Please HELP: I'm a virgin and he's not

[mbielanski]

I met my boyfriend about a year ago, and fell in love almost immediately. About 7 months ago, after a lot of wishfull thinking and denial on my part, I came to the awful realization that he had not waited. In fact had not waited about about 3 to 5 relationships before me, he won’t tell me the exact number. The last 7 months have been pure hell for me. I’m so disappointed and torn apart by it. I’m insecure, jealous, bitter, and absolutely hateful when it comes to this subject. I’m so hurt that he didn’t wait for me. He says he was a different person (he was raised and still is Catholic), that he was weak and stupid and not taught the same way I was. That if he had known what pain he was going to cause me he’d do it all differently. That he only wishes he could erase it all and be like me and begs me for forgiveness. I’m not even sure it’s a matter of forgiveness, but rather a question of wether I can live the rest of my life with someone who didn’t wait for me. Sometimes I break down completely when I think of him with those other girls and sometimes I hate God for inspiring me to be the way I am because if I hadn’t had waited I wouldn’t be so insecure. He’s been to confession, he’s in church every Sunday with me and says that he truly started living and living a good life since he met me. But my life has fallen apart and I cry so much. I just want it all to stop. Any advice, please? Anybody experienced the same situation? Pleas help. I’m so sad.

 

[momof3boys]

I don’t know if my advice is worth anything here. I can just give my opinion. I am one that did not wait until marriage. I wish that I had & there are many times that I wish I had been raised different, too. I know God forgives me, but at times it does bother me a lot. My husband did not wait for marriage, either. It is something we have both had to get over - we do not talk about the past situations. Why put yourself through that? The thought or image of it just isn’t worth it.
I would say, though, if this is something you can not handle right now, I would not marry him until you are “okay” with it. I don’t even know that marriage is in the picture right now, but I can tell you if you aren’t at peace with it when you do get married, then it is something that will just keep coming back up, causing arguments, etc. The thing about your low self esteem…that is something you are going to have to work on by yourself. That by itself is a hard thing to do - I know, I have struggled with that.
Well, I hope my opinion has helped somewhat. I sure hope I haven’t offended you. Good luck. Pray, pray, pray…

 

[Lillith]

mbielanski…

This is Jealousy that you are feeling, pure and simple, and it is a very painful emotion. The poor guy has confessed, and repented and renewed his virginity…in his mind…you must let go IF you want this relationship to work.

Please pray for the girls that he had pre-marital relationships with…they might be feeling very low…maybe used at this point, and by trying to feel how they feel might help you to get over this hurdle. Empathy is what is needed and can be very helpful.

It is a great thing that your boyfriend wants to re-dedicate himself to the Church…God has forgiven him now you must also…

 

[YinYangMom]

Listen to the talk on this site:

pureloveclub.com/seminars/index.php?id=5

Then email these people. They would love to help you through this.

 

[vluvski]

If you cannot find peace with this, no matter whether you forgive him and he has repented and regrets it, you are simply not meant to marry him.
Sexual sin can cause a tremendous amount of spiritual pain for those who are cheated by it. I know this from personal experience. Forgiveness is only part of the answer. You cannot erase the past, but you must be at peace with it.
There will come a point when you have to decide if you are at peace with who this young man is and who he was. If you are not, you must be strong enough to tell him, “You deserve to be respected for who you are, not reprimanded for who you were. I am not the woman who can do this for you, and I am truly sorry for that.”
Perhaps it will help to remind yourself that he is who he is right now not only in spite of but also because of who he was back then. And as the previous poster said, pray pray pray! Hatred and jealousy are natural emotions, but do not wallow in them. Focus on Jesus, Mary, and Joseph instead, and offer up a prayer for those people, including yourself, who have been hurt by his past.

 

[Peace-bwu]

Be thankful that you waited. You would feel more insecure it you had given yourself to others who had just thrown it away. It would actually have made you more insecure.

