Possible contraception in family

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My SIL got had her wedding in a new shed on her husband’s family land, where they live and help run part of a dairy farm. After the ceremony, there was a sign pointing out the shed that read “to the reception”. When SIL and her new husband returned from their honeymoon, the inlaws had changed the sign to read “to the conception”. As awkward as that was, at least it was a passive-aggressive approach, rather than a direct confrontation!
 
this approach was a joke and bad joke or not - i dont think it is unreasonable to ask. in this day and age where contraception is rampant, its a big deal, and a ticket to hell if left unchecked. period. if her son and his wife really were involved, it may help them get on the right track. If the assumption is wrong and there are infertility problems, is it so bad for the mother to ask charitably “hey being that you guys havent had kids yet I was wondering if everything was alright in that realm?” and for the son to just say “yeah we are having some infertility problems”? is this really that private for a mother and son to be discussing with one another? please relay why this is so bad, in all honestly I would like to know.
 
Besides just being in poor taste, there is a big reason why it is not the thing to do.

When a son marries his wife, the intimate business between husband and wife is to stay between husband and wife unless they, together, decide to bring a third party into it.

Sexual intimacy, and all of the things that go along with it (including possible contraception, or trying to conceive) are none of anyone’s business other than those participating in said activities.

By asking a son these questions, a MIL is out of bounds because she is asking him to disclose intimate information that belongs to him and his wife as a couple. That isn’t OK at all.
 
pastpresent said:
If the assumption is wrong and there are infertility problems, is it so bad for the mother to ask charitably “hey being that you guys havent had kids yet I was wondering if everything was alright in that realm?” and for the son to just say “yeah we are having some infertility problems”? is this really that private for a mother and son to be discussing with one another? please relay why this is so bad, in all honestly I would like to know.
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It’s wrong because it’s none of the mother’s business whether they are infertile or not. That’s private sexual and health information. Not to mention, once a couple discloses these issues they are subject to a lot of ridiculous opinions and judgments about what they should or should not be doing to achieve a pregnancy. It’s hurtful too, to have it brought up when you’d rather not talk about it. Also- maybe the son might feel comfortable talking to his mother about it but his wife may not. It’s not his place to go around sharing private marital information with his mother without her permission.

Aside from infertility, there are plenty of other reasons why a couple might not be having children. Maybe they have financial issues. Maybe one of them has a serious health issue or a mental health problem. Maybe there is trouble at work or an unstable job. There are many reasons- none of which are anyone else’s business.
 
What a fascinating thread that I completely missed.

I did not grow up Catholic. Is this idea that people aren’t supposed to ask others about whether they want kids/will have kids a Catholic “thing”?

How I grew up, married couples get bombarded with questions about when or whether you will have kids by everybody family or not. I have children and people are still asking me when I will have more.

Granted, I’ve never been excited about having to entertain these questions, but they have never ruined any relationships I’ve had.
 
It isn’t a Catholic thing. It is just a manners thing. Private matter between a husband and wife. Right up there in the same category with personal finances It is in poor taste to ask these questions. That is why it is cringe-worthy for many, when these boundaries get crossed.
 
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mrsdizzyd said:
How I grew up, married couples get bombarded with questions about when or whether you will have kids by everybody family or not. I have children and people are still asking me when I will have more.

Granted, I’ve never been excited about having to entertain these questions, but they have never ruined any relationships I’ve had
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It can be a really sensitive topic, particularly if you are struggling with infertility and don’t want to talk about it or get into details. Having people bombard you with questions on such a painful and private subject could have the potential to strain relationships if people can’t take a hint and stop asking (most people do, though).
 
If there are infertility issues, perhaps there are other boundry issues and they don’t want to open themselves up to another.
 
I don’t know your location—but it’s definitely a US thing. A quick search in etiquette books such as “Miss Manners” addresses this pretty regularly.
 
Prayer to Saint Monica

Exemplary Mother
of the great Augustine,
you perseveringly pursued
your wayward son
not with wild threats
but with powerful cries to Heaven.
Intercede for all mothers
in our day so that they may learn
to draw their children to God.
Teach them how to remain
close to their children,
even the prodigal sons
and daughters who have
sadly gone astray.
Amen.

~Prayers for you and your family! Never forget the power of prayer! The Lord is in control ❤️
 
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It is your son and his wife’s life together.
You would be pushy to press the issue with them.
I know you are well-intentioned, but having a baby is their business.
No offense intended, but you should mind your business.
It God wants them to have children, they will have children.
God bless you and all in your family.
 
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