Pray for me and my organs!

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Brian_C said:
She again said no to anymore attempts at NFP and said the whole reason she wanted a tubal was b/c she was aware of my moral objections.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. 😦

Is your wife Catholic? Does she not share the same understanding of the moral implications herself?

I have this problem on some issues since I am in a mixed marriage, and while I have tried in the past to get my DH to commit to NFP, it is my understanding that he is not morally “obligated” in as much as he’s not bound by the precepts and teachings of the Church. So while I am tortured in a way by it, I am not obligated to force the issue for the sake of my marriage.

I ask because you may be in this type of situation?

Otherwise, you probably know this already, but giving in to something you fully know to be sinful with the understanding that you can “just go to confession later” is an additional sin of presumption. Just FYI.

Bless your wife and family. I second the advice of prayer and fasting. 👍
 
Please understand, my wife is a wonderful wife, amazing mother, brilliant doctor, and possesses a practically child-like faith. She’s in a hard situation…which got even harder tonight, by the way. She had a seriously long contraction (and remember, she’s only at 33 weeks) that dropped the baby’s heart rate drastically. Well, now she’s back in labor and delivery in fear of an emergency c-section. 😦

Yes, please pray for her and our baby.
 
I’m praying for your wife and child.

May I ask “what went wrong” with NFP that has made your wife so vehemently opposed to it? Just trying to understand the situation a bit more…
 
wanner47 said:
I’m praying for your wife and child.

May I ask “what went wrong” with NFP that has made your wife so vehemently opposed to it? Just trying to understand the situation a bit more…
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We got pregnant unintentionally?
 
Brian_C said:
Please understand, my wife is a wonderful wife, amazing mother, brilliant doctor, and possesses a practically child-like faith. She’s in a hard situation…which got even harder tonight, by the way. She had a seriously long contraction (and remember, she’s only at 33 weeks) that dropped the baby’s heart rate drastically. Well, now she’s back in labor and delivery in fear of an emergency c-section. 😦

Yes, please pray for her and our baby.
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I’m praying for your wife and baby. Thanks for keeping us up to date.
 
Brian_C said:
We got pregnant unintentionally?
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Right, I gathered that. But did you follow the NFP rules perfectly and still conceive, or did you not follow the rules?

No birth control is 100% effective, including tubal ligations. My boyfriend in high school had a younger brother who was conceived after his mother’s tubal.

When used perfectly, NFP has a 99% success rate when it comes to avoiding conception. However, when the method isn’t used perfectly, the success rate drops. It depends on both partners to follow all the rules regarding temp shifts, cervical mucus, etc. for the method to have the 99% success rate.

But also remember that God works in mysterious ways. Can you imagine life without your “oops” baby now? (If your wife is currently pregnant with the “oops” baby, wait a few months and ask yourself the same question.) Our timing is not God’s timing, and NFP allows a married couple to be open to God’s timing whereas artificial contraception attempts to completely thwart God’s timing by human (and not natural) intervention. That is artificial contraception is a mortal sin, because it is a human attempt to thwart and reject God’s design for the human body.

The best you can do right now is pray for your wife, and pray for the intercession of St. Gianna Molla that she does not decide to go through with the tubal.

Again, my prayers are with you and your family.
 
wanner47 said:
But also remember that God works in mysterious ways. Can you imagine life without your “oops” baby now? (If your wife is currently pregnant with the “oops” baby, wait a few months and ask yourself the same question.) Our timing is not God’s timing, and NFP allows a married couple to be open to God’s timing whereas artificial contraception attempts to completely thwart God’s timing by human (and not natural) intervention. That is artificial contraception is a mortal sin, because it is a human attempt to thwart and reject God’s design for the human body.
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Wanner, the OP is aware of that. That is the reason why he is in torment about the fourth pregnancy, the health troubles and his wife’s fears. Please read again this part of the first post:
My wife is on the downhill slide in her fourth pregnancy. All four have been difficult with one ending in miscarriage, one requiring treatment for dangerous clotting antibodies she tested positive for, one requiring brief hospitalization for the halting of pre-term labor, and the current one requiring five weeks and counting of hospitalization and all sorts of drugs. At one point, she almost was even over medicated to the point of requiring a ventilator!
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This is not simply an “oops baby”. Someone’s life is in danger here. My impression is that both husband and wife want the best for all four children and themselves without acting against their faith. I don’t think it’s God’s timing they have trouble accepting. Clotting antibodies, ventilators, miscarriage etc. are a bit more serious than timing issues.
 