You will need to decide whether you can truly be forgiving and merciful. You can’t be in a loving relationship with all these bad feelings. It’s not good for you or him. Imagine if when we ask God for forgiveness he just couldnt’ do it?

Love is often a choice. You are understandably sad that he didn’t wait for you. Do you feel as though you can trust him? IF not, then see this as a gift to find someone else. You must be able to trust him.

If you truly believe he is trustworthy and you still feel this way, consider that you might not be emotionally ready for this level of a relationship. You might need some time to define what it is you want, and how much your partner’s virginity means to you. You might be realizing that he isn’t “the one” regardless of how much you want him to be.

We all go through a phase where we see the love of our partner as something that will fill us completely, we want it to fill that emptiness, which honestly, only God can fill. This is true even in a great marriage. You must both put all your faith and trust in God first, and your marriage is built on that. In a good marriage, each wants all good things for the other, forgiveness becomes easier because you realize that you are both trying to become the people God created you to be.

If this is the person God created for you, and he is trustworthy then these feelings you have are misplaced, you want him to be your idea of what will be perfect to fill that emptiness, rather than believeing in what God is developing between the two of you, a new relationship, a fresh start, and possibly a Sacrament of marriage someday.

He should go to Confession and make a commitment to be a chaste until marriage and so should you. Obeying God’s will is the best way to start a lasting relationship. If he doesn’t agree with this, then consider that he might not be ready for a serious relationship. If you can’t forgive him then neither of you are ready for this kind of serious commitment.

 

[Peace-bwu]

You mentioned low self esteem, that is something you need to work on away from the relationship with boyfriend. You can’t get your self worth from any source but God. If you measure your worth according to our world, it is a false worth. Even if you were a perfect ten with perfect style and surrounded by adoring fans, none of it matters, except your relationship with God. I was once that girl who strived to be a perfect 10, and I seemed to have it all, but my self esteem was never satisfied until I realized that my worth didn’t come from all those sources, but from the fact that God created me out of love, to love Him and to Serve Him.

Nothing else matters as much as your relationship with God, no human being or achievement or amount of matrial things can fill this.

 

[YinYangMom]

vluvski:

If you cannot find peace with this, no matter whether you forgive him and he has repented and regrets it, you are simply not meant to marry him.
Sexual sin can cause a tremendous amount of spiritual pain for those who are cheated by it. I know this from personal experience. Forgiveness is only part of the answer. You cannot erase the past, but you must be at peace with it.
There will come a point when you have to decide if you are at peace with who this young man is and who he was. If you are not, you must be strong enough to tell him, “You deserve to be respected for who you are, not reprimanded for who you were. I am not the woman who can do this for you, and I am truly sorry for that.”
Perhaps it will help to remind yourself that he is who he is right now not only in spite of but also because of who he was back then. And as the previous poster said, pray pray pray! Hatred and jealousy are natural emotions, but do not wallow in them. Focus on Jesus, Mary, and Joseph instead, and offer up a prayer for those people, including yourself, who have been hurt by his past.

Excellent advice.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

If you feel that this is the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, the I think that you should look inside yourself to see if you can look at this man the same each and every day that you are married and not let your jealousy and insecurity get the best of you. If you feel that you can accept the fact that he has made mistakes in the past then that is a good sign, but if this is something that is going to weigh heavily on your heart, you myst take a step back and reassess the entire relationship. He needs to find it in himself to ask for forgiveness and live a chaste life until marriage. He may need your forgiveness for what he has done and the hurt that he has caused you. But first he needs God’s mercy and he needs to repent and focus on the future. We are all sinners. We all do things that hurt God, but we are so blessed to have His mercy to set us free from that sin. Again, this is something that you have to be able to accept. Let me give a personal example.

