Please offer me some kind of advice

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Hi everyone. I recently posted a thread entiled “can anyone offer some advice?” Well, I’ve decided to maybe put my possible vocation to the priesthood on hold for now and take a shot at the girl I’m interested. Her name is Crystal, she’s about 19 and I’m 16.

I want to ask for some help. What do you think is the best way to approach her and tell her how I feel and then ask her if she has feelings for me? I love God a lot, but this girl has swept me off my feet with her purity.And I like her alot. She has a pure heart, and not to mention amazing qualities. And to top it all off she is quite pretty.

If I can find out hers feelings for me, whether good or bad it will put at great ease. If she feels the same way I feel about her then I want to build a relationship with her. If she doesn’t then I may put my sights back on the priesthood. So please, what’s a good way to approach her. I mean like starting a conversation that could easily lead to me asking her how she feels.🤷
 
ironman62292 said:
Hi everyone. I recently posted a thread entiled “can anyone offer some advice?” Well, I’ve decided to maybe put my possible vocation to the priesthood on hold for now and take a shot at the girl I’m interested. Her name is Crystal, she’s about 19 and I’m 16.

I want to ask for some help. What do you think is the best way to approach her and tell her how I feel and then ask her if she has feelings for me? I love God a lot, but this girl has swept me off my feet with her purity.And I like her alot. She has a pure heart, and not to mention amazing qualities. And to top it all off she is quite pretty.

If I can find out hers feelings for me, whether good or bad it will put at great ease. If she feels the same way I feel about her then I want to build a relationship with her. If she doesn’t then I may put my sights back on the priesthood. So please, what’s a good way to approach her. I mean like starting a conversation that could easily lead to me asking her how she feels.🤷
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The chances that a 19 year old girl has romantic feelings for a 16 year old boy are not very great. When girls have romantic feelings for a guy they have ways of showing it without talking about it. They are thinking, “how can I show him I like him?” They find ways to give signals. Its called flirting. Often guys mistake a when a girl is just being friendly and think that friendliness is a sign of romantic interest.

Whatever happens with Crystal, you probalby will not be meeting the person you will marry for awhile. You are too young and need to get to know yourself and more about life and finish school and be ready for caring for a family.

You also have something backwards. You are saying I want to be with this wonderful girl and if I can’t have her then maybe I’ll be a priest. If God is calling you to a vocation, the vocation is not second best. It will be your first choice.
 
Geez, grandfather, that was kind of depressing. I may be called to the priesthood but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to answer the call. In fact I’m starting to second guess my call. Whenever I think about this girl I feel my vocation slipping more and more away. So thanks anyway for the comment I appreciate it. Now if there is anyone else to would like to kinda help me out I greatly appreciate it.
 
Well, if you are called, it will truly be what you want to do with your life.

You’re sixteen! Don’t worry so much:) I say this as a nineteen year old. Grandfather is right in saying you probably won’t meet the “one” for quite some time. A lot of my friends and I are concentrating on finishing school before we enter serious relationships or really figure out our vocations. Yeah, it’s not too early and I know quite a few people who are engaged/discerning (and I go to a liberal, non-Catholic school:)). But still, we’re figuring out where we want to go professionally and such.

It is true about 19-year-old girls and 16-year-old guys. As a nineteen-year-old girl, I’ve changed a LOT from when I was 16. I actually was interested in an older guy friend for awhile and even though I’m a legal adult, he was still too old for me. He’s at a different phase in life than I am and even if things worked out, I know I’m not mature enough for that kind of relationship, at least not yet.

Be friends:) Don’t put too much into it. Just deepen your relationship with God, commit to your studies, build your friendships with people of both sexes and let God take you where He wants you.

Peace:)
 
You are swinging for the fences, kid. A nineteen year old, and you’re only 16? I salute your moxie.

You aren’t doing anything wrong by being attracted to this girl; it’s normal. It’s great that you are thinking about being a priest, but you need to know that this sort of thing–attractions, crushes, falling in romantic love–is what you’d need to give up should you enter the priesthood. I have to second grandfather a bit in stating that you are quite young still, my friend.

So…ask her on a date. Or write her a nice note or something. All she can do is tear your love-struck heart from your chest and stomp on it, right? 😃 (Just kidding, friend, but…‘nothing ventured, nothing gained.’ If you don’t tell her, you’ll never know, and not knowing–looking back and saying, “Man, I should have told her!” is worse than getting your feelings hurt.

As Conan the Barbarian said (or someone smart like that), “He who does not dare shall never conquer.” I’m not saying you should ‘conquer’ her in a literal sense,but…tell her. Just try.

