Please help me deal with the whole "not having a boyfriend" thing

[Nec5]

Dungeons and Dragons is fun and a way to meet generally intelligent guys, what’s wrong with that?.

Charm person.

 

[girlofchrist]

Hey allthatisgold93!

I can completely relate to how you feel! I am a few years older than you fixing to graduate from college an I too have never had a boyfriend, or a guy that has shown any interest in me. We are still young. I am also shy when I meet people for the first time especially when it comes to starting a conversation with another guy. It gets even worse when the guy is attractive on the inside and out. But that is part of human nature, that is how God made us. Personally, I believe the guy should make the first move. I’m kinda the old-fashioned type

My parents have always stressed education first then boys. College is stressful to begin with all the life changing decisions you have to make, and when you factor in relationships things can become even more complicated. Throughout my time at college I have seen so many of my friends struggle with the on and off relationships and the keeping their gpa up. Keeping a gpa of 4.0 is hard enough! Great job on that! As my college time comes to an end, I am currently witnessing all of my friends getting engaged and married. They are beginning their next chapters in life with a family and career, as I wait to see what God has planned for me.

I have also experienced exactly what you are now. You are definitely not the problem. You are beautiful inside and out! God has a guy picked out especially for you (if you are called to the married life). As women, we have to be ourselves and trust in God that he will lead us in the right direction.

There are a few books out there that have helped me in this journey of accepting the plan God has for me. Whenever I am struggling with not having a boyfriend, I always think about the day I will meet my special someone. My friend is soon-to-be engaged to her first and only boyfriend. When you think about it, each relationship you have you give a piece of you heart to the other individual. I don’t know about you, but I am saving every piece for my future husband.

Give God your heart and let a guy go to God to find it! We have to be strong and let God have control, let him write our love stories! You are not alone in this battle; enjoy this time of being single. It is a time we can use to develop our personal relationships with God. “God gave us singleness – a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service – and we view it as a chance to get bogged down in finding and keeping boyfriends.”

I will keep you in my prayers! Stay strong, Be yourself, believe in yourself and enjoy every moment in college!

“ Everyone around us may be playing the dating game, But at the end of our lives, we won’t answer to everyone. We’ll answer to God.”

 

[kingal86]

I didn’t meet my first girlfriend until I was 23 - we’re still together a year later - so I may have some idea how you might feel, especially when comparing yourself to others. I remember hating hearing this when I was 18.

Many people may say your match will arrive when you least suspect him, or when you stop trying (I remember getting angry when people were still saying that when I was 22), but I would personally advise that is no excuse to be passive and that you should still try things to meet the right people - and at least be glad you may have so far avoided meeting - and even falling for - the wrong sort of people.

Unfortunately I’m not really sure what to suggest, I tried lots of things for years with little success - I’m not very good at meeting new people, have issues reading situations and peoples’ expressions and detest the clubbing culture dominant amongst young people here in Britain, which didn’t help. I got dangerously obsessive, angry and depressed to the extent that my family didn’t want to give me further advice - so I would certainly try to avoid that.

In the end I met my girlfiend online (and there is no other way I could have met her) - so that is an option worth exploring - there are religiously-orientated singles sites that are at least meant to be geared towards traditional morality (though they obviously can’t control how those who join actually act).

I’ll warn you with secular dating sites: I’ve heard attractive girls get deluged with spam and dodgy messages from guys and have to filter out those who actually want to date at all. Whilst my experience as a guy is - depressingly - a bit like applying for jobs online but with less responses, i.e. a depressing numbers game with often no responses for months on end. And obviously there are issues with Catholic morality and what many potential dates on a secular site might expect from a relationship.

So I would suggest trying to meet people through friends or college first if you can. Sorry I can’t be more helpful, I’m still young myself I guess (just) And when people say girls shouldn’t ask guys out, remember that some of the nicest guys can be shy and afraid of rejection - or just unsure when it is appropriate in a friendship or acquaintance to make such a move - I once mistakenly thought I was dating a girl for a few weeks actually, whilst she thought we were just friends (we still are friends though ).

 

[CallMeCatholic]

Just remember that for every girl there is in your situation, there’s a guy most likely in the same predicament. I’m 19, a freshman in College, and am struggling with wanting to find a Catholic girl that’s right for me. I’ve dated 4 girls since my freshman year of High School, but none of them ever worked out quite right.

Now that I’m actively looking for a girl with the same morals, religion, personality, etc. it has been nothing but a struggle to find that perfect girl. But just remember that:

A.) Prayer is always the way to go when you feel alone/helpless about the situation, and
B.) There’s a guy out there most likely with the same situation!

Just be proactive in looking, and be open to everyone. Also, something I’ve struggled with but am learning to accept is that not all girls/guys that you meet are going to have the necessary “criteria” that you want. Hence the being open part.

 

[kingal86]

1. If there is someone you are interested in, find a way to be around them. You don’t have to talk to them, just be around them. They will notice sooner or later and if they are interested, they will show it.

That’s not always full-proof. I could never tell if girls were just being friendly or fancied me (I usually assumed the former), so I thinks it’s presumptuous to expect a guy to read your mind - at least without considerable heavy hinting. Though maybe that’s just me

 

[Debora123]

Hello everyone. I’m sure this is going to seem silly, but I still cannot get rid of these feelings.

I’m 18 years old and have never, ever had a boyfriend before; not even a guy slightly interested in me! And I do not know why that is. I am a little shy, but am able to carry on conversations with guys…I just don’t like to throw myself at them, as I do not think that is very becoming of a young woman. I was homeschooled, which I will admit did keep the people I associated with to a minimum. However, I am now a sophomore in college, and still nothing has happened.

I’m sure it sounds petty, but it is so difficult to see all of my friends have boyfriends when I have no one. It’s a bit embarrassing, too. I feel like I’m ugly and like that might be the problem.

I’ve tried so many times to forget about having a relationship and to turn my thoughts to college, which is also very important to me. I have a 4.0 average, and work incredibly hard to maintain it…but the feelings still stay, no matter how much I try to focus on school.

I am asking for prayer, please, and some advice if you have the time. I just do not know what to do anymore, and it makes me feel badly about myself, and like I am a loser or something.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Take care and God bless.

Do something that will make you feel good on the outside, because that will make you feel good in the inside too… guys can sense a girl who is confident in herself and that is a very attractive trait to a lot of guys.

With that being said, it is important to take good care of ourselves, and the way we present ourselves to the world is important. As another poster suggested, have a good hairstylist find a style that will bring out your best features - same goes with clothes and light, daily make up.

Do you play any sports or do any sort of physical activity? Physical activity is a huge self esteem booster. Not only does it release a lot of “feel good” chemicals, but it will make you a physically healthier person too. Does your school have a gym?

It isn’t all about the outside, but it isn’t all about the inside either. It’s about having the confidence and loving yourself all around.