Please pray for my severely broken heart

[chaz0426]

I haven’t read through all the posts, but if she’s like a lot of other cheaters, desiring to maintain some sort of contact is purely self-serving. They want to feel better about themselves, so if the person they hurt still cares for them, they don’t feel quite so bad about what they did. I hope you can keep that in mind, she wants to feel less guilt by gaining some sort of continued acceptance from you, that’s my opinion.
She is the one with problems, not you. You won’t ever understand, you’ll just have to let that go. Kudos for not having sex w/her—one less thing to have to look back at. Move on, this is your life and you’re worth more than that.
I wish you many blessings, a happy future, and in time, a good and loving young woman and a fun and holy relationship!

Thanks so much! That is exactly why I plan to save sex for marriage is for things like this. Yes when I did see her for the first time back in October it was hard but we both abstained and I told her that after learning my lesson from a previous ex who cheated on me I’m not having sex until they can prove their devotion at the alter at my wedding, she agreed and for a while things were fine and I thought we were on the same ground for so long and I was so happy and really thought she could be the one. Then in less than a day she did a 180 and changed into someone I don’t know had sex with some scum bag and ended the relationship ( after telling me how sacred sex meant to her and that I am the only guy she will ever plan to do it with when we get married ect. ) . It’s like she either had no morals, or faked them, or she just flushed it down the toliet and me with it. She either has split personalities or just was faking her emotions, her affection, her love, and her promises the whole time. I’m glad I didn’t go past kissing and cuddling with her.

At this point I am wondering if she is just plane selfish, cold, morally corrupted, slutty, deceiving, and manipuative makes up who she really is or if she is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder or perhaps something else. Everything I know about her and reading her journal even months ago pointed to that she may need cousneling and at that time I even posted help on this forum 2 months ago and got prayers. Well according to her word, she quit cutting herself and seemed so stable for the longest time so I thought things were fine so I didn’t worry about telling her to see a professional (she hates all doctors). I guess things weren’t fine since she was just pretending. I’m going to say a final farewell to her either tonight or tomorrow since all I do everytime I talk to her openly and honestly is hurt her ( so she says ) and recoomend she see’s some therapist and that’s all I can do for her.

It’s a shame how we were friends for 2+ years in 1st grade and I managed to somehow get in touch with her last summer and fell in love with her. It hurts that someone I thought was my soul mate potentially totally turned into someone else all these years or was never the person I thought she was at all. Sigh, I pray to God and Jesus tonight that he will help her develop from this and to guide her away from her path of destruction and dispair and for me to be ok in time and move on and find someone who will love me and never betray me like she did and perhaps that we can be friends again someday and if not, she does well without me and can be happy someday. Amen

 

[chaz0426]

Praying that God’s will be accomplished in each of your lives.

Thanks so much!

 

[Trishie]

Chaz, it’s hard to let go of a dream that was significant for you, but it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from a relationship that despite it’s better times could have brought you much unhappiness and confusion.

God bless and heal her and her life
and God bless you.
May He lead you in time to a healthy and happy relationship

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, it’s hard to let go of a dream that was significant for you, but it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from a relationship that despite it’s better times could have brought you much unhappiness and confusion.

God bless and heal her and her life
and God bless you.
May He lead you in time to a healthy and happy relationship

That is true, I’m glad that I’m not hurting as much anymore as I did the first week after but I’m still confused as if I should leave her behind or try and help her. If she keeps refusing my help I’ll just have to cease contact and say good bye. I really think she has a psych disorder though because after recently speaking to her last night ( because she sent me an IM then got mad and signed off suddenly) her responses were so bizarre hurtful, and just hostile anytime I expressed how much I cared and how much I valued the relationship

i.e.

Me: " even though you hurt me badly, I still care about you and if you needed to talk about something the other night whatever it was I’m here now "

her: " Liar!"

 

[chaz0426]

I’ve said my goodbyes and she was very understanding God that was the hardest thing to do but It’s the only way I can heal and move on.

 

[mhuff1]

Ok last night she contacted me online asking how I was doing. I replied telling her that she shouldn’t feel obligated to check on on me or anything and I am doing fine and will be ok ect. She then said that “she just wanted to talk to me because she wants to be friends, but since it doesn’t go both ways forget it and good bye” and I said in response to that " alrighty then, cya later" and she signed off. ???

