church because they thumbed their noses at the Church teaching on annulments.

I don’t really blame them. The annulment process is a joke, from close-to-personal experience.

I was certain that my attendance at the ceremony would be a sin for me, so I did not attend. However, all of my Catholic siblings(who are gravely uncatechised) felt that it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do.

I’m not sure if attending an Anglican ceremony would have been a sin. To me, it seems that if the intention is proper (that is, not shunning the Mass), then there wouldn’t be a problem. I went to a Protestant school for many years and attended Protestant religious ceremonies, including sermons, worships, and a wedding, but never did I replace the Mass with such things. Additionally, I know Pentecostals who attend Mass in addition to their services and Catholics who attend Pentecostal services in addition to the Mass. I don’t see an inherent problem if the intention isn’t to supplant the Mass.

My older sister hasn’t spoken with me ever since. She still goes to Catholic Mass and receives Communion.
She has called me a hypocrite. Should I continue to seek reconciliation with her? I do pray for her and the family, but they all think I’m self-righteous. Was this the Catholic response?

I would definitely seek reconciliation. You two are family, you are sisters. I would start by apologizing, but explain to her why you did what you did. If it turns out that going to a ceremony is not a sin, then humble yourself and admit to them your ignorance, and that you’re sorry for what happened and for the pain it’s caused. Until then, continue to pray for her, the family, and yourself, that God may lead you guys to reconciliation and understanding.

 

[Wirraway]

…gravely uncatechised…

what does that mean?

 

[dcrowmik]

Two years ago, my Catholic older sister married a divorced Catholic in an Anglican church because they thumbed their noses at the Church teaching on annulments. I was certain that my attendance at the ceremony would be a sin for me, so I did not attend. However, all of my Catholic siblings(who are gravely uncatechised) felt that it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do.
My older sister hasn’t spoken with me ever since. She still goes to Catholic Mass and receives Communion.
She has called me a hypocrite. Should I continue to seek reconciliation with her? I do pray for her and the family, but they all think I’m self-righteous. Was this the Catholic response?

What you did was perfectly honorable and correct.

Always pray for them and always seek reconciliation, that is the Christian thing to do. If they choose to continue to shun you, by the hard-heartedness of their hearts I feel they are the ones showing who the true hypocrites are.

 

[LucyLou]

In the end we all have to answer to God. It sounds like your sister is in what the Catholic Church considers an adulterous marriage. You were actually correct in not attending the wedding, as it would have been seen as condoning it. You stood up for that in which you believe. Jesus was not well liked because he stood up for God’s laws, the Ten Commandments.

My MIL once did the same thing when invited to a relative’s wedding who was not getting married in the Catholic church for similar reasons. She was ridiculed for awhile by those “ungrateful relatives”, but it wore off and none is worse for the wear.

When your sister is ready to have a relationship, she will warm up. But it will take some time. Keep praying for her to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Tic_Toc]

I figure, this is one of those hate the sin, love the sinner sort of thing. I mean, that probably really, really hurt your sister, you not showing up. She knew you didn’t consent to the marriage; though, you not showing up didn’t change anything. I can understand the hypocrite comments–I mean, how charitable and unselfish are we being when we can’t stick something out for our family? I’m not saying that you compromise your ideals or your beliefs, but you going to a wedding that wasn’t going to be stopped anyway doesn’t mean you were going to be sinning.

That said, this isn’t persecution. You’re not being martryred or anything. They just don’t agree with how you handled the situation.

 

[Caesar517]

Two years ago, my Catholic older sister married a divorced Catholic in an Anglican church because they thumbed their noses at the Church teaching on annulments. I was certain that my attendance at the ceremony would be a sin for me, so I did not attend. However, all of my Catholic siblings(who are gravely uncatechised) felt that it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do.
My older sister hasn’t spoken with me ever since. She still goes to Catholic Mass and receives Communion.
She has called me a hypocrite. Should I continue to seek reconciliation with her? I do pray for her and the family, but they all think I’m self-righteous. Was this the Catholic response?

You did the right thing. A marriage ceremony is a celebration of the union of a man and woman joined by God. An invalid marriage is sinful and so attending a celebration of this sin is a sin also.

A similar situation is coming up in my life. My divorced uncle is getting remarried. My family will not attend, but my Catholic extended family will do so (they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings). It’s sad to see people who are more worried about not hurting feelings than they are about the Church’s teachings. It’s not easy.

