Pew Pet Peeve

[chickenhawk1022]

I notice this at our church too - it doesn’t bother me - I have a husband and two small kids and we generally arrive early to ensure that we have a position where they can see what’s going on (helps immensely with their behavior during mass!) We’re past the frequent need to take a crying child out for a few moments so it really doesn’t matter to us if we’re on the edge of the pew or in the center.

However - it makes me sad that people lay claim to ‘their’ pews - or would make someone feel uncomfortable for asking someone to slide in or get past. It makes me even sadder to think that pew end sitters feel they should ‘punish’ people arriving later.

Perhaps that person asking you to slide along is brand new to a Catholic mass? Perhaps they are discerning their journey to, or back to the Catholic faith? Perhaps that person lives alone and that brief exchange with you is one of the few human interactions they’ll have that day? - maybe it’s our job to warmly greet and welcome these people and do our best to accommodate them, preferably with a smile on our faces?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I don’t think anyone said it was the biggest issue in their lives, but this being a Catholic forum, I think sometimes it’s beneficial to come here and blow off steam about Catholic matters. Any of us could just as easily go to our fallen away or non-believing friends and gripe about it to them, but I’ve found that mentioning anything Catholic to them is usually nothing more than an invitation to ridicule.

I don’t really think this is a “Catholic Issue.”

 

[NYCATHOLICGIRL]

I don’t really think this is a “Catholic Issue.”

 

[jmcrae]

How is this situation any different from say,sitting in a theatre? Is someone who finds an end seat being uncharitable by not moving to the center for those coming in late?

According to* Miss Manners*, if there is no assigned seating, early arrivers take the middle, and allow the row to fill up from the middle to the ends.

With assigned seating, you stand up, allow the seat to flip up, and then move back out of the way, if someone needs to get past you.

 

[pnewton]

However - it makes me sad that people lay claim to ‘their’ pews - or would make someone feel uncomfortable for asking someone to slide in or get past. It makes me even sadder to think that pew end sitters feel they should ‘punish’ people arriving later.

I do not think anyone is wanting to punish people for arriving later. Some people just like to sit on the end. I also find it beyond my understanding how someone would be uncomfortable sliding past someone already on the end. That is the way we do things here in most venues.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Based on some threads around here…I prefer to sit on the aisle seat with my jeans on so people can judge what I’m wearing and when I go up for communion…based on if they think they’ve seen me at reconciliation or not. They also then get the opportunity to judge my hybrid of kneeling right now due to a back issue…

 

[Jeanne_S]

:s:

According to* Miss Manners*, if there is no assigned seating, early arrivers take the middle, and allow the row to fill up from the middle to the ends.

With assigned seating, you stand up, allow the seat to flip up, and then move back out of the way, if someone needs to get past you.

 

[pnewton]

According to* Miss Manners*, if there is no assigned seating, early arrivers take the middle, and allow the row to fill up from the middle to the ends.

With assigned seating, you stand up, allow the seat to flip up, and then move back out of the way, if someone needs to get past you.

That is both an interesting and a rather unique opinion. I hope it works for her. I have never seen this at the movies.

 

[powerlinemom]

Are the people sitting at the ends of the pews so ferocious that you can’t approach them politely and say excuse me so you can slide past them? It seems ridiculous that people would put up with standing for the whole Mass if there were plenty of available seats just because someone sitting on the end didn’t acknowledge them and move without being asked!

We always arrive in time to sit on the end because we’ve got three boys, one of whom is 14 months old and very rarely makes it all the way through the Mass without needing to be taken outside. I don’t see it as guarding the pew to keep anyone else from sitting there at all. There’s plenty of room between the pews for people to easily file past someone who is already seated.

It sounds like this is something that the ushers could address. In our parish, the ushers help get the latecomers seated. They scan the rows for the open blocks of seats and lead people to the empty spots and ask people to scoot over if needed to let a few more in. Our 10:00 AM Mass is always packed, so it helps to have the ushers there making sure everyone finds a seat.