When I met my wife, well she was not my wife at the time , she had a 2 year old son. The father was, well not a father, he was virtually non-existent. Not involved at all, despite attempts to involve him. Anyhow, there are many times throughout our relationship that questions, even doubts came to mind about this. Can I accept this? Can I care for someone that is not my own flesh and blood? Can a be a father to this boy? Am I ready for that kind of a committment? All the questions that you can think about in regards to this situation circled through my head. It drove me crazy. Now she did not ask me for forgiveness, she did not need to. I had to get to the point that I was able to accept her and the choices that she had made as well as her son.

By no means was I pure at this time either. But by the grace of God, I was forgiven, but there were issues from my past as well - that is for another time, another post. Anyhow, it was hard to accept that if things continued to progress the way that they were, that we would be an immediate family. This was not how I wanted it to go. This was not in my plans, I came from a failed marriage already (no kids, the marriage was annuled) and had different plans for the next time. But sometimes, I guess it is not about what I have planned. As much as I tried to keep her son at a distance and focus on our relationship, it became hard. I became scared that I was going to fall in love with her son and then if things did not work out I would lose 2 instead of one. At one point we broke off our engagement and this was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through. By the grace of God we were able to be engaged again and have been married since Feb '02 and have been blessed with 2 more beautiful children. I did fall in love with her and her son “about” the same time. I was at a point that I thought to myself (a song by Steven Curtis Chapman) “so sink or swim, I’m diving in!” I have never felt love like that. The way that this little boy made me feel, like I was the king of the world. I knew that God had brought us together for a reason and kept us together. I have since adopted him (right after we were married) and feel as if he is my first born son.

I had to get past my pride, knowing that this was not my flesh and blood son, but he is my son. Not born of me, but he is a big, big part of me. I would not trade him or anything that I had to go through to be come his father for anything in this world. I was blessed to be able to raise him as my son and I will be thankful to God for the rest of my life for bringing both him and his mother into my life at a time that I was needing them the most.

Maybe that will help a little bit. I am not sure, but I know that you are struggling and that it is tough. Remember that God has a plan for you and your future husband, whomever that may be. God bless you for your virginity, I wish I could have said the same, but we live with the choices that we make and ask for forgiveness for the ones that offend God. And by His mercy we are forgiven.

 

[Shiann]

First off,

{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

I know this is difficult, especially since you have been such a model of self-control by waiting for marriage. You will be blessed over and over for it.

If you don’t mind, I’m going to seperate your post out, and discuss certain parts from my own perspective…

mbielanski:

I met my boyfriend about a year ago, and fell in love almost immediately. About 7 months ago, after a lot of wishfull thinking and denial on my part, I came to the awful realization that he had not waited. In fact had not waited about about 3 to 5 relationships before me, he won’t tell me the exact number.

This is a tough realization. You had an impression of the person you thought he was, and now it is very different. This is exactly what dating is about. Learning about the other person.

I’m glad he’s not offering the exact amount. Because you know what? It doesn’t matter. You know that he is not a virgin, and it sounds like not telling ISN’T to torture or taunt you. I imagine that he feels very sorry for the mistakes in his life and just as you and I do not wish to rehash our mistakes over and over- I don’t imagine he does either.

The last 7 months have been pure hell for me. I’m so disappointed and torn apart by it. I’m insecure, jealous, bitter, and absolutely hateful when it comes to this subject.

All understandable feelings. But you need to get to a point where you can get beyond this. Then you have to decide whether or not you will be able to continue a relationship with him.

I am not totaly clueless to your dilema, though I have the perspective of your boyfriend. I am a single mother- who has never been married, and I often think “Who can learn to love someone with my dirty past? Who can seek beyond the mistakes I made at 20 to see the religious and conservative person I am at 30?”

We all have awful sins in our past. And sexual sins can be one of the most hurtful though- as they are the most intimate. Giving of ones self to another person other than a spouse (prior to or after marriage) undermines the relationship with that future or current spouse. There are trust issues, and other horrible feelings associated with sexual sin- and it takes a very faithfull and loving person to work through those feelings and learn to forgive that future or current spouse.

