Pray for me and my organs!

[wanner47]

Wonderful news!

I was born at 34 weeks (albeit 26 years ago).

I hope and pray your wife and new little one continue to progress well!

 

[Brian_C]

Wonderful news!

I was born at 34 weeks (albeit 26 years ago).

I hope and pray your wife and new little one continue to progress well!

Yes, I know measurements can be off, but if they are correct, this child already weighs more at 34 weeks than my other two kids weighed at delivery. My oldest came out at 5 lbs 13 ounces.

 

[wanner47]

Yes, I know measurements can be off, but if they are correct, this child already weighs more at 34 weeks than my other two kids weighed at delivery. My oldest came out at 5 lbs 13 ounces.

I was 4lbs 3oz at birth, dropping down to 3lbs 10oz shortly thereafter, and I was fine after a three-week stay in the NICU.

So even if the measurements are off I’d say your little one is looking good for that age.

Prayers are still headed your way!

 

[CatholicSam]

I will keep your wife and unborn baby in my prayers.

What does your wife say to the argument against sterilization coming from the angle of it being a mortal sin? What does she say to the fact that it is better to lose one’s life than to lose one’s immortal soul? It’s not nearly as important that her or the baby’s life could be at stake in another pregnancy–all lives end sooner or later. But she could send herself to hell by doing this, and she could be setting a bad example for the kids and leading them down the wrong path too. Of course God is the only one who can make the final judgement, but sterilization as contraception remains a grave, grave sin.

I can understand that with all that is happening right now that she may be emotional/hormonal and just want to go ahead and get sterilized. Could you try to convince her to hold off until after the baby is born? This is the wisest choice because right now both of you are not exactly in the best situation to look at all the facts and calmly, rationally make the best decision. Plus, if she agrees to wait for a few months before making this drastic decision, that gives you a few more months to pray for her to have a change of heart (and I would imagine she’d be less likely to want to go in and get “snipped”–right now getting it done during delivery is sort of a convenience option).

 

[Brian_C]

I was 4lbs 3oz at birth, dropping down to 3lbs 10oz shortly thereafter, and I was fine after a three-week stay in the NICU.

So even if the measurements are off I’d say your little one is looking good for that age.

Prayers are still headed your way!

Oh yes, I’m quite happy!

 

[Brian_C]

I will keep your wife and unborn baby in my prayers.

What does your wife say to the argument against sterilization coming from the angle of it being a mortal sin? What does she say to the fact that it is better to lose one’s life than to lose one’s immortal soul? It’s not nearly as important that her or the baby’s life could be at stake in another pregnancy–all lives end sooner or later. But she could send herself to hell by doing this, and she could be setting a bad example for the kids and leading them down the wrong path too. Of course God is the only one who can make the final judgement, but sterilization as contraception remains a grave, grave sin.

I can understand that with all that is happening right now that she may be emotional/hormonal and just want to go ahead and get sterilized. Could you try to convince her to hold off until after the baby is born? This is the wisest choice because right now both of you are not exactly in the best situation to look at all the facts and calmly, rationally make the best decision. Plus, if she agrees to wait for a few months before making this drastic decision, that gives you a few more months to pray for her to have a change of heart (and I would imagine she’d be less likely to want to go in and get “snipped”–right now getting it done during delivery is sort of a convenience option).

She’s just putting herself at God’s mercy, I guess. The problem I am faced with is if I cooperate and get myself snipped, I’m even MORE guilty of grave sin. But…the only reason I would go along with it is that there are many successful vasectomy reversals. All her options are much more permanent. Even she doesn’t want to rule out more children completely. But if I refuse to get sniped, we definitely lose.

 

[CatholicSam]

She’s just putting herself at God’s mercy, I guess. The problem I am faced with is if I cooperate and get myself snipped, I’m even MORE guilty of grave sin. But…the only reason I would go along with it is that there are many successful vasectomy reversals. All her options are much more permanent. Even she doesn’t want to rule out more children completely. But if I refuse to get sniped, we definitely lose.

Ok, so there’s a glimmer of hope–she doesn’t want to rule out any future children ! See if you can get her to wait to make the decision until after the baby is a few months old and hormones have settled down. She’s a doctor, she knows about the pregnancy/postpartum mood swings and she shouldn’t make a life altering decision while she’s on that rollercoaster.

If that doesn’t work, you could agree to get snipped with the condition that you guys first check out some of the pro-life doctors suggested above and with a conditional meeting with the priest. Then if those two places (pro-life docs and priest) say you have the Church’s blessing to get snipped, you can tell her you’ll do it. Of course, those people will NOT give you the green light, so you don’t have to worry (just make sure you go to a priest who follows the Church’s teaching). Those would be my two plans of “attack” if I were put in your position.

 

[CatholicSam]

I just had this idea and apologize if it’s been mentioned before (I did read the thread earlier, but I can’t remember now ). How would she feel about using Lady Comp for NFP? I’ve read great things about it here on CAF from people who’ve been using it effectively for years. Here’s the website if you’re interested: ladycomp-babycomp.com

Your wife, being a doctor, may be more inclined to use/trust something like that. It’s basically NFP without the charting–the computer does the work for you.

 

[dulcissima]

She’s just putting herself at God’s mercy, I guess. The problem I am faced with is if I cooperate and get myself snipped, I’m even MORE guilty of grave sin. But…the only reason I would go along with it is that there are many successful vasectomy reversals. All her options are much more permanent. Even she doesn’t want to rule out more children completely. But if I refuse to get sniped, we definitely lose.

