Yup, Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics shows how ancient this tendency is among human beings.When you go from one extreme to another it is quite typical to fix the mistakes of the extreme you were in, however, by going to the extreme rather than the mean you end up making new mistakes, those of the new extreme as well. so the fact that by leaving one extreme you were able to fix the problems of that extreme is hardly surprising.
Right. As if the means of one hasn’t been used to secure the end in another. Unfortunately, my reality decided to teach me a different lesson in the most painful way possible.
Really? Because I’ve lost count of the many times I’ve seen old-timers here whine about how secularism is destroying the traditional family, destroying morals, destroying and then culminating in some part about their incapacity to have a compass and a sense of guilt. This thread is just one in a long-running of attracting that bunch.
This is under the premise that I have made mistakes in the fanciful ‘new extreme’ you’re talking about. Such mistakes don’t exist in my life. The quantity of wrong versus right has been a tremendous improvement I assure you. It’s contrary to the lack of progress you seem bent on proving.
What you’re doing is basically trying to get an alcoholic to drink again with the naive hopes that they can do it in moderation. Do you accuse them of throwing the baby out with the bathwater when they refuse?
Did you honestly think that telling someone to be true to themselves is going to magically make them go along the Catholic path of romantic righteousness? On the contrary, when I finally became more honest about what I wanted, much of it really went against the Catholic grain inside.
I’ll believe this when people who share your view manage to bring back what I lost. You want to use the bathwater baby analogy? I did that with regards to the game of which you shun. I thought myself as above the game too, that it didn’t have any place in my life.
(No matter how much other Catholics beg me not to.)Again: Prove it. Or at the very least, pray to your God that somebody in your camp restores what I lost. Until then, I’m not buying.
And I should care about convincing you why…? Because you’re older? Congratulations, I’ll keep on counting older people like you among the sowers of my fears. I thought your generation always knew better but the truth turned out that I should’ve listened to myself all along and I was the only person ever in need convincing.
(Oh but then again, the whole idea of ‘feeling good’ and ‘following your bliss’ sounds more like a New Age thing with Campbell and all. So brash right? 
)Oh it’s on the back-burner all right and it’s going to stay there until the Catholic dating guru manages to beat all the others by giving me my girl back. (With a few non-negotiables to boot.) Yep. That’ll definitely be a miracle!
I’d rather not. Giving my ear to condescending senior citizens (and soon-to-be senior citizens) gave me more relationship problems than solutions.
Ummmm…it was you who said that “secular” people experience no guilt - implying they have no moral framework. That was just wrong, wasn’t it.If it’s wrong, then I’m not the one espousing that idea. And quite frankly, I actually do notice a negative attitude towards guilt among the secular crowd. They are indeed more morally lax by this religion’s standard.
)Except that you did espouse it when you said "Secular folks have no notion of guilt to begin with…" Never mind. Properly placed guilt is a good thing - it helps us draw back to the path we know we should tread. Misplaced guilt or scrupulosity, on the other hand, is debilitating.If it’s wrong, then I’m not the one espousing that idea. And quite frankly, I actually do notice a negative attitude towards guilt among the secular crowd. They are indeed more morally lax by this religion’s standard.
As a Catholic, isn’t that one of your biggest problems with the movement? (If not, feel free to disassociate with the ones that make it their problem.
Your experience may be different (and for others, that’s most likely within the context of political debate of all things) but it’s certainly how my friends behave.
Forgive me if I am mistaken…but when you mention what you wanted…are you referring to the girl that chose the ogre-faced guy instead of you? Are you really giving up on God and Catholicism all because this one girl liked someone else? Perhaps she just isn’t the one that God has planned for you, and if you had been with her then you won’t be available when your soul mate comes along. Just wondering.
You don’t know me personally enough to say what is and what isn’t worth it in my life. It’s the fact that I let people like you even influence me to a degree that I was too afraid to figure out what I wanted.
Congratulations. Your whisperings are the prime example of why I used to lose more often. Word for word, those were the exact thoughts that wrestled and screamed to cause as much confusion as possible in my own life.
But that’s the thing isn’t it? Mind you, I do what I can to consult plenty of resources inside and outside. (Yours do look interesting so thanks, I’m putting those on my reference list.) But more often than not lately, the stuff that resonates most with the “be yourself” mentality is often considered appalling by the standards of the conservative Catholicism I’ve come to associate on this board. I know I’m selfish. I know I don’t take no for an answer. I know for a fact that I prefer playing mind games and being mysterious than someone people immediately ‘get.’ Before, I used to hate all of that and that’s exactly why I thought I didn’t think I was good enough to pursue anyone.
), I’ll pursue it there as well.This is a dangerous idea. I do not think it is true. There are probably a few people, maybe more, that each of us can make a great life with.
Yes–but it’s also true that if we waste time with Mr. Wrong, we may be in the wrong place to meet Mr. Right. (Example: If I’m spending my 20s as a drug mule dating cartel members, I’m not likely to have a chance to date nicer men.)
Yep. This whole thread has me a little amused. Most of the married people are trying to give a lot of helpful advice, and the unmarried are arguing against it, saying we’re either “old” or just plain wrong and “don’t understand”.
Depends on what you’re testing.
Age has very little to do with it and YOU needn’t be concerned about convincing me, although YOUR preoccupation with NOT having to do so is telling. Why is this even an issue, at all?
The problem with your “older people” narrative is that you imagine old people who have all grown safely old hiding from their fears in the safety of their Catholicism. Convincing yourself that that narrative is the true one is your only concern because by indulging it you thereby flatter the boldness of your incursion into the land of the titans.
Perhaps because at least some of “the very folk” you speak of do not consider age their mark of infallibility, but rather experience as the teller of the all too fragile fallibility of human beings - which, in case you’ve forgotten, includes you.Why should I keep listening to the very things and the very folk who treat their age as a mark of infallibility?
You know what “it sounds like” and deep down you know the truth. The question is whether you have the courage to find the truth rather than “following your bliss.” Ultimately, the two are identical, but it takes experience to distinguish the between authentic bliss and apparent bliss. But, I’ve learned that such learning is an intensely personal one.But go ahead, feel free to see me like a juvenile. I’m sure that makes you feel good about yourself… very much how I like to make myself feel good too.
So this is about a heartbreak?Oh it’s on the back-burner all right and it’s going to stay there until the Catholic dating guru manages to beat all the others by giving me my girl back. (With a few non-negotiables to boot.) Yep. That’ll definitely be a miracle!
I’d rather not. Giving my ear to condescending senior citizens (and soon-to-be senior citizens) gave me more relationship problems than solutions.
Come to think of it birth itself is not a “try before you buy” arrangement, although, arguably, the Kingdom of Heaven might be.
Hey Lost Wanderer,
We do! Target-rich environments (another analogy!) are also known as meat markets
I have seen the comment elsewhere (in Doctor Nerdlove’s comment threads) that what actually works in the PUA approach is asking lots of different people. There’s a strong critique out there of the other PUA techniques and philosophy which is worth looking at. It can be very “canned.” (Oh my gosh–using magic tricks to attract women–how old are these women–8? My husband once did a pretty good amateur magic show for a group of 6 or 7-year-old girls, and it was a very tough crowd.)