Please pray for my severely broken heart

[chaz0426]

Hey Chaz, I just now had a chance to read your initial post. I’m sorry that you are going through the same betrayal and pain that I am. It definitely is the pits…

You are in my prayers, as well. I pray for us both, and those also dealing with heartbreak, to have peace soon and that we may find what God truly wants for us.

I’ve just rekindled a great friendship with a person who I grew up with in church. We both had lost our ways and found our way home. He has been a great support in the past week, so I will leave you with his words he gave to me…

“Prayer DOES change everything. Maybe not when you want it to, but God is always on time.
Focus on God, his son Jesus, and Pray and everything else will fall into place.
Just keep the faith and hope. You’ll make it.”

Thank you, that is true and things get better by the day. I realize I will never forget it and it will always be a scar but eventually I will fully heal perhaps very soon and you will too and things will be ok. I just keep telling myself that despite who I thought was the closest person to my heart and who ended up betraying me and deceiving me and completely leaving me in the dust in the end of a nearly 6 month romantic relationship and even longer friendship as children, not everyone in this world is that cruel. It is so easy to loose faith in people after your closest friend and the person you loved so much and trusted the most betrays you and does something they told you time and time again they would never ever do and will always be by your side knowing you suffered betrayal with another ex before too. It’s devastating and It’s a nightmare that did come true. I’m sure it was similar for you too.

But you know what…I just keep telling myself that someone better is out there and someone who will love me and keep their word and will be loyal and will mean what they say when they want to be married to me and always be by my side. She is waiting and I continuously pray for her and the day I find her. The same is with you. What you said is true and really helps. Just pray for patience, hope, and happiness

 

[St_Gabriel]

Don’t give this old relationship another thought, it just leads to heartache.
May Our Lady help you find a faithful spouse.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen

 

[chaz0426]

Don’t give this old relationship another thought, it just leads to heartache.
May Our Lady help you find a faithful spouse.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen

Thank you so much! I’m trying so hard to forget about it and put it behind me and I’ve come a long way the past 2 weeks but it’s still hard and I hurt a little every day.

Thanks for your prayers! Mostly what hurts now is the feeling that I can’t trust anyone anymore and I will never find a faithful loving spouse and if I can get past any trust issues if I do find one because I will never know if they mean what they say.

 

[chaz0426]

I have a question for you guys. Lately I’ve been obsessing over why or what her intentions were wtih me ect. or if she really cares. I haven’t spoken to her in about 10 days but the last time we did, she said she still loves me and was in love at the time and this guy took her by surprise. I told her I will never buy that and that I won’t be contacting her again and I just wanted the truth from her and she said that was the truth and I will never know how much she loves me ect ect. She said she literally went blank and it may be some kind of condition because she was use to just submitting to sex ect. and I told her if she is not BS (which isn’t likely) that she should get her head checked out by a doctor or something because that is downright sick and strange to be a doormat and to allow any guy that comes on to her to have sex with her ect and she’ll only hurt future boy friends. I said my good byes then after.

My question is, is it wrong to cut off all ties from her “facebook, IM, ect.” like as in block her out and just totally leave? Like I forgave her and I still am hurting over this but I just have the urge to just leave her behind and never look back as much as it hurts to do so since I knew her since I was 6. Am I sinning by doing that? Am I obligated to still be her friend if she pleaded for me to be her friend still? I love her but I can’t be with her or her friend if after this betrayal if you know what I mean. I told her 2 weeks ago that maybe someday but right now I don’t see it.

Am I wrong?

I just don’t see any reason to be since I can’t trust her feelings or anything she says as true anymore. Get my drift? She was honest and did come clean about her affair but is that in itself a reason to be friends and still talk to her?

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Your obsessing is just part of the grieving process. It’s like a fire. If you feed the fire by contacting her, speaking to her, then the fire will gain momentum and start to burn. If you have no contact with her, and think of her as little as possible, then eventually that fire will die, and the next thing you know, you won’t be attached.

You might always look back with a twinge of nostalgia and ache, but you will not feel like you do now. You’ll feel normal.

So, I would encourage you not to hold on to any “ties” like Facebook.

On the other hand, I would encourage you not to simply block your feelings, either. Process them by writing about her and how you feel and talking about her and how you feel, but do it for the purpose of figuring out what you should have seen in her that could have let you know that she wasn’t the right one.

