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BeeSweet
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I’ve heard the same is true for Saudi Arabia. The youngest sister of a good friend of mine was living there with their parents until she turned 14, and then she had to be sent to boarding school outside Saudi Arabia because the Saudis don’t like dealing with American teenagers.
Ironman, grandfather has a genuine point with regard to your naivety, keep in mind he’s speaking specifically of your sexual naivety. His advice on avoiding the near occasion of sin is right on. You say you have an iron will and a deep love of God which will protect you from sin, but honestly your best protection is to not be put in a position where you test the strength of your will or your love of God. You have to identify what is temptation and stay away from it.
If a genuine friendship were to happen with this girl, it would just happen. Do you have guy friends whom you actually pursued in friendship? If so, I guarantee your motives for pursuing their friendship were no where near the same intentions that you have with Crystal. Just be honest with yourself. That’s actually a whole lot more difficult than you’d think it should be. We talk ourselves into doing all sorts of stuff that we know better than to do. I think you’re talking yourself into believing you just want to be friends with Crystal. But if you’re honest, you have to admit that you do hope any friendship you develop with her would eventually blossom into a romantic relationship. To say otherwise would be lying to yourself about everything you’ve already felt for her.
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Cajun_Girl
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Hi Ironman, ok if I interject a funny story at this point? I was 19 or 20, going to school out of state, and I had just come home for the summer when a young man asked me out. In the course of our conversation, I mentioned that I would be leaving in the fall, and he immediately said, “Well, I get the feeling that I’m going to really like you, so what are you going to do about this?” To which I replied: “What do you think I’m going to do? I’m going to leave.” However, my thoughts were more like, “YOU THINK I’M GOING TO GIVE UP COLLEGE FOR YOU, YOU ARROGANT HIGH SCHOOL DROP-OUT?!?!?!?!”
That relationship lasted one week.
Anyway, I can relate to your problem. When I was in high school, I was more mature (in some ways) than my classmates, and I had a bad habit of falling for guys much older than me. Those relationships came to grief, of course, but you never could have told me that until I had experienced it for myself. There’s no point for me to repeat all the advice that’s already been posted, so let me just say that you sound far more advanced spiritually than I was at your age. I know that God has a wonderful plan for you, whether He is calling you to the married life or the priesthood. I know that you haven’t been hearing what you want to hear for the most part, so I hope this helps at least a little.
And what do you know, I ended up marrying a guy 10 years older than me.
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sunitha
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ironman62292
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whatevergirl
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grandfather;4077369:
hi ironman;
it’s not that teenagers are all alike…human being are all alike. We ALL struggle. Teens and adults struggle with these things.
You should try this some time…write down your goals and dreams…and all the wonderful things you feel about this young lady right now…put it in an envelope…and mail it to yourself in 5 or 10 years. You will be shocked at what you thought were heartfelt goals and dreams at 16. KEEP DREAMING. Never stop. But, know that you have a lot to learn about life. I’m 39, and still learning every day. My son who is soon to be 16, told me the other day, that he feels he doesn’t ‘need’ school anymore, that he knows everything he’ll need for life.
lol I thought the same thing when I was a teen. I wanted to date a guy out of high school, ironically…like you. But, my family said NO. I didn’t question it…wasn’t happy about it, but didn’t question it. I didn’t try to find a way to become friends, etc…because how would that happen anyway? How do college people’s worlds and high school people’s worlds…collide?
The interesting thing, is I don’t even remember this guy’s name…I think it began with a B.
Your life is not the sum total of how you feel now. All we are saying is don’t spend too much time fantasizing about the future with this girl. Again…write 500x as homework assignment…if it is meant to be, your paths will cross.
You sound very devout in your faith. Trust God with the future. If He wants you to be with this girl…He’ll make it happen.
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ironman62292
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I like your idea whatevergirl, about the letter and stuff, sounds interesting. I’m not spending a lot of time thinking about this girl. This is one thread that is one part of my life. I could write thousands more threads, all more important than this one. I understand what you mean, if God wills it then my original hopes will happen. You all seem stuck on my first question. I did later ask how I could be better friends with this girl. You know, come to think of it things don’t always go my way when I strategize, you think they would huh?