Was I not the one who got cheated and emotionally devastated yet she’s making demands for me to be friends and getting upset that I just want space? I didn’t say anything about never wanting to speak to her again ( why I didn’t block her ) but I don’t go IMing her and don’t ever plan to. I just want to move on, if she wants any continued friendship that’s all in her court. Am I wrong about this?

I didn’t realize she was this inmature, and it makes me feel stupid for not seeing this way way earlier. In our relationship she always said I was so hurtful with the things I’ve said (anytime I wanted a serious talk about our relationship) and she would always blame me and accuse me of arguing when I’m really not ( conversational tones are distorted online ). She never once took the blame for anything and I always compromised in our relationship. I am really thinking she has what is called Borderline Personality Disorder becasue from knowing her past and her habit of cutting her wrists and blaming things on people and crying easily and easily hurt and reading some of her journal entries ( she shared her journal with me ) and these recent events, it all kind of fits BPD.

It would explain a lot if that were true, not that it matters now but at least I’d understand better. I don’t know if she does or not, she hates doctors and doesn’t want help. She’s on her own but if she keeps contacting me online and then twisting it or trying to manipulate things to make me feel guilty ( which is what I felt she did ) I will have to block her too which would mean the only way she can contact me is through phone or email which she never would do.

Anyone have any thoughts, anyone know anything about BPD? Was I wrong in my response, should I block her out totally?

Chaz, I understand that you’re still hurt. I’m dealing with that too. I’ve been so betrayed the whole time that I wonder if I’ll ever forgive him. At least you had some sort of closure, although that doesn’t make it any better. But then you need to decide if it will prolong your pain if you continue to try to be so friendly to her right off. That’s not to say never be friends, but your pain is fresh and you might not heal as quickly if you continue the ties like they are now. Especially since this ended in betrayal instead of a nice friendly understanding.

I myself haven’t had any closure. He just stopped calling me and talking to me once I caught him in that lie. He never faced that I caught him and just started ignoring my calls and texts and never responded. Even when I stopped calling or texting, he never picked up the phone to check on me. We never officially discussed that it’s really over. Personally I think he’s a coward for not being a man and facing it. And because of that, I think subconciously my heart is hoping that he’d call to want to work things out or just holding on to something that’s no longer. However, my mind has to remind me of what he’s done and remind me that this is not what I want in a relationship and that I no longer would ever be able to trust him and it’s not all worth the pain anymore.
This morning I happened to check his myspace and facebook page and he has finally updated both profiles to show that he’s single and I’m no longer in his #1 spot. So reality hit my heart a little hard this morning, even though my mind knew it was over.
So I’m also still dealing with that loss…

Sometimes it makes me wonder what I’m worth…why wasn’t I good enough? Didn’t he see how much I loved him? Did he ever love me at all? Did he care any? How could he just drop me like that and not wonder if I’m doing okay? Why did he string me along instead of just coming out and breaking it off? Why did he continue to tell me he loved me but played me for a fool? etc, etc, etc…

I likes Trishie’s response:

Chaz, it’s hard to let go of a dream that was significant for you, but it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from a relationship that despite it’s better times could have brought you much unhappiness and confusion.

God bless and heal her and her life
and God bless you.
May He lead you in time to a healthy and happy relationship

Because even though right now I’m sort of “grieving” the loss of this relationship, my mind keeps replaying the good times…I tend to forget about the bad times and all the times we argued and fought.

That’s something that I definitely need to keep reminding myself…

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, I understand that you’re still hurt. I’m dealing with that too. I’ve been so betrayed the whole time that I wonder if I’ll ever forgive him. At least you had some sort of closure, although that doesn’t make it any better. But then you need to decide if it will prolong your pain if you continue to try to be so friendly to her right off. That’s not to say never be friends, but your pain is fresh and you might not heal as quickly if you continue the ties like they are now. Especially since this ended in betrayal instead of a nice friendly understanding.