I’m so hurt that he didn’t wait for me. He says he was a different person (he was raised and still is Catholic), that he was weak and stupid and not taught the same way I was. That if he had known what pain he was going to cause me he’d do it all differently. That he only wishes he could erase it all and be like me and begs me for forgiveness.

From what you say here, he is showing true contrition! If he is asking you for your forgiveness- you must give it (seven times seventy)! He has also sought forgiveness from God in order to make it right with his Faith.

 

[Shiann]

I’m not even sure it’s a matter of forgiveness, but rather a question of wether I can live the rest of my life with someone who didn’t wait for me. Sometimes I break down completely when I think of him with those other girls and sometimes I hate God for inspiring me to be the way I am because if I hadn’t had waited I wouldn’t be so insecure.

This part, I think, depends on your age. (I haven’t reviewed your profile if you included it there.) If you are still in high school- maybe you just need some more experience under your belt before you can commit to a relationship with such complexity. This is not to say you are immature or not ready for relationships. I can see by the sincerity of your post, and your conviction to morality- that you are much more mature than a lot of young women. But we all find ourselves in situations that overwhelm us, and sometimes the best way to work through it is to seperate from the environment. (Wether it be a relationship environment, or whatever).

God has a plan for us, and there could be any number of reasons why God showed you this relationship. Maybe it was because you were beginning to doubt your convictions to remain a virgin- and he wanted to show you the reasons why you should. Maybe He is giving you a lesson in true forgiveness. It is easy to forgive someone we won’t see again, or forgive someone for small wrongs- but when we must face forgiveness DAILY with a person we profess to love- or someone we anticipate a marriage with, the task of forgiveness becomes increasingly difficult.

He’s been to confession, he’s in church every Sunday with me and says that he truly started living and living a good life since he met me.

Again, this is reading like he has a very contrite heart, and that he has changed attitude and lifestyle- with your help. He has asked for your forgiveness- and in light of this information, it would seem to me that you have the obligation to forgive him for putting your relationship in this place. God forgave him for the sins against God, (the sin of lust), now you must pray for God to give you a heart of forgiveness.

Now wether or not your relationship can continue- that is up for your prayerful discernment. If you find that your heart and mind cannot learn to love a spouse who has been with anyone else than you- that is commendable! That is the way EVERY marriage should be. So just because you forgive this man for sabotaging your relationship before it even started- it doesn’t mean you must marry him. That is where your careful discernment as to your age, the complexity of your relationship, and your prayers, will be helpful.

But my life has fallen apart and I cry so much. I just want it all to stop. Any advice, please? Anybody experienced the same situation? Pleas help. I’m so sad.

I understand this is really tough to deal with. Especially if you were imagining a marriage in the future. But this situation IS about forgiveness, as well as determining if this person is someone you can learn to love again.

Comming from a position similar to your boyfriend, I would hope that my future husband would not be put off by the sins of my past- especially when I have shown a huge change of attitude and of lifestyle. That said, I would understand his conviction to seek out a virgin bride- as is his moral right.

My prayers are with you.

PS. I checked your profile, and see that you are well out of high-school, though I still think much of the advice here applies. Have care, and pray for a forgiving heart, and a discerning mind!

 

[Shiann]

Mirror Mirror:

If you feel that this is the person that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with, the I think that you should look inside yourself to see if you can look at this man the same each and every day that you are married and not let your jealousy and insecurity get the best of you. If you feel that you can accept the fact that he has made mistakes in the past then that is a good sign, but if this is something that is going to weigh heavily on your heart, you myst take a step back and reassess the entire relationship. He needs to find it in himself to ask for forgiveness and live a chaste life until marriage. He may need your forgiveness for what he has done and the hurt that he has caused you. But first he needs God’s mercy and he needs to repent and focus on the future. We are all sinners. We all do things that hurt God, but we are so blessed to have His mercy to set us free from that sin. Again, this is something that you have to be able to accept. Let me give a personal example.

