Please offer me some advice

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ironman62292

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This is directed towards married people and people dating.

I have known this one girl for awhile now, and she is everything I’ve been looking for. She is very pure and modest. She has strong christian/catholic characteristics, and she is the most gentle, beautiful, loving, empathetic girl I have ever met. Recently I was put in charge by the priest to organize the easter egg hunt for the children in the parish.

Both me and her went shopping for the prizes. We both had fun, and afterwards I took her out to dinner.

As I think about it there aren’t to many opportunites for me to be able to get to know her better. I see her at sunday mass and at some church activities. But that’s it.

My question is, what would you suggest to me? What could I say or do to be able to spend time with her? Or if you suggest asking her out someplace, where could I take her or what could we do?
 
***That sounds like a nice start. 🙂 Glad you found someone you like!

Why not ask her for another dinner? Or mini golf? Or to the movies? It seems that she was willing to go out to dinner the first time with you, without hesitation it seemed, so why not ask for another dinner?

No emails, no texts. Just call her on the phone. That’s the best thing, I think.

I hope it works out…Have a blessed Easter. ***
 
Movies are fun but not a great opportunity to talk. Dinner is a safe bet for a decent conversation in the evening but it can be loaded with stress. What about coffee at a museum or a zoo visit during daytime. It will give you the opportunity to find different topics to address and it might also help with those uncomfortable silent moments that can always happen. My main goal would be to find a venue where neutral topics of conversation could come out, thus reducing the stress of the first dates.

whatevergirl is absolutely correct, no emails or text messaging. Use the phone unless she asks to change the media, then stick to emails because text messaging is too terse and for people with limited social skills. Important thoughts should be expressed in a proper manner
 
I second the above. It’s a good start and you should follow through in the same way. Just be natural and do it the same way you took her to that restaurant. 🙂
 
I would strongly encourage you to continue attending Church events together. Dinner out (or w/ family) is always nice as well. I say skip the movies simply b/c its not a good place to learn more about each other & can be a bit awkward. Sounds like you’re on the right track though!👍
 
Thank you for the suggestions. It’s just that for me it seems a little awkward to just call her out of the blue to do something. When I took her too dinner, we were already out in the city. I like to tie things together, to make it all flow together.

Later in the month, we both have a meeting at the Diocese for Family Day. Last time I gave her a ride there. Perhaps I can offer her a ride this time. But, I have a National Honor Society Induction ceremony that same day right after the meeting.
But more suggestion will help.

Also, to add some context to this all, I’m 16, and she is a little older than I.
 
***Oh wow, you ‘sound’ older than a mere 16… 🙂

I personally like the movies idea…I mean, people…the date doesn’t stop right after the movie…ok, see ya, bye. :rolleyes: I think then you can go for icecream, a bite to eat…maybe see a matinee, and then you’ll have time to chat afterwards…talking about the movie will be a fun way to get to know her, also. Gives you both something to chat about.

Is the Passion of the Christ playing anywhere? At some parishes around here, it’s playing…you could ask her to do something like that. I agree with asking her to do some church activities also. It will require taking a little bit of a risk. That’s all part of dating, and I believe you are going about things the right way–not expecting her to reach out, you are wishing to be chivalrous and reach out to her. Very good. 👍 I hope things work out for you…and you choose something she’ll agree to do, soon. ***
 
I like your advice whatevergirl. Yes, I try to be as chivalrous as possible. That is the mentality I have. That as a man I have to be the knight in shining armor.:cool:

There is another thing. I am terrified of rejection. There is always that thought of, what if she says no?, or something like that? What’s a way to get over the fear of rejection?
 
ironman62292 said:
I like your advice whatevergirl. Yes, I try to be as chivalrous as possible. That is the mentality I have. That as a man I have to be the knight in shining armor.:cool:

There is another thing. I am terrified of rejection. There is always that thought of, what if she says no?, or something like that? What’s a way to get over the fear of rejection?
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***You are on your way to becoming a noble young man! Your parents have raised you right, that’s good. (Girls, women are thirsting for men to be chivalrous, so keep at it)

Re: rejection. I am in sales, and my target market is CEO’s and CFO’s of large companies…I hear NO all day long, but then…after so many no’s…I’ll hear a ‘yes!’ That*** is how you ‘get over’ rejection, by forging through it, not avoiding it. 😉 There is no magic bullet to overcoming rejection…just accept the fact that you WILL hear no a few times in your dating life, before you hear a yes. If I were a man, I would probably get to know a woman I might be attracted to, become friendly…and then ask her to dinner or something. I think blindly asking someone out who you are not sure of their interest level, can be daunting.

