Porn / Romantic films?

[Andy_42]

Hi

If watching porn is wrong since it distorts mens perception of real women etc. Is it also wrong for women to watch / read romance films / novels. Surely too many of these can also distort a woman mind regarding what is expected of a male in a relationship ??

And if the above is correct, couldn’t you widen this to say, basically all media distorts our view of reality ??

Thanks
Andy

 

[ChristineML]

If watching porn is wrong since it distorts mens perception of real women etc. Is it also wrong for women to watch / read romance films / novels. Surely too many of these can also distort a woman mind regarding what is expected of a male in a relationship ??

And if the above is correct, couldn’t you widen this to say, basically all media distorts our view of reality ??

Thanks
Andy

AMEN, BROTHER. I list “recovering romance novel addict” in my profile, because I realized that reading “spicy” (i.e. explicit) romance novels are just as impure as men viewing pornography. Yes, both distort one’s view of the other gender and what to expect in a relationship. Those are very practical consequences; there are spiritual consequences as well. And yes, I’d agree that MOST media distort our view of reality. (Not all, though. Maybe objective, scientific documentaries are not distorting?) But these days many entertainment media are unrealistic, like TV sitcoms and dramas showing people hopping from bed to bed as if everybody’s doing it and suffering no unpleasant emotional and physical consequences whatsoever. NOT! How about action shows showing wrecked cars exploding (practically never happens in real life, I hear) so now we are afraid to approach a burning car wreck to rescue survivors? How about action shows showing bad guys shooting people, and so we the public never consider that guns are inanimate objects that can be used for good as well as evil, for defense of the innocent, for example. How about TV news covering abductions and murders so now we see danger everywhere and are afraid to help stranded travelers or let our kids play outside? But I may be wandering far afield from the point you had in mind… Yes, most media can distort one’s perception of reality, so it should certainly be used very carefully morality-wise, and probably limited in quantity as well, for grown-ups, not just kids. Life is not fully lived plugged in front of a TV/movie/videogame/computer screen.

 

[gettingthere]

I think there’s a big difference between porn or “smut” novels (typically called romance novels) and a romantic film or book.

First of all, there’s the sexual thing. Not only is porn/smut distorting a person’s perception on sex, but it’s putting your mind in a place it should not be.

Romantic films and books don’t always have sexual content.

Secondly, how exactly does a romantic film or book distort a woman’s perspective on what to expect from her husband/boyfriend/fiance/etc? Are you saying women shouldn’t expect their husband (and etc) to romance them? Or they shouldn’t expect their husband to take care of them? Or woo them? Or dote on them?

There are tons of issues I have with how romantic movies and books portray what love is. And of course there are many other issues with these things (such as promoting pre-marital sex), but I definitely don’t think they give women distorted expectations.

 

[1ke]

Hi

If watching porn is wrong since it distorts mens perception of real women etc.

Although porn does do this, it is not the reason pornography is immoral.

 

[surfinpure]

Hi

If watching porn is wrong since it distorts mens perception of real women etc. Is it also wrong for women to watch / read romance films / novels. Surely too many of these can also distort a woman mind regarding what is expected of a male in a relationship ??

And if the above is correct, couldn’t you widen this to say, basically all media distorts our view of reality ??

Thanks
Andy

That depends, of course, entirely upon the nature of the romance in the film. It is a good question. If the “romance” is a whirlwind attraction followed by immoral physical intimacy, then yes, it paints an unnatural and unhealthy portrait of romance. On the other hand, take a look at the Jane Austen books made into films. Her romance is quite a different sort! – one that includes patience, time, self-control, self-denial, friendship, honor, respect, and duty. At the culmination of each of her romances is marriage, or the promise of marriage. I think this a much needed example for today’s women, young and old, of what romance ought to be.

 

[ghaybyers1]

There are actually some great romance novels by harlequin called “chapel hill” I believe and they have to comply to a fierce set of rules in order to be published.
They’re often all based on christian/catholic characters and are excellent alternatives for pure romance reading.

… I’m a romantic, I can’t help it! I like my romance novels

 

[gettingthere]

There are actually some great romance novels by harlequin called “chapel hill” I believe and they have to comply to a fierce set of rules in order to be published.
They’re often all based on christian/catholic characters and are excellent alternatives for pure romance reading.