When I met my wife, well she was not my wife at the time , she had a 2 year old son. The father was, well not a father, he was virtually non-existent. Not involved at all, despite attempts to involve him. Anyhow, there are many times throughout our relationship that questions, even doubts came to mind about this. Can I accept this? Can I care for someone that is not my own flesh and blood? Can a be a father to this boy? Am I ready for that kind of a committment? All the questions that you can think about in regards to this situation circled through my head. It drove me crazy. Now she did not ask me for forgiveness, she did not need to. I had to get to the point that I was able to accept her and the choices that she had made as well as her son.

By no means was I pure at this time either. But by the grace of God, I was forgiven, but there were issues from my past as well - that is for another time, another post. Anyhow, it was hard to accept that if things continued to progress the way that they were, that we would be an immediate family. This was not how I wanted it to go. This was not in my plans, I came from a failed marriage already (no kids, the marriage was annuled) and had different plans for the next time. But sometimes, I guess it is not about what I have planned. As much as I tried to keep her son at a distance and focus on our relationship, it became hard. I became scared that I was going to fall in love with her son and then if things did not work out I would lose 2 instead of one. At one point we broke off our engagement and this was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through. By the grace of God we were able to be engaged again and have been married since Feb '02 and have been blessed with 2 more beautiful children. I did fall in love with her and her son “about” the same time. I was at a point that I thought to myself (a song by Steven Curtis Chapman) “so sink or swim, I’m diving in!” I have never felt love like that. The way that this little boy made me feel, like I was the king of the world. I knew that God had brought us together for a reason and kept us together. I have since adopted him (right after we were married) and feel as if he is my first born son.

I had to get past my pride, knowing that this was not my flesh and blood son, but he is my son. Not born of me, but he is a big, big part of me.** I would not trade him or anything that I had to go through to be come his father for anything in this world. I was blessed to be able to raise him as my son and I will be thankful to God for the rest of my life for bringing both him and his mother into my life at a time that I was needing them the most.**

Maybe that will help a little bit. I am not sure, but I know that you are struggling and that it is tough. Remember that God has a plan for you and your future husband, whomever that may be. God bless you for your virginity, I wish I could have said the same, but we live with the choices that we make and ask for forgiveness for the ones that offend God. And by His mercy we are forgiven.

 

[LovedOne]

I understand how you are feeling. Let me explain my situation for you.

I fell in love with my (now) husband in college.
He liked me - but was not ready for a relationship with just one girl.
He tried to get me to sleep with him and I said **no ** I was waiting for marriage.
We parted for a few years and my heart ached for him thinking he didn’t really feel the same way about me obviously.
Long story short - we got together a few years later when he was “ready” for a relationship and realized he loved me.
He told me of the girls he’d been intimate with.
It was hard for me since I’d remained a virgin.
I tried to put it out of my mind although one of the girls was harder for me to deal with as we knew each other.
The other hard part was that all these sexual encounters occured when he and I knew each other and liked each other.
I guess I should be thankful he didn’t try and have his cake (me) and eat it (other girls) too - at the same time.
So I couldn’t exactly call him “unfaithful.” He’d not made any committment with me during that time.
But now - many yrs of marriage later - it has come back to haunt me. Big time. Images, hurt buried feelings - you name it.
He has said how sorry he is, that he was a different person then (he was) and if he could change it he would but he can’t.
I told him he can never know what it’s like to have ONLY been with “me” (his spouse) like it is for me with him.
That is my only point of reference - HIM.
He never has to deal with images of ME with other guys.
He has been spared that hell.
I gave him a gift he can never give me.
He gave his away for “recreational purposes.”