 

[Sarabande]

Are the people sitting at the ends of the pews so ferocious that you can’t approach them politely and say excuse me so you can slide past them? It seems ridiculous that people would put up with standing for the whole Mass if there were plenty of available seats just because someone sitting on the end didn’t acknowledge them and move without being asked!

That’s the thing. I have experienced only one time when the family gave dirty looks and refused to move when my family kindly asked to just sit in pew. We weren’t asking them to move in. My parents weren’t about to stand an entire mass with a toddler and two little ones, so they repeated “Excuse me,” smiled and walked past them. I remember them giving us even dirtier looks and made it difficult for our family to walk past them, by locking their legs and not moving them to the side so that we could easily walk past.

That was many years ago. I’m now in my early 30s and it was the only time I remember rudeness of that degree. The rest of the time, people sitting on the ends have always been nice and polite would either step out of the pew to let us in or moved their legs to the side so that we could get past them. I’ve never felt like they were upset or acting put out. I’ve also sat on the ends plenty of times myself (and actually prefer it) and have been just as polite and nice about it. Most of the time, I’m working as one of the musicians for mass, though, so I am now rarely ever sitting in the pews.

I’m sure that the experiences others have placed on here are true, so I would never question the validity of these stories and completely understand being upset by people who act like that. There just might be some parishes with strange end sitters who are rude and possessive of “their” pews. But in my experience in various parishes, I guess I’m just lucky I’ve only experienced it once. I personally think most people are polite, so for me, it’s no big deal if someone wants to sit on the end for whatever reason… and they don’t even have to justify their reasons for sitting on the end pew as long as they are being polite and respectful when someone wants to also sit in the same pew.

 

[Sarabande]

To me, it still wouldn’t phase me. I would just climb over the top. If they were kneeling, just push on past them from behind. Like the Nike commercial, just do it. If it makes you feel better, just plop down one foot on the other side, though for me, since I am not bothered by pushing my way past, I would not see the point in such a thing, except maybe the irony.

Haha! I think I’d be the same way.

 

[Loboto-Me]

… and they don’t even have to justify their reasons for sitting on the end pew as long as they are being polite and respectful when someone wants to also sit in the same pew.

As I’ve been reading the posts, I was asking myself why our members are feeling a need to justify sitting on the end. There are preferences and that’s perfectly alright. As long as the end pew sitters are respectful of others, there’s just no need to make excuses.

I don’t understand where people are coming from who want those end pew sitters to actually scootch over from their spot. I’m not saying that if someone who’s disabled or needs to go up to read needs the end pew… I’d have no problem with that as long as the person asked kindly.

I think the worst pew pet peeve for me is during Christmas and Easter where I think the only people who don’t know the volume of people a pew takes are the Ushers! I mean, all the parishioners seem to know that there’s just enough room for 3 more people, yet the usher seats a family of 5 in that tiny little void. Then you’re sitting on each other’s laps or elbowing each other in the ribs. Now THAT is annoying!

 

[Daralharb]

This could easily be solved by removing the pew back, turning the pews 90* so they are parallel with the walls and not perpendicular, and with a sign that says back to front, keep your buddy warm!"

Lateral movement is retained, everyone is happy, and of course, this is dependent on height-based seating arrangements.

Or people could just recognize basic manners, as well as others recognizing that someone is not going to catch on fire if they slide by them to get to the middle, or out from the middle.

It’s like we’re just large children or something.

 

[wondrousgnat]

If people want to sit at the end of the pew that is fine. But why must they give us dirty looks when we have to climb over them to get to the middle? And I see that quite often.

 

[pnewton]

I grew up sitting on the end and it is always my preference. I have always done it my whole life since I was a teenager. I don’t do it now because my wife likes sitting in the middle. We visit other Churches I just go with the flow, but I do understand the people that like it. My solution to everyone is sing in the choir and have reserved seating.

 

[ringil]

To me, it still wouldn’t phase me. I would just climb over the top. If they were kneeling, just push on past them from behind. Like the Nike commercial, just do it. If it makes you feel better, just plop down one foot on the other side, though for me, since I am not bothered by pushing my way past, I would not see the point in such a thing, except maybe the irony.

