Please pray for my marriage

[whatevergirl]

Well… if you get at least 1 thank you out of every 10 favors you do, you’re even with Christ, who also noticed who came back and said thanks.



I’d use it as a reminder in my own spiritual life to go back to God once in a while and express gratitude.

And then remind your husband that your children are watching. And you don’t want them to grow up showing little gratitude when they go out in the world.

Seems both of you have different languages. You need to hear words. He thinks he’s telling you by his actions.

How about making a sign you stick on the fridge every now and again:

“Mom is running low on thank you’s. If she runs out, she’ll stop working properly. Please refill the tank now and then.”

Take out the sign and repost as needed.

The kids need to be reminded to say thank you. And please. Please works also.

(It’s good to gripe once in a while so you don’t explode at those you live with.)

I like the note idea, Liberano. You are right too about our communication…I LOVE to HEAR my husband say beautiful, loving things to me. He LOVES when I show him my love through actions…so he shows me love the way he wants to receive it, and I show him love the way I want to receive it. Heeeey, I just got this, typing away here. Wow. Hmm. So, we are both doing what we want the other person to do…ha! Actually, that’s kind of funny…so how do we get the other to speak the language WE respond to best?

I am so grateful for you all…you allowed me to vent this here (which I don’t particularly like doing) so I could get this off my chest, and maybe try to see it for what it is…I guess I communicate a little off, too.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am very sorry to hear about your marital difficulties, Whatevergirl. Let me say that we guys, or some of us, slip into periods where we get lost in our own thoughts and problems, and take the ones we love most for granted. This may sound dorky, but placing a sign on the fridge or other commonly traveled spot might serve as a reminder of his inattentiveness. Such as, " Remember to appreciate me!" Perhaps a favorite photo of you smiling instead of a message, but tell him to remember that the smile disappears, and the marriage disintegrates, when he forgets about you. We do NOT need to be trapped by negative proclivities learned as a child. It’s a poor excuse for an adult, IMO. God Bless, Rob

Hi Rob…yes that could be. He’s up for a promotion at work, and there is a lot of responsiblity, a training program coming up, etc…and he is the type that keeps his emotions in check. That said, maybe he has a lot on his mind, and it comes across to me adversely…you’re right, that could be. You and Liberano think alike, with the notes on the frig…I like it! I could hang a picture of me frowning? lol

 

[whatevergirl]

*Something that touched me today that my dh said…he called me late in the afternoon, and we talked while he was at work. He said that something that really has been bothering him lately is that his schedule is so hectic, that he never gets to spend enough quality time with me and the kids. When the kids were off for the summer, it was better, but now…with them back in school, he gets home just before they are off to bed for the school week…It’s tough…I’m kind of used to it, but I feel a void with him not here, for sure. I miss him. He told me that he misses me, and he is sorry that it comes out as anger. Hey, a breakthrough! That’s not always easy for him to express…so I was sad that he is hurting, but happy because now, I can help him to feel better. I said, please just tell me when you’re hurting, and I’ll try to help. He said he would…he kept apologizing, I told him he didn’t need to keep saying sorry.

Marriage is something I can quite get a handle on…like just when you think you completely have it ‘down,’ something shifts things a bit, and you have to look up to Christ yet again, and ask…‘how do I do this?’ Thanks for your help, everyone…*

 

[whatevergirl]

*GD, thanks for your kind words too. I find it interesting that some of the men on here relate to my dh, thanks for that…and helping me to understand.

I have a question for the men on here…do you have a difficult time expressing your feelings when you are sad, or down to your wife? If so, why? My dh, I think…never wants me to think he isn’t my ‘rock,’ and therefore doesn’t like to say…I’m down, or whatever. Is there any semblance of truth to that, do you think?

Also…how come you think so differently about life, than us women? lol I understand God made us differently, but why are men so…task focused, and women are more people focused? Do you find that to be true?*

 

[ac_claire]

Said a prayer for you and your husband, wg.

I have a question for the men on here…do you have a difficult time expressing your feelings when you are sad, or down to your wife? If so, why?

Now…I’m not a man lol. But since my fiance is and since he isn’t on CAF anymore I just wanted to say that yes he does sometimes have difficulty expressing his feelings. I can’t answer the “why” in general but I think in my own man’s case it’s simply just the way he is. Seems like not being comfortable talking about feelings is a distinctly masculine trait. (Though not completely, because I’m sort of the same way myself.) HTH

 

[RedSoxWife]

Hi Whatevergirl! I’m praying for you and your family. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch. Hang in there!

 

[CountrySinger]

I saw this post while I was at work, but didn’t have a chance to respond. I will say a prayer for you today!

 

[GratefulDad]

*GD, thanks for your kind words too. I find it interesting that some of the men on here relate to my dh, thanks for that…and helping me to understand.

I have a question for the men on here…do you have a difficult time expressing your feelings when you are sad, or down to your wife? If so, why? My dh, I think…never wants me to think he isn’t my ‘rock,’ and therefore doesn’t like to say…I’m down, or whatever. Is there any semblance of truth to that, do you think?

Also…how come you think so differently about life, than us women? lol I understand God made us differently, but why are men so…task focused, and women are more people focused? Do you find that to be true?*

WG,

Everything you say above is true. The large majority of men are just are just wire that way. When we’re down we spend our energy trying to figuring out how to resolve the problem or change it. Talking about our problems or pontificating about them ad nuasium, simply does not compute.

My brothers and I are all Engineers, our Mother used to call us the Tunnel Vision Team, meaning we focus on only one or two things and that is it. That’s one reason you do not see a lot of girls in Engineering School because it is so focused and ok myopic. Even as strong academically as our own girls were they did not want to put up with the focus it would take to survive and make it through and that’s fine. Most girls and women have broad interest and balance men out. Em in FLA is a EE she could shed some more light on that topic I’m sure.

Men are more or less wired to carry their crosses in life silently and without complaint like Jesus.

But if things are tough right now with work, the Fla. economy and the other stuff, hopefully he can express appreciation to his wifey. We have bumps like this too. I just ask for the Holy Family to get us through it.