So I do understand how you are feeling.
BUT - if you really love him you MUST ask God for the grace to accept him for who he is NOW. He has asked God to forgive him and he has also asked you to forgive him.
You must do that if you truly love him.
Ask God to give you the grace to have a peace about his past and to be able to recognize it has nothing to do with you.
I have to struggle with the fact that he DID know me then and even liked me then - but rejected me because I did not sleep with him like the others willingly would.
He says that is why he married ME - and not them.
He did not respect them and was not looking for “that” kind of girl.

I agree with the other posters that you need to decide if you are going to truly be able to move on and accept him.
It is not fair to him for you to hang this over his head forever.

I wish I’d dealt with this before we married. I didn’t realize how buried it was and how deep the hurt was.
So it’s good you are choosing to deal with it now and not later when it’s too late.

God Bless you both.

 

[mumto5]

I do understand where you are coming from as I felt the same way about my future partner. I realise that a lot of it did stem from my own insecurities but I know I was young at the time. My own struggle came from the fact I knew my husband had watched pornography (just the one ‘session’, several tapes with his uncle). While he hadn’t been with anyone, or even close, it still bit to know he had looked at that sort of thing. I had to wonder what he thought about when he was with me, did he see me as an object to get gratification with? I know this is silly and not true but it was still something I had to deal with - and knowing he had looked at these women intimately and with lust. I’ve never seen any so I can only imagine what was in them and the thought makes me sick. Maybe the reality isn’t as bad as I imagine. I know now that this is not true and my husband cannot enjoy sex that is seperated from the emotional attachment. I know part of his watching came from curiosity and to be honest, at the age he was at the time, I might well have done the same thing out of curiosity. He’s a bit different from other men in a lot of ways and is very conservative.

I do not know if I could have dealt with him not being a virgin. He was 24 when I met him and hadn’t been intimate with a woman in any way. We’ve been married for 14 years now and I’m still not sure I could have dealt with it. Yes, it would still be haunting me. It seems a shame to lose a wonderful man over something like this but we can’t change the way we feel.

My suggestion to you is that you look at what aspects of it bother you. Unfortunately he can’t take back his virginity so you either have to find a way to accept his past or move on - which will be terrible for both of you but if you don’t deal with it it’s going to strain and possibly destroy your marriage anyway. He does sound like he’s contrite and has made changes.

I really feel for you as I know how hard something like this can be. I don’t have anything useful to offer you - just wanted to let you know that you aren’t the only one who would have felt that way.

 

[OhioBob]

vluvski:

Perhaps it will help to remind yourself that he is who he is right now not only in spite of but also because of who he was back then.

I’ve been down this road myself and I think this is very good advice. We are all what we are because of what we were. Good and bad, merits and faults. If God has forgiven him, you should too, but only you know if you can.

I also think that you need to try to de-personalize his past. His sins were not done “to you” (“he didn’t wait for me”). He didn’t know you then and couldn’t appreciate what you would mean to him or what his actions would mean to you. His sins affected him but he has made his repentence. By making his past actions (before he knew you) into actions taken against you personally, I think you are magnifying the pain you are feeling and placing him in an impossible position.

He should feel guilty about harm he may have caused to others who he was intimate with in the past but it seems unfair to demand that same guilt be applied to the relationship with you.

He seems to have made the journey to repentence and a recommitment to Catholic values. That is all he can offer now. If you can’t extend forgiveness for his past mistakes you may have to walk away for your own sake.

Neither of you deserves the pain you are both feeling.

You are in my prayers.

 

[StratusRose]

he won’t tell me the exact number.

Don’t let him either. It’s useless information. It will only hurt and not help you.

The last 7 months have been pure hell for me. I’m so disappointed and torn apart by it. I’m insecure, jealous, bitter, and absolutely hateful when it comes to this subject.

Been there. Got over it. It helps not to even see pictures of them. Don’t talk about them. Move on.

I’m so hurt that he didn’t wait for me.

