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Serap
Guest
how’d that work for ya???My dad used to beat us until we were very happy he wasn’t beating us.
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utunumsint
Guest
Thank you all for posting.
To summarize some of the comments:
I worry about taking on a second job though. I have heard stories of dads who are always away and never at home and I think that can create real problems with the kids.
God bless,
Ut
To summarize some of the comments:
- implemented gratitude thinking. You have to live by example.
- Focusing on what you do have and have fun with that.
- Instead of Disney, go closer to home
- Stay at home mom is a priceless luxury
- Do not be materialistic
- Don’t apologize to kids or complain in front of them about the lack of money. Avoid “If only” comments, or “woe is us” - this breeds materialistic kids
- Show them you are working hard for what they have. Maybe take on a second job.
- Don’t try to fix it when they are sad. See this as training for grown up life.
- Beat them until they are happy.
I worry about taking on a second job though. I have heard stories of dads who are always away and never at home and I think that can create real problems with the kids.
God bless,
Ut
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Country_Gal
Guest
Dave Ramsey recommends an emergency fund of 3-6 months living expenses. I would suggest that, for the sake of your family, you take a second job until you have that safety net.
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WiccanWoman
Guest
Although not a Catholic, I give as much to charity as I am able, and I find that the more I give, the more I am blessed and the warmer my heart feels. I am not talking necessarily about giving away goods and money, although if I have it, I do give it… but you can participate in donations of time and attention with your family, and demonstrate that giving is better than receiving. 
For example, every Christmas/Hannukah/Yule season, my husband and I give three weekends as volunteers. We dress as Mr. & Mrs. Santa “Paws” for a local pet rescue. We pose for photos with pets, and the money gathered goes to the rescue. (Sometimes, they buy us lunch to express their thanks.) Before my annual high-school reunion holiday party, I ask the organizer to include in the notice a request for groceries for our local domestic violence shelter. I transport the food home with me, and bring it to the office for distribution to those who are afraid, and in need.
In my neighborhood (which is not an affluent one), my family and I bake and deliver surprise packages of goodies and food items (from the local dollar-store!) to families in the neighborhood, without them knowing who we are (although some of them suspect LOL). We may include boxes of crayons and coloring books, and bottles of bubbles, and toothbrushes, to those families which have children, and include pet food for those with animals as members of their household.
Even when it’s not holiday time, there is still much work to be done that does not include spending money you don’t have, but that can include your children. I see your eldest child is 7. Participating in activities where your kids can see that there are others in need - and they can help them! - is a beautiful thing. Old-folks homes need visitors, libraries need people to read stories to children, “soup kitchens” and neighborhood food pantries need volunteers to make and serve food, and to do crafts with children while their parents have a hot meal. I remember teaching my daughter to choose one non-perishable food item during shopping trips, to be donated to the pantry. She’d bring it in with her own two hands, and see how grateful the people were for a can of 49-cent green beans. Sometimes she would forego a meal and tell me that we should give the money for the food she didn’t eat to the hungry children. (And if you are in need of food, you are entitled to visit such a pantry yourselves. You should not be ashamed of being in need.)
Practice generosity of the spirit, and you will receive the same.
For example, every Christmas/Hannukah/Yule season, my husband and I give three weekends as volunteers. We dress as Mr. & Mrs. Santa “Paws” for a local pet rescue. We pose for photos with pets, and the money gathered goes to the rescue. (Sometimes, they buy us lunch to express their thanks.) Before my annual high-school reunion holiday party, I ask the organizer to include in the notice a request for groceries for our local domestic violence shelter. I transport the food home with me, and bring it to the office for distribution to those who are afraid, and in need.
In my neighborhood (which is not an affluent one), my family and I bake and deliver surprise packages of goodies and food items (from the local dollar-store!) to families in the neighborhood, without them knowing who we are (although some of them suspect LOL). We may include boxes of crayons and coloring books, and bottles of bubbles, and toothbrushes, to those families which have children, and include pet food for those with animals as members of their household.
