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jmjconder
Guest
I have been studying theology for over 15 yrs. I am confused by the information you have been given.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
Thank you; as am I, which is why I came here in the first place. I am even more confused that the diocese agreed with the priest. My only ideas are either that the priest miscommunicate the issue to them, as he seemed to have a hard time understanding our situation, or that it is really only a diocesan policy.
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jmjconder
Guest
EWTN has an ask the expert resource…when I have received information that did not seem accurate I have used this resource. All the people answering questions are experts. Since you do not know what information was given to the Diocese and their direct answer - this may be another resource. God bless your desire!
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zz912
Guest
First, go to Confession. There is no reason to wait on this any longer. No mattter what else happens, do this first. Don’t wait until you move. Just go do it now.
Second, obey your pastor. As other have said, there may be reasons why the Diocese has determined to do it this way. You can always ask them to reconsider, as you have researched the issue and believe you might be correct.
If they tell you no, obey your pastor.
While waiting for your marriage to be normalized, say a prayer thanking Christ for the spiritual communion you are receiving from Him while you wait to be allowed to receive the Eucharist.
Look at the 3 months time as an opportunity for penance you can perform for Christ. Offer it up! By the time the 3 months has ended, your desire for the Eucharist will be heightened and refined.
Second, obey your pastor. As other have said, there may be reasons why the Diocese has determined to do it this way. You can always ask them to reconsider, as you have researched the issue and believe you might be correct.
If they tell you no, obey your pastor.
While waiting for your marriage to be normalized, say a prayer thanking Christ for the spiritual communion you are receiving from Him while you wait to be allowed to receive the Eucharist.
Look at the 3 months time as an opportunity for penance you can perform for Christ. Offer it up! By the time the 3 months has ended, your desire for the Eucharist will be heightened and refined.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
The pastor has refused us confession. This is why I am upset, as we have no way of receiving absolution.
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iloveangels
Guest
I’m wondering if the diocese (or the parish) hasn’t seen so many of these kinds of cases in the past, that they’re getting people to wait 3 months to make sure they’re really serious. It’s not uncommon for people to do nothing for years about religion and then suddenly get in a great big hurry to get into (or back into) the Catholic Church, only not to have it last. The Church really doesn’t do anyone any favors by rushing all this stuff. Programs like RCIA have “no rush” policies in place in a lot of places precisely for this very reason. You might ask and see if this is just a customary wait that everyone has to endure in your situation. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is.
How long have you been non-practicing?
Have you only talked to this one priest about this?
Why did you get married in a Methodist church in the first place, if you’re both baptized Catholics? This might well be playing a large part in this also. Are you supposed to be going through any preparations while you wait 3 months or anything like that?
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TheWarriorMonk
Guest
I can understand denying the Eucharist in this situation. However, it concerns me that a priest would deny absolution if the penitent vows to abstain have sinful relations and is truly sorry for his/her sins. If it were me, I would go to another Church for Confession.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
OK, let me try to clarify this in one post.
We fell away in 2010. We had become deceived and stuck in the occult and such. We have realized our error and are trying to enter back into the Church.
We got married in 2011, in the Methodist church, because we knew to get married in the Catholic Church would mean that we had to raise any future children as Catholic, which at the time we, or I, was not willing to promise. Of course, again, we were in error, but that’s just what happened.
We are not waiting three months. It is just how long they estimated the convalidation process would take. They want us to fill out questionnaires and other forms, take three weeks of classes which doesn’t happen till April, etc. This is if we stayed in this diocese, which we are not, so we will see what it is like in her diocese.
They just won’t allow us to confess our sins until our marriage is convalidated. It does not make sense to us. If we cannot receive the Eucharist, at least allow us to confess, but we cannot. I desire God’s grace, but it appears I am condemned to live in mortal sin for several months.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
I thought of this, but if he truly spoke to the diocese and communicated everything faithfully, and they responded in the way they did, then I don’t know if going to another church in the same diocese would do any good.
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iloveangels
Guest
There’s also another piece of this that’s totally missing.
When you come into the Church, during the process of RCIA and all that, the Church maintains that you’re doing the best that you can, and you shouldn’t worry about your sins yet, since you cannot receive the sacraments. During this period, a person is on the way in and doing the best they can and God honors that. So no sleepless nights over sins until you can go to confession.
I think what you have, in returning to the Church, is very much like that. I think that you ought to do the best you can to return and take everything in the proper order, which is the order you are given by the Church.
I see your previous post. Yes, they want to make sure you are going to be able to stay if you come back. This is why the classes and the questionnaires. This is entirely proper.
What you basically did was go AWOL for some time–which is very serious, especially given the nature of it–and of course, you have to go through a process to come back, assuming you intend to stay back. This is entirely reasonable, I think. They’re doing what they can to help you.
When you come into the Church, during the process of RCIA and all that, the Church maintains that you’re doing the best that you can, and you shouldn’t worry about your sins yet, since you cannot receive the sacraments. During this period, a person is on the way in and doing the best they can and God honors that. So no sleepless nights over sins until you can go to confession.
I think what you have, in returning to the Church, is very much like that. I think that you ought to do the best you can to return and take everything in the proper order, which is the order you are given by the Church.