Is she aware that she is not welcome to recieve Communion while she is in an invalid marriage? She is compounding sin by doing this, I’m worried about her soul.

You should always be seeking reconciliation with her, but don’t compromise your morals to do so. Let her know that you would like to become family again, but you can’t support something you believe to be sinful.

 

[Padilla7921]

It’s sad to see people who are more worried about not hurting feelings than they are about the Church’s teachings. It’s not easy.

Don’t take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question: how is attending a wedding like this sinful? What are the Church’s teachings on this particular matter?

 

[TAS2000]

If you are looking for a comandment stating clearly that thou shalt not attend a wedding of these 2 people, you aren’t going to find it. But is is quite clearly stated in many documents that we are not to cooperate or encourage sin in others. It would be a sin to counsel someone to get an abortion. It would be a sin to enable your buddy to cheat on his wife by using your house.

Thus many feel that attending a wedding when they know the couple is sinning to get married offers a public impression that they actually approve of this sin. A public approval would be a sin. Others feel that it is the better part of charity to show that you support the sinner, even while you disapprove of the wedding. If the OP feels her attendance would have been read as approval, then she was right in deciding to stay away.

Besides, think of it this way…if she didn’t approve of the marraige wouldn’t she be seen as just trying to get a free meal and a party on her sisters tab if she did go?

 

[jmcrae]

Don’t take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question: how is attending a wedding like this sinful? What are the Church’s teachings on this particular matter?

Because there is no actual wedding taking place.

Jesus said, “What God has joined together, no man (human being) may sunder (break apart).” This doesn’t mean that divorce is forbidden; it means that divorce is physically impossible. Once married, you are married to that person in God’s eyes, until death ye do part, and a Decree Nisai doesn’t change that fact, because a human judge of either sex has absolutely no power to sunder (break apart) a marriage.

Further, it is impossible to be married to more than one person; therefore, any “wedding” to a second (third, fourth, etc.) person does not actually “do” anything at the spiritual level (from God’s point of view) - they still remain married to their first spouses.

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t believe it is a mortal sin to have attended a ceremony like this, but it can’t be ‘good’ either…I mean, when I attend weddings, I’m typically celebrating something I personally believe in–the two people marrying. If the one person in this instance, really isn’t ‘free’ to marry in the eyes of our Church…then, how could a devout Catholic be seen as doing something positive by attending a marriage like that? It’s really adulterous, since they’re both Catholic, so not sure where the celebration is in that. Just viewing it secularly, it’s cause to celebrate…but spiritually as Catholics, it is not cause to celebrate. Not being self righteous…just Truth is Truth.

But…BUT…(there’s always a but) lol…You should seek reconcilation with your sister. Explain your reasons, and if she chooses to ignore you, you at least tried to reconcile. You can’t change people’s hearts, only God can–but you can mend a broken fence. Hopefully, things will work out between the two of you.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

This is tough. Note that the OP stated that not only did the couple marry outside the Catholic Church, and at least one party is not free to marry, being divorced. . .so that the union is doubly invalid. . .but that her sister ‘continues going to Catholic Mass and receiving the Eucharist’.

It seems that her sister has not only sinned by marrying invalidly (as a Catholic) but she is compounding this sin by continuing to live in sin (as a Catholic) and to receive the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin (as a Catholic). . .

It seems to me (opinion duly noted) that what this poor soul wants is for the only one in the family strong enough and loving enough to call a spade a spade, and to stand up for the **truth of Catholic teaching–**which her sister is obviously trying desperately to deny in order to justify her actions and turn ‘sin’ into ‘good’–to kowtow, meekly, and to put her tail between her legs and acknowledge that “sinning sis” is ‘right’ and that OP is a mean nasty hypocrite. Nothing else is really going to satisfy the sinning sister. The ‘hypocrite’ clue kind of gives it away–she is desperate to have everybody she knows ‘give in’ so that she can live happily ever after in the fantasy world of “I’m a GOOD Catholic, everybody says so”.

And so, reconciliation according to Sinning Sis’s terms of being told that “I’m sorry I didn’t come to your invalid wedding and accept that no matter what the Church says about this being wrong, you and you alone are right and I’ll just shut up about the Church because really the only IMPORTANT thing is that my sister feels HAPPY” is probably impossible.

About the only thing one could say is, “I’m sorry you are hurt. I know you feel you’re right and I’m wrong. I love you no matter what, and I’ll pray for you. . .but I will never be able to deny God and ‘give in’ to you on this teaching. I have to do what God wills. . .not what you. . .or even I. . .might will.”

