I would also not say “don’t dress like a tramp.” I’d say, “Be willing to dress modestly as a way to show your quality–Ferraris are not given bumper stickers and fuzzy dice. You, my dear, are a Ferrari, a thing of beauty. You have far more danger of diminishing your beauty than ever adding to it, so show that you are secure in your sense of personal beauty. Go for quality, yes, but don’t overdo it. Guys who want to take advantage of women look for those who are trying too hard to impress, because they think you won’t look out for your own interests. Guys who want a strong woman look for one who takes care of herself but doesn’t try too hard to impress.”
One way to approach dress is to point out that how we dress sends a message about ourselves. What we emphasize in our look indicates to others what we feel is important about ourselves and what we want noticed, at least, that will often be how it is taken.
It’s ingrained and can’t be helped. Regardless of what one thinks about not judging others by their appearance-- we are descendants of those who ran when something didn’t look right instead of waiting.
If they choose to dress in a way that emphasizes their sexuality, folks will not just notice but will act as if that was the message they wanted to send. As if that’s what they thought was most important about themselves and want noticed and acted upon. Calling it fair or unfair is beside the point-- that’s the reality. The type to pick up on the message aren’t necessarily the ones you’d particularly want responding.
Dress for success. Dress not for the job you want, but the job you want to have. Dress for an interview -consistent with, but a little better, than you see the folks in the company dressing. You’ve heard all that right? It’s not just about sexuality, it’s much, much broader. Lawyers dress a certain way to invoke confidence in their clients, show respect to the court, and be taken seriously by the judges. Most courts have a dress code-- break it and it’s taken as a big message that you don’t know what you’re doing-- have no understanding of even the basics- you don’t fit in. Financial advisers dress conservatively but well- to gain confidence and trust of clients. To appear as if they can manage money and earn well on their own- but aren’t going to embezzle it. Uniforms for LEOs are about communicating a sense of authority and identity.
Con men understand this well-- they are very good at dressing for the role they’re portraying. Sister once dated a guy faking being an Air Force officer- had flight suits and actually hung out at the pool in them if he’d ‘just gotten back from the base’.
Car salesmen understand it also. Successful ones are good at sizing folks up and figuring out what they can afford.
When your daughters dress- what are they saying is important about themselves? Do they dress in a way that they respect themselves and expect other to respect them as well? Again- not necessarily about sex at all-- if I go out without brushing my hair, shaving, crumpled or dirty, clothes and clothing inappropriate for the place/occasion it communicates a lot about my attitude towards myself and awareness of others likely perceptions-- i.e. social awareness.
(Note- there are social norms which change regarding modesty. In hot, humid climates the norm of wearing shorts and a tank top can be as much about first comfort AND conforming with social expectations of dress and nothing regarding sexuality. It wouldn’t stand out as emphasizing anything in that regard).
. The 12 yr old to shoved me over that and not too long after came the iphone confiscation.