PLEASE HELP! Parish is near forcing us to donate! What to do?

[YADA]

Every diocese and parish is slightly different…Please do not think I was singling out any person here…Many parishioners do step up…but I have truly had people tell me that they will not contribute to the support of the church for all of the reasons I posted and I have even had people tell me they won’t contribute because they don’'t like the priest. Please do not think I believe I a able to discern your level of committment…I just feel that there needs to be more thought in how we give…and how we discern…if others read your tuition comment with out the context, they may feel tuition is all they need to offer…

Once when we were visiting a parish during the archdiocesan appael a parishioner asked the priest if their parish received any thing back from the archdiocese from this contribution…his response was “No”…

Now this parish [in a economically depressed area, low income area] was last place in the diocese for supporting the archbishop’s annual appeal…

Granted this parish has a difficult time even staying open and may not have been able to give much more…however, there are parishioners who have more income…one is a doctor, who even in a rural community makes more than the average … but with the priests response why bother…that was the discussion heard after Mass…why should we give anything at all…

The sad part of this story is the priests response…because I know for a fact that is parish benefits directly from the archbishop’s appeal…

1] the state college/university Newman Centers are funded by the diocese…any catholic attending the state’s public institutions has a catholic presence on the university from the monies donated to this appeal. And every cathoic parent wants [or should want] a catholic oganization for their college age children…
2] Catholic charities provide services in every county and community in the state for low income people, mental health, food baskets, housing assistance, crisis pregnancy etc. catholic charities receive support from the diocese:
3] Training is offered and available to every parish for training catechists and other educational programs…scholarships ar available and are funded by the appeal
4] Scholarships and educational formation for the permanent diaconate and scholarships for priests in seminary are funded in part by this appeal…
5] Other charitable causes which are a part of our catholic mission to spread the Gospel of Christ [evangelization] and Serve the people of God, is funded by this campaign…
6] In addition to the office of ministry formation and other areas of ministry, the diocese operates the Tribunal and I am sure there is an occasional annullment to adjudicate…
7] Ceremonies where the bishop presides: Rite of Election for RCIA, Confirmations …the receptions that follow…

Instead of using the question as a teaching moment this priest failed to support the dioscese, his parishioners and the church.
We do not give solely to get in return, we give to support the work of Christ…and I know this priest would acknowledge the value to the community from all of these programs…he is a very good priest…one who loves his parish. I’ve heard him make appeals for parish support too - …

 

[YADA]

PLEASE Don’t take this the wrong way…but thinking about this thread and similar ones last night. Perhaps this topic has grabbed me because I was one of the lucky ones who had the opportunity to speak to our parish this weekend [our Committment Campaign is next weekend with parishioners requested to make a pledge - non-binding and based upon their personal reflection upon the gifts God has provided them over the past year!!!] This is the job people either love or hate you for . Rarely any middle ground…

Some posters have stated that they have nothing left to offer the church [living pay check to pay check etc…] And one poster [on this or a similar thread] commented upon the ‘race car’ that the priest owned as if by owning a car meant that he could not ask for parishioners to support their parish…And being somewhat chastised for my tuition comments [parochial school being subsidized, etc]

That got me to thinking…this is an internet site…it is not free…maintaing the site nor the ability to access it…

How many CAF posters support the CAF *.

I do not know how to set up a poll…but I am curious…

How many CAF posters walk to their local library to log in to these discussion boards? or some other ‘free’ [though nothing is truly free] access point…friend’s house? School library?..Internet cafe [although you probably have to pay there, don’t know…Post from work?

How many are using dial up internet acccess to post here at CAF? Land lines plus cell phones? Tieing up a phone line or having both cell and land line? Cost per month?

How many are using high speed cable internet? Added cost per month?

How many are using a DSL? Cost per month?

Internet provider? cost per month?

How many computers are in the home?

How many TV’s?

Now, none of these things are bad…and having a computer and high speed internet access can be a good thing [although the rise of internet porn makes that unlimited access a cautionary blessing!]…

The greatest asset for our lives is having a parish. The parish is a wonderful gift. Living in a country where you have freedom of religion is a great gift. So is having a faith community to nurture our faith and help in our spiritual developent and to assist in passing on the faith to the next generation…Now that is a true blessing…the Eucharist…the Source and Summit of our Faith…we should want to give our best, our all, for this and it should be one of our first priorities…right up there with housing, basic food and utilities…*

 

[MooCowSteph]

I am a little nervous this year because my parish announced that this year, they will be calling each home (over 3,000 families!) to schedule a meeting to discuss how much we can give. We can’t give much at all, and we can’t increase it even a penny right now. We’ll see how the phone call goes, but there isn’t going to be a meeting.