That way, this won’t be a wasted time in your life. You will use it to learn a valuable lesson that will help you choose your wife in the future.

 

[chaz0426]

Your obsessing is just part of the grieving process. It’s like a fire. If you feed the fire by contacting her, speaking to her, then the fire will gain momentum and start to burn. If you have no contact with her, and think of her as little as possible, then eventually that fire will die, and the next thing you know, you won’t be attached.

You might always look back with a twinge of nostalgia and ache, but you will not feel like you do now. You’ll feel normal.

So, I would encourage you not to hold on to any “ties” like Facebook.

On the other hand, I would encourage you not to simply block your feelings, either. Process them by writing about her and how you feel and talking about her and how you feel, but do it for the purpose of figuring out what you should have seen in her that could have let you know that she wasn’t the right one.

That way, this won’t be a wasted time in your life. You will use it to learn a valuable lesson that will help you choose your wife in the future.

Wow that was what I really needed to hear. Thanks so much for answering me, I thought no one would! you give great advice and I’ll be sure to follow it! I am so blessed to have gotten so much help and answers from this thread, this thread in itself was a prayer God answered for me. Thanks so much!

 

[LynneMarie]

Chaz,
I pray that God puts some wonderful, kind people in your life to distract you, and to help you heal your hurt…This girl sounded like committment may have scared her…How else could she get out of it, but by doing something ,so you wouldn’t fly there…She has her own issues and may never feel worthy of anyone…She will have to go through that journey on her own…You are on a clearer path spiritually I believe, and I pray the right woman is waiting for you as we speak…In the meantime, get out , volunteer, go outside of yourself…start a young adult bible study at your parish…take a chance Chaz. One more thing, I truly believe that God doesn’t want anything but GOOD for you, he doesn’t cause cheating, floods, cancer or anything negative…He is love, and one hundred per cent, loves you ,and wants only the best for each and everyone…I was always taught this…He knows your struggles right now ,and is with you…It is nice to see someone that counts on God, who has honest feelings and can express himself…God will not even be mad at you, for getting angry over all this, he sees you trying to figure everything out…He is right next to you wanting you to put your head on his shoulder ,and give him all your pain…He wants to take it from you…He always wants us to have peace…The sun will shine again Chaz…Your Sis In Christ, LynneMarie

 

[mhuff1]

Chaz, if it makes you feel any better, I’m going through the same thing wondering why he did what he did and why he doesn’t contact me if he truly cared. I also told myself that I was no longer going to contact him. He knew I caught him in a lie and would not call me back or text me back. Officially we didn’t end things. I’m not one to do that stuff over the phone or a text message, but he’s such a coward that he can’t face me…I’m assuming that he figures I’ll just go away. And I kinda did since I refuse to contact him.
With that said, it still crosses my mind about why he doesn’t call or want to talk to me…
Angels Aware had a great answer and it was something I needed to hear too…

I do have to say that since I’m grieving the loss of my dog Juliet right now, the situation with my ex is not exactly on my mind too much…I hate to say it, but it’s easier to bear since I’m having to grieve something else.

We’ll both get through it…it may not be when we’re ready for it, but it will be when God wants it to…

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz,
I pray that God puts some wonderful, kind people in your life to distract you, and to help you heal your hurt…This girl sounded like committment may have scared her…How else could she get out of it, but by doing something ,so you wouldn’t fly there…She has her own issues and may never feel worthy of anyone…She will have to go through that journey on her own…You are on a clearer path spiritually I believe, and I pray the right woman is waiting for you as we speak…In the meantime, get out , volunteer, go outside of yourself…start a young adult bible study at your parish…take a chance Chaz. One more thing, I truly believe that God doesn’t want anything but GOOD for you, he doesn’t cause cheating, floods, cancer or anything negative…He is love, and one hundred per cent, loves you ,and wants only the best for each and everyone…I was always taught this…He knows your struggles right now ,and is with you…It is nice to see someone that counts on God, who has honest feelings and can express himself…God will not even be mad at you, for getting angry over all this, he sees you trying to figure everything out…He is right next to you wanting you to put your head on his shoulder ,and give him all your pain…He wants to take it from you…He always wants us to have peace…The sun will shine again Chaz…Your Sis In Christ, LynneMarie