So, you will lower your odds of cold rejection this way. But, just know…rejection is part of life. Don’t fear it–just accept it. People will reject you for jobs, for dates, for interviews, for a number of things…it’s just LIFE. And it makes us tougher, stronger…to be stronger for Christ. Remember this, and you will no longer fear anything. Remember, we are not to be fearful, Jesus tells us.

Be not afraid. (anyways, the worst thing in the world to ever happen to you, is NOT being rejected by a few girls) :D;)

Good luck to you!! Be brave, be confident in Christ.
 
Thank you everyone. Especially you whatevergirl. Now others are more than welcomed to help me out.👍
 
*I have a 16 yr old son, can you tell? 😉 Girls will not be asking him out, he will do the asking. He will be chivalrous, he will put God first…he will become the man God wants him to become. Period. I tell him girls don’t want to date babies. They want to date someone who will be kind, caring, thoughtful, spiritual, and strong. Not babies.

You are not a baby, ironman:thumbsup:–you seem like you have received some good lectures, yourself. 😃
 
ironman62292 said:
There is another thing. I am terrified of rejection. There is always that thought of, what if she says no?, or something like that? What’s a way to get over the fear of rejection?
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Probably accepting the fact that she has the right to do that. The beauty of love is that it comes from a willing heart and there’s no way to compell it. All the much more joy when it actually comes. Whether you want it or not, you are at her mercy on this one and if you accept that gracefully, then all the greater man you are.
 
Amen whatevergirl, amen. If God wills it, then I will go on a date with her. For I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.

Your right Chevalier. I never thought of it that way, but your right.
 
ironman62292 said:
What’s a way to get over the fear of rejection?
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Well, once you get rejected enough, you start to get used to it. Trust me. 😃

Joking aside, it’s a common feeling, and I don’t know that it will ever go away completely; sometimes you just have to suck it up and go for it. It’s not easy, but the results can be wonderful. So says the man who, as of yesterday, has been married for 8 months.

So these things can work out, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. Best of luck in your endeavors.

Sam, the Neon Orange Knight
 
as someone who used to have a major fear of rejection, I can tell you that you can be your own worst enemy. You don’t know if she will say yes or no. If you don’t ask her, then the answer is no. If you ask her out, she may say yes, she may say no. If she says no, it may hurt, but learn from it knowing she wasn’t the one.
 
ironman62292 said:
I like your advice whatevergirl. Yes, I try to be as chivalrous as possible. That is the mentality I have. That as a man I have to be the knight in shining armor.:cool:

There is another thing. I am terrified of rejection. There is always that thought of, what if she says no?, or something like that? What’s a way to get over the fear of rejection?
Click to expand...
You sounds like a great guy, be confident but just be yourself. Your faith is important to you, perhaps this is the girl / future women for you or perhaps God has someone else for you? Just take it slow, you have time. If she says no to something, she says no.

The first time I met my wife she completely ignored me, the second time we really were around each other I completely ignored her and made the statement that I would “never” go out with her in front of a room full of people… That was 2 months before our first date and now 18 years later (14 of that being married) it’s seems quite funny 🙂

I like movies and ice cream afterwards 🙂 since you “can” talk about the movie if you want there isn’t a lot of pressure to start off with deep conversation but it could definitely go there.

Joe
 
Thanks to all who have provided me with such wonderful advice. I will take it heart. I also want to invite others to please help me out.

Maybe others could offer some more ideas for a place to go or something to do. 👍
 
Movies-icecream, sounds good. But what is there is not a good movie playing? What other date ideas are there?
 
just go for it and call her for dinner and movie.(do you have a cultural center w/ independent films? those are great and adds a touch of class to dinner and a movie) 👍
For every guy that is nervous about asking a girl for a date there is a girl daydreaming about the nice guy she ran errands with or spent time with doining whatever with, just hoping maybe he will call…😊

Go for it!👍
 
My husband and I met when we were just 15 and 16 🙂 (We’re now in our mid 20’s)

I think the best first dates are ones where you can get to know the other person a little more.I think dinner is great but maybe find something different then a movie. You can’t really get to know the girl better in a movie theater where its impolite to talk. The whole point of dating is to get to know the other person better. Maybe find some sort of out door activity she likes, a festival, a museum exhibit, some activity where you are still able to talk to one another.

By the way…how much older is she?
 
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