I see your previous post. Yes, they want to make sure you are going to be able to stay if you come back. This is why the classes and the questionnaires. This is entirely proper.
What you basically did was go AWOL for some time–which is very serious, especially given the nature of it–and of course, you have to go through a process to come back, assuming you intend to stay back. This is entirely reasonable, I think. They’re doing what they can to help you.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
As I said, the length of time was two years.
There’s no process to come back. The process is only to get our marriage convalidated. If I had gotten married in the Church, or not gotten married at all, presumably I could simply go to confession and I’d be all good.
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iloveangels
Guest
There has been a process. Questionnaires and the class and the convalidation are the process they’ve asked you to go through and it’s going to take 3 months.
The point is precisely that you did get married, and you didn’t get married in the Church. I understand more clearly what’s going on now too.
What they’ve asked you to do is prudent for your sake and for the sake of the Church, I think. I still think you should do as they ask you to do. I don’t understand your great big hurry. You’ve been running around like this for 2 years. Three more months doesn’t sound extreme to me at all, and neither do their stipulations. And if you’re serious, which I think you are, and if you’re doing this for the right reasons, which I think you are, then God will honor your intentions to come back.
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seeker_of_God
Guest
Again, I’m in no hurry to get the marriage convalidated. I am in a hurry to at the least be able to go to confession, and see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to, nor do 99% of the people I’ve spoken to about it.
My wife and I are willing to abstain until our marriage is convalidated. But this does not seem to be good enough.
Again, though, we will see what her diocese says. I just wanted to see the opinion here.
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iloveangels
Guest
I don’t understand why abstaining from relations is so much easier than abstaining from sacraments, if your first priority a year ago was the reverse.
I also think that this could be manipulated–although I’m not sure you’ve thought of that–but I’m sure the Church has, and this is probably the reason for the rule. The Church has had a lot of experience in human nature and is very wise about some of these things.
I still don’t see anything wrong with simply being obedient about this, which would be a learning experience.
You could consult with the new diocese if you’re going to be moving there and going to one of their parishes before the next 3 months are over anyway.
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maryjk
Guest
I am a bit confused why you can’t go to Confession.
Nine years ago, while in Confession, I told the priest that my husband and I had been married by a judge. His reaction?
That was in January. Our Convalidation was in April. It took that long to contact both Baptismal churches, get information from them and get all of the paperwork done.
But I wasn’t barred from Confession. Not at all.
Nine years ago, while in Confession, I told the priest that my husband and I had been married by a judge. His reaction?
That was in January. Our Convalidation was in April. It took that long to contact both Baptismal churches, get information from them and get all of the paperwork done.
But I wasn’t barred from Confession. Not at all.
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1ke
Guest
I am not sure you are getting what the OP is saying. First, you are coming across as very uncharitable and argumentative.
Secondly, the OP is in a state of mortal sin and want to go to reconciliation ASAP.
There is no rule. In fact, I think the position of this priest is counter to the following canon:
Can.* 843 §1. Sacred ministers cannot deny the sacraments to those who seek them at appropriate times, are properly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.
There is a difference between being obedient to lawful judgments and having one’s canon law rights withheld from them. The faithful do have rights under canon law. While the 3 month period of preparation is within the pastor’s purview under Canons 1063-1070. Withholding the sacraments of penance and communion, is not.
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maryjk
Guest
Because right now they are in need of Confession and dying that way would be a problem. Going to Hell is a bit more than a “learning experience,” wouldn’t you think?
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vames
Guest
I can’t comment on what the priest told you, but I know that you are not condemned to live in mortal sin. For people who don’t have access to confession, the Catechism says that perfect contrition “obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible”. Been there (for quite a long time - no access to confession), done that. So you can use this “wasted” time as an occasion for penance and reflection. And you can make a spiritual communion any day.
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zz912
Guest
First, relax. And smile and breathe.
You have done your part, and you have approached Christ’s Church. Remain obedient to Her and to Her ordained ministers. Even if the priest, diocese, and bishop are all wrong on this, God knows that you have attempted to approach His sacraments, and are obeying His Church. He will not hold this against you if something awful were to happen before you could go to Confession.
Second, go to the priest, and explain (in a calm manner) what you have mentioned here. Mention your concern about getting to Confession soon and tell him your worries. And let him know that you will obey no matter his decision.
Now immediately, you still can do a perfect act of contrition right now. So do one. And then do a couple more as you go along waiting for your ability to go to Confession. (little more info here: catholic.com/quickquestions/how-do-i-make-an-act-of-contrition )
And then trust in God, and trust that Christ’s Church will lead you home.
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teach30
Guest
I was in your same situation and just recently had my marriage convalidated. It took approximately four months. I too asked my Priest about living as brother and sister and receiving communion, but he said it was best to wait until the convalidation process was complete before receiving. He was very charitable and supportive throughout the whole process and I respected his decision. It actually gave me time to reflect on my faith and my decisions that had put us in that situation. I am now thankful that I had that four months to think and grow in my journey even though it was a struggle to go to church many times knowing that I couldn’t fully participate in the Sacraments. Please keep us updated on your progress!
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