I myself haven’t had any closure. He just stopped calling me and talking to me once I caught him in that lie. He never faced that I caught him and just started ignoring my calls and texts and never responded. Even when I stopped calling or texting, he never picked up the phone to check on me. We never officially discussed that it’s really over. Personally I think he’s a coward for not being a man and facing it. And because of that, I think subconciously my heart is hoping that he’d call to want to work things out or just holding on to something that’s no longer. However, my mind has to remind me of what he’s done and remind me that this is not what I want in a relationship and that I no longer would ever be able to trust him and it’s not all worth the pain anymore.
This morning I happened to check his myspace and facebook page and he has finally updated both profiles to show that he’s single and I’m no longer in his #1 spot. So reality hit my heart a little hard this morning, even though my mind knew it was over.
So I’m also still dealing with that loss…

Sometimes it makes me wonder what I’m worth…why wasn’t I good enough? Didn’t he see how much I loved him? Did he ever love me at all? Did he care any? How could he just drop me like that and not wonder if I’m doing okay? Why did he string me along instead of just coming out and breaking it off? Why did he continue to tell me he loved me but played me for a fool? etc, etc, etc…

I likes Trishie’s response:

Because even though right now I’m sort of “grieving” the loss of this relationship, my mind keeps replaying the good times…I tend to forget about the bad times and all the times we argued and fought.

That’s something that I definitely need to keep reminding myself…

You are exactly right and I knew this before talking to her. We went about 2 or 3 weeks without talking as I was dealing with the grief and trying to move on. I was prepared never to talk to her and I instantly removed her from my friends on facebook after terminating the status and everything too so she can’t spy on my life so to say and I don’t have the temptation to spy on her’s since I won’t re-add her as a friend. So I decided not to block her online for a bit and a few nights ago she IMed again asking how I was doing and that’s when I told her not to bother feeling obligated and stuff. She got upset and signed off saying she just needed to talk to me about something ect. The next night feeling a little curious I asked her what it is she needed to talk about and she said nothing anymore and I’m too mean and harsh and she made a mistake thinking she can talk to me ect. I told her I still do care ect. and I admit I was overly nice and I knew this at the time. So I IMed her last night around this time and had a long talk with her just confirming the steps to how we got to how things are and how things could do a 180 in just one text message in my shoes. Mostly I just wanted to answer and confirm a lot of unanswered questions I had so it would give me more closure and hopefully make it easier to move on. It did, and I’m glad it’s easier now.

I found out the real reason she had sex with that guy ( emotional care, support, while she was crying) come to find out that guy isn’t talking to her now and she admitted she was stupid and he’s a scum bag that used her and I was kinda in a " I told you so" mood after that which was a little relieving but still hurt to be in this situation.

I have certain standards with women even though I’m only 20 nearly 21 and cheating even just once is an out for me, I say good bye. And its’ been tough because I literally thought she would be the last person on earth I’d do that too since she was my first friend on this earth for a few years a long time ago.

So I ended up telling her after my long talk that I am saying good bye and that being friends with her is uncertain but I know that I won’t be contacting her again. I told her I will probably need a year to heal at least since this was very devastating and she knows my number if she ever needs me for anything ( she never ever called so I doubt she ever will ) since I can’t block her number and don’t really need to. So I blocked her on IM and will for at least 6 months or so until I’m healed and can deal with talking to her on a regular basis ( if she starts contacting me again). By then I won’t really care at all anymore what becomes of her and will have moved on and stuff too.

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, I understand that you’re still hurt. I’m dealing with that too. I’ve been so betrayed the whole time that I wonder if I’ll ever forgive him. At least you had some sort of closure, although that doesn’t make it any better. But then you need to decide if it will prolong your pain if you continue to try to be so friendly to her right off. That’s not to say never be friends, but your pain is fresh and you might not heal as quickly if you continue the ties like they are now. Especially since this ended in betrayal instead of a nice friendly understanding.

I myself haven’t had any closure. He just stopped calling me and talking to me once I caught him in that lie. He never faced that I caught him and just started ignoring my calls and texts and never responded. Even when I stopped calling or texting, he never picked up the phone to check on me. We never officially discussed that it’s really over. Personally I think he’s a coward for not being a man and facing it. And because of that, I think subconciously my heart is hoping that he’d call to want to work things out or just holding on to something that’s no longer. However, my mind has to remind me of what he’s done and remind me that this is not what I want in a relationship and that I no longer would ever be able to trust him and it’s not all worth the pain anymore.
This morning I happened to check his myspace and facebook page and he has finally updated both profiles to show that he’s single and I’m no longer in his #1 spot. So reality hit my heart a little hard this morning, even though my mind knew it was over.
So I’m also still dealing with that loss…

Sometimes it makes me wonder what I’m worth…why wasn’t I good enough? Didn’t he see how much I loved him? Did he ever love me at all? Did he care any? How could he just drop me like that and not wonder if I’m doing okay? Why did he string me along instead of just coming out and breaking it off? Why did he continue to tell me he loved me but played me for a fool? etc, etc, etc…

I likes Trishie’s response:

Because even though right now I’m sort of “grieving” the loss of this relationship, my mind keeps replaying the good times…I tend to forget about the bad times and all the times we argued and fought.

