Please pray for my severely broken heart

[chaz0426]

Chaz, not someone to have personally in your life, but someone who needs prayers for her salvation. If she spoke as she did it may have been bitterness that she no longer has your respect and her bitterness in mistaking the affections of the other guy. Perhaps during your relationship she put on colours that she thought might appeal to you and you see her now in her true colours
…but you and we may be the only ones to really pray for her eternal soul. Lord we ask You to heal her spirit.
Lord we place her in Your loving mercy. Thank You for opening Chaz’s eyes to her immaturity or unsuitability as his wife, but please have mercy on her soul and remember Your mercy for her in her eventual hour of death.

God bless you Chaz, and may the Lord lead you to a good and holy young woman to share your life.

Thanks Trishie, I still pray for her and will for a long time. I hope she may someday change her ways and her thinking and may find peace and happiness. God Bless!

 

[chaz0426]

Just my two cents, but I feel sorry for this young lady. Clearly, she is an unfinished person whose hidden side is needy and indecisive. She is able to cheat because she believes what she lives, rather than living what she believes. Because of this, she chooses impulsive, incomplete actions, such as sex with men who offer sympathy and physical affection, rather than the strengthening affirmation of a relationship built over time and which grows from its foundation. I would guess she comes from a troubled home where there is a lack of all of the above, which is why she finds herself, at twenty, without the skills necessary for adulthood.
That said, because you, too are young and inexperienced, you are unable to recognize her issues other than from the standpoint of bewilderment. It is really not rocket science, but when we are young, we like the excitement of being in love over the work it takes to keep it going. Trouble is, it is a law of nature that if you pick a flower with no root, you will soon have a dead flower.
Like St Paul said, in the epilogue of his famous comment on Love, “when I was a child, I acted like a child, but now that I am a man I have put away those childish things”. So, my friend, learn the lesson that no partner is perfect, and it is childish to think that love is like you see in a movie, happy ever after. It is rather, a work in progress which mirrors Gods unfailing relationship with us, even as we always fail to measure up. Take from this a challenge to look deeper at who you want to travel in time with, and what attributes each woman you consider will add to the journey. And, for Gods sake, stop saying all those negative things about her, her shortcomings are very likely to lead her into a painful future if she doesnt seek and work for change.
Praying for you both.

Her troubled history does fit your description, she is in close contact with her parents but recently moved out of their house to live in her own apartment 30 minutes from her home. Her two boyfriends before me seemed to have abused her emotionally and verbally from what she told me. Then again It is her word alone that I am going on so I will never know what happened in her previous relationships nor does it really matter at this point.

She does cut her wrists and that was a red flag when I found that out. I saw the scars when I visited her when we were together and it tore me apart. She told me she had stopped harming herself for a while but then again all I have is her word. I told her she should seek some professional help and counseling and to think about that upon saying good bye to her too.

I don’t try to say hurtful things about her but a lot of it comes from the hurtful things she has done/ continues to do. It’s not more of the fact that she cheated so much anymore, it’s more of the fact that she keeps rubbing it in by more hurtful words whenever she gets the chance to send something to me which is just horrid to me.

But either way, I’m leaving in in the past and I’ll continue to pray for her.

 

[chaz0426]

re-opening this thread. So today’s rather yesterday was my 21’s Bday yay! My ex who this thread recently was about way back in January wished me happy birthday which was the first contact since her last rude message in January. I thanked her for remembering and she returned the welcome. After some silence I broke the ice (she appears to haven’t changed) and told her after how awful the last conversation went and how she signed off/hung up on me in the middle of defending myself how I’m not putting up with that again and that she understood but didn’t apologize or explain herself (which is all I really wanted was an explanation more than an apology).

When I went to delete my online journal the other day after months of no use since she was the only one who really read it, I took a last peek at hers to see how her life was going after all these months and she seemed to have been doing not so great for various reasons. However I found out that she indeed did lie to me about the whole thing and what she told me had happened in fact wasn’t true. In her journal she told about how they sent inappropriate pictures to each other and saw each other ect. (while I was still dating her and planning to visit her ect) and honestly while hurt and dissapointed, I wasn’t shocked. I would have liked to believe her but her story wasn’t believable. I later asked her about this and she admitted that it was a full blown affair. She didn’t apologize or come clean after all and I found all this on my own , she simply said she realized her mistake and is done saying being sorry for herself and pouting and moving on and that if I can’t forgive her that’s my fault ect. I told her I can’t forgive someone who never asked for it nor desire’s it (she never once sincerely showed she was sorry despite her contacting me still she has never told me how much she regrets what she did, she only contacted me to start a fight it seems or prove a point). So I deleted my journal and will no longer have access to hers so at least that temptation is gone to go and peek at hers and make a clean cut from her completely.