Margita said:
Wanner, the OP is aware of that. That is the reason why he is in torment about the fourth pregnancy, the health troubles and his wife’s fears. Please read again this part of the first post:

This is not simply an “oops baby”. Someone’s life is in danger here. My impression is that both husband and wife want the best for all four children and themselves without acting against their faith. I don’t think it’s God’s timing they have trouble accepting. Clotting antibodies, ventilators, miscarriage etc. are a bit more serious than timing issues.
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I understand that the OP understands, but his wife doesn’t see things the same way so I was trying to give him an explanation he could in turn give to his wife (if he so desires).

I also realize the medical issues here are serious ones, but the Church has stated that even serious medical issues do not justifiy artificial sterilization. If the OP and his wife want to abide by their faith and not act against it, then NFP is the only viable option to them. This is not my opinion, it is Church teaching. 🤷
 
Third baby, fourth pregnancy-the first one was an early miscarriage. Yes, please don’t get me wrong. We want any child we can get. Financial issues are no worry for us. Our first two pregnancies were planned and our last two have been unplanned but I couldn’t imagine life without my youngest daughter. She was certainly a blessing even if she did, at the time, strain our finances. But my wife is at the end of her last year of residency and already has a very lucrative deal signed with the best practice in our city. We could have sixteen kids with no worries. It’s certainly not the issue. I appreciate the frank discussion of Church teaching. My wife does, too, but she’s just reconciled herself to the matter. I can only imagine after last night she’s even more hardened in her position. I’m just sitting here waiting for the kids to wake up from nap time so I can go see her. This was a heck of a weekend for all our family to be involved in other activities. 😦
 
She seems to be. She had one crazy contraction that lasted six minutes and by the end of it, the baby’s heart rate had plummeted. They moved her back to labor and delivery from ante-partum so they could do continuous monitoring of the baby. She had a few more contractions close to the earlier one but the baby seemed unaffected. Her OB is keeping her in labor and delivery so she won’t be moving her back and forth. So much for coming home Tuesday, which I didn’t really understand anyway…:confused:
 
Well, it gets even better. The perinatologist came by this afternoon while I had the kids up to visit and said my wife may have already had an early inconsequential placental abruption earlier in the pregnancy that triggered the pre-term labor. The baby is fine but the doctor thinks the placenta may be really thin. He said if the baby has another “decell.” as in heart decelleration, he’s going to test the amniotic fluid to ensure the baby’s lungs have developed and get him out. Apparently this condition is what leads to most third-trimester stillbirths so needless to say, I’m in a bit of shock. I don’t suspect I’ll be posting much further after tonight b/c my mother in law is coming up to help out and I’m going to stay with my wife starting tomorrow morn. I apologize if I’ve turned the thread into a labor-watch as I already had a thread like this going earlier in the parenting sub-forum.

Pray for us and our baby!😦
 
I’m glad they’re on top of it, and I am really praying for you.
 
I’m praying that your wife has a safe delivery of a healthy baby, even if the baby does come earlier than planned.
 
Your post caught my eye because there have been a lot of difficult pregnancies and births in my family. I would be really squeamish about getting “fixed” because of the Church’s teaching. I will say, however, that I have a lot of trouble understanding why the Church says it is okay to kill in self-defense, but it is not okay to undergo sterilization in self-defense.

Before a man makes a decision like that, he should do some really serious thinking. It would be a good idea to try to imagine that all of a sudden you found that you were a widower. You have just married your second wife, a beautiful young woman who really wants to be a mother. Are you happy with your decision?

On the other hand, if your wife ended up as a widow, her problem would still be with her. That is why I think that since she is the one with all of the medical problems, she is the one who should make the decision. If she does have medical problems with her organs rather than just with her pregnancies, she would be morally justified in having a hysterectomy or doing whatever it takes to solve the problem.

If she makes a decision that is morally incorrect, it seems to me that you wouldn’t be guilty of anything. I also agree with the opinion that it would be a good idea to discuss this with a priest.
 
A little update. My wife’s crazy long contractions stopped so the baby is no longer having “heart decelerations.” They moved her back out of the labor unit again today. She rolled over 34 weeks other day so baby is coming along. Yesterday, by way of ultrasound, they estimated his weight to be 6 lbs 12 ounces… Seems everyones’ prayers are working…
 
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