That’s something that I definitely need to keep reminding myself…

As for your situation you are correct your guy is a coward and I’m speaking as a guy. As a women I’d totally shut off any contact with him, if he calls someday do answer but close with him and make that your final good bye. Cut off any contact on myspace or facebook so he can’t spy on your life. It also adds mystery for him so if he’s really concerned or wondering how you are he’ll have to face you.

By doing this you will rise above him and as a women be stronger than him. And trust me a women should feel good if she is more too the point, confident, assertive, and less of a coward than her male counterpart. Just stick to your standards and offer no second chances unless you feel you can trust him again. I personally couldn’t since he’s more likely to do it again if he thinks you’ll come around each and every time. The pain would be greater a 2nd time around too.

Just live life, start working out if you don’t (it really makes me feel good) join clubs, do your normal life and a guy you deserve will come along in time. That is my plan and Im just going to focus on school and summer job experiences for now and my future career since I don’t plan on marrying until then anyway.

Yea it sucks I can’t have any relationship make it to 6 months and I’ve spent lots of time thinking of any personal flaws that could cause that and I’ve just concluded I’ve just met the wrong women and they seem so awesome and “the one” at first then totally do a 180 and have screwed me over and left. I know I’m not needy, " too nice" , cowardly or wimpy. I think I’m pretty attractive and pretty confident overall and have a lot to offer. It’s just a shame women take advantage of my qualities for a bit then decide to leave at their whim. After my first cheating experience a year ago I’ve picked up on those but since my recent ex was long distance and I had 100% trust in her after the first month since she seemed so loving and caring and gave me the most attention any girl ever has let alone we had a connection that lasted over 15 years I felt she would be the last person to ever do this to me.

So I don’t blame myself with this particular disaster for not seeing the signs because there were none to pick up on other than her inmaturity when we fought and her reluctance to talk on the phone. She masked her unhappiness so well as well as her slutty side since she seemed to have morals pretty much in line with my catholic faith or agreed with them ( she was presbyterian). According to her she had never cheated before and didn’t know she could and she said she could never forgive herself. Whether she is honest about that or not doesn’t matter because it happened and I’m not sticking around to find out. Given the relationship I thought we had, the pain is too great to be friends with her anytime soon.

So I just now know to avoid online relationships and if I do have another to not be so trusting and attached in case this happens again I can not be so surprised.e

 

[kelless]

O glorious St. Raphael, Patron and Lover of the Young, we call upon thee for thy help. May you guide and assist Chaz in the task of planning his future. Obtain for him, through thy intercession the light of God’s grace, so that he may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be his partner through life. O Angel of Happy Meetings, lead Chaz and his partner destined by God by the hand to find each other. May all their movements be guided by thy light and transfigured by thy joy. As thou didst lead the young Tobias to Sara and opened up for him a new life of happiness with her in holy marriage. Please lead Chaz to such a one whom in thine angelic wisdom thou dost judge best suited to be united with him in marriage.

St. Raphael, loving Patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help Chaz in this supreme decision of his life. Find for him as a helpmate in life that person whose character will reflect the traits of Jesus and Mary. May she be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chase and unselfish love, they both may strive to perfect themselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to their care.

St. Raphael, Angel of chaste courtship, bless their friendship and their love, that sin may have no part in it. May their mutual love bind them so closely that their future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer thy prayers to God for both of them and obtain the blessing of God upon their marriage, as thou wert th hearld of blessings for the marriage of Tobias and Sara.

St. Raphael, Friend of the Young, to thy special care we entrust the decision Chaz is to make as to his future wife. Direct him to the person with hom he can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom he can live in peace, love and harmony in this life and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen.