Advice from a happily married man of 39.
 
ironman62292 said:
Geez, grandfather, that was kind of depressing. I may be called to the priesthood but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to answer the call. In fact I’m starting to second guess my call. Whenever I think about this girl I feel my vocation slipping more and more away. So thanks anyway for the comment I appreciate it. Now if there is anyone else to would like to kinda help me out I greatly appreciate it.
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Sorry, I tried to be helpful. Vocations are things that are generally discerned over time with the help of an advisor. It takes awhile to understand that you have one, or don’t. So when you say you feel your vocation slipping away it could be that a pretty girl is a temptation to draw you away from your calling, or that you do not have a calling. One thing is sure. You are not called to married life and ordination. Right?

Sometimes we humans make things more of a struggle than they really are. There is as much stress in certain situations as we put there. You may not want to hear this, but you are very young. This is a good thing, but it is also very difficult for you now to know what your life will be in the future including the major directions life will take you… That is ok, you are not supposed to know. Its like shopping for something, maybe a new car. You can look at lots of choices and colors and styles and stress over which one to buy, but when you see the one that is right for you, you will know it. Take your time. Enjoy the shopping period of life.

If you are called to marriage it is highly likely that you will have these feelings more than once, be attracted to more than one girl. It is kind of like being inebriated. I remember. Most people go through the process of falling in love and walking on air and then being heartbroken more than once. If only she liked me I would be thrilled, but if she does not I will be crushed. People get over their broken hearts and do it all over again. Its all kind of normal, but painful.

When people are in love they can’t think straight. Again, it is like being inebriated. When we can’t think straight we make mistakes, so if we know that it is good to rely on those around us who we know love us and who can see objectively to help us when we are head over heels. That is advice for the future. It works for girls also.
 
Well the OP is certainly not lacking guts! 😃
Also, Grandfather, the young man doesn’t KNOW if he has a religious vocation yet. 😉
 
dakotagirl said:
Well the OP is certainly not lacking guts! 😃
Also, Grandfather, the young man doesn’t KNOW if he has a religious vocation yet. 😉
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He wrote:
Whenever I think about this girl I feel my vocation slipping more and more away.
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If he uses the term “my vocation”, it seems he must think he has one.
 
No Beesweet, haven’t asked her out yet. I want to. But I want to wait till I get my license in a few days. And even still I’d like to maybe get to know her a little bit more until I ask her out so it doesn’t seem like I’m speeding into things, I’ve got a bad habit of doing that. I think I may have worked out a good way to kind of talk my way into to asking her out.

"So Crystal, how’ve you been lately? Good[or something else]. So you really think you’ll be going to Texas? [she answers] How soon [her answer]. Oh, well, we’ll miss you a lot, I’ll miss you miss you lot too, [you know I kinda got feelings for ya, you know, a crush I guess:o .[ or [Before you leave we should hang out sometime, how bout…]

Does anyone think this could be improved? Or if there may be something better to say?🤷 Oh and thanks to all who have helped me out so far. Thanks:thumbsup:
 
Pray for her! Pray God will strengthen her chastity, and increase her holiness. After you’ve prayed, then ask her out 😉
 
ironman–why the sad emoticon next to your thread’s title? Don’t be too anxious over asking this girl out. Just pray about it, and see where God leads you. God will give you the right words.👍 Keep the faith.
 
Am I the only one concerned about a 19 yo and a 16 yo going out together??

If this was reversed (16 yo girl, and 19 yo man) would their be any “way to go’s” and “reaching for the stars” comments?? I don’t think so.

If you were my son, there is no way you would be allowed out on a date with a 19 yo woman. She has reached the age of “consent” and is a legal adult. You are still a minor. Wait two years and ask her then. If God wants you together, she’ll be waiting.

16 is too young to date seriously. Hang out with her, enjoy her company in group settings. Ask her to write you when she goes off to college/Texas. This would be a much more appropriate way of “courting” and discerning if your vocation lies with marriage with this young lady or if your vocation is somewhere else.
 
Geez, I can see why your screen name is MomaMary.:rolleyes: My mind is set on love not wild passion., call me a Romantic I guess. I understand where your coming from, but there seems to be more encouragement than discouragement.😛 I appreciate your advice, thanks.😃 But I will follow my heart, 3 years age difference is not much of an obstacle if it is God’s will. So, If there is anyone else willing to offer any sort of advice I greatly appreciate it.👍
 
MomaMary8 said:
Am I the only one concerned about a 19 yo and a 16 yo going out together??