I like this attitude!

I would give a little chortile if I saw you go behind someone kneeling down. lol!

 

[angierabbit2012]

**No one attends Mass with me…I’m ALL alone at Mass.:sad_yes:
I didn’t know what Catholic Etiquette suggested that one do in these situations, so I tried BOTH!
The first Mass that I attended, I sat on the end of the pew.
The second Mass that I attended, I sat in the middle of the pew.

A woman came in, (with empty pews ALL over the church), and asked me if I would please move down to the end because she had a large group joining her.
She sat down on the end, and sure enough, a basketball team sized group joined her. There were SO many with her that I actually was squished up against the very end of the pew.
I don’t really care where I sit, I’m a convert and being Catholic and getting to attend Mass is SUCH A GIFT TO ME…how could I complain about where I’m sitting, or if I have to scoot my backside down to accommodate those who are supposed to be my fellow BROTHERS and SISTERS in CHRIST?!

Just my :twocents: though! **

 

[jmcrae]

To me, it still wouldn’t phase me. I would just climb over the top. If they were kneeling, just push on past them from behind. Like the Nike commercial, just do it. If it makes you feel better, just plop down one foot on the other side, though for me, since I am not bothered by pushing my way past, I would not see the point in such a thing, except maybe the irony.

I guess that’s the solution, isn’t it? It seems as if no one is worried about seeming rude to others - that’s what I’ll do then, next time someone refuses to let me in. I’ll just walk on their feet or on their legs to get past them, and then act like it’s their fault.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

As I’ve been reading the posts, I was asking myself why our members are feeling a need to justify sitting on the end. There are preferences and that’s perfectly alright. As long as the end pew sitters are respectful of others, there’s just no need to make excuses.

I don’t understand where people are coming from who want those end pew sitters to actually scootch over from their spot. I’m not saying that if someone who’s disabled or needs to go up to read needs the end pew… I’d have no problem with that as long as the person asked kindly.

I think the worst pew pet peeve for me is during Christmas and Easter where I think the only people who don’t know the volume of people a pew takes are the Ushers! I mean, all the parishioners seem to know that there’s just enough room for 3 more people, yet the usher seats a family of 5 in that tiny little void. Then you’re sitting on each other’s laps or elbowing each other in the ribs. Now THAT is annoying!

That’s why you send someone to Mass early to save seats with all their stuff. I had plenty of room to sit without feeling squashed. The only time I give up my end sitting, is when my dad is at Mass because he always sits on the end. It’s something I’ve noticed with families. The husband/father always sits on the end.

 

[centurionguard]

If someone comes in early so that they can sit at the end of the pew, I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to move because you come later. OTOH, they should immediately stand and let you go past them to where there is free seating.

Sadly, that is rarely an issue in my parish where full pews are not the norm except at the Family Mass on Christmas Eve. Also, the pews are not that big, they accommodate at most 6 people from end to end.

I always sit at the end of the Pew at the back of the Church near the Main Entrance mostly for medical reasons being diabetic, weak bladder, and unexpected seizures as so I try to make an effort to cause the least disturbance possible in the event I have to take the elevator to the washroom or call an ambulance. Besides they don’t make comfortable pews for 6 foot 3 tall clumsy statures like me. If someone wants to sit in an empty space in the pew I’m sitting in a half hour before Mass I’ll gladly get up and give them space.

Heck I’ve seen on more than one occasion that I get up to let parishioners in the pew only to be left with (“No”) spot after others have taken a seat and my former spot.
Guess these things happen with the children of God who lack a few marbles in their noggin.

My Pew Pet Peeve are those Catholics (mostly Adults) who either stand on Kneelers or use them as foot rests with dirty boots and shoes. That’s irritating. I was born with huge size 12 Bigfoot boots or shoes. I can’t stand comfortably when the Kneelers are down and nobody needs to use them during the Liturgy when we are required to stand. Another reason I sit at the end of the pew.