To: Mr. Benedict XVI
From: Planned Parenthood
Dear Mr. Benedict,
It has come to the attention, that your management style for the Church you are currently president of, does not conform to our guidelines for enlighted organization leaders. Constant reference to the instructions of one Mr. J. Christ, or the writings from a book published approximately 2000 years ago (I AM WHO AM Publishers) , does not release you from your responsiblity to follow OUR guidelines.
As such, we expect you to do the following:
- Issue a memo permitting the use of any kind abortificant or birth control device by any member for any reason. Humans do not have life until we say they do. There are too many people already, and you are ruining the fun for those that already born.
- Realize that disease is a result of lack of protection, not a result of a lack of self control. Remember we are no better than animals.
- Delete all passages from this book you refer to as the “Word of God”, that condemn any kind of so called “perverse” sexual activity. Your views are backwards and not in line with current “enlightened” thought. This hate speech in written form will no longer be tolerated.
- As your hiring policies are inherently sexist, you are instructed to begin an affirmative action program that will ensure a 50% female content in the priesthood (priestesshood).
- Implement a sensitivity program to help change the mindset of your management team to reflect a more modern line of thinking.
Failure to implement any of these changes will result in a lawsuit. You will be contacted by our lawyer, Mr. Lou C. Furr, to ensure compliance.
Yours Truly,
Planned Parenthood