PMS, arguments and mood swings

[nls381]

To JFostener
Why not islam: It is not a true religion PER THE POPE! Also it was created to conquer nations not for any other reason but to get rid of people who wouldn’t kill each other for not being Muslim.

 

[leonie]

Hi,
I was diagnosed with PMDD. I too routinely want to rage at my husband and have at my kids for minor things. I keep my mouth shut to keep the fights from turning into everything is my fault one-sided tirades by my husband against me. He does not have a filter between his brain and his mouth and has no problem dressing me down for sometimes the littlest thing. Since my best friend died 9 years ago I haven’t had anyone to talk to to help me through alot of my everyday struggles (except God) He has a strange way of answering sometimes. Maybe we could email each other through those tough times?:angel1: :hug1:

I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it, but God is really gifting you with fortitude, self-control, and trust. Remember that He sees you with your virtues shining forth.

One day, I was lamenting my waning looks (I’m 38) as I saw a man turn his head to look at the young thing in the car next to me. Then it inspired me to pray, “God, I want to turn your head. I want my virtues to make my soul so beautiful that you love to gaze at me.”

I think God loves to gaze at you. And, I bet he is giddy to be your confidante.

If you ever want to talk to someone, feel welcome to pm me. God bless you.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

As long as they are chocolate donuts!

Now you got it goin’ on! :clapping:

Those are two of the four basic food groups.

 

[mesquite_magic]

…and here I was considering potato chips and doughnuts herbal remedys!!

Pass them this way, already

Kim

 

[Gardening_Mommy]

I just found this thread, and I’ve been reading pertinent parts to the DH. Knowing that lots of other women act like this at that time of the month doesn’t seem to be cheering him up, poor guy.

If your cycles are so predictable that you can say, “Ok, it’s day 25, I need to be extra patient today…” then good for you. My cycles are pretty predictable, but, usually, the first real indicator of PMS onslaught is a general “I don’t feel right today,” often followed by some sort of emotional blow-up. DH then looks at the calendar, looks at me, and asks, “Is it THAT time of the month?” which only gets him in more trouble, because I HATE that my hormones make me an irrational, emotional, explosive jerk for a few days a month.

This isn’t just a, “You need to control your emotions and not take it out on people,” issue. As other posters have noted, we often don’t realize that the PMS is what is causing the problem. Usually, it seems perfectly reasonable to be reacting the way we do. It’s only in retrospect (usually after the first day of the period, when the PMS diagnosis is confirmed and hormones have settled down again) that the reaction looks ridiculous.

Think of someone with a permanent chemical imbalance. Would you tell someone who is schizophrenic to “just get over it and stop bugging me”? Of course not (although, sadly, that is the usual response to people who are depressed). PMS is a temporary chemical imbalance; it causes not only physical discomfort but significant emotional swings. Women experience it at different levels; for some of us, it is a major problem each month. For some women, it isn’t nearly as much of an issue, and they may not understand why we get so worked up about it.

Emotional imbalances (temporary or not) can’t just be willed away, no matter how much self-discipline we have the rest of the month. So, please, show a little empathy. And pass the potato chips.

p.s. My husband is helpfully pointing out that potato chips with chives would be an herbal remedy, since chives are an herb!

 

[jules11]

I just found this thread, and I’ve been reading pertinent parts to the DH. Knowing that lots of other women act like this at that time of the month doesn’t seem to be cheering him up, poor guy.

If your cycles are so predictable that you can say, “Ok, it’s day 25, I need to be extra patient today…” then good for you. My cycles are pretty predictable, but, usually, the first real indicator of PMS onslaught is a general “I don’t feel right today,” often followed by some sort of emotional blow-up. DH then looks at the calendar, looks at me, and asks, “Is it THAT time of the month?” which only gets him in more trouble, because I HATE that my hormones make me an irrational, emotional, explosive jerk for a few days a month.

This isn’t just a, “You need to control your emotions and not take it out on people,” issue. As other posters have noted, we often don’t realize that the PMS is what is causing the problem. Usually, it seems perfectly reasonable to be reacting the way we do. It’s only in retrospect (usually after the first day of the period, when the PMS diagnosis is confirmed and hormones have settled down again) that the reaction looks ridiculous.