Even when it’s not holiday time, there is still much work to be done that does not include spending money you don’t have, but that can include your children. I see your eldest child is 7. Participating in activities where your kids can see that there are others in need - and they can help them! - is a beautiful thing. Old-folks homes need visitors, libraries need people to read stories to children, “soup kitchens” and neighborhood food pantries need volunteers to make and serve food, and to do crafts with children while their parents have a hot meal. I remember teaching my daughter to choose one non-perishable food item during shopping trips, to be donated to the pantry. She’d bring it in with her own two hands, and see how grateful the people were for a can of 49-cent green beans. Sometimes she would forego a meal and tell me that we should give the money for the food she didn’t eat to the hungry children. (And if you are in need of food, you are entitled to visit such a pantry yourselves. You should not be ashamed of being in need.)
Practice generosity of the spirit, and you will receive the same.
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EasterJoy
Guest
One of the best children’s shows on gratitude I know is Veggie Tale’s Madame Blueberry. We just about wore the tape out, it was so charming, and every once in awhile, we still say* “Oh! Look! AIR compressors!!!”* I’d see if you can get a copy of it. Our library has it on both VHS and DVD.
The other thing I’d suggest is that there is a huge “frugal living” movement right now, with many frugal family life blogs. Ideas range from the sensible to what seems way over-the-top to me (did you know you can make Halloween masks out of lint you saved from your drier?
), but there are a million ideas out there, which means maybe 100 will be something that works for you.
The other thing I’d suggest is that there is a huge “frugal living” movement right now, with many frugal family life blogs. Ideas range from the sensible to what seems way over-the-top to me (did you know you can make Halloween masks out of lint you saved from your drier?
), but there are a million ideas out there, which means maybe 100 will be something that works for you.
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SamH
Guest
I seem to be happy now.
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Serap
Guest
Then maybe I should try it too! LOL
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tafan
Guest
Well, since you included the last one in your list, the impression I get is that you may not be too hip on ant if them. I hope that’s not right, as they are by and large a good set of suggestions.
As to a second job/working more vs spending time with the kids; remember that you and your wife have different and complimentary roles. Your role as bread winner is very important. You can certainly work a lot if hours and still find time to be with your kids. A lot of us had to do that for years. Again, you are living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes that is how life turns out and can’t be helped. Other times it is because one is not willing to work hard enough. Be honest with yourself on this point, and don’t use the " spend time with kids" as simply an excuse.
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Lorelei12
Guest
To me, “poverty” doesn’t mean you can’t buy your kids games and toys all the time. It means you can’t provide basic necessities. Parents who see themselves as poor will have children who also see themselves as poor, even if they are not.
I come from a working-class family, with one breadwinner. We always had a roof over our heads and enough to eat. But I can remember times when we counted pennies so that we could buy a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk. We rode to school in old noisy cars. By some standards, I suppose we were “poor”, but I really never thought of it that way.
My parents sacrificed a lot so that my siblings and I could attend Catholic schools. It did bother me that we didn’t go on trips like my friends, or live in a big house or get to go out to eat. But it all seems so silly now. Who cares? I have two parents who worked tirelessly to make sure we were taken care of and went without a lot for us. That example is so much better than anything material they could have provided.
If you live your lives as parents with humility and do your best to refrain from comparing yourselves to other families, that will speak volumes to your children. They will grow up without a sense of entitlement, and this will serve them well as adults too.
I come from a working-class family, with one breadwinner. We always had a roof over our heads and enough to eat. But I can remember times when we counted pennies so that we could buy a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk. We rode to school in old noisy cars. By some standards, I suppose we were “poor”, but I really never thought of it that way.
My parents sacrificed a lot so that my siblings and I could attend Catholic schools. It did bother me that we didn’t go on trips like my friends, or live in a big house or get to go out to eat. But it all seems so silly now. Who cares? I have two parents who worked tirelessly to make sure we were taken care of and went without a lot for us. That example is so much better than anything material they could have provided.