If this was reversed (16 yo girl, and 19 yo man) would their be any “way to go’s” and “reaching for the stars” comments?? I don’t think so.

If you were my son, there is no way you would be allowed out on a date with a 19 yo woman. She has reached the age of “consent” and is a legal adult. You are still a minor. Wait two years and ask her then. If God wants you together, she’ll be waiting.

16 is too young to date seriously. Hang out with her, enjoy her company in group settings. Ask her to write you when she goes off to college/Texas. This would be a much more appropriate way of “courting” and discerning if your vocation lies with marriage with this young lady or if your vocation is somewhere else.
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You know, I had let that detail slip by.😊 (not a minor one!) I have a 15 yr old and he wouldn’t be allowed to date someone who was 18 right now. Not that he’s asking. lol But, even if a 19 yo girl is very chaste, I don’t agree with a 16 yo boy going out with her. Good point!
 
ironman62292 said:
Geez, I can see why your screen name is MomaMary.:rolleyes: My mind is set on love not wild passion., call me a Romantic I guess. I understand where your coming from, but there seems to be more encouragement than discouragement.😛 I appreciate your advice, thanks.😃 But I will follow my heart, 3 years age difference is not much of an obstacle if it is God’s will. So, If there is anyone else willing to offer any sort of advice I greatly appreciate it.👍
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It’s not about wild passion, it’s about dating someone who is not in high school anymore, who is doing different things with her life than you, now. Who is probably in an entirely different social circle than you, probably hanging out with 20, 21 yr olds. I don’t think a 16 yo boy should be dating a girl and hanging out with kids who are in that type of social setting. She sounds like a very nice person–be friends, see where it leads. I agree with grandfather…I don’t know many girls out of high school who would date a guy still in it. You sound very mature…but, still. While it seems like 3 years is not a lot, it’s a big difference when one has graduated from high school and moved on…than someone who is a junior or senior in high school.

Are your parents ok with you dating someone who is out of high school?
 
Come on whatevergirl, I thought you were on my side?:ehh: I tell ya, if you were to meet her you probably wouldn’t be able to tell if she’s 19 or 15. But thanks for the motherly advice:rolleyes: (as if I don’t get enough of it)😃 Anyway, how bout anyone else? Advice please?
 
How do you expect she would react to you telling her you have a crush on her, or that you have “feelings” for her?

How often do you see her and talk to her now?
 
ironman62292 said:
Come on whatevergirl, I thought you were on my side?:ehh: I tell ya, if you were to meet her you probably wouldn’t be able to tell if she’s 19 or 15. But thanks for the motherly advice:rolleyes: (as if I don’t get enough of it)😃 Anyway, how bout anyone else? Advice please?
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lol–you don’t like some of our advice, I see. I must have skipped over that detail…I have to stop doing that. lol

I will say that knowing the ages of you both, truly, it can be risky to get involved with a girl who is out of high school. I say this as a friend in Christ to you. Not that dating a girl your own age can’t have its dangers, either…but, I agree that you don’t need to be getting too serious with a ‘woman’ now. She is going to be a woman sooner than you will be out of your teens. I think that at 16, you believe you can handle a lot. I was once 16. I wanted to date a college guy…but my family did not allow it. I can see now why they didn’t. She sounds wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But, still, she’s out of high school. Different world now for her…even if she is living a chaste life, her world is still different, and it’s not a world you should be in yet. I doubt the majority of her friends are still in high school, and if they are, that would be a little odd to me.

Hey–you didn’t answer my question–what are your parents’ thoughts?🙂
 
Well Beesweet, I haven’t gotten that far in thinking this out:D I’m not sure actually.🤷 That is why I want to maybe spend sometime with her and hang out and see how things go from there. Then I will take it to the next step, ask her out. You see, this isn’t going to be easy, it is possible to change her mind from going to Texas, but I have to do all of this in a short period of time, maybe 6-9 months at the least. So please pray for me, if it is God’s will it’ll all fall into place. I just hope it is God’s will. Oh and no, I don’t talk to her on a regular basis. I’m still working on that. Maybe get her email or something, or I can write her a letter.🤷 Thanks for the support Beesweet:thumbsup:

Oh and whatevergirl, I don’t plan on getting into a serious relationship in the next few days:rolleyes: My plan is to maybe kinda build a good solid relationship with her, thne ask her on a date. I mean, come on, you don’t have to be in a serious relationship to go on a date. If everything works out well, then she will realize she’ll be leaving behind a good thing. I plan to kinda drag this out, letting her know how I feel, but not taking things too seriously? Do I make sense, cause I don’t even know if I do:D
 
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