She told me she just wants a friend and that’s why she contacted me this night and not a lecture bla bla. I told her I don’t mean to be so negative but I’m still hurting and just finding out she lied about the whole thing and it was a full blown affair and sending pictures ect really ruins any chance of friendship. Obviously being hurt finding out that pretty much the entire relationship was a lie told her good bye and wished her the best and that I was wrong about her and she wasn’t the women I thought she was ect. So that was that. Sad I had to find this out on my Birthday. I don’t feel as much pain as I did 4 months ago but I thank you for all the support you guys showed for me during those hard times and I pray that God helps me get past this realization that the girl I thought I knew and was best friends with for years as kids is no longer the same girl and simply can never be friends after this. There’s no way unless she comes around. But I don’t think I can trust her or believe how truthful she is in what she says. It’s hard to gain any trust back if she lied to you the whole time. I know it’s simply best to move on and that’s what I have done but it still hurts knowing that you can never be friends because that one slimmer of hope was once there and is no longer there.

I pray that someday I will find a women who will give me nothing more but honesty, loyalty, love and friendship and that I will be much happier someday whether single or married (hopefully married). I have been rather distant from the Lord also during these hard past few months of stress and school and weekend classes and I need to start going to mass when I can again and confession when I actually don’t have class during the confession times. Feeling hurt and guilt about being distant from God at the same time isn’t a good feeling.

Anyways I still have 2 years to focus on school so that should keep me occupied unless another women creeps into my life but the next one could be her so I have to keep my heart open or do my best. I just need support/advice and prayers right now. Thanks guys.

 

[Morwenna]

re-opening this thread. So today’s rather yesterday was my 21’s Bday yay! My ex who this thread recently was about way back in January wished me happy birthday which was the first contact since her last rude message in January. I thanked her for remembering and she returned the welcome. After some silence I broke the ice (she appears to haven’t changed) and told her after how awful the last conversation went and how she signed off/hung up on me in the middle of defending myself how I’m not putting up with that again and that she understood but didn’t apologize or explain herself (which is all I really wanted was an explanation more than an apology).

When I went to delete my online journal the other day after months of no use since she was the only one who really read it, I took a last peek at hers to see how her life was going after all these months and she seemed to have been doing not so great for various reasons. However I found out that she indeed did lie to me about the whole thing and what she told me had happened in fact wasn’t true. In her journal she told about how they sent inappropriate pictures to each other and saw each other ect. (while I was still dating her and planning to visit her ect) and honestly while hurt and dissapointed, I wasn’t shocked. I would have liked to believe her but her story wasn’t believable. I later asked her about this and she admitted that it was a full blown affair. She didn’t apologize or come clean after all and I found all this on my own , she simply said she realized her mistake and is done saying being sorry for herself and pouting and moving on and that if I can’t forgive her that’s my fault ect. I told her I can’t forgive someone who never asked for it nor desire’s it (she never once sincerely showed she was sorry despite her contacting me still she has never told me how much she regrets what she did, she only contacted me to start a fight it seems or prove a point). So I deleted my journal and will no longer have access to hers so at least that temptation is gone to go and peek at hers and make a clean cut from her completely.

She told me she just wants a friend and that’s why she contacted me this night and not a lecture bla bla. I told her I don’t mean to be so negative but I’m still hurting and just finding out she lied about the whole thing and it was a full blown affair and sending pictures ect really ruins any chance of friendship. Obviously being hurt finding out that pretty much the entire relationship was a lie told her good bye and wished her the best and that I was wrong about her and she wasn’t the women I thought she was ect. So that was that. Sad I had to find this out on my Birthday. I don’t feel as much pain as I did 4 months ago but I thank you for all the support you guys showed for me during those hard times and I pray that God helps me get past this realization that the girl I thought I knew and was best friends with for years as kids is no longer the same girl and simply can never be friends after this. There’s no way unless she comes around. But I don’t think I can trust her or believe how truthful she is in what she says. It’s hard to gain any trust back if she lied to you the whole time. I know it’s simply best to move on and that’s what I have done but it still hurts knowing that you can never be friends because that one slimmer of hope was once there and is no longer there.

