Please please help- sleep training

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Yeah except she wouldn’t sleep in the crib for more than ten minutes so she basically was attached to me all night. I don’t know where to go from here. My husband tried to soothe her back to sleep while I hurriedly brushed my teeth and she escalated to inconsolable screaming until I took her and brought her into bed.
 
AClaire11 said:
Yeah except she wouldn’t sleep in the crib for more than ten minutes so she basically was attached to me all night. I don’t know where to go from here. My husband tried to soothe her back to sleep while I hurriedly brushed my teeth and she escalated to inconsolable screaming until I took her and brought her into bed.
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You poor thing. No one is going to like this but…she does that because it works.
I know your neighbors would hate you, but you’ve got to un-train her from summoning you via the crying-screaming. She has trained you well, She’s a smart little tyke! 🙂
And that is only done by not going in there. If you have determined that she is safe, dry, not hungry, and properly dressed (not tangled in blankets, etc.) then she is fine. Night lights tend to make shadow and make one seem alone and the room spooky.
You will have a couple of horrible nights. Yes. Yes you will. But eventually she will teach herself how to self soothe and that you still love her and you will be right there in the morning.
It’s awful hard, because you want to hold your baby, snuggle, and all the things that seem correct in terms of loving. But sometimes loving our children means allowing them to feel occasional discomfort. She demands you 24-7. But if it comes at the price of your personal health and sanity? No. Who will do that for her when you have a breakdown?
She has a beautiful loving mommy. Keep it that way and let her fuss. You sleep. It won’t last very long. And it won’t scar her for life.
God bless you. I’m praying for your situation to lighten up.
 
pianistclare said:
You poor thing. No one is going to like this but…she does that because it works.
I know your neighbors would hate you, but you’ve got to un-train her from summoning you via the crying-screaming. She has trained you well, She’s a smart little tyke! 🙂
And that is only done by not going in there. If you have determined that she is safe, dry, not hungry, and properly dressed (not tangled in blankets, etc.) then she is fine. Night lights tend to make shadow and make one seem alone and the room spooky.
You will have a couple of horrible nights. Yes. Yes you will. But eventually she will teach herself how to self soothe and that you still love her and you will be right there in the morning.
It’s awful hard, because you want to hold your baby, snuggle, and all the things that seem correct in terms of loving. But sometimes loving our children means allowing them to feel occasional discomfort. She demands you 24-7. But if it comes at the price of your personal health and sanity? No. Who will do that for her when you have a breakdown?
She has a beautiful loving mommy. Keep it that way and let her fuss. You sleep. It won’t last very long. And it won’t scar her for life.
God bless you. I’m praying for your situation to lighten up.
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I agree. The op’s description is terrible!

Best to bite the bullet and end this. There will be tears. There will be crying. But in the end there will be peace.

Time to bake a few batches of Christmas cookies, hand deliver them to the neighbors and inform them that you have some training to do. They might be incredibly understanding.
 
We have concrete walls, so they are soundproof. I have a room divider that just arrived, so hopefully that will help and she won’t see us through the small gaps between panels. I’m just dreading it. I feel like a terrible parent.
 
AClaire11 said:
We have concrete walls, so they are soundproof. I have a room divider that just arrived, so hopefully that will help and she won’t see us through the small gaps between panels. I’m just dreading it. I feel like a terrible parent.
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That room divider will help ENORMOUSLY. Really. While we were on vacation, DD would refuse to sleep if she could see us; ordinarily, she has her own room. I improvised one out of an ironing board and blanket, and down she went. 😃 👍
 
AClaire11 said:
We have concrete walls, so they are soundproof. I have a room divider that just arrived, so hopefully that will help and she won’t see us through the small gaps between panels. I’m just dreading it. I feel like a terrible parent.
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Hallelujah!

Hopefully, room divider + white noise = zzzzzzzz. (I would consult with a pediatrician about bedtime timing, though–it might be that what you consider baby’s bedtime is actually a late nap and real bedtime needs to be much later.)
 
UbiCaritas said:
That room divider will help ENORMOUSLY. Really. While we were on vacation, DD would refuse to sleep if she could see us; ordinarily, she has her own room. I improvised one out of an ironing board and blanket, and down she went. 😃 👍
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Nice!
 
Xantippe said:
Hallelujah!

Hopefully, room divider + white noise = zzzzzzzz. (I would consult with a pediatrician about bedtime timing, though–it might be that what you consider baby’s bedtime is actually a late nap and real bedtime needs to be much later.)
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I’ve been putting her to bed 3 hours after her second nap ends. I’ll try 4 hours today instead. She woke up at 2:45. This whole waking up for an hour hadn’t been an issue for a long time until this week.
 
AClaire11 said:
I’ve been putting her to bed 3 hours after her second nap ends. I’ll try 4 hours today instead. She woke up at 2:45. This whole waking up for an hour hadn’t been an issue for a long time until this week.
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I’m thinking that a previous poster’s idea of a sleep consultant might be a really good idea in order to get some ideas about being strategic about baby’s schedule in order to maximize the amount of time that you are all asleep at the same time.

Is DC Urban Mom still a thing? They may have recommendations. They might even be able to give more advice, but be prepared for a HUGE thread. (It’s been a while since I was on DCUM, but that’s how it was in the old days.)

Of course, the sleep consultant may think that it’s beyond their powers to deal with a studio apartment situation, which would be a big bummer.

Good luck!
 
Fingers crossed, but she just fell asleep after only 30 minutes. I was prepared for it to be much worse since we skipped a night. I think the screen and white noise helped.
 
AClaire11 said:
Fingers crossed, but she just fell asleep after only 30 minutes. I was prepared for it to be much worse since we skipped a night. I think the screen and white noise helped.
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That’s great! Don’t be discouraged if progress isn’t linear; you might have setbacks; but I am hopeful that this will start a happier trend.
 
Xantippe said:
Meh.

Do you have a strategy for making sure you sleep when the baby is sleeping as much as possible?
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Well when she wakes I have to wait 10 minutes to see if she’ll fall back asleep, then feed her for 20 minutes, then try to fall asleep while white noise is blasting, then repeat 20 minutes later. So…not really.
 
AClaire11 said:
Well when she wakes I have to wait 10 minutes to see if she’ll fall back asleep, then feed her for 20 minutes, then try to fall asleep while white noise is blasting, then repeat 20 minutes later. So…not really.
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How much is she sleeping when you aren’t sleeping, aside from that?
 
Xantippe said:
How much is she sleeping when you aren’t sleeping, aside from that?
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Other than that, we were sleeping at the same time. The main hiccup last night was that I was so exhausted that I fell asleep while feeding her for the last few hours.
 
AClaire11,

I don’t know if this is relevant, but here’s a quick opinion–if you find yourself co-sleeping going forward, I would think about putting your mattress flat on the floor in order to eliminate the chance of series falls from beds. A lot of beds nowadays are SO high off the ground.
 
Xantippe said:
AClaire11,

I don’t know if this is relevant, but here’s a quick opinion–if you find yourself co-sleeping going forward, I would think about putting your mattress flat on the floor in order to eliminate the chance of series falls from beds. A lot of beds nowadays are SO high off the ground.
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I don’t want to co sleep. When we were co sleeping, I had the crib pushed against the bed to prevent falls. And she would still wake up constantly. Besides, there’s nowhere to put the bed and a separated mattress. Not enough room.
 
AClaire11 said:
I don’t want to co sleep. When we were co sleeping, I had the crib pushed against the bed to prevent falls. And she would still wake up constantly. Besides, there’s nowhere to put the bed and a separated mattress. Not enough room.
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Great!
 
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