Thanks so much, thats a new thought, maybe she did do it so I wouldn’t visit. I don’t know because why would she tell me every day for the past few months she can’t wait for me to come back out and then just do that. Anyway, I will try and step back out and hopefully find another someday. Relationships aren’t that frequent in my life so It may be another year but we’ll see what God will throw my way

 

[Marie_Duffy]

Reading this, I also thought that she must have sabotaged the relationship deliberately, whether consciously or not. Was alcohol involved? Or some other drugs?
You are still quite young. And she is too. Especially, she is very young to have had two long-term relationships before you. This would take her back to what, age 17?
The advice to focus on other things, especially your spiritual life, is very sound. Seek first the Kingdom of God…
I will pray for both of you, not that you will have a relationship together but that you will both find peace and healing. I suspect she needs a great deal of both.

 

[Norseman82]

Yes I did hit the gym yesterday and it felt great and I plan to get back into the routine again since I use to be very fit and still am sorta but haven’t gone in a few months.

I was feeling pretty well on my way to moving on until she contacted me last night and after talking about this for about 2 hours and closing out our relationship and just mostly what happened that night. Although she still can’t talk on the phone and that’s a big problem to me too which is why Im pushing in the direction towards moving on and being friends with her after I’ve moved on completely and my feelings have passed.

No I’m not a virgin because I made that mistake 2 times in my life in my teens and I wasn’t nearly as religious as I am now but I’ve grown closer since then the past year or so and plan to wait till marriage. I haven’t had sex in a long time and this girl was the first we both pledged to wait till marriage and as much as I loved her I did not have sex with her or go past kissing and things were great for those few months except for the communication problems until this happened.

Well, we’ll nix teh virgin part since virgins have “first option” on other virgins.

Ordinarily I would try to find a silver lining see the fact that both of you have fallen could make her more comfortable in a non-sexual relationship…but this girl either is not interested or is too easily swayed by others. I would compare a relationship with her at this point in time to a losing investment or a “money pit” house that you would be sinking more and more money into and getting nothing out of it.

 

[chaz0426]

Well, we’ll nix teh virgin part since virgins have “first option” on other virgins.

Ordinarily I would try to find a silver lining see the fact that both of you have fallen could make her more comfortable in a non-sexual relationship…but this girl either is not interested or is too easily swayed by others. I would compare a relationship with her at this point in time to a losing investment or a “money pit” house that you would be sinking more and more money into and getting nothing out of it.

Yea which is why I said good bye 2 weeks ago, I haven’t spoken to her since and she hasn’t contacted me. It’s hard because I find myself missing her and what we had and I wish it would go away and I could get rid of my feelings so easily. In time they should be gone I hope.

If she wasn’t interested, she sure as hell pretended really really well, I never seen a better actor. But why drag me on all this time and lead me on just to terminate our relationship 5 days before my flight out to visit after 10 weeks apart? She could have done it the week I made reservations to fly out which was more than a month prior to the end of our relationship. I will never know I guess.

 

[mhuff1]

Yea which is why I said good bye 2 weeks ago, I haven’t spoken to her since and she hasn’t contacted me. It’s hard because I find myself missing her and what we had and I wish it would go away and I could get rid of my feelings so easily. In time they should be gone I hope.

If she wasn’t interested, she sure as hell pretended really really well, I never seen a better actor. But why drag me on all this time and lead me on just to terminate our relationship 5 days before my flight out to visit after 10 weeks apart? She could have done it the week I made reservations to fly out which was more than a month prior to the end of our relationship. I will never know I guess.