Maybe as a doctor your wife should consider that ambivalence is the main contraindication to permanent sterilization. Would she still want you to undergo the procedure if she believed it would be irreversible (it could be) or would she want to have another child if something happened to the children that you already have? If your wife was to die and you were to remarry would you want to have more children? These are all important things to consider.

 

[wanner47]

Another software program for charting the Ovusoft software – you can get that at www.tcoyf.com. This is the program I use and I really like it!

 

[wanner47]

Brian - I thought of you today while listening to an MP3 of the “Pro-Life Open Forum” Catholic Answers Live program from 5/23/2007. One of the callers is a woman who had a tubal ligation and now regrets it. Her testimony is quite remarkable!

You can get the MP3 here.

The caller in question starts at around 28 minutes, I believe.

Hope your wife and baby are still doing well!

 

[Brian_C]

Still no headway with the wife, but here’s an update.

Well, she was moved back out of labor and delivery into an antepartum room with plans for her to go home yesterday. Well, I took off work to help with the move…which didn’t happen. Her vacationing high-risk doctor came back and asked if she wanted to go home. When we raised our concerns (would she just have to come right back? What if something happened with the baby?) the doctor said “Okay, let’s test draw some amniotic fluid again and test for lung maturity.” If the first test comes back positive, we’ll induce.

So, he took the fluid and the initial test came back “immature.” He wasn’t surprised given the fact that she’s carrying a LOT of fluid. So we’re waiting for the results of the more accurate test. If it comes back positive, my wife gets induced and if negative, she goes home until…it’s time? wherever that ends up being.

 

[CatholicSam]

Still no headway with the wife, but here’s an update.

Well, she was moved back out of labor and delivery into an antepartum room with plans for her to go home yesterday. Well, I took off work to help with the move…which didn’t happen. Her vacationing high-risk doctor came back and asked if she wanted to go home. When we raised our concerns (would she just have to come right back? What if something happened with the baby?) the doctor said “Okay, let’s test draw some amniotic fluid again and test for lung maturity.” If the first test comes back positive, we’ll induce.

So, he took the fluid and the initial test came back “immature.” He wasn’t surprised given the fact that she’s carrying a LOT of fluid. So we’re waiting for the results of the more accurate test. If it comes back positive, my wife gets induced and if negative, she goes home until…it’s time? wherever that ends up being.

Oooh, please keep us posted! Prayers are heading your way!

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Just seeing this now and praying for you all!

Please don’t get the vasectomy yourself. It is loving of you to want to take this burden on. Yes, you might have a higher reversal rate. Yes, you want to spare your wife from mortal sin. But I don’t think it is the most loving act you can do for your wife. I don’t think we can ever risk our soul to save another person’s. And the thing is, now you are putting your own soul in danger, and since your wife pressured you to do it, she is also culpable, so really if you get the vasectomy, there are 2 souls in danger. Whereas if you refuse to commit this sin, and if you try to convince her otherwise, and she still gets the tubal, there is only 1 soul at risk. I don’t mean to sound heartless, but sometimes the math helps me see things clearly.

I don’t know your situation. I know that often the wife’s libido makes abstaining during the fertile periods difficult. But I also believe that many wives are more afraid to expect their husbands to go without than they are to abstain themselves. I wonder if this might be true in your wife’s case. If so, perhaps you could tell her that you care so deeply about her soul that you are willing to abstain ______ amount, so that she does not need to get a tubal. I’m assuming that you haven’t been following the most strict NFP rules so far - maybe if you can show her what those rules are on paper, and promise her that you will follow those rules, and help her follow them. You were willing to bear the burden of her salvation by getting a vasectomy. Perhaps an offer of bearing the burden of much less sex, and the burden of helping her cope with less would be a reasonable offer - at least during the post partum period. Buying some time is better than nothing.

God Bless you!

 

[bear06]

I just read the OP’s posts so I hope I haven’t duplicated anything. I would suggest telling your wife that care for her sould more than anything and that you know it’s against Church teaching to have a vasectomy or tubal ligation. You can’t have a vasectomy and you can’t agree to her having a tubal ligation. If she’s going to do it, it’s of her own accord. It’s irrelevant whether or not one is easier to reverse than the other.

I have had miscarriages and very dangerous pregnancies (in fact the last 4 have been dangerous). That said, neither my husband or I want to go to purgatory or worse nor do we want to help each other get to those destinations! We’ve had periods where we’ve had to use NFP due to my health issues.

Sometimes its important to focus on everlasting life than this short one here. And no, it’s not easy for me to say. It’s not easy to think of losing another child or leaving my kids as orphans or my husband a widower. That said, the alternative is far worse. Simply put, God blesses us for our faithfullness and obedience. Unfortunately, we may not see these blessing until later.

Many prayers for you and your family.

 

[Brian_C]

Thanks all. I continue to bring it up…she continues to chuckle. I’d say our libidos are mutually at fault. As for our luck with NFP, she was quite certain it was a “safe” day. We did fine for 18-19 mos or so…

 

[Brian_C]

T minus 17 hrs until my wife is induced. I’ve convinced her not to go along with tubal ligation but we’re still figuring things out.

 

[nova147]

Praise God!! I’m glad that you’ve reached this point. I know that your battle is not over, but I am thankful for you and your wife that she has made this decision.

MJ

 

[dulcissima]

T minus 17 hrs until my wife is induced. I’ve convinced her not to go along with tubal ligation but we’re still figuring things out.

I’m keeping you, your wife, your baby, and any possible future babies in my prayers. Best wishes for your whole family!

 

[jules11]

Praying for a good outcome! I hope all goes well with your new little one and the labour is trouble free.
Prayers for you and your wife, Brian.