So, I should probably focus only on friendship, and again, if God wills it then my original hopes will happen. Perhaps this is all a distraction to take my mind off the priesthood, or maybe it’s my true calling. I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. Before I hung out with this girl all I could think about was being a priest. Afterwards my thoughts are on marriage and not just to her but in general. That is kinda why I started this thread, to kinda ask for advice as to which path God may be calling me. I guess I was so filled up with emotion that I got off topic. I thank you for your advice, but again I ask you, how should I go about being better friends with her?
I’m not spending a lot of time thinking about this girl. This is one thread that is one part of my life. I could write thousands more threads, all more important than this one. I understand what you mean, if God wills it then my original hopes will happen. You all seem stuck on my first question. I did later ask how I could be better friends with this girl. You know, come to think of it things don’t always go my way when I strategize, you think they would huh? So, I should probably focus only on friendship, and again, if God wills it then my original hopes will happen. Perhaps this is all a distraction to take my mind off the priesthood, or maybe it’s my true calling. I don’t know, I honestly don’t know.
Before I hung out with this girl all I could think about was being a priest. Afterwards my thoughts are on marriage and not just to her but in general. That is kinda why I started this thread, to kinda ask for advice as to which path God may be calling me. I guess I was so filled up with emotion that I got off topic. I thank you for your advice, but again I ask you, how should I go about being better friends with her?
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whatevergirl
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what type of relationship status is it now? how do you know her this well, if you’re not already friends of some sort? are you asking…how to become *better *friends? Just need clarity.I like your idea whatevergirl, about the letter and stuff, sounds interesting.
So, I should probably focus only on friendship, and again, if God wills it then my original hopes will happen. Perhaps this is all a distraction to take my mind off the priesthood, or maybe it’s my true calling. I don’t know, I honestly don’t know.
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ironman62292
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Yes, exactly. What are some ways to be better friends with her? I have some ideas, but hey why not ask all the old people since they’ve walked the earth longer? That is my question now.
That is my question now.
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Nordar
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Why did you make that statement and rolling eyes?Geez, I can see why your screen name is MomaMary.
What MomaMary said was quite true. if you come on here for advice you are going to get advice. You can’t say rude things when you do not hear what you want to hear.
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Nordar
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As the mother of three sons I am with you, however I really don’t think that a 19 yr old girl looking to go to college is going to date a 16 yr old.
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stbruno
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catholic.com/chastity/chastity_questions.asp
Here’s some helpful tips.Especially the info on the difference between dating and courtship. And I agree with most of the people. A college age girl should not be dating a high school boy. Also vice versa in my opinion. What’s the rush. Be friends.
Here’s some helpful tips.Especially the info on the difference between dating and courtship. And I agree with most of the people. A college age girl should not be dating a high school boy. Also vice versa in my opinion. What’s the rush. Be friends.
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grandfather
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Let’s take you out of the picture. Let’s think a second about a man of say 28 or 30 who is being ordained a priest. Or take a child heading off to first grade, or high school. She is going into her class with clean clothes, washed and scrubbed, ready to make friends and think about what life ahead holds. What kind of dreams do these people have for themselves and how do they imagine their future?
Out a a million such fresh faced people what are their dreams and what do they hold in common?
Do you think you might find a young man who would say what I hope for myself is to be a drug addict, felon, sentenced to life in prison for murder and rape? Is it possible to find someone who will say I hope to marry and divorce four times and get AIDS?
How about a newly ordained priest who would say he hopes to become the cause of great scandal and be sent to prison and lose his faculties?
I doubt you could find a single person who thinks that will happen, much less hopes it. If you suggsted to someone that they would take that course and make choices that would lead to tragedy they would think they could not possibly be that stupid.
I don’t think any of these things will happen to you, but they could, because they could happen to anyone. By the grace of God there go I, and you.
Yep! So could I and anyone else. It can happen to anyone. It happens to people who think it could never happen to them.
All people are alike. The only difference between teenagers and adults is teenagers think they can handle a lot more than they are capable of handling. Adults probably do also, but not as much.
Reread them.
Okay, means what? You have blown them all off. Thanks for your advice now how do I get the woman to fall for me.
How else do any of us respond to anything?
You need straight talk. You are a good kid. Life is not about playing patty cake. You will find out. Final advice is go talk with your parents. Here you are having this discussion with adults who are sympathetic, whatever their advice is, and you haven’t even spoken with your parents. Why? Maybe you know you won’t like what they will tell you either. Teenagers live is secret worlds. That is not good.
I shall unsubscribe to your drama. Best wishes.
