If you feel that this is the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, the I think that you should look inside yourself to see if you can look at this man the same each and every day that you are married and not let your jealousy and insecurity get the best of you. If you feel that you can accept the fact that he has made mistakes in the past then that is a good sign, but if this is something that is going to weigh heavily on your heart, you myst take a step back and reassess the entire relationship. He needs to find it in himself to ask for forgiveness and live a chaste life until marriage. He may need your forgiveness for what he has done and the hurt that he has caused you. But first he needs God’s mercy and he needs to repent and focus on the future. We are all sinners. We all do things that hurt God, but we are so blessed to have His mercy to set us free from that sin. Again, this is something that you have to be able to accept. Let me give a personal example.
When I met my wife, well she was not my wife at the time
, she had a 2 year old son. The father was, well not a father, he was virtually non-existent. Not involved at all, despite attempts to involve him. Anyhow, there are many times throughout our relationship that questions, even doubts came to mind about this. Can I accept this? Can I care for someone that is not my own flesh and blood? Can a be a father to this boy? Am I ready for that kind of a committment? All the questions that you can think about in regards to this situation circled through my head. It drove me crazy. Now she did not ask me for forgiveness, she did not need to. I had to get to the point that I was able to accept her and the choices that she had made as well as her son.
By no means was I pure at this time either. But by the grace of God, I was forgiven, but there were issues from my past as well - that is for another time, another post. Anyhow, it was hard to accept that if things continued to progress the way that they were, that we would be an immediate family. This was not how I wanted it to go. This was not in my plans, I came from a failed marriage already (no kids, the marriage was annuled) and had different plans for the next time. But sometimes, I guess it is not about what I have planned. As much as I tried to keep her son at a distance and focus on our relationship, it became hard. I became scared that I was going to fall in love with her son and then if things did not work out I would lose 2 instead of one. At one point we broke off our engagement and this was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through. By the grace of God we were able to be engaged again and have been married since Feb '02 and have been blessed with 2 more beautiful children. I did fall in love with her and her son “about” the same time. I was at a point that I thought to myself (a song by Steven Curtis Chapman) “so sink or swim, I’m diving in!”
I have never felt love like that. The way that this little boy made me feel, like I was the king of the world. I knew that God had brought us together for a reason and kept us together. I have since adopted him (right after we were married) and feel as if he is my first born son.
I had to get past my pride, knowing that this was not my flesh and blood son, but he is my son. Not born of me, but he is a big, big part of me.** I would not trade him or anything that I had to go through to be come his father for anything in this world. I was blessed to be able to raise him as my son and I will be thankful to God for the rest of my life for bringing both him and his mother into my life at a time that I was needing them the most.**
Maybe that will help a little bit. I am not sure, but I know that you are struggling and that it is tough.
Remember that God has a plan for you and your future husband, whomever that may be. God bless you for your virginity, I wish I could have said the same, but we live with the choices that we make and ask for forgiveness for the ones that offend God. And by His mercy we are forgiven.