… I’m a romantic, I can’t help it! I like my romance novels

Have you ever read “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers? It’s a Christian romance. My mom gave it to me and I really liked it. I’m a sucker for a romantic story, myself.

 

[ghaybyers1]

Have you ever read “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers? It’s a Christian romance. My mom gave it to me and I really liked it. I’m a sucker for a romantic story, myself.

I have not, but I’ll have to be on my way to the library this week, now! Thanks!

 

[Just_Lurking]

I haven’t read any romance novels myself, but I’ve read a critique that some of them encourage the distorted idea that when a woman says “no”, she really means “yes”.

 

[Podo2005]

Although porn does do this, it is not the reason pornography is immoral.

It is one of the reasons though…

 

[MoBeck]

I think there’s a big difference between porn or “smut” novels (typically called romance novels) and a romantic film or book.

First of all, there’s the sexual thing. Not only is porn/smut distorting a person’s perception on sex, but it’s putting your mind in a place it should not be.

Agreed, but so does the entire culture, everything from advertising to fashion.

Romantic films and books don’t always have sexual content.

Secondly, how exactly does a romantic film or book distort a woman’s perspective on what to expect from her husband/boyfriend/fiance/etc? Are you saying women shouldn’t expect their husband (and etc) to romance them? Or they shouldn’t expect their husband to take care of them? Or woo them? Or dote on them?

There are tons of issues I have with how romantic movies and books portray what love is. And of course there are many other issues with these things (such as promoting pre-marital sex), but I definitely don’t think they give women distorted expectations.

It distorts women’s expectations because they go looking for romance rather than love. I’ve never read a romance so I can only comment on it as it’s portrayed in films.
Romance seems to be all about finding that one special soulmate in all the world (Prince Charming), a stupid concept. It isn’t about sickness & health till death do you part, or getting old together, definitely not about raising kids.
A lot of wives complain that their husbands aren’t romantic anymore – DUH! this is the real world, it’s time to grow up. I wonder how many marriages are wrecked because the wife goes looking for “romance” outside the marriage. Probably at least as many as are destroyed because the husband goes looking for sex.

 

[Nanny_PK]

Have you ever read “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers? It’s a Christian romance. My mom gave it to me and I really liked it. I’m a sucker for a romantic story, myself.

I LOVE Francine Rivers. Read her mark of the lion series books as well. Just be prepared to have time to read. I couldn’t put them down.

 

[ghaybyers1]

I haven’t read any romance novels myself, but I’ve read a critique that some of them encourage the distorted idea that when a woman says “no”, she really means “yes”.

sometimes when I say no, it really just means “i haven’t discerned if I should say yes or no, so let’s just play it safe for now.”

all joking aside- if you’re reading chaste romance, there will be nothing scandalous to be said yes or no to.

 

[Ghoti]

sometimes when I say no, it really just means “i haven’t discerned if I should say yes or no, so let’s just play it safe for now.”

all joking aside- if you’re reading *chaste *romance, there will be nothing scandalous to be said yes or no to.

I remember hearing something in a movie once, set in medieval times, IIRC; a lord was talking to someone about a marriage prospect:

First: Does she have connections to noble families?
Second: All over Europe.
First: Does she have estates?
Second: All over Europe.
First: Most important: Is she chaste?
Second: All over Europe!

 

[Ghoti]

I haven’t read any romance novels myself, but I’ve read a critique that some of them encourage the distorted idea that when a woman says “no”, she really means “yes”.

I saw something similar in a comic (but a slightly different spin):

Dude is chatting up a woman in a bar, and he says, “Your lips say ‘No’, but your eyes say…‘Drop dead’.”

 

[Ghoti]

On a side note…pornography originally applied to writing, not pictures: from the Greek pornográph(os), “writing about harlots”.

I know one or two women who decry men viewing pornography but have no qualms about delving into a steamy “bodice-ripper” or, even worse, “slash fiction.”

Can you say “hypocrisy”, boys and girls?

You can’t buy “men’s magazines” if you are a minor, but you can buy pornographic “romance” novels, or other magazines with pornographic content (Cosmo, etc) — photos showing nudity or “mature” scenes, articles with explicit sexual dialogue, objectionable advertising, etc etc.