I pray that someday I will find a women who will give me nothing more but honesty, loyalty, love and friendship and that I will be much happier someday whether single or married (hopefully married). I have been rather distant from the Lord also during these hard past few months of stress and school and weekend classes and I need to start going to mass when I can again and confession when I actually don’t have class during the confession times. Feeling hurt and guilt about being distant from God at the same time isn’t a good feeling.

Anyways I still have 2 years to focus on school so that should keep me occupied unless another women creeps into my life but the next one could be her so I have to keep my heart open or do my best. I just need support/advice and prayers right now. Thanks guys.

I understand how painful this is, Chaz. I’ll be praying for you, you can count on that.

 

[AnotherChance]

Chaz, I will pray for you also. If you were my son, I would hope that you would not waste any time communicating with or thinking about a woman who would write what you indicated previously when she asked you: " Would you ever march in an anti-abortion protest full of disgusting pictures and Bible verses?"

I would hope that you could not even consider getting close to a woman who thinks that pictures of the helpless unborn (currently being slaughtered by the thousands daily) are digusting, or that there is something offensive about Bible verses. This indicates a deeply, deeply troubled person, possibly under the influence of great evil.

The Catholic Church has so much support for young people who want to follow God’s plan. There are so many faithful young women who are chaste and who have their priorities straight. Have you been involved in young adult activities in your Church?

You are not responsible to rescue this troubled young woman. Being friends with a young woman who has already proven that she has trouble with boundaries when it comes to sexual issues is extremely unhealthy. I think you had the right idea before when you said you were cutting off contact. She needs to have professional counseling and get right with God.

 

[xyneshia]

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death
Amen.

 

[chaz0426]

thanks guys for your prayers, it seems like when it can’t get any worse it does. the other night shortly after I posted on here, me being dumb re initiated contact with her that night an hour after her signing off. Since she never ever talks on phones I sent her a series of texts saying that while I do care for her, im deeply hurt just finding out she lied about her story (found details on her online journal a few days ago) and I could never be her friend or don’t see how I could especially since she hasn’t shown one sign of sincerity so how can you be friends with someone who hurt you that deeply and isn’t even sincere or sorry about it? ( she was seeking friendship)

I guess part of it was that each time she contacts me I have hope that she is coming around. Instead she finds a way to degrade me and tells me she did it because I deserved it ect! Well me being a little emotional told her that I think she needs therapy and her blaming me for her affair and her lies and her twisted black and white thinking and thinking Im evil ect. was typical characteristics of “Borderline Personality Disorder” .

She responded saying she is perfectly normal and she isn’t surprised she did what she did and thinks its sad to think shes deranged to cope with what she did. She said those words to me which was like another slap in the face.

Well tonight I saw on her journal that she posted my conversation edited out parts of course to make me look bad with the title " Insane “my name”" and only to find her mocking each part of it along with her friends. Its my fualt that happened obviously as I didn’t think shed go that low. I still have 15 more days until my account is deleted and I won’t be able to see her journal if I wanted to since that will help me move on and forget her faster.

She sent me a text last night telling me to get a grip and face it that I am a pyschopath and a bad man ect. I told her goodbye and may God have mercy on you. I was tempted to go off yet again but I learned my lesson the first time. I still think this is part of her mental illness but I know now nothing I say or do will change her reality and encourage her to seek help. So I promised myself and you guys and God from this day forward I won’t speak to her again since its emotionally damaging each and every time even 10 years from now.

I was about to avenge when a whisper told me to wipe the dirt off me and walk away. So my last offical words were that I wish her the best and I hate to say I regret ever contacting you as I don’t even know who you are anymore and I hope God has mercy on you. She didn’t respond to that but that’s obviously a good clean break. From now on Ill just ignore her if she trys to contact me again even if she says the most degrading insult, ill just fight the temptation to respond andblock her if I have to. Hopefully I won’t be hearing from her again though.

Sigh! what a drama! Im glad I don’t feel that hurt though. I actually feel more pity for her than pain as I am certain she will be more miserable down the road if she keeps treating guys like this and living her promiscuous fantasy world of hers.

My question is, despite all of this, am I right to forgive her in my heart even when she isn’t sorry? For my sake to move on and release all the emotional abuse I’ve endured the past 6 months but at the same time not wanting anything to do with her ever again ( to avoid her hurtful instigations )? Or is that not true forgiveness? Id only think if she was mentally sound and could be in my shoes for 10 minutes and feel the pain and abuse she inflicts, she’d be devastated with herself.

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, I will pray for you also. If you were my son, I would hope that you would not waste any time communicating with or thinking about a woman who would write what you indicated previously when she asked you: " Would you ever march in an anti-abortion protest full of disgusting pictures and Bible verses?"