I’m sure he didn’t do it to hurt you intensionally. People make mistakes.

He says he was a different person (he was raised and still is Catholic), that he was weak and stupid and not taught the same way I was. That if he had known what pain he was going to cause me he’d do it all differently.

Well good for him then! That’s a very admirable thing he said and that he has dedicated himself to. Think about what a good testament he’d be to young men who are thinking of throwing their virginities away. Some of the best lessons we learn are from those who learned the hard way.

That he only wishes he could erase it all and be like me and begs me for forgiveness. I’m not even sure it’s a matter of forgiveness, but rather a question of wether I can live the rest of my life with someone who didn’t wait for me

Again, I’m pretty sure he didn’t set out and hurt you personally. At the time he offended God, and God has forgiven him. Read the scripture passage about the master who forgave his servant’s debt, then the same servant demands that another fellow servant repay a smaller debt. Know what I mean?

Sometimes I break down completely when I think of him with those other girls and sometimes I hate God for inspiring me to be the way I am because if I hadn’t had waited I wouldn’t be so insecure.

Why are you torturing yourself? If you want this relationship to work you’re going to have to pick up your cross and carry it on this one. Pray for the young women he was intimate with. Pray that the have also sought forgiveness. Why do you hate God? Perhaps He is not the one inspiring you to be so unforgiving and resentful. Be glad that He has given you the strength to wait. Also, how do you know that you would be less insecure if you hadn’t waited?

He’s been to confession, he’s in church every Sunday with me and says that he truly started living and living a good life since he met me.

GOOD FOR HIM! (and you) He has been forgiven by God! That is a wonderful gift that God has let him start over. Can you help him do that too?

But my life has fallen apart and I cry so much. I just want it all to stop. Any advice, please? Anybody experienced the same situation? Pleas help. I’m so sad.

You can’t change the past. All you can do it learn from it. It sounds like your boyfriend has sincerely done that. He is to be commended for turning away from such a gripping sin. If you want these feelings to stop you have two choices. Stop dwelling on it and move on together, or break up and find someone else who is a virgin. I hope that you make the right decision. You are very lucky to have someone who is very repentant of his past and is making every effort to try and change that. Count your blessings!

 

[SMHW]

mbielanski:

I met my boyfriend about a year ago, and fell in love almost immediately. About 7 months ago, after a lot of wishfull thinking and denial on my part, I came to the awful realization that he had not waited.
.
.
.
Sometimes I break down completely when I think of him with those other girls…

All the other advice you have been given is good. However in going back and reading your post I can’t help but think that this has been eating at you for seven months. If you’ve known him for a year then it’s been over half your existing relationship. To me that seems kind of odd. While I don’t expect you will ever be happy about his past, seven months seems like a long time to be obsessing over it. Is there something else going on with him or with yourself?

 

[Ham1]

Don’t talk about it. Don’t ask about it. Don’t let him tell you about it. You don’t want to know who these people are. It’s a hard road but the feelings go away and stop haunting you. Every once in a long while they might pop back into your head but you’ll be able to shut them out again.

 

[mariainman]

The only guy who never sinned was Jesus. Maybe you should marry Him by becoming a Nun.

 

[1ke]

You are angry with him for something he did before he met you, something for which he has been to Confession and been absolved for, and something that he has no intention of repeating.

This is not about him, this is about you. He didn’t do anything to you, or to hurt you.

Anger, hate, jealousy, and the other emotions you seem to be feeling regarding this are completely disproportionate to the issue. I think you need to examine what has you so insecure and upset here. Talk to a priest and sort out your issues.

We are called to forgive-- as we heard in Mass just a few weeks ago… not 7 times but 70 times 7 times…

If you cannot forgive and forget-- as in completely-- then you need to stop this relationship and move on NOW. You cannot bring these sorts of emotions into a marriage. Read I Corinthians-- love is patient, kind, holds no grudges… etc…