I understand what you are saying. I have a friend who quit the Catholic Church and does not practice any religion because he thought the Church was only interested in money. I have tried to get him to find another parish, but he is not interested. After hearing about all these fundraisers, getting letters in the mail, and listening to the homilies asking for money, he decided he did not want anything to do with the Church. My parish is not like that, but he does not live in my neighbourhood, so I cannot get him to join my parish. I pray for him, but he refuses to go to church.

I, too, had a coworker who felt this way, and with some of the stories he told me about his priest, I can see why he felt that way. Some just don’t know how to kindly and lovingly, solicit money.

A lot of organizations, not just churches, have turned to fundraising companies to run their capital campaigns. A few years ago we had one such company, sent by the diocese, to our parish (and every other parish in the diocese). It really didn’t work well with the people in our town - no one was angry or anything, it just didn’t fit with our town. It’s kind of a long story but in essence it was designed for a town/city with a large population and our town is very small.

Our old parish did it this way one year, the year they added a new enterance to the church, sports fields, concession stands, and other improvements. It was very well done. We volunteered on the campaign. It was not at all pushy or tacky, IMO, but it could easily turn that way if one isn’t careful.

 

[mercygate]

If a priest brings up stewardship once a year, some people will say, “All he ever talks about is money!” People leave because “All they ever talk about is money.”

Check out Jesus in the Gospels, there’s about five times as much in there about what you do with your money than there is about loving your neighbor. Although, come to think of it, what you do with your money and loving your neighbor have a lot in common.

 

[SteveLy]

Congratulations on deciding to stay home. It is a model to be lifted up. I know how tight money can be (finishing grad school this year) but my wife and I tithe weekly or try to make up those weeks we miss. I know this isn’t taught strongly in the Catholic Church, but there are two reasons for us to do it (and I’ll throw in a 3rd practical one).

1. God calls us to give. It’s his rule, not a priests. And the standard amount is 10%. Yes it’s alot, but who complains that they HAVE to tip a waitress more than that?
2. As Paul states he give thanks for those who give to him not because of the benefit to him, but the benefit to them. The only one’s to whine about tithing are those who don’t do it. While finances may go up and down, those who tithe always have their needs met.
3. Because if everyone worked towards it a parish wouldn’t have financial difficulty. Look at the post above with 3000 families in the parish. Average household income in the US is about $42,000 per year. If each family gave 5% ($2100) the parish would have an income of 6.3 million dollars. The priest would be saying “Thank You” instead of “give it up”. Btw-the priests & deacons probably aren’t thrilled to have to ask 3000 families to pony up either!

Peace,
Steve

 

[YADA]

If the reality of the cost of maintaining a spouse is more than you budgeted or expected what would you do?

If all of a sudden you are expecting a child…

As a parent / grand-parent now you have extra mouths to feed…

Would you find a way? Would you cut back and find the resources to support this family? Absorb the costs?

Why are we treating the parish family like they are strangers …

If you have 3000 families [approx 8000 - 9000 individuals] who is responible for the building that they worship in? The hosts & sacramental wineused at mass…the lights, water, toilet paper, candlles and staff…? Who if not you? Which of those 3000 is supposed to pay for those who opt out?

Ifyou do not want a meeting [one on one] would you have attended a sterwardship workshop…giving up a saturday to learn about disverning your gifts and sharing them? Or would you be too busy… or would you complain about how rude it was to expect parishioners to give up their saturday to be “told how much to give”?

 

[newf]

If you have 3000 families [approx 8000 - 9000 individuals] who is responible for the building that they worship in? The hosts & sacramental wineused at mass…the lights, water, toilet paper, candlles and staff…? Who if not you? Which of those 3000 is supposed to pay for those who opt out?

The question I have for you is “who are you going to kick out because they did not pay their fair share”?

In real life, people do not give the same “fair” amt. to church.

Some people are generous and give much more than required. These are the minority who keep most churches going.

Some people give whatever they can from what they have left over.

Some give nothing.

Being Catholic means all are welcome.

The church needs to teach the members the need to give and the blessing it is to be a giver. But I believe to have a church committee calling one on one to each family is too harsh, unless the family requests the visit. I think it might be better to devote a section in each Sunday paper teaching concepts on giving.

Ultimately, the church belongs to God and the gates of hell will not prevail.