If you live your lives as parents with humility and do your best to refrain from comparing yourselves to other families, that will speak volumes to your children. They will grow up without a sense of entitlement, and this will serve them well as adults too.
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utunumsint
Guest
I really appreciate all the suggestion. I hope I didn’t give the opposite impression.
True. I would like to think that I am not being lazy for not wanting to take on a second job.
Thanks for the advice.
God bless,
Ut
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EasterJoy
Guest
As if second jobs are just there for the taking right now, let alone second jobs that only give you the number of hours that you happen to be able to manage.
No matter how much you make, I think it is a good thing to teach your children to be satisfied with less. There is a tremendous amount of freedom that comes with that. Besides, your children have lots of siblings, which is a form of entertainment that most children don’t have access to. We have twins, and one of the reasons we gave to them for not giving them an Xbox or the like (which we could have afforded) was that a boy with a brother does not need an Xbox. Our children also got to play with the recycling and the leftover boxes and packing materials, from which they made all sorts of things. We gave them surveying tape to play with–they loved that. We gave them lots of duct tape and scotch tape, crayons, and so on. They had board games, none of which was ever used purely to play the game suggested on the box. They made up other games, they used the playing boards to build things, they did all sorts of stuff with them. I also made them homemade “playdoh” and let them mess around with cookie cutters and heavy-duty plastic picnic knives and such. So realize that while your children don’t have the *stuff *that some other kids have, they have much more than most people they know.
Brainstorm these things with your wife. The best solutions are going to be the ones that you both feel good about trying. That’s not to say that you might not have some great successes from some ideas about which one of you was initially skeptical, but that it’s probably better to start with ideas you both think are among the best ones.
(Speaking of board games and so on, do you have a way to keep the choke-hazard-suicide-watch aged children away from the play things and art projects of the older ones? Sometimes the relatively close quarters that can come with a big family of younger children can cause a lot of stress from that issue…)
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Country_Gal
Guest
Dave Ramsey advises folks to not label themselves as poor. He says that you are broke, but that poverty it a different mentality. Many people in poverty lack education and live spiritually and/or intellectually deprived lives. Broke people merely lack money.
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WiccanWoman
Guest
I like that. Not only does it make sense, it is very uplifting. Money may impact our lives in the here and now, but it should not define our souls our our identities.
Teach your little ones not to allow others to label them, or judge them, or define them… and do not do so to yourself, either. That is self-defeating, and if they see you doing it, they will do it as well. (It also would be scary for them to think that their parents and they are in danger, i.e., by having no money for extras they may worry that they are in danger of being hungry or losing their home, etc.)
Show them by words and by example, every day, that your family is strong and loving, no matter what. My daughter is 36. I never hesitate to tell her in words and deeds that I care. On FaceBook, I often post on her page for no particular reason - for everyone to see - “This is my beloved Daughter, Anna, of whom I am most proud.” My parents never once said that about me. When she and I talk and there is something serious to discuss, or if she did something I disagree with, I preface the deep conversation with these words: **“You know I love you, right?” **She immediately says something like “Uh-oh, what’d I do?” and we both laugh… then we enter the serious discussion with open minds and loving hearts.
O/P, does your eldest son have any hobbies or special activities in which he is interested (besides electronic games)? Back in the olden days (I am 57 - LOL) kids had stamp or coin collections… or they’d press leaves and herbs and flowers and put them in binders with identifying info, learning what was good for flavoring food or drinking as tea… they learned how to knit, crochet, and sew - yes, even the boys. Gratification from these hobbies was not instant. It took days, weeks, sometimes years to locate and that 1929 silver Mercury head dime, or that one-penny stamp from Civil War times, or to secretly make a scarf for every single family member as a gift for Christmas. Effort made to learn such things is valuable for the future, too. Does he like to draw? A pack of art pencils or quality paper is not terribly expensive, and focuses on that skill. Cooking, perhaps? He might like his own kitchen implements, and with the proper encouragement he may become a chef when he grows up. Is he handy with wood? Maybe he’d like his own tool-box, and every year he gets to choose one special adult tool. Photography? Sports? I could go on and on, but I am rambling… and so, 'll stop here.