 

[Gigglin4God]

Praying for the Holy Spirit to come upon you and console you and also for you to have many friends and family to help you through this hard time.

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God
pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[mhuff1]

I have certain standards with women even though I’m only 20 nearly 21 and cheating even just once is an out for me, I say good bye. And its’ been tough because I literally thought she would be the last person on earth I’d do that too since she was my first friend on this earth for a few years a long time ago.

The same for me. I’m real big on loyalty when it comes to that. I’ve been cheated on too many times, and like you, I thought he would have been the last person. He told me that he had been cheated on before too and he could never do that to someone because it hurt so much. We even had sort of a little “pact” from the beginning. If either one of us ever had the urge to be with someone else, we would most certainly tell the other and break it off so that there was no cheating involved. Like I said before, he was a great actor for me to believe all that, because apparently he is a cheat. I found out recently that he cheated for the 1st 6 months of his last relationship.

Just live life, start working out if you don’t (it really makes me feel good) join clubs, do your normal life and a guy you deserve will come along in time. That is my plan and Im just going to focus on school and summer job experiences for now and my future career since I don’t plan on marrying until then anyway.

That is one thing that I need to get back into! I used to be a workout freak! Working out five days a week…now I’m lucky if I get anything in at all…although the new puppy has been keeping me a bit busy. I think once her morning routine gets settled I’ll be able to be more serious about getting my morning workout in again

 

[chaz0426]

O glorious St. Raphael, Patron and Lover of the Young, we call upon thee for thy help. May you guide and assist Chaz in the task of planning his future. Obtain for him, through thy intercession the light of God’s grace, so that he may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be his partner through life. O Angel of Happy Meetings, lead Chaz and his partner destined by God by the hand to find each other. May all their movements be guided by thy light and transfigured by thy joy. As thou didst lead the young Tobias to Sara and opened up for him a new life of happiness with her in holy marriage. Please lead Chaz to such a one whom in thine angelic wisdom thou dost judge best suited to be united with him in marriage.

St. Raphael, loving Patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help Chaz in this supreme decision of his life. Find for him as a helpmate in life that person whose character will reflect the traits of Jesus and Mary. May she be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chase and unselfish love, they both may strive to perfect themselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to their care.

St. Raphael, Angel of chaste courtship, bless their friendship and their love, that sin may have no part in it. May their mutual love bind them so closely that their future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer thy prayers to God for both of them and obtain the blessing of God upon their marriage, as thou wert th hearld of blessings for the marriage of Tobias and Sara.

St. Raphael, Friend of the Young, to thy special care we entrust the decision Chaz is to make as to his future wife. Direct him to the person with hom he can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom he can live in peace, love and harmony in this life and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen.

Wow I’ve never seen a prayer so deep and meaningful for me, thanks so much! I’m glad to know who St. Raphael is now and will continue to pray to him. I will also try and follow your prayer. Thank you so much and God bless!

 

[chaz0426]

I wanted to thank you guys for helping me during this difficult time in life. It’s been about a month and I’ve greatly improved. I no longer think about it daily and I have a lot of goals I am focusing on this year. I’ve gotten in touch with old friends who are helping me through too although I still don’t have any friends who live near me yet so it’s tough although I will be visiting a friend from High School for the weekend to go to a dance in a month. That should be fun!

Get this though. After weeks of not talking to her because I told her I need to move on and that will take a good part of the year until I can even think about being any kind of friend in her life and she seemingly understood, well…I just got an IM message on my screen from her saying

" Would you ever march in an anti-abortion protest full of disgusting pictures and Bible verses?"

She obviously knows I’m pro-life and abortion has always been a sensitive topic for me and she told me she was really pro life too the whole time I knew her. It was believable because she works in a day care everyday with toddlers!!

I didn’t reply to this because I was out all day but it really disgusted me after being finally ready to not talk to her for a while and move on yet she says something like that. I guess she’s pro-choice now!

Her salvation is no longer my worry anymore, she threw me away a month ago in the most hurtful way possible.

Any advice?

I unblocked her because a friend of mine said I should still keep the line of communication open and 5 days after unblocking her I get this. Should I block her again?