I would hope that you could not even consider getting close to a woman who thinks that pictures of the helpless unborn (currently being slaughtered by the thousands daily) are digusting, or that there is something offensive about Bible verses. This indicates a deeply, deeply troubled person, possibly under the influence of great evil.

The Catholic Church has so much support for young people who want to follow God’s plan. There are so many faithful young women who are chaste and who have their priorities straight. Have you been involved in young adult activities in your Church?

You are not responsible to rescue this troubled young woman. Being friends with a young woman who has already proven that she has trouble with boundaries when it comes to sexual issues is extremely unhealthy. I think you had the right idea before when you said you were cutting off contact. She needs to have professional counseling and get right with God.

I agree with you fully, unfortunately this spring and summer I spent at home taking community college courses after breaking down last fall with this drama but more so academic stress at my university (Engineering majors don’t have it easy) I will be returning this fall though but yes I was active in the catholic club and parish there before I left and will re join when I return. However the club is quite small and the few young Catholic college women involved tend to be Cliquish like its still High School. Ironic isn’t it. Im hoping its changed and grown by the time I return though. Either way Ill still be involved in volunteer stuff and events until I graduate in 2 years, its my faith.

I find it difficult to find the quality Catholic women I want. A significant number I have met in college aren’t even serious about Church and do promiscuous things every weekend, not my kind of women.

I find myself attractive (athletically built as I work out often) confident, smart and on the right track but I guess that’s not college aged women are after catholic or non. They like the spontaneous unpredictable bad boys. Well I have plenty of other things to focus on and after this recent real life fatal attraction disaster of mine, Im taking a break fom women temporarily unless I can find one who really is mentally stable, trust worthy and morally sound.

My ideal women is one who shares my catholic faith but also is serious about it (same page). Relatively good looking: natural physical (not lust) attraction while not everything is important when starting a relationship to me. down to earth, intelligent, outgoing, and most of all a good friend. Seems like women my age these days that fit that are rare. I don’t think those standards are high?

I figure if Im not married 5 years after graduating ill join catholicsingles.com

 

[AnotherChance]

I agree with you fully, unfortunately this spring and summer I spent at home taking community college courses after breaking down last fall with this drama but more so academic stress at my university (Engineering majors don’t have it easy) I will be returning this fall though but yes I was active in the catholic club and parish there before I left and will re join when I return. However the club is quite small and the few young Catholic college women involved tend to be Cliquish like its still High School. Ironic isn’t it. Im hoping its changed and grown by the time I return though. Either way Ill still be involved in volunteer stuff and events until I graduate in 2 years, its my faith.

I find it difficult to find the quality Catholic women I want. A significant number I have met in college aren’t even serious about Church and do promiscuous things every weekend, not my kind of women.

I find myself attractive (athletically built as I work out often) confident, smart and on the right track but I guess that’s not college aged women are after catholic or non. They like the spontaneous unpredictable bad boys. Well I have plenty of other things to focus on and after this recent real life fatal attraction disaster of mine, Im taking a break fom women temporarily unless I can find one who really is mentally stable, trust worthy and morally sound.

My ideal women is one who shares my catholic faith but also is serious about it (same page). Relatively good looking: natural physical (not lust) attraction while not everything is important when starting a relationship to me. down to earth, intelligent, outgoing, and most of all a good friend. Seems like women my age these days that fit that are rare. I don’t think those standards are high?

I figure if Im not married 5 years after graduating ill join catholicsingles.com

Here is what comes to mind: When you get the urge to contact her, contact your Heavenly Father instead. Pray to Him to help you to prepare yourself for your future wife and pray for her, wherever she may be. I will also pray for you and your future wife.

 

[jnnywren]

I am so sorry this has happened to you,
I know this wont mean anything right now but one positive thing is you were not married, your heart is hurting, and with the strength and love of your family you will get through this,
I am a great believer that god has a purpose for us all, and maybe you have to experience this pain and real hurt to help others,
but know this, there is someone out there for you, and you will meet when the time is right, how do i know this??
it happened to me in my young days the pain was awful,like i had lost a piece of my heart,We were engaged to be married so it was a serious relationship, But with help and support of my loved ones I got over it, and one day met the love of my life and we have been together for 34years. so keep faith there is life and love after great pain, god bless will remember you in my prayers.