Best wishes to you and your family.
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CradleJourney
Guest
Taking a second job instead of having that time and energy to spend interacting with your spouse and children just so they could have more of what “the Jones” have would be wrong, in my opinion. I’m raising six and every moment my husband is able to be home from work is necessary and precious to us all. A second job to ensure needs are met is a different story, of course. But if you are covering food, shelter, transportation, clothing and an occasional “want” - I think you are doing well. Just have a long term plan to increase your income (promotion at work, home based business, more education, etc.) so you’re not in this position forever.
May God bless you as well
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ExGratia
Guest
I agree that you shouldn’t take a second job to “keep up with the Jones”. But if you are living pay check to pay check, I know from experience how stressful that is, even without children… What does your career look like in the future? Are you up for promotion? Is your job a “dead end”?Taking a second job instead of having that time and energy to spend interacting with your spouse and children just so they could have more of what “the Jones” have would be wrong, in my opinion. I’m raising six and every moment my husband is able to be home from work is necessary and precious to us all. A second job to ensure needs are met is a different story, of course. But if you are covering food, shelter, transportation, clothing and an occasional “want” - I think you are doing well. Just have a long term plan to increase your income (promotion at work, home based business, more education, etc.) so you’re not in this position forever.
May God bless you as well
I ask because rather than taking a second job, it may be time to switch careers. There are many certificate programs at community colleges that would qualify you for a good job (depending on where you live/relocate to: miner, electrician, construction worker, steel worker, welder, plumber). These are all jobs that, in less than two years, can provide a very comfortable life for a family. Classes can last from a few weeks to a few months. You will work hard, maybe even be required to work overtime. But worries about bills will not be all-consuming, and your kids won’t hear money conversations that make them worry that they are impoverished. Many of us have been fooled by the university system into thinking that a 4 (or more) year degree is the only way to support a family, when men could live without pesky student loans by turning to jobs that allow them to use their bodies as well as their minds.
God bless you and your family!
BTW, the attitude of gratitude that posters gave mentioned is something we could all learn from!
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utunumsint
Guest
Hi EasterJoy,
Thank you for your comments. The kids and I watched Veggie Tales Madame Blueberry and we all loved it. The message is simple and fun to watch. I do agree with you that being satisfied with less is a good thing. I want to teach my kids that the only thing that truly satisfies is God alone. I hope that through that love for God they can become detached. And you are right. They do have each other. That is a great treasure.
Country Gal, thank you for your words of wisdom. I agree with you that keeping up with the Joneses is not a good reason to get a second job. I think in our situation my wife would like to get a part time job. We still have kids in diapers so a home based job is what we need.
WiccanWoman, I appreciate your insights. My eldest likes computers, but he is a great reader. He has read the entire first book of the Lord of the RIngs and is half way through the second, has read the Hobbit, books 1 to 3 of Harry Potter. He had a reading log in grade 2 last year, and we had fun filling out what books he was reading. He likes to read some of my classical studies books, like Plato, Thucididies, and Tacitus. I’m sure his teacher thought he was nuts. He certainly has skills and tallents that a lot of other kids do no. And I agree with you and Country Gal that money should not define us. In many ways I feel rich with so many kids, so many different perspectives and personalities.
ExGratia, thanks for responding. My career allows me to work from home 3 to 4 days a week, so it is good as far as it goes. I could move laterally into a different career within the same company, but often times such moves require much more travel and much more pressure. I have pushed myself pretty hard over the last 9 years of my career and it has payed off. I suppose I have to keep on pushing I guess.
Thank you everyone,
God bless,
Ut
Thank you for your comments. The kids and I watched Veggie Tales Madame Blueberry and we all loved it. The message is simple and fun to watch.