 

[Jude_Smith]

I wanted to thank you guys for helping me during this difficult time in life. It’s been about a month and I’ve greatly improved. I no longer think about it daily and I have a lot of goals I am focusing on this year. I’ve gotten in touch with old friends who are helping me through too although I still don’t have any friends who live near me yet so it’s tough although I will be visiting a friend from High School for the weekend to go to a dance in a month. That should be fun!

Get this though. After weeks of not talking to her because I told her I need to move on and that will take a good part of the year until I can even think about being any kind of friend in her life and she seemingly understood, well…I just got an IM message on my screen from her saying

" Would you ever march in an anti-abortion protest full of disgusting pictures and Bible verses?"

She obviously knows I’m pro-life and abortion has always been a sensitive topic for me and she told me she was really pro life too the whole time I knew her. It was believable because she works in a day care everyday with toddlers!!

I didn’t reply to this because I was out all day but it really disgusted me after being finally ready to not talk to her for a while and move on yet she says something like that. I guess she’s pro-choice now!

Her salvation is no longer my worry anymore, she threw me away a month ago in the most hurtful way possible.

Any advice?

I unblocked her because a friend of mine said I should still keep the line of communication open and 5 days after unblocking her I get this. Should I block her again?

She is trying to cut you off again, or still. My advice is block IMs, and open any emails only after praying. Pray anyway. Who knows, maybe her salvation still is your concern, although your relationship is probably over. There are people I pray for years after I last saw or heard from them.

 

[Trishie]

Chaz, not someone to have personally in your life, but someone who needs prayers for her salvation. If she spoke as she did it may have been bitterness that she no longer has your respect and her bitterness in mistaking the affections of the other guy. Perhaps during your relationship she put on colours that she thought might appeal to you and you see her now in her true colours
…but you and we may be the only ones to really pray for her eternal soul. Lord we ask You to heal her spirit.
Lord we place her in Your loving mercy. Thank You for opening Chaz’s eyes to her immaturity or unsuitability as his wife, but please have mercy on her soul and remember Your mercy for her in her eventual hour of death.

God bless you Chaz, and may the Lord lead you to a good and holy young woman to share your life.

 

[iserve]

Just my two cents, but I feel sorry for this young lady. Clearly, she is an unfinished person whose hidden side is needy and indecisive. She is able to cheat because she believes what she lives, rather than living what she believes. Because of this, she chooses impulsive, incomplete actions, such as sex with men who offer sympathy and physical affection, rather than the strengthening affirmation of a relationship built over time and which grows from its foundation. I would guess she comes from a troubled home where there is a lack of all of the above, which is why she finds herself, at twenty, without the skills necessary for adulthood.
That said, because you, too are young and inexperienced, you are unable to recognize her issues other than from the standpoint of bewilderment. It is really not rocket science, but when we are young, we like the excitement of being in love over the work it takes to keep it going. Trouble is, it is a law of nature that if you pick a flower with no root, you will soon have a dead flower.
Like St Paul said, in the epilogue of his famous comment on Love, “when I was a child, I acted like a child, but now that I am a man I have put away those childish things”. So, my friend, learn the lesson that no partner is perfect, and it is childish to think that love is like you see in a movie, happy ever after. It is rather, a work in progress which mirrors Gods unfailing relationship with us, even as we always fail to measure up. Take from this a challenge to look deeper at who you want to travel in time with, and what attributes each woman you consider will add to the journey. And, for Gods sake, stop saying all those negative things about her, her shortcomings are very likely to lead her into a painful future if she doesnt seek and work for change.
Praying for you both.

 

[Norseman82]

I wanted to thank you guys for helping me during this difficult time in life. It’s been about a month and I’ve greatly improved. I no longer think about it daily and I have a lot of goals I am focusing on this year. I’ve gotten in touch with old friends who are helping me through too although I still don’t have any friends who live near me yet so it’s tough although I will be visiting a friend from High School for the weekend to go to a dance in a month. That should be fun!

Get this though. After weeks of not talking to her because I told her I need to move on and that will take a good part of the year until I can even think about being any kind of friend in her life and she seemingly understood, well…I just got an IM message on my screen from her saying

" Would you ever march in an anti-abortion protest full of disgusting pictures and Bible verses?"

She obviously knows I’m pro-life and abortion has always been a sensitive topic for me and she told me she was really pro life too the whole time I knew her. It was believable because she works in a day care everyday with toddlers!!