Chaz, I said the same thing about Gil. I wonder now if he ever really cared or loved me like he said…but he sure as hell was an awesome actor if I believed it for over a year…
When you start thinking about the good times and how much you miss her, try to remember what she did and think about how that’s not the type of person you want in your life and do you really want to go through all that again with her?
Hope that helps. It’s somewhat helping me…when I think about how much I love him and miss him and all the things we did and stuff, I then remind myself that he lied the whole time and cheated…do I really want to subject myself to that again if he were to ever call or try to come back to me? No. I would never be able to trust him at all…
He is not the person that deserves me and I deserve better…

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, I said the same thing about Gil. I wonder now if he ever really cared or loved me like he said…but he sure as hell was an awesome actor if I believed it for over a year…
When you start thinking about the good times and how much you miss her, try to remember what she did and think about how that’s not the type of person you want in your life and do you really want to go through all that again with her?
Hope that helps. It’s somewhat helping me…when I think about how much I love him and miss him and all the things we did and stuff, I then remind myself that he lied the whole time and cheated…do I really want to subject myself to that again if he were to ever call or try to come back to me? No. I would never be able to trust him at all…
He is not the person that deserves me and I deserve better…

That is very true Maria, we both deserve better. I have many times just sat and thought about my relationship with her for a while and what I have done wrong and could have done better. While there were some things such as dumb arguments or maybe being over sensitive at times, I was able to conclude that yes I was always honest especially with my feelings, I was always the one to express my feelings or bring up a “we need to talk” conversation. I was very loving and caring, I truly did love her, I did my best to communicate with her even through being apart, I told her every day that I loved her (she’d complain if I didn’t). Looking back, I realized that what happened wasn’t my fault at all even if she blames a lot of her hurt or motivation to cheat on me. I realize that she never was open and honest about what she felt so how could it be my fault, I can’t read minds from half way across the country. It gives me peace to rest on that I really think I handled this relationship on my part really the best that I could have with what I knew and felt about my ex. I think you will come to the same conclusions as me thanks!

 

[chaz0426]

Ok last night she contacted me online asking how I was doing. I replied telling her that she shouldn’t feel obligated to check on on me or anything and I am doing fine and will be ok ect. She then said that “she just wanted to talk to me because she wants to be friends, but since it doesn’t go both ways forget it and good bye” and I said in response to that " alrighty then, cya later" and she signed off. ???

Was I not the one who got cheated and emotionally devastated yet she’s making demands for me to be friends and getting upset that I just want space? I didn’t say anything about never wanting to speak to her again ( why I didn’t block her ) but I don’t go IMing her and don’t ever plan to. I just want to move on, if she wants any continued friendship that’s all in her court. Am I wrong about this?

I didn’t realize she was this inmature, and it makes me feel stupid for not seeing this way way earlier. In our relationship she always said I was so hurtful with the things I’ve said (anytime I wanted a serious talk about our relationship) and she would always blame me and accuse me of arguing when I’m really not ( conversational tones are distorted online ). She never once took the blame for anything and I always compromised in our relationship. I am really thinking she has what is called Borderline Personality Disorder becasue from knowing her past and her habit of cutting her wrists and blaming things on people and crying easily and easily hurt and reading some of her journal entries ( she shared her journal with me ) and these recent events, it all kind of fits BPD.

It would explain a lot if that were true, not that it matters now but at least I’d understand better. I don’t know if she does or not, she hates doctors and doesn’t want help. She’s on her own but if she keeps contacting me online and then twisting it or trying to manipulate things to make me feel guilty ( which is what I felt she did ) I will have to block her too which would mean the only way she can contact me is through phone or email which she never would do.

Anyone have any thoughts, anyone know anything about BPD? Was I wrong in my response, should I block her out totally?

 

[St_Gabriel]

Hi Chaz

My best friend from highschool was diagnosed with BPD. We grew up together and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. She is currently on medication for her mood swings. Little things used to upset her very much. It requires a lot of patience. At times it was as you mentioned she seemed immature, so I ignored her for the most part when she was having a fit. (Hey, I was a kid too.)

I don't know if this is what your former girlfriend has, but hopefully she will get some professional help.  I remember having to walk on eggshells many times for my friend and I'll never forget those moments when she would show me her wrists.  Counslers used to think she did it just for attention but they told me to always take it serious just in case she actually killed herself. It's very difficult for her, she gets depressed so easily and becomes reclusive for weeks at a time.  She married at age 35 to a very sweet and patient man but she requires councilling for the rest of her life.  I'm still very good friends with her, but I don't see her very often since she moved to another city.

I’m going to continue to pray for you to find the right girl.
Try doing a rosary novena. I firmly believe that Our Lady will find you the right one.