 

[gettingthere]

A lot of wives complain that their husbands aren’t romantic anymore – DUH! this is the real world, it’s time to grow up. I wonder how many marriages are wrecked because the wife goes looking for “romance” outside the marriage. Probably at least as many as are destroyed because the husband goes looking for sex.

I’m not going to argue this point, you’re probably right. I just think it’s unfair that a woman is expected to have sex with her husband on a regular basis, but he is not expected to romance his wife. I don’t mean that a man has to buy his wife flowers and jewelry, or be all mushy-gushy 24/7. If a woman falls in love with a man who is NOT a romantic type of guy, she should know already not to expect him to be something he’s not. But if he’s not willing to romance her, to make her feel like she is something amazing, or to let her know that she is special to him, in whatever way he can, she may not feel loved.

In a young marriages class that my husband and I went to we learned that a man and woman have to communicate their desires and expectations to each other. If my expectation in my relationship is that we’ll go on monthly dates and that we’ll spend quiet time together every day, my husband needs to respect that. Maybe he won’t agree, but he’ll know my expectations, I’ll know his, and we can work on getting to a compromise so both of us feel satisfied.

I think the problem with expectations in relationships is that they aren’t communicated. A woman might have all these crazy expectations for what her husband should be doing, but she never tells him. She’s just hoping he’ll read her mind and know that she wants flowers and cards and surprise picnics. When he doesn’t do those things, she becomes unhappy, and she feels dissatisfied with her relationship. She may go outside her marriage and find someone who is extravagant in affections.

Expectations as a whole set people up for failure… people get all kinds of crazy expectations from all kinds of places (any kind of media at all, really). If you have your head on straight and you have a solid foundation in your faith and in your marriage, I don’t think that watching romantic movies or reading romantic books (but not “bodice rippers”, as I still think those ARE in the same category as porn, and I think both are morally wrong) is going to have a negative impact on your expectations in marriage.

 

[GraceDK]

I am a romantic and I like romantic men. Period. Then I know both men and women who are romantic and men and women who are not… But I have certainly met men who were romantic and also wanting to be romanced by their woman… Its not only a woman thing. I have met quite a few men that wrote love poetry … liked to walk in nature and who were passionate… all things that are romantic… romantic for me also means to be longing for a really intimate total selfgiving relationship … and heck yeah… women and men alike long for that total selfgiving where the whole body and soul is given over and loved by another…
I havent read a romantic novel for 7 years… and lets face it… many of them are not romantic. The real romantic stuff that almost all Catholic women still long for is a man that loves them over all other women…chivalry, protection… someone that they can give their heart to.
If thats wrong… then I am guilty as charged… and I will look for someone who is a sinner like me.

 

[gettingthere]

I am a romantic and I like romantic men. Period. Then I know both men and women who are romantic and men and women who are not… But I have certainly met men who were romantic and also wanting to be romanced by their woman… Its not only a woman thing.

That’s very true. My husband is romantic as well… I wanted that in my marriage, because I love romance. But you’re right, romance is not something that only women desire.

I havent read a romantic novel for 7 years… and lets face it… many of them are not romantic. The real romantic stuff that almost all Catholic women still long for is a man that loves them over all other women…chivalry, protection… someone that they can give their heart to.

Romance novels are so not romantic! I totally agree with you on that one.

 

[Dtmccameron]

Romance novels are so not romantic! I totally agree with you on that one.

And I’ll further agree with you. Indeed, I think there’s a great motion to confuse the sexual with the romantic.

In fact, I think that such writings may be worse than simply pornography, simply because while pornography enters through the eyes and senses, smut goes through the mind. Though I don’t suppose it degrades anyone in particular (Besides the writer and the reader) I think it’s corrupting effect might be more potent that pornography which does so.

To argue against the principle, not the fact (or vice versa), of a point made far above, why are women always depicted as the ones seeking out ‘romance’ and the men sex?

And isn’t it somewhat tragic that the men that aren’t sex crazed freaks are depicted as weak?

Hmmm…virility is the new honour, it seems.

Our Church (or Parish, I suppose) was conducting something of a garage sale to raise funds, so the Parishoners all pitched in, donating clothes and other stuff to be sold.

Well, in then end, a VAST collection of smut was assembled.