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whatevergirl
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ironman…in response to your above question about ideas of becoming better friends…
When you pray about this, what is God telling you? What are His ideas?
When you pray about this, what is God telling you? What are His ideas?
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ironman62292
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Nordar and stbruno, look at my newer posts. I have asked specifically for advice on how to be better friends not a romantic friendship.
I’m almost glad grandfather is gone from this thread. I am sorry for being angry with him even though he was trying to help. I would not even think about committing such a sin as he spoke of. I may be ironman, but iron does break. However, faced with a situation he described I would remain as strong as iron. Do I know this for sure? Absolutley not, and I don’t want to? No, I don’t want to go through such a situation.
Have I not made myself clear yet? I think I have when I changed the topic from romantic interest to friendship. You’ve all told me your advice on that. Okay I get it, now please let it go. My interests are not based only on that, sure just a little bit, and I don’t think that’s changing, but I can look for friendship.
Now, to make better friends. How do I do that well? And I don’t mean just with this girl. God is telling to be friendly just as he tells all of us to be.
I’m almost glad grandfather is gone from this thread. I am sorry for being angry with him even though he was trying to help. I would not even think about committing such a sin as he spoke of. I may be ironman, but iron does break. However, faced with a situation he described I would remain as strong as iron. Do I know this for sure? Absolutley not, and I don’t want to? No, I don’t want to go through such a situation.
Have I not made myself clear yet? I think I have when I changed the topic from romantic interest to friendship. You’ve all told me your advice on that. Okay I get it, now please let it go. My interests are not based only on that, sure just a little bit, and I don’t think that’s changing, but I can look for friendship.
Now, to make better friends. How do I do that well? And I don’t mean just with this girl. God is telling to be friendly just as he tells all of us to be.
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newbetx
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I might add, it’s not the age, it’s the experience and interests. My HS gf was two years younger than me. By the time I got a year of college under my belt, I no longer wanted someone in HS for a gf. There is a vast amount of interest/experience difference here. Think of it this way. How much difference is there between you and a 13 yr old. A bunch. I’m not saying it can’t work out or that there isn’t a possibility. Just to be prepared to understand this, OK?Geez, I can see why your screen name is MomaMary.
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ironman62292
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If anyone reads this, it’s been what, 4 years since I began this thread. I appreciate all the advice you gave my younger self. I’ve matured a great deal since then. I was upset with grandfather for his direct bluntness. If you’re reading this grandfather you were right…about only a very small percentage of what you told me, in other matters you were very very wrong.
I did end up getting the girl. Crystal and I have been dating three years now. We are very much in love, in the real sense of the word. While we haven’t been impervious to temptation and near occasions of sin, I can proudly say we’ve never fallen into the “big” sin.
At this point I’m entering my junior year of college. And we are beginning to seriously talk about marriage within the next 3-4 years.
In any normal case a 19 year old girl would likely not have fallen for a 16 year old boy, but this case was special from the beginning, just as I knew. Gods been directing this the whole time.
I did end up getting the girl. Crystal and I have been dating three years now. We are very much in love, in the real sense of the word. While we haven’t been impervious to temptation and near occasions of sin, I can proudly say we’ve never fallen into the “big” sin.
At this point I’m entering my junior year of college. And we are beginning to seriously talk about marriage within the next 3-4 years.
In any normal case a 19 year old girl would likely not have fallen for a 16 year old boy, but this case was special from the beginning, just as I knew. Gods been directing this the whole time.
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Viki63
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Wow, this is sweet.
It looks like God did have a hand in your relationship (surprise?)
It’s nice to read all the posts and then come to the happy ending, though it’s really more of a beginning, isn’t it.
I (and I’m sure I can speak for the previous posters as well) wish you the best in your life. I suspect you will do great things and we may be hearing about you.
It looks like God did have a hand in your relationship (surprise?)
It’s nice to read all the posts and then come to the happy ending, though it’s really more of a beginning, isn’t it.
I (and I’m sure I can speak for the previous posters as well) wish you the best in your life. I suspect you will do great things and we may be hearing about you.
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FurtherSuntime
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I’m sorry but in reading through your posts here as well other threads, I think you are a manipulator of emotions. Thankyou.
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ironman62292
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Manipulator of emotions. I’ve been called many things but never that. I assure you I have no ulterior motives. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I love her and she loves me, it all happened thanks to God.
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