 

[chaz0426]

Hi Chaz

My best friend from highschool was diagnosed with BPD. We grew up together and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. She is currently on medication for her mood swings. Little things used to upset her very much. It requires a lot of patience. At times it was as you mentioned she seemed immature, so I ignored her for the most part when she was having a fit. (Hey, I was a kid too.)

I don't know if this is what your former girlfriend has, but hopefully she will get some professional help.  I remember having to walk on eggshells many times for my friend and I'll never forget those moments when she would show me her wrists.  Counslers used to think she did it just for attention but they told me to always take it serious just in case she actually killed herself. It's very difficult for her, she gets depressed so easily and becomes reclusive for weeks at a time.  She married at age 35 to a very sweet and patient man but she requires councilling for the rest of her life.  I'm still very good friends with her, but I don't see her very often since she moved to another city.

I’m going to continue to pray for you to find the right girl.
Try doing a rosary novena. I firmly believe that Our Lady will find you the right one.

I’m really starting to think she does, last night I Instant messaged her online just to see if she needed to talk about anything since she signed off so quickly upset the night before and she said stuff like " what do you care, ect. " and after telling her even though I am hurting I still care and if she needs to talk to me I’m here and she kept saying " Liar!" and stuff online and just saying hurtful things like that. She also told me she had sex with that guy because he offered her care and compassion and she felt she hadn’t gotten any of that before ect and how hurtful all her bf’s in the past were and how hurtful I was to her all this time (she was practically saying the exact opposite a month ago, almost idolizing me calling me awesome and the best guy she’s had ect.). and she said it’s not my fault because she pretended things were ok with me (pretty much confirming what I had already known) and that I will be happy with someone else ect. She said something like " will you either move on and be a jerk, or be my friend! make up your mind!" It’s like she doesn’t understand me or has no compassion after what she’s done. She has no understanding of the concept of emotional space and I usually need like 6 months to recuperate before being friends with someone who’s hurt me.

To this day I am friends with only one of my ex’s my first girlfriend in HS who I dated for 6 months at 16 ( 4 years ago) who broke up with me because she was stressed out in school and didn’t want to keep hurting me, we still keep in touch because she didn’t betray me.

Question: How do you be friends with someone who betrayed you? She said she was sorry but she doesn’t really seem that sorry.

She also told me that guy she had sex with now isn’t talking to her and I was right when I told her he was just taking advantage of her emotional state and using her for sex and she at least acknowledged that. It’s such a same she threw our relationship away so easily over a scum bag like that whoever he is. I’m too far away to confront him anyway. But if she was swayed so easily for a scumbag, that tells me how much I meant to her which was nothing really. I told her that and she had nothing to say.

She kept saying she’s all alone and hurting and just needed someone to talk to but saying now she can’t talk to me because I am saying hateful things to her and hurting her and she was wrong to think she could be friends with me ect. ???

The reason I IMed her is because I really think she is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, she fits so many of the symptoms especially how she could be practically calling me the best guy she’s ever had and she wants to marry me and move closer and was saying nothing but wonderful loving things for months in our relationship and saying " I love you " every night without fail and then just in 1 week she cheats and is gone and has ill feelings for me and is negative and has no compassion or affection and is just so negative. It’s like she’s possesed or has split personalities. Please pray for her sake and salvation as I will continue to do so even after I say good bye to her.

I want to help her because I care but I think it’s at the point where tough love takes it’s course and I have to leave her on her own. I’ve tried my best to be a loving caring guy for her and she threw it in the trash and spit in my face.

I guess you can’t really help people who don’t want to be help or who keep rejecting your love. It’s such as shame that they do that for whatever reason as they only keep hurting.

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

Praying that God’s will be accomplished in each of your lives.

 

[SarahR]

I haven’t read through all the posts, but if she’s like a lot of other cheaters, desiring to maintain some sort of contact is purely self-serving. They want to feel better about themselves, so if the person they hurt still cares for them, they don’t feel quite so bad about what they did. I hope you can keep that in mind, she wants to feel less guilt by gaining some sort of continued acceptance from you, that’s my opinion.
She is the one with problems, not you. You won’t ever understand, you’ll just have to let that go. Kudos for not having sex w/her—one less thing to have to look back at. Move on, this is your life and you’re worth more than that.
I wish you many blessings, a happy future, and in time, a good and loving young woman and a fun and holy relationship!