Think of someone with a permanent chemical imbalance. Would you tell someone who is schizophrenic to “just get over it and stop bugging me”? Of course not (although, sadly, that is the usual response to people who are depressed). PMS is a temporary chemical imbalance; it causes not only physical discomfort but significant emotional swings. Women experience it at different levels; for some of us, it is a major problem each month. For some women, it isn’t nearly as much of an issue, and they may not understand why we get so worked up about it.

Emotional imbalances (temporary or not) can’t just be willed away, no matter how much self-discipline we have the rest of the month. So, please, show a little empathy. And pass the potato chips.

p.s. My husband is helpfully pointing out that potato chips with chives would be an herbal remedy, since chives are an herb!

AMEN!!!
Couldn’t have said it better myself!

 

[jules11]

When I first met my husband, he would blame any little argument on my ‘that time of the month’
It was so irritating because although I probably got a little more annoyed than usual, there still was a perfectly legitimate reason to be annoyed and it seemed he used that excuse to blame everything on me. He used to say that if we knew it was coming we should deal with it better, but it goes the other way as well, if the men know that may be the reason, then they also should try to deal with things better too. Not that I mean they should tiptoe around, but just be a little more sensitive. It’s not like we actually LIKE being this way!
Well he hardly brings that up anymore, but I do know that I am more teary and irritable than usual before my period.
Like others have said, as I get older, it gets worse.
It’s horrible to feel so out of control for a few days. But then when you realise why you reacted so badly, it’s harder to feel that you had any reason at all to be upset. It’s just that little things do become big things and its very hard to control that.

But I am sure there is scientific research somewhere, that concludes that copious amounts of chocolate completely alleviate all symptoms of pms.

 

[gardenswithkids]

I just found this thread, and I’ve been reading pertinent parts to the DH. Knowing that lots of other women act like this at that time of the month doesn’t seem to be cheering him up, poor guy. …

I read the thread to my husband this weekend. (One could ask why our husbands wouldn’t read this for themselves, but we won’t go there…)

It helped my husband to realize it’s not just me, but he joked about how with the whole internet I managed to find only another twenty women or so who experience this. He also thought men who wrote anything on a thread about PMS must be either crazy or looking for a fight. (But I’m guessing at least those men read the thread for themselves instead of having their wives read it to them. So thanks to all you brave men who read this on your own.)

 

[Sr_Sally]

Think of someone with a permanent chemical imbalance. Would you tell someone who is schizophrenic to “just get over it and stop bugging me”? Of course not (although, sadly, that is the usual response to people who are depressed). PMS is a temporary chemical imbalance; it causes not only physical discomfort but significant emotional swings. Women experience it at different levels; for some of us, it is a major problem each month. For some women, it isn’t nearly as much of an issue, and they may not understand why we get so worked up about it.

Emotional imbalances (temporary or not) can’t just be willed away, no matter how much self-discipline we have the rest of the month. So, please, show a little empathy. And pass the potato chips.

Schizophrenia and depression are two very different diseases. It is entirely reasonable to tell a depressed person–who is under a dr’s care and receiving medication–that they should have some control over their responses to others. And I fully believe that is it reasonable for us–as women who are charting and should know our cycles–to do all we can to control our responses to others during PMS.

As I said before, we made still declare a ‘red tent’ day, but hopefully we can do it in advance of the big explosion.

To the OP, it sounds like PMS is not really the issue at all. You do need to continue to talk things through with your dh (even if you can only do it in short increments). I will be praying for you.

 

[Guitar]

He used to say that if we knew it was coming we should deal with it better, but it goes the other way as well, if the men know that may be the reason, then they also should try to deal with things better too. Not that I mean they should tiptoe around, but just be a little more sensitive. It’s not like we actually LIKE being this way!

I don’t suffer from PMS, but you know I have always thought basically what you just said.