I didn’t reply to this because I was out all day but it really disgusted me after being finally ready to not talk to her for a while and move on yet she says something like that. I guess she’s pro-choice now!

Her salvation is no longer my worry anymore, she threw me away a month ago in the most hurtful way possible.

Any advice?

I unblocked her because a friend of mine said I should still keep the line of communication open and 5 days after unblocking her I get this. Should I block her again?

Well, you yourself posted that you were disgusted by her IM; do you want to receive more?

My only other advice is this: if you know what is right, don’t let yourself be swayed by “friends”, no matter how well-meaning they are. Here is a test: does this friend think you should still keep the lines of communication open even after the disgusting IM? If he is, I would question his friendship or whether his head is stuck on the right way.

 

[chaz0426]

Turns out shortly after my post, she IMed me again saying " no answer? " so I answered her asking why my pro-life opinions are so important to her right now and why she was asking me randomly out of the blue. She told me she was disgusted knowing that I would join that pro life march she ran into showing gruesome pictures and that she had been thinking a lot lately if we would have been compatible if she hadn’t cheated ect and this only tells her that we wouldn’t have been. She told me she admired my faith but that I seem too much of a “fanatic” in it??? And that people like that turn people away from the God she loves??

To prevent another argument because I had so many things I could have said to slam down that absurd conclusion of hers, I simply said

" I would never participate in a pro-life demonstration that was destructive to property, doing illegal things, or harming other people but if they weren’t doing any of those things and I was available, I would most likely have joined the march as I had wanted to this year.

I’m also very shocked that you came to me out of the blue like this even knowing that I had told you I wouldn’t be speaking to you online again, I don’t know why I am. I felt that I should leave the line of communication open in case you really needed me or wanted to talk about something important. If you needed an answer that is fine but if you are trying to pick a fight with me, it is not going to work because I simply won’t explain myself, my reasons, my faith with you anymore. "

She signed off abrutly without a good bye which is like hanging up on someone if she was on the phone.

I sent an offline message saying

" This is my last goodbye and what she did was unbelievably rude and this is the last time you will have hurt me rudely. You should move on because I already have. I didn’t leave the line of communication open so you can continuously validate your poor choice of cheating and come up with reasons in front of me online to why we wouldn’t be compatible if you hadn’t had done that. That is unbelievably hurtful and cruel.

to answer your question anyway, we wouldn’t have been compatible because I need a stronger more faithful women and you proved to me that you didn’t fit that bill 5 weeks ago. I wish you the best in life and if you really need me, you can always call me, Good Bye. "

So hopefully that will be the end of her for a while at least. I don’t see why I would unblock her anytime soon after that. It’s one thing to try and start a friendly conversation and another to rudely bring up a topic I’m sensitive about out of the blue to me and tell me that I’m too fanatical and it confirms her thoughts that we wouldn’t have been compatible anyway.

I can’t believe I missed this evil side of her. It really hurts me and scares me that she totally turned into a different personality or that I just missed it big time for months. It just never showed until she cheated then after! I pray that God will have mercy on her soul and that she will realize her errors someday and will come to seek true forgiveness and change in her ways.

Until then, I will simply just leave her where she belongs: in the past.

 

[chaz0426]

She is trying to cut you off again, or still. My advice is block IMs, and open any emails only after praying. Pray anyway. Who knows, maybe her salvation still is your concern, although your relationship is probably over. There are people I pray for years after I last saw or heard from them.

Yeah, very true. I still continue to pray for her because even though she warped into a women completely different from who I thought she was the last 6 months or just never was who I thought she was, I still love her because she was a huge part of my life as a child and recently. I’ve already accepted the fact that I know what I need to do for myself and that is to block her for probably at least most of this year to move on since she is still being very hurtful first thing when she trys to get in contact with me. If she was remorseful or understanding then the situation would be totally different and I may be able to be a limited friend possibly sooner since I’ve healed much quicker than I thought I would. But she’s not, she’s still being very cruel and manipulative given the fact that she did destroy my heart a few weeks ago she has no right to do what she’s been doing and has only been ripping open healing wounds in my heart.

Therefore I’ve already blocked her IM’s after her last stunt last week for a long time this time until I feel ready to give her one last chance 6 months from now when I’m 100% healed. I won’t be contacting her again but I may unblock her someday leaving the chance that she may be contacting me yet again someday.