I do agree with you that being satisfied with less is a good thing. I want to teach my kids that the only thing that truly satisfies is God alone. I hope that through that love for God they can become detached. And you are right. They do have each other. That is a great treasure.Country Gal, thank you for your words of wisdom. I agree with you that keeping up with the Joneses is not a good reason to get a second job. I think in our situation my wife would like to get a part time job. We still have kids in diapers so a home based job is what we need.
WiccanWoman, I appreciate your insights. My eldest likes computers, but he is a great reader. He has read the entire first book of the Lord of the RIngs and is half way through the second, has read the Hobbit, books 1 to 3 of Harry Potter. He had a reading log in grade 2 last year, and we had fun filling out what books he was reading. He likes to read some of my classical studies books, like Plato, Thucididies, and Tacitus. I’m sure his teacher thought he was nuts.
He certainly has skills and tallents that a lot of other kids do no. And I agree with you and Country Gal that money should not define us. In many ways I feel rich with so many kids, so many different perspectives and personalities.ExGratia, thanks for responding. My career allows me to work from home 3 to 4 days a week, so it is good as far as it goes. I could move laterally into a different career within the same company, but often times such moves require much more travel and much more pressure. I have pushed myself pretty hard over the last 9 years of my career and it has payed off. I suppose I have to keep on pushing I guess.
Thank you everyone,
God bless,
Ut
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Irishmom2
Guest
Yes, I think this is the same for me too! We had homemade bread because it was cheaper than storebought! Cookies, cakes too. Looking back, all natural ingredients, no junk like storebought nowadays.
We had creative outlets, I loved to draw and my parents encouraged it, not by getting me lessons, but by showing interest and hanging my things all over the place. My mother made our clothes when I was young and “cut down” my older sisters things to fit when she was done with them. I never realized other people didn’t do this. I thought my mom was talented!
We couldn’t afford a lot of things new so my dad fixed things around the house and I know I picked up his knowledge from watching and helping. I hate to buy new if I can fix something or paint it or repurpose it even today.
I think a lot of how your child feels will come from the attitude that is conveyed to them. Somehow, I knew not to ask for theings, or to go places because I was aware of what we couldn’t afford, even though I did not feel I actually went without.
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Serap
Guest
I’d also like to add again that my husband and I freed up a bedroom and we now are a host family for female Japanese students. They stay with us from 4 weeks up to 3 months at a time. I just got a call from our agency and a student will be staying with us for 5.5 months. It’s $800 per month and you give them 3 meals a day.
I consider this my “second job” and I use the money to save for the kids and I use it for their extra curricular activities. While I’m not living in poverty, all of my income goes to bills and daycare, so I’m house and kids broke
This is an easy way for me to be able to provide extras for my kids.We freed up a bedroom and now our kids share a bedroom, so we can continue to run this mini business.
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utunumsint
Guest
Do they deal well with the 3 kids running around? Hahahaha… I just have real troubles imaging a Japanese exchange student in the chaos that is our day to day life.I’d also like to add again that my husband and I freed up a bedroom and we now are a host family for female Japanese students. They stay with us from 4 weeks up to 3 months at a time. I just got a call from our agency and a student will be staying with us for 5.5 months. It’s $800 per month and you give them 3 meals a day.
I consider this my “second job” and I use the money to save for the kids and I use it for their extra curricular activities. While I’m not living in poverty, all of my income goes to bills and daycare, so I’m house and kids broke
We freed up a bedroom and now our kids share a bedroom, so we can continue to run this mini business.
Still, 800 bucks… that would help.God bless,
Ut
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Serap
Guest
No a Japanse girl would not mind 3 kids running aroundDo they deal well with the 3 kids running around? Hahahaha… I just have real troubles imaging a Japanese exchange student in the chaos that is our day to day life.
God bless,
Ut
They are beautiful people and very respectful. We have had great experiences. Yuki, who is with us now, likes to play with my kids and she just loves hanging out with them. Most nights and weekends, she is out with her friends anyway.It’s a great way to make some extra needed income for sure! Think about it and see if you guys could maybe do it?
- Status