To use an analogy … if one knowingly pokes a bear with a stick, it is likely to take you off at the kneecaps. Now, you might not like the fact that it is a bear, and you might think it jolly well ought to be something other than a bear, but the plain fact is that you knew it was a bear and you poked it in full knowledge. Whose fault is it, then, when you get swatted?

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I don’t suffer from PMS, but you know I have always thought basically what you just said.

To use an analogy … if one knowingly pokes a bear with a stick, it is likely to take you off at the kneecaps. Now, you might not like the fact that it is a bear, and you might think it jolly well ought to be something other than a bear, but the plain fact is that you knew it was a bear and you poked it in full knowledge. Whose fault is it, then, when you get swatted?

 

[paradoxy]

Well, some men could understand… in medieval Serbia, emperor Dusan passed a law that could exonerate PMSing women even if they committed murder! The full moon was also an extenuating circumstance…



It’s not about pain, or crankiness… your entire perception changes, and gradually, so you don’t really notice until the first outburst of emotion. Your husband could just be his normal, human, imperfect self, but every little thing he says seems like such an absolutely unforgivable and atrocious outrage against humanity and womankind that you HAVE to react. I usually sob hysterically at a perceived injustice.

It’s better than murdering him. In medieval Serbia, I could get away with it.

 

[jules11]

I don’t suffer from PMS, but you know I have always thought basically what you just said.

To use an analogy … if one knowingly pokes a bear with a stick, it is likely to take you off at the kneecaps. Now, you might not like the fact that it is a bear, and you might think it jolly well ought to be something other than a bear, but the plain fact is that you knew it was a bear and you poked it in full knowledge. Whose fault is it, then, when you get swatted?

Excellent analogy!

 

[gardenswithkids]

…To the OP, it sounds like PMS is not really the issue at all. You do need to continue to talk things through with your dh (even if you can only do it in short increments). I will be praying for you.

Thanks for the prayers. I agree our issues aren’t really about PMS, but my hormones seems to bring the real issues to the surface. We’re doing much better now. This is more personal information than I like to share on the internet, but maybe posting it might help others. Writing and reading on this thread has really helped me in sorting through my thoughts.

My husband is a great man, but he’s such a man. Everything about him is a man-- he looks like a man, he thinks like a man, and he communicates like a man. I figured out years ago that I can’t expect him to be listen and talk with me like he’s a girlfriend, but our communication really needs improvement. Miscommunication left both of us feeling unappreciated and irritated.

I stay home and raise our children while my husband works to support our family. He dislikes his job, and providing for a family of nine isn’t easy. Being financially dependent isn’t easy for me either. Apart from any hormones, I am probably already a little sensitive to the fact that I do not earn any money for what I do at home, and I don’t always feel the emotional support from him that I’d like. When I once commented on feeling a lack of his "support”, he mentioned that he quite *literally *supports me by being the only one that earns a paycheck. He’s such a guy–he equates financial support with emotional support.

We met with a financial advisor recently and it really helped to have a third party discuss matters. The argument mentioned in the op that prompted this meeting was about more than finances. I felt that my husband dismissed and ignored my concerns. (I feel like that about more than finances sometimes, but this time it happened to be about finances.) I know he desires to provide well for our family, but I grew concerned about both the level of risk he took with our investments and with some stocks in particular. We took steps to address my concerns, and I feel like we’re communicating better again. After this meeting, I also feel that my husband and I do have similar goals, which is something that I haven’t felt for a long time.

Thank you to all who participated in this thread, as we shared prayers, chocolate, and potato chips. If anyone wants to continue posting I have really enjoyed reading this thread, but thankfully, I think my issues are resolved–at least for this month.

 

[lotusblossom]

gardenswithkids,

Can I just say “THANK YOU!!!”? I think my menstrual cycle is back in gear again…I got married July 2006, got pregnant on the honeymoon and have been breastfeeding, so this is the first time since the baby and the first time in general like this. I have been an emotional basket-case for about three days straight now! I’ve snapped at my husband at least a dozen times and burst into tears for no reason at least half a dozen. My poor DH! Even now, it’s almost midnight and normally I’m sleeping, but I can’t because I’m all emotional. It’s hit me with a force I was not expecting. I thought I was plenty emotional during pregnancy and after having the baby, but who knew that after having about 3 solid months of being all “happy happy” that I’d be slapped down to the ground from my raging hormones !