 

[mercygate]

Congratulations on deciding to stay home. It is a model to be lifted up. I know how tight money can be (finishing grad school this year) but my wife and I tithe weekly or try to make up those weeks we miss. I know this isn’t taught strongly in the Catholic Church, but there are two reasons for us to do it (and I’ll throw in a 3rd practical one).

1. God calls us to give. It’s his rule, not a priests. And the standard amount is 10%. Yes it’s alot, but who complains that they HAVE to tip a waitress more than that?
2. As Paul states he give thanks for those who give to him not because of the benefit to him, but the benefit to them. The only one’s to whine about tithing are those who don’t do it. While finances may go up and down, those who tithe always have their needs met.
3. Because if everyone worked towards it a parish wouldn’t have financial difficulty. Look at the post above with 3000 families in the parish. Average household income in the US is about $42,000 per year. If each family gave 5% ($2100) the parish would have an income of 6.3 million dollars. The priest would be saying “Thank You” instead of “give it up”. Btw-the priests & deacons probably aren’t thrilled to have to ask 3000 families to pony up either!

Peace,
Steve

In our demographic, the average household income is $65K. If everyone in our parish gave 5% we could have a free school. Our school had to merge with two other schools last year because we couldn’t keep up with it. But the parking lot is full of SUVs.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Congratulations on deciding to stay home. It is a model to be lifted up. I know how tight money can be (finishing grad school this year) but my wife and I tithe weekly or try to make up those weeks we miss. I know this isn’t taught strongly in the Catholic Church, but there are two reasons for us to do it (and I’ll throw in a 3rd practical one).

1. God calls us to give. It’s his rule, not a priests. And the standard amount is 10%. Yes it’s alot, but who complains that they HAVE to tip a waitress more than that?

The Church actually teaches us, according to the CCC, to give according to our means, and Canon Law, only to support our parish and diocese. The “tithe” of which you speak is an Old Testament model, and not required of Catholics in the New Testament. You can check it out at usccb.org, or do a search here at CAF and check old “Ask An Apologists” as well as Jimmy Akin and EWTN.

Not everyone has the means to “tithe” 10%. Some people actually have the means to “tithe” more than 10%, like 20%.

However, if you want to get technical about it - God redeemed us all at the price of His Son’s life. Therefore, everything we have and everything we are belongs to God. We can never outgive God. He wants us to be prudent with our earthly treasure, but what we give back to Him, He leaves up to our free will.

In our demographic, the average household income is $65K. If everyone in our parish gave 5% we could have a free school. Our school had to merge with two other schools last year because we couldn’t keep up with it. But the parking lot is full of SUVs.

I’ve seen this with people who claim they can’t afford Catholic school for their kids, and complain about “sad choice” of the local public school. Yet, there’s the Escalade and the Expedition in the driveway, complete with a DVD player in both cars. There’s the flat-panel TV that takes up one whole wall in the lving room. There’s the wii and the Playstation, with continuous online feed so the kids can play other kids in Timbuktu. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen- far from it.

But in the case of the OP, it’s hard to get money sometimes out of a spouse who isn’t Catholic.

I remember when my dad was lapsed, and used to make fun of the Church and the parish. He would tell my mother to give out of her grocery money, which he knew was very little. I remember the parish priest OKing that she give $3 a week so she could make a weekly contribution to keep her kids in Catholic school at the parishoner rate, which even in the 1960s, was not a lot. But it was all she had, as a SAHM.

So, when the OP’s hubby- sitting next to her at Mass, even though he is not Catholic- gave her an amount, well, I just think the world of that young man!!!

 

[dkoinzan]

Sometimes I think that if our churches were really doing what they should, the people would bend over backwards to make sure it recieved only the best. I know with my husband, who is not Catholic, when he sees the Nuns working faithfully to do all they can to spread the Catholic faith, he bends over backwards for them. He sees them defend Jesus and that makes a big impression on him.

 

[RitaM]

I used to go to a church (not catholic) which gave me a phone call at home when I did not return a pledge card. My husband (not religious) had a fit, we got into a fight, and he wouldn’t let me go back to church for a long time (I used to not know how to drive). This was a very wealthy downtown parish and I was definitely one of the poorest members. They had enough money to serve wine and cheese after evening services, so why did they need to harass me for my kids’ lunch money?
If there weren’t enough money coming in for the electric bill, maybe they could let the people know why they will need to bring a stadium blanket to Mass next week. I wouldn’t mind – and neither do many people in the world.