 

[chaz0426]

I am so sorry this has happened to you,
I know this wont mean anything right now but one positive thing is you were not married, your heart is hurting, and with the strength and love of your family you will get through this,
I am a great believer that god has a purpose for us all, and maybe you have to experience this pain and real hurt to help others,
but know this, there is someone out there for you, and you will meet when the time is right, how do i know this??
it happened to me in my young days the pain was awful,like i had lost a piece of my heart,We were engaged to be married so it was a serious relationship, But with help and support of my loved ones I got over it, and one day met the love of my life and we have been together for 34years. so keep faith there is life and love after great pain, god bless will remember you in my prayers.

Thanks for the prayers, it still baffles me how cruel, disgusting, and purely evil people can be to others sometimes. I only pray that they someday see the error of their ways for their own sake.

It’s hard sometimes thinking I’ll find the one for me because the past few ladies have done nothing but play me or cheat. Yea it’s only been two out of 4 I’ve dated and others I’ve been able to be somewhat friends with because the breakups were mutual but the past two have been devastating nightmares. I guess everyone has their story and their pains, I sure as hell am ready for something real though. I just hope I don’t get too old. Thanks for the prayers!

 

[Trishie]

…I pray that someday I will find a woman who will give me nothing more but honesty, loyalty, love and friendship and that I will be much happier someday whether single or married (hopefully married). I have been rather distant from the Lord also during these hard past few months of stress and school and weekend classes and I need to start going to mass when I can again and confession when I actually don’t have class during the confession times. Feeling hurt and guilt about being distant from God at the same time isn’t a good feeling.

Anyways I still have 2 years to focus on school so that should keep me occupied unless another woman creeps into my life but the next one could be her so I have to keep my heart open or do my best. I just need support/advice and prayers right now. Thanks guys.

Chaz, yes of course we’ll pray about this for you.

Maybe the birthday gift from God was in setting you free, not that that’s much fun, but at least you know for sure now. And you’re wise enough to know you shouldn’t put your happiness in her hands. She’s shown one thing clearly…she needs prayers.

May God help you to return closer to Him…which you can work on now that you’re not slowly bleeding out by having hope in a hopeless situation. Now you have a chance of becoming whole again.

I pray that will be so and that at the right time a good, trustworthy woman will come into your life and future.

God bless you, Chaz…and I hope you do get to confession soon to clear your soul and heart and make a fresh beginning.

Warmly, Trishie

 

[chaz0426]

Chaz, yes of course we’ll pray about this for you.

Maybe the birthday gift from God was in setting you free, not that that’s much fun, but at least you know for sure now. And you’re wise enough to know you shouldn’t put your happiness in her hands. She’s shown one thing clearly…she needs prayers.

May God help you to return closer to Him…which you can work on now that you’re not slowly bleeding out by having hope in a hopeless situation. Now you have a chance of becoming whole again.

I pray that will be so and that at the right time a good, trustworthy woman will come into your life and future.

God bless you, Chaz…and I hope you do get to confession soon to clear your soul and heart and make a fresh beginning.

Warmly, Trishie

Thanks so much, I really need to start getting back into the faith, it’s not that I’ve left it, it’s just weekend classes and such have made it very difficult but they should be ending in the next few weeks. I know no excuse which is why I need to go to confession when I am next free. Thanks for the prayers.

 

[Morwenna]

Here is what comes to mind: When you get the urge to contact her, contact your Heavenly Father instead. Pray to Him to help you to prepare yourself for your future wife and pray for her, wherever she may be.

This is GREAT advice! :clapping:

Chaz, you might be interested in a group called “E5 Men”, who are fasting and praying for their wives or their future wives, and for all the “E5 Women,” and also for other women who are in need of prayer.

Here’s a link to their site:

e5men.org/

And here is a link to the E5 Men & Women group here on CAF, if you’d like to join us

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=121

 

[chaz0426]

This is GREAT advice! :clapping:

Chaz, you might be interested in a group called “E5 Men”, who are fasting and praying for their wives or their future wives, and for all the “E5 Women,” and also for other women who are in need of prayer.

Here’s a link to their site:

e5men.org/

And here is a link to the E5 Men & Women group here on CAF, if you’d like to join us

forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=121

Definitely will do, thanks for letting me know about it!

 

[ridiculeddisply]

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Lord, please continue to strengthen and console this person in their heartache. Help Your Will for them to become clear, Lord, for future relationships. Most over, Lord, teach them, as You have me in my similar situation this past year, to offer up their suffering to You, for the relief of the suffering and sin of the person who did this to them, as well as for the relief of suffering and sin for others in his life. Through Jesus Christ, Our Lord, I pray. Amen.