Anyway, I’m going to read this thread soon - and it helps SO much to know I’m not the only one going through this! Thanks !

 

[jules11]

I’m in the thick of the moods right now. In fact, yesterday morning I woke up with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, all twisted up and anxioius for no reason at all!
I had nothing to worry about. I had to go to work that day but was in a training session all day, so no hard work, just listening. It felt like an anxiety attack. (although I don’t think I’ve ever had one before, that I know of!) The only thing I can put it down to is my hormones.
I’m irritable, snappy and miserable and I’m trying SO hard to rise above how I feel… but it’s so hard! Every little thing gets to me. I think I need to hide away for a week!

 

[happyseppy]

I just want to chime in with the others who thanked the OP for posting this thread.

I agree that it is something so puzzling and unique, and this discussion has been a good one.

It has been eight years since all my 7 were carried, born and nursed. I joke with my eldest daughter (about to have our first grandbaby!) about how PMS for me has become potentially lethal! And I don’t mean for me! a joke!

Seriously, I can feel physically like I have the flu, body aches, exhaustion, sore throat; and also emotionally, that fuzzy-headed feeling some others have mentioned. My motivation for just about everything disappears, and it can take me three times as long to do routine things.

I did what so many have said here, marked the calendar in order to be ready and at least have some idea about what is going on. It did help! But the question the OP asked about if the issues that upset us during this time are Real Issues and not just us “being hysterical.”

and, erm, by the way, one of the few things on earth that can get me hysterical is being called hysterical…

I always knew that the things that were upsetting me durng the PMS window were Real, but my emotions just seemed so much closer to the surface, and the urgency to air my grievances, so much more, um , urgent. I have learned that my perceptions of problems are usually on target, but for some reason the PMS window diminishes my ability to deliver my message graciously.

I have tried to just hold on to my need to talk about any of these issues until after the worst of it passes, and then I can usually articulate better. Not perfectly! but better. Plus, I will have had a little time to decide if it really is something that needs to be addressed, and if it does not seem so at a later time, then it probably isn’t.

For some it is chocolate and potato chips.

For me it is watching reruns of Law and Order.

 

[drawnhome]

I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it, but God is really gifting you with fortitude, self-control, and trust. Remember that He sees you with your virtues shining forth.

One day, I was lamenting my waning looks (I’m 38) as I saw a man turn his head to look at the young thing in the car next to me. Then it inspired me to pray, “God, I want to turn your head. I want my virtues to make my soul so beautiful that you love to gaze at me.”

I think God loves to gaze at you. And, I bet he is giddy to be your confidante.

Leonie these are very encouraging words and so true! We forget when we’re in the midst of it, that we can be grateful for the suffering and unite our sufferings on the cross with Jesus. Perhaps not only those of us who suffer from PMS, PMDD, but also those husbands and friends who are having a hard time dealing with those difficult times, they could offer up their own suffering, too. It is all redemptive.

 

[drawnhome]

Seriously, I can feel physically like I have the flu, body aches, exhaustion, sore throat; and also emotionally, that fuzzy-headed feeling some others have mentioned. My motivation for just about everything disappears, and it can take me three times as long to do routine things.

This is the first time I heard someone say this and this is what happens to me also! In my mid-40’s I started having these weird symptoms, I literally thought I was coming down with the flu! I run fever, have a sore throat, can’t stay awake, etc. on the day before. After a few times I realized what was happening but honestly it was such a baffling thing. It does make you wonder what exactly your body is going through.

 

[happyseppy]

This is the first time I heard someone say this and this is what happens to me also! In my mid-40’s I started having these weird symptoms, I literally thought I was coming down with the flu! I run fever, have a sore throat, can’t stay awake, etc. on the day before. After a few times I realized what was happening but honestly it was such a baffling thing. It does make you wonder what exactly your body is going through.

And the funny thing is, it fools me almost every time it happens! Duh! I guess it’s a mid-forties thing.