 

[Caesar517]

Don’t take this the wrong way, this is a genuine question: how is attending a wedding like this sinful? What are the Church’s teachings on this particular matter?

Has your question been answered sufficiently?

 

[Padilla7921]

Has your question been answered sufficiently?

More or less, yeah. But what is a “Decree Nisai.” An annulment? I mean, if a divorce gets annulled, then wouldn’t that mean that the divorcees can then marry again?

The rest makes sense (thanks guys), but I’m confused as to what a Decree Nisai is.

 

[YipYupYep]

First let me say this does not have to be over for your sister. There is a fix for it, but lets back up.

Why is your sister still going to church and receiving the Blessed Sacrament, although unworthily. She rightly wants to be Catholic but wrongly considers herself a Catholic except in anything more than name. Here is the fix. The man she married must go through the process of annulment. Then receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony with your sister. It has been written in this thread that the annulment is ridiculous. Not only is that untrue, but an annulment is the only resolution to the sinful condition she lives in. Adultery, fornication and the grievous sin of receiving the Blessed Sacrament in the state of serious mortal sin as well as scandal.

What ever she considers of annulments, she must admit that receiving the Holy Eucharist in such a spiritual shambles very well may incur a debt to Gods Justice. According to Scriptures, in this life as well as the next.

Hang in there. Try to win her back to our side of the table. She is going to the Catholic Church for a reason. How ever long it takes, keep trying. She is your sister.

 

[Wirraway]

I don’t think you should persecute them for the non-catholic wedding.

 

[Reepicheep]

More or less, yeah. But what is a “Decree Nisai.” An annulment? I mean, if a divorce gets annulled, then wouldn’t that mean that the divorcees can then marry again?

The rest makes sense (thanks guys), but I’m confused as to what a Decree Nisai is.

I believe a “decree nisai” is the term for the final step in the civil divorce process. Not a Church document but a Secular legal one.

 

[Caesar517]

More or less, yeah. But what is a “Decree Nisai.” An annulment? I mean, if a divorce gets annulled, then wouldn’t that mean that the divorcees can then marry again?

The rest makes sense (thanks guys), but I’m confused as to what a Decree Nisai is.

I’ve never heard the term before, but it seems to be the legal document from a divorce issued by a judge. It is not an annulment.

You are correct that if a person has their marriage annulled, they are free to marry again. That is because the person’s marriage was determined to be invalid.

 

[Highwayhound]

Two years ago, my Catholic older sister married a divorced Catholic in an Anglican church because they thumbed their noses at the Church teaching on annulments. I was certain that my attendance at the ceremony would be a sin for me, so I did not attend. However, all of my Catholic siblings(who are gravely uncatechised) felt that it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do.
My older sister hasn’t spoken with me ever since. She still goes to Catholic Mass and receives Communion.
She has called me a hypocrite. Should I continue to seek reconciliation with her? I do pray for her and the family, but they all think I’m self-righteous. Was this the Catholic response?

It always heartens me to read about people who take moral stands!

It was Jesus who spoke about persecution in the fifth chapter of Matthew. So by taking a stand you have put yourself in good company.

usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew5.htm

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me.

It has been my experience that whenever the term “self-righteous” is used the person using it is in the wrong. According to what I read in your post you are on solid footing.

Reconciliation?

If you seek it for good reasons then by all means. Did Jesus condemn the adulterous woman? No. He also taught us to turn the other cheek by doing good to those who hate us.

usccb.org/nab/bible/luke/luke6.htm

May God bless you and keep you.

 

[jmcrae]

More or less, yeah. But what is a “Decree Nisai.” An annulment? I mean, if a divorce gets annulled, then wouldn’t that mean that the divorcees can then marry again?

The rest makes sense (thanks guys), but I’m confused as to what a Decree Nisai is.

It’s the legal document that the secular court gives, for a civil divorce. A lot of people are under the impression that receiving a Decree Nisai causes their marriage to cease to exist in the eyes of God. It does not - from God’s point of view, they are now simply separated from each other, with legal conditions attached to the separation. But they are in no way free to re-marry - this is spiritually impossible.

A Declaration of Nullity (which is what they need before they can attempt marriage again) is a ruling from the Church that there was never any marriage there, to begin with, meaning that the parties to that “marriage” have never been married before, and are thus (assuming they aren’t insane or immature, attempting to marry a near relative, or unclear on the concept of what marriage is) free to marry.