Phone and Email

[OneMoreLife]

Should a husband and wife give each other access to each others phone and emails? What if one refuses to do so even after questionable content (not very bad), was found?

 

[1ke]

Should a husband and wife give each other access to each others phone and emails?

There, of course, is no answer to this. Every couple is different.

My husband and I have our own email account (in fact i have several personal and work related accounts) and phones and neither has access to the other. Nor do I want access to his and vice versa.

What if one refuses to do so even after questionable content (not very bad), was found?

Sounds like there are trust issues.

There are larger problems here than email accounts. And coming to the internet to find people who will tell you “yes” that you should have access or how wrong the other person is for refusing isn’t the answer.

I am very sorry you are going through this, I am sure it is hurtful.

 

[OneMoreLife]

There, of course, is no answer to this. Every couple is different.

My husband and I have our own email account (in fact i have several personal and work related accounts) and phones and neither has access to the other. Nor do I want access to his and vice versa.

Sounds like there are trust issues.

**There are larger problems here than email accounts. And coming to the internet to find people who will tell you “yes” that you should have access or how wrong the other person is for refusing isn’t the answer.

I am very sorry you are going through this, I am sure it is hurtful.**

You are a very wise person. Thank you.

 

[AdamP88]

I wouldn’t really go checking my wife’s email or messages really…unless we’re booking flights or something with her email. We are open enough about our devices and stuff. We often just use each other’s phones, laptops etc. If either of us ever suddenly got secretive about our stuff then I’d be worried maybe (Unless it’s Christmas/birthday time) but for us it’s no big deal.

 

[Crusaderbear]

This is not a procedural issue, it’s a trust issue, reevaluate your reasons. Why ask if its ‘no big deal’. Trust your significant other! Life will be much simpler and more enjoyable!

 

[mommy_k]

Yes there should be transparency and also privacy. It depends on what works best for you both at given times.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

Should a husband and wife give each other access to each others phone and emails? What if one refuses to do so even after questionable content (not very bad), was found?

I find this whole idea very weird.

 

[Xantippe]

I don’t poke around my husband’s phone or email–but he has never given me any reason for concern.

 

[misspriss]

I have access to my husbands personal email, and I know his phone password (it is easy). I have checked his email for things about our amazon account (on his email) or other legitimate purposes, I don’t just go snooping. He could access mine if he wanted but he has never asked or had reason to, and can’t remember passwords or pins for the life of him. I have told him my phone pin so many times, I have no idea if he remembers.

 

[Xantippe]

I have access to my husbands personal email, and I know his phone password (it is easy). I have checked his email for things about our amazon account (on his email) or other legitimate purposes, I don’t just go snooping. He could access mine if he wanted but he has never asked or had reason to, and can’t remember passwords or pins for the life of him. I have told him my phone pin so many times, I have no idea if he remembers.

In the case of one’s spouse’s untimely demise or a health crisis, that is the sort of information that would be handy to have easy access to.

(A lot of our billing is automated and my husband gets the notifications for it through his email–so a lot of important bills and things do not come as physical mail.)

 

[pianistclare]

In the case of one’s spouse’s untimely demise or a health crisis, that is the sort of information that would be handy to have easy access to.

(A lot of our billing is automated and my husband gets the notifications for it through his email–so a lot of important bills and things do not come as physical mail.)

Right.
I suspect the OP has raised an issue of possible infidelity.
If one’s husband is not horsing around, it’s not an issue.

Joe doesn’t care a flip if I read his mail (which he only gets from his boss about work hours and relatives anyway) and I read much of my email to him since it’s news from mutual friends.
He even reads the CAF threads…much to his chagrin.
Todo bien.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m not exactly sure where it is (I have a hazy idea), but I know my husband has mentioned that he wants me to have access to his passwords, as otherwise, if he were to die unexpectedly, a lot of his academic work that’s in progress/unpublished would be completely lost.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m not exactly sure where it is (I have a hazy idea), but I know my husband has mentioned that he wants me to have access to his passwords, as otherwise, if he were to die unexpectedly, a lot of his academic work that’s in progress/unpublished would be completely lost.

Keep a small binder with everything under his desk.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m not exactly sure where it is (I have a hazy idea), but I know my husband has mentioned that he wants me to have access to his passwords, as otherwise, if he were to die unexpectedly, a lot of his academic work that’s in progress/unpublished would be completely lost.

This is an extremely good reason.

The main thing is that access is given with permission. When someone gains access to their spouse’s phone, e-mail, diary or anything else thought to be private without the knowledge of their spouse, that raises a trust issue, too. If access is gained accidentally, that needs to be disclosed immediately.

It violates trust to be a sneak, but it also violates trust to become a spy.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I’m not exactly sure where it is (I have a hazy idea), but I know my husband has mentioned that he wants me to have access to his passwords, as otherwise, if he were to die unexpectedly, a lot of his academic work that’s in progress/unpublished would be completely lost.

That’s really smart, although I still couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my email.

 

[EasterJoy]

That’s really smart, although I still couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my email.

It is a lot smarter to write every e-mail as if everyone who could possibly care about it may someday gain unrestricted access to it.

E-mail is not a confidential mode of communication. E-mails leaks like a sieve.

All electronic data should be treated as if it could fall into the hands of just the person you don’t want to see it. The more sensitive the information and the more easily misconstrued, the more hesitant you ought to be to commit it to paper, let alone to the electronic record, which we all know can circle the globe and be transmitted to millions with the speed of light.

 

[CradleJourney]

That’s really smart, although I still couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my email.

I couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my body and my emotions and NOT giving them unrestricted access to my email. Hubby and I share so much physically, emotionally, etc over the past 19 years of marriage, that’s there’s no way we’d draw a line at something as basic as email or each other’s phones.

Of course, neither of us is particularly inclined to go “snoop” either so it’s really not an issue at all and couldn’t imagine it becoming one.

For emergency access we do have all passwords (for “his” stuff, “my” stuff, “joint” stuff, and each kids “stuff”) on index cards in a special file.

 

[AdamP88]

I couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my body and my emotions and NOT giving them unrestricted access to my email. Hubby and I share so much physically, emotionally, etc over the past 19 years of marriage, that’s there’s no way we’d draw a line at something as basic as email or each other’s phones.

Of course, neither of us is particularly inclined to go “snoop” either so it’s really not an issue at all and couldn’t imagine it becoming one.

For emergency access we do have all passwords (for “his” stuff, “my” stuff, “joint” stuff, and each kids “stuff”) on index cards in a special file.

This.

 

[EasterJoy]

I couldn’t imagine giving anyone unrestricted access to my body and my emotions and NOT giving them unrestricted access to my email. Hubby and I share so much physically, emotionally, etc over the past 19 years of marriage, that’s there’s no way we’d draw a line at something as basic as email or each other’s phones.

Of course, neither of us is particularly inclined to go “snoop” either so it’s really not an issue at all and couldn’t imagine it becoming one.

For emergency access we do have all passwords (for “his” stuff, “my” stuff, “joint” stuff, and each kids “stuff”) on index cards in a special file.

I’ve been married over 25 years, and I have never met a single married couple who actually gave each other unrestricted access to one another’s emotions. If that were so, knowing when to bite one’s tongue would not be such an important part of a contented marriage.

 

[TheAmazingGrace]

I’ve been married over 25 years, and I have never met a single married couple who actually gave each other unrestricted access to one another’s emotions. If that were so, knowing when to bite one’s tongue would not be